Torn To Ribbons
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7.11 - “The One Where I Watch The One With All the Cheesecakes”

23/1/2022

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So my wife and I arrived at the restaurant, our first time out just the two of us since having a kid.

Finally some alone time!

But guess who was there?

Only bloody Joey and Phoebe!

Phoebe was in a huge hurry to end their meal so she could go on a date. As you can imagine Joey was NOT happy about it as she’d made a big deal the other day about him cancelling plans with her for a date.

Fair play, that’s really not an acceptable excuse short notice. Even if you are single and in your 30’s. It came to a head at Joey’s with Phoebe storming in brandishing the note he’d left, signed “Big Daddy.”

Oi, Joey!! You can’t go round calling yourself “Big Daddy.” That’s MY nickname.

Us fighting over nicknames prompted Ross to try and bring back his:

“THE ROSSATRON”

Oh Ross, stop trying to make Rossatron happen, it’s not going to happen.
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 “The One With the Restaurant”

Alright. Let’s get down to the big question. What’s happened to New Years?! I know why I did nothing. But my Friends™ seem to have skipped over it as well.

Come on guys, you don’t have kids (except Ross) you should be getting out there!! COVID be damned.

Instead they’re sitting at home eating cake. Well, Chandler and Rachel are.

It’s not even their cake!! Maybe Monica leaving cookies out started something, but some cheesecake not addressed to them has been delivered and they’re tucking in.

Mate, this is literally stealing. That poor old lady ordered that all the way from Chicago!

I’m a little sensitive to this issue as right before Christmas I ordered some drinks and they never arrived. Eventually I discovered they’d been both mislabelled AND delivered to the new addresses neighbour. The neighbour said she dropped them round so I followed the trail and found an old Irish guy who denied all knowledge of them. Cheeky fucker, he’d obviously drunk them all.

Ah well, I decided not to press the matter; it was Christmas™ after all, and we’ve taken enough from his people.

I made up for it with some yummy drinks at the restaurant. You’ll never guess why Phoebe was so eager to break her own rule…

She was desperate to go meet David the Science Guy!!! Jesus, we haven’t seen him for six years.

He’s over for a conference and was too nervous to call her. And yet then went and got coffee in the coffee house she drinks in all the time. Hrrm…

Both Joey and I agreed that this was a special case, and Phoebe was free to go and have one night of passion before he flew back to Minsk.

Shut up, I’m not crying, you’re crying!

God, I hate it when circumstance keeps people who should be together apart. Even before the pandemic!

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Even though it’s deepest darkest winter, my cousin decided to get married. And they didn’t bloody invite me!! My sister was invited though. I was livid, more so when I found out my sis had a plus one.

Obviously I forced them to take me with them. I was gona see what’s what and give my cousin what for.

But colour me embarrassed. Turns out the reason they didn’t want me there is they’re marrying my ex.

AWWWWWWKward.
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