​The boys are fighting over tuxedos.
​
Chandler is excited to get one for his wedding worn by Val Kilmer, but Ross HAD to outdo him and get one worn by James Bond!

I’m surprised MI6 makes that available to the public. You’d think they’d keep it hush hush. I suppose they’re less strict these days, licensing their man with the License to Kill™ to all things; from car adverts to visits to the Queen for Olympic ceremonies.

The wedding draws ever closer, along with a few others this summer. Looking at the people I know I think this might be the last big summer of weddings. We’ve now got FOUR weddings (and hopefully no funerals). But after this most people will be married. The outliers are the Friends™; four of them are still single! Hopefully Ross won’t spend too much time online and get sucked into the incel movement.

Joey’s kicked up a fuss because his parents weren’t invited to the wedding. I’m a bit surprised, given he’s barely mentioned them for six years.

Fortunately Monica’s a dab hand at organising things; this seating plan will take care of itself in no time! It takes me right back to the fun of doing my own.

I really enjoyed doing a wedding seating plan. Like doing a sudoko puzzle, but instead of numbers that can’t be next to each other it’s people who hate each other.

 “The One With Four Weddings and a Funeral”

The other big news is Rachel kissed a girl!

If you can call “Person Kisses a Member of the Same Sex at Uni” news. I’m pretty sure at this point it’s on the syllabus. Right after “drink a pint of snakebite”.

The way everyone reacted you’d think they’d had a few pints of snakebite themselves. (Looking at you Joey…)

It came out after Rachel bumped into an old sorority sister at Central Perk™. If you thought it was weird Ross’s cousin looked like Denise Richards you won’t believe this! The sorority sister is the spitting image of Winona Ryder!! (Stealing every scene she’s in, amongst other things…)

She’s in full denial about anything happening, which made for a rather awkward catch-up meal with Rachel and Phoebe. Phoebe, as usual, made things more awkward. She must have been feeling left out so made up a story about a certain ‘Regina Phalange’ who was in a sorority with her.

Honestly, so embarrassing when people pretend they’re friends with people who aren’t real.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

A chance for another character to shine in my life for once. (Who said we can’t have some diversity in a story told solely from a white middle-class mans perspective…)

This week my wife made a fool of herself. Scrolling idly through Facebook™, she accidentally clicked ‘attending’ on a funeral shared by an acquaintance.

Absolutely mortified by it (and the thought she may be compelled to attend the funeral of someone she’s never met) she did what any right-minded person would do in that situation.

And immediately unfriended the acquaintance.

​We’re getting closer to Mondler’s big day. And she demanded a bridal shower after Phoebe and Rachel forgot to throw her one!

My wife shot me a knowing glance. Even without a handy pandemic excuse, I missed giving her a baby shower the second time round too. I didn’t think that was a thing in the UK! (We can’t spend all our time in New York.)

She gave me loads of hints. Apparently. I never noticed. Must have been too wrapped up in the excitement of Chanica’s impending nuptials.

“The One With the Farty Bath”

Speaking of wrapping things up (you’ll see). We went to see Estelle this week. I didn’t say anything to Joey. But something seemed a bit strange about her. She didn’t seem quite… real? Like a woman in a costume. These theatre types. So odd.

Joey’s been cast in a film by the Next Next Scorsese™. I’m sure he’s a wonderful director. Just no-one ask him to direct a Marvel™ film.

The only problem was the director demanded full historic accuracy, but wanted to cast the fully circumcised Joey, in a non-circumcised part. Which you wouldn’t think would be a problem, but the role also demanded some FULL FRONTAL action.

I’m a bit confused why Joey’s circumcised. I didn’t press the question, but a quick Google™ informs me it’s common in the US for gentiles to be circumcised too. Those crazy Yanks. One day they love a bit of violence against babies, and the next they’re making it illegal. Like a lot of people I’m absolutely horrified by the recent news from America regarding abortion. The last thing the world needs now is more Americans.

Getting away from politics (thank the lord, I hear you cry). Monica decided to help Joey out, by crafting a fake foreskin out of sandwich meats. Am I the only one who thinks she shouldn’t be doing something so private with another man so close to her wedding? Perhaps it’s lack of sex impacting her judgement… Chandler and her have agreed to wait until their wedding night. Foregoing the usual tradition of having sex up to and including that point, then having kids and never doing it again.

Someone who has consistently poor judgment is Phoebe. She constantly misjudges social situations, accidentally comes across as rude, or says the wrong thing. I don’t know why it’s never occurred to me before, do you think she may be neuro-atypical? I wonder if anyone’s ever posited this theory before? I’m no expert, but these days diagnosing characters in things is almost as popular as diagnosing yourself with something.

I’d be very interested to know the thoughts of someone more informed on the topic! Though suspect fair warning would be made of the dangers of pop-diagnosis, particularly for someone with a difficult upbringing.

Another person who hasn’t had sex for ages is Ross.

Which is unfortunate for him as he’s hosting his hot cousin at the moment. Who’s now all grown up.

​Cassie, who’s the spitting image of Denise Richards, seems nice enough. More unfortunate for her, if anything, as Ross tries to kiss her after a bottle of wine!!

EKK.

Happy to say, kissing a cousin is something I have never tried to do.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Now that things have calmed down a bit with the new baby, I finally got a chance to spend some quality time with my favourite female!

I am, of course, talking about my first born. (Not my wife, there’s never time for quality time
with her now we’ve got two kids).

Our new house also presented us with a new opportunity for some parent / child fun, as we can now share a bath together! (For anyone who thinks this is weird, I have to remind you: SHE IS TWO. This is not some sort of Donald Trump/Woody Allen situation.)

​Needless to say, she found it hilarious that daddy was getting in the bath with her, and loved every second of it. I was enjoying it too, right up until the moment she let rip a huge, bubbly fart. And I decided it was best not to stay in the bath any second longer. Far too risky.