When we all express our thanks… that we’re not a turkey.
As is now tradition, this means I’m struggling to hear the sound of my Friends™ over my kids noisy Christmas™ toys.
Monica’s decided to have no turkey this year. (Like the EU, am I right? BREXIT. BREXIT. BREXIT!)
If you ask me that’s a solid decision. I’ve never understood the appeal, beyond it being large enough to feed lots of people. If it’s the size that matters you may as well go bigger and get an Ostrich. I had Ostrich once. In Watford’s finest exotic steak restaurant. Well... that’s what it was until they were shut down when a local reporter discovered their fancy antelope steaks were actually horse meat.
This Christmas™, Dad and I went for substance over style, and shared a duck. It was certainly tastier than the time he tried one of those birds within a bird within a bird. What a letdown that was. It’s impossible to cook them evenly. This year we rejected the very concept of a thing within a smaller thing within a smaller thing. Far too Russian.
Joey insisted on the turkey though. So Monica agreed to make it if he promised to eat the whole thing!
He’s definitely got a toxically masculine attitude to how much he can eat. It’s not a competition, Joey. You don’t need to prove anything. I guess if you’ve got loads of siblings you’ve probably got more of a need to stuff it in. This certainly seems true for our second child. Who’s weening as if his sister’s going to eat all his food before he gets the chance!
Who does he think she is, Monica?
Anyway good luck to Joey.
Let’s hope he doesn’t get his head stuck in it! (Whey…)
“The One With Brad Pitt”
Phoebe’s helping Monica in the kitchen and I’m reminded of their catering company. Those were the days! I can’t quite believe it was four years ago!! How time flies when you’re with your Friends™.
They’re having an old friend from school round, tis the season after all.
He’s lost a LOT of weight, and everyone’s swooning over him.
It’s a bit of an awkward dinner. Turns out he absolutely despised Rachel, and even formed an “I Hate Rachel” club, with ROSS of all people.
Again, not particularly impressive. They even started a rumour that Rachel was intersex. Man, teenagers are complete dicks. And fanny’s. Also, I know it’s been a while. But if my memories anything to go by, aren’t all teenagers in to sex? (Ho ho…)
Rachel gets back at Ross by revealing he made out with the “old” school librarian. Who was fifty. Is that old? I guess when you’re in school.
It was weird that everyone then started shaming Ross for essentially being the victim of a child groomer. But you do have to wonder… is that what led him down his own path of student seducing?
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
With some time over the holidays, we decided to try potty training again. It’s turned out to be much more successful than we could have hoped.
My wife went into the toilet, only to find our cat perched on the child’s potty.
And substantially more than when my kid uses it.
We couldn’t stop laughing.
I always thought it was weird he followed me into the loo and watched me. I assumed he was hungry, or maybe a fan of R Kelly. But no. This whole time he’s been watching and learning.
Honestly, it’s like in Jurassic Park™ when they find out the Velociraptors™ can use doors.