Torn To Ribbons
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7.21 - “The One Where I Watch The One With the Vows”

8/8/2022

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Not long now! Just four weeks till the wedding. (Let’s hope I can keep up…)

Chandler and Monica are struggling to write their vows.

I have to say, it was a lot easier for us given the Civil Service “Cookie Cutter” approach the registrars in the UK take.

You just have the same ten bits, with each one having a few options. Like going through a dialogue tree in a videogame. Unfortunately, much like a videogame, this means I now want to play again so I can see if the story is affected by making different choices.

Who knows what might have been if we’d chosen to promise ever closer union rather than respect together and apart? Hang on, sorry, now I’m not sure if I’m talking about my wedding or Brexit…

One of the nice things about weddings, once you’re married yourself, is the vows do remind you of your own. A great opportunity to hold hands and think about how much you mean to each other as you watch another friend get married (in this case, most recently “Dr Phalange”).

My New York friends are in a reflective mood as well, reminiscing about what led Chandler and Monica to this point.

Seeing all the photos/videos is a weird experience. The first time I’ve ever looked at the Friends and thought “woah, they look younger than me…”

It’s quite unnerving.

“The One Where I Impress My Child”

So what did we look back on? (As my wife left the room, muttering something about “clip shows being rubbish”)

Well, there was the one where I did DIY.

The time I got in trouble for referring to my wife as Janice (and went on my honeymoon…)

The time we went on a dance with Mr Treeger. 

When I accidentally mowed the dirt. 

Going to yet more weddings. 

Another time I did some DIY. 

Recovering from the Rona. 

And going back through Facebook to see what I was doing in the past…

OK.

Maybe my wife has a point? You look backwards too often, you miss what’s happening right now. And everyone feels a little cheated.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

We’ve taken the big step towards potty training, so every time our child goes to the toilet you have to make a HUGE deal out of it. Lavishing them with praise, and stickers, and chocolate buttons.

Out for a meal at a restaurant I took her with me to the bathroom as we both needed to go.

In the cubicle, I realised my needs were a bit more substantial than I first thought. But, hey, this is a great opportunity for some learning! Fixing her dead in the eye I explained I was doing a poo. Hey, if she can stare at me whenever she does it, why can’t I repay the favour?

When the moment had passed, I explained again.

“Daddy just did a poo on the toilet.”

Cue my child loudly clapping her hands and exclaiming “He did it! He did it!!”

Sure, super cute, but I swear she had a sarcastic glint in her eye. Must have been thinking “finally, some payback.”
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