​Apparently, Ross is really good at toasts! He knows how to hit the right spot to bring a tear to the eye.

I can’t be the only one who finds it, somewhat, unsurprising he’s good at making women cry?

My go to toast is “to absent friends!”

This started as a fun joke about what a great time we were having. But is now just a sad thing I say when drinking alone.

At least I’ve still got Chandler, Joey, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel.

This year it’s Monica’s turn to do at speech at her parents anniversary, which does NOT go well. We’ve got a party today ourselves. My daughters THIRD party. Maybe I should knock out a speech?

It can’t be any worse than Monica’s, which clumsily evokes memories of a dead dog and dead nan in attempt to gain sympathy. What is this, a debut Edinburgh Fringe Comedy hour?

Not that I’m above dropping a dead grandparent into a speech. I made sure to include a shout-out to my wifes beloved nan in my wedding speech. Though perhaps could have done without using it to make a point about NHS underfunding.

The only plus of Monica’s speech is thanking her parents for setting a positive example of marriage. I made a similar point in my wedding speech. Along with thanking all those who were divorced for showing us there is a way out.

“The One With a Little Night Music”

After last week’s terrible date, Phoebe moved onto Alec “look out he’s got a gun!” Baldwin.
He turns out to be way too enthusiastic about everything. Poor Phoebe. Is this what dating is like in your mid 30s? Slim pickings…

It seems Jack and Judy Gellar have the right of it. They’ve been married 35 years! Hang on. Isn’t Ross 35? Oh man! They had a shotgun wedding!! So it comes as no surprise they’ve been telling people Rachel and Ross are married again.

The unexpected bonus for Rachel and Ross is all the rich Gellar relatives start giving them money.

And what is marriage for, if not to give you a series of financial benefits not enjoyed by single people?

Rachel gets a bit carried away, and starts making up her dream wedding. Mate. If people are giving you money, you should be playing down the wedding! “Oh yeah, we could only afford a few guests, so sad, times are tough… come on pony up, aunty.”

But this does give her a window into what might have been, as Ross’s fake proposal story shows his good side (for once). It’s hard not to imagine another world where things had turned out different.

Joey doesn’t stand a chance.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Despite my recent whining about dissatisfaction with my stagnant drumming career, I played a really good music covers band gig last night!
​
This has left me feeling re-invigorated. Reaching my full potential seems less important. The purpose is the journey, and if I can still have a few hours entertaining a room full of drunkards every now and then, I guess I’m not doing too bad! Now, if I can only find a way to do this every week. 

​Joey and Rachel are avoiding each other after he opened Pandora’s box.

Maybe it’s for the best? A bit of time for his desire to cool off. A bit of time for her to work out how she feels about it.

You’d think she’d be a little busy with the pregnancy. But I guess stuff like this doesn’t wait on circumstance.

After the dust has settled the Friends™ suggest they rebuild, but by talking about something else. Rather than running over the same old ground of a question without an answer.

Naturally, Rachel’s plan for this is make up a story about her boss wanting to buy her baby.
With predictably disastrous consequences…

But, hey, it kind of works!

Joey falls back into his role of protective surrogate, and things get back to normal a bit. Sometimes a little lie goes a long way. Or at least in Friends™ it does.

“The One With the Chaotic Problem Solving”

Recently my mate (Joey Number 4) espoused their theory of “Chaotic Problem Solving”™ which seems to be exactly what Rachel has done.

When faced with a problem without a solution, you do the following.
Step 1: Make a bigger problem
Step 2: Solve a different problem
Step 3: Do nothing

It sounds crazy at first, but the more I think about it the better it gets. You ensure you maintain a constant number of problems, the new problem (and solving the other one) takes your mind off things, and doing nothing allows you to let yourself off the hook of your inaction.

I’m pretty sure it’s the strategy Boris Johnson uses.

And yet… he has finally gone!

And, as Chandler sings, “the sun will come out tomorrow”. This raised a big smile from my daughter. The song, not Boris re-resigning. She’s currently obsessed with musicals.

What raised a smile from me (other than the possibility of my daughter finally getting more into my Friends™) is a joke about Monica throwing a bagel onto Chandler’s member. It wasn’t especially funny; I’d just made the same joke myself the other day. Weird!!

Am I secretly psychic? Perhaps I should get out the tea leaves to check. Phoebe’s really into it (even though she complains “tea gives me the trots”. As she’s drinking a cup of tea.)
I think it’s more a question of being careful what you wish for.

I’m a little hesitant to play with dark forces again. I recently went on my second vision quest.

For the uninitiated, this is when you go into a wilderness, alter your mental state in some way (eg drugs) and see if you can find all the answers you seek.

It’s up to you the extent to which you attribute any real “magic” to this. Personally I follow more of an Alan Moore™ inspired “magic, is the reality you create through pretending”. Which is helpful as it both alleviates the need for drugs, and protects against accidentally incurring any real psychological damage. (He says, as he tries to explain going on a vision quest without sounding insane…)

Anyway the very first time I did this, it became apparent one of the questions I had was “what’s my spirit animal”. (Ok, there may have been some drugs the first time…) Through a convoluted series of events it turned out it was a seagull.

This time it was more “how can I alleviate the tedium of spending an entire day camping without access to a smartphone”. And it turned out the answer was “by going quietly mad in my own way” after I immediately came across a dead seagull on the beach. This left me a little shook, even without drugs, and a lot of the rest of the game was “how can I interpret this in a way that isn’t “the universe wants me dead””.

​I eventually found some positive answers, although I suspect the cynics amongst you would suggest they’re: “don’t go around pretending things that aren’t real are real, and ascribing cosmic significance to things that have completely rational explanations.”

But where’s the fun in that!!

Do you want to live your life like Joey and Rachel? Not taking any risks cause it’s convenient. Or introduce a bit of magic into your life? As Phoebe does, after the tea leaves tell her to, by going on a date with a guy she keeps bumping into.

Turns out the former may have been better… as he’s completely gross. But how would she have known that without trying?!

​Speaking of gross guys. Ross has just broken into Mona’s to steal back his sweater, and ended up accidentally lurking whilst she gets off with her boyfriend. Who I’m 90% sure I’ve seen killing demons in LA with a vampire with a soul.

And now Phoebe’s at the Laundromat, and the universe has given her a new guy.

But wait a minute… isn’t that Alec Baldwin™?!?

I think I need to lie down…

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

With my wife struggling to get out the house for something important, and me supposed to take the kids to preschool, I left my one year old son alone in the porch a little too long.
Oh God, no. It’s not that bad! But unfortunately, that’s where we’ve been keeping a lot of paint for our now, perpetually unfinished, house.

The little bugger somehow got the lid off one and spilt the whole thing!! Meaning my, already very stressed wife, had to run off with the kids whilst I was left cleaning up the bright red paint, scrubbing away before it stained, like a modern day Lady MacBeth.

​Out, damned spot! Out, I say!