Oh look it’s the guy with the tongue piercing from Rat Race™

​Man, I loved that film. This must be pre-Rat Race, as he has no piercing. And is also one of Ross’s students. Why do all of Ross’s students look thirty? Perhaps it’s a post-doc class…

At least that’ll make it less dodgy the next time he sleeps with one.

Which could happen again here, as Mr Rat Race confesses to mucking up his paper because he fancies Ross. Ross of course is AT PAINS to make it clear he is not gay.

​Although he does give the guy a better grade.

I never slept with any tutors at Uni. On account of my lack of dazzling wit, and spots and green hair. But I did get off with a teaching assistant on an archaeological dig in my final year. It’s true what they say “Archaeologists do it in the field”.

Anyway, it turns out the guy was lying to Ross! Who’s pretty upset about it for someone who isn’t gay... 

We found out Rachel slept with a teacher at Uni too!! Could it be she was only into Ross because she had some unresolved issues? It would explain a lot.

 “The One Where I Get A Second Job”

Elsewhere Joey took Rachel and me to the SOAPY awards! Which he mistakenly said has only been going since 1998.

Joey, that’s three years! It’s way more prestigious than you think!

He’s up for an award: “best returning male character”. Which I find odd given he’s playing a female character in a male body. Not sure what’s stranger, that or the fact he even got nominated.

He’s up against stars from quite a few other long running soaps: General Hospital™, The Young and the Restless™, and Passions™. So it’s not a huge surprise when he doesn’t win.

He must have been hitting the sauce again though, as he completely embarrassed himself. First by swearing in anger in front of the camera, then later on when presenting an award to someone from his own show who was a no show. Jessica Ashley (or is it Sami Brady?) couldn’t be bothered to come get, yet another, award so instead Joey started his own acceptance speech. That’s not even the worst of it! Later on he stole the award for himself properly! He really needs to rain in the drinking.

Man, I wish there was an award for committing to an idea well past it’s sell by date. I’d be a shoe in.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

I’ve been working as a bin man on the side.

After moving, the council appointed bin men didn’t empty my bin for four whole weeks! I’ve always had the utmost respect for bin men. It’s an important job. As I found when my bins weren’t emptied for four weeks.
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So when I saw they’d taken my neighbours bin and not mine for the fourth week in a row I thought “let’s be reasonable about this” and jumped in my car to speed off after them.

I caught up and got out my car to find three burly men and realised this was not going to go the way I’d hoped. They told me the reason they weren’t taking the bin is I put it out the front of my house instead of the back, and that meant “I could have more than one bin”. (The only reason my neighbours was out the front is they didn’t have a back).

Here’s a tip, if I’ve got one bin out the front, and none out the back, I have exactly one bin. They refused to come back so I said “OK. If I bring my bin to you right now, can we empty it?”

“Yes, that’s fine.”

I went to get the bin. Ineffectually muttering “I hope you understand I’ll be making a formal complaint” before hauling it the 312 metres to the lorry. The man stopped me as I was about to load it up “don’t do that, I’ll do it”.

Oh yes, I’d hate to do ALL your job for you!

​And that’s the story of when I worked as a bin man.

​Before we start: some sad news. As we’ve welcomed a new life, we’ve lost another.
Yes, I’m sad to report that Mr Treeger has died. 

When we last saw him (three years ago) he was helping the boys get free porn. And I was bemoaning his all too brief appearance. He will be missed. So one last time, let’s share in the absolute joy of this moment:

“The One Where We Say Goodbye to Mr Treeger”

Strangely, back then I was discussing the lack of diversity in my Friends™ lives.

(No, not these guys…)
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I should stress, it’s not strange I was discussing it. It’s strange that it’s come up again. Things have never really got much better. But this week we met Kristen who’s moved in downstairs.

The guys are all nervous about talking to her. Presumably because she’s hot and not because she’s black. Even Chandler makes a mess of things after claiming he’s no longer nervous talking to women due to Monica. Man, if I was marrying Monica I’d be MORE scared about talking to other women.

Like Chandler I feel more confident talking to women now that it’s of less use to me. Women, too, often seem more relaxed with me when they find out I’m married. As if they internally breathe a sigh of relief and think “phew, this guy is not a threat”.

In the end both Joey and Ross successfully asked Kristen out on a date! Hrrm, I hope this doesn’t go down a Cathy route again. My new house has enough boxes in it as is.

Many better words have been written on the topic of representation in Friends™ than I can write. I don’t think I have much to add as an English white dude approaching middle age. But I am pretty sure this is the first time any of my Friends™ have asked out a person of colour. Preeeeeeetty bad.

I’m amazed Joey even managed to get a date after opening with the fact he once fell asleep on the steps outside and woke up to find his shoes gone. Yet more evidence of his secret drinking problem…

In the end Joey and Ross sabotage their dates, scaring the poor woman off by pretending not to know each other, then spilling each other’s dark secrets. Not very nice to the lady if you ask me!

I hope no-one ever treats my daughter that way.

She’s still coping admirably with our newborn, and the dust has already settled as we’re somehow approaching one month! So far things are a lot easier, and going quicker, than last time. Almost as if we’re not contending with a global pandemic…

I wonder as well if it feeling so fast is a result of still constantly having to look after our first born. Including keeping her from accidentally killing her brother.

She’s been greatly enjoying playing Doctor lately, what with all the trips to the hospital. But the other day she was trying to test my wife’s reflexes and flat out missed her knee and knocked the baby on the head with the little hammer!

Maybe soft toys are the order of the day for a while?

As it’s a lot harder to do things with her whilst looking after number two we’ve been taking her shopping more.

Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica went to get a wedding dress in a sale, so we tagged along. Man, it was busy! Like something out of Black Friday™!

 We hid in the clothes rails with Rachel whilst Monica secured her dress.

Her bright innovation was for everyone to have a whistle to be able to find each other. I think that’s a great idea! We could do with that at the new house; it’s a real struggle communicating across more than one floor. I’ve been considering getting us some cans on a string.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

For months I’ve been saying I don’t want my dad-in-law to do any work on fixing up our house. He’s an expert at DIY. In the way the people who built the Titanic were expert shipbuilders.

It’s not that he’s bad. He’s got all the right tools, knows all the tricks, and is an insanely hard grafter. He just lacks the level of finesse and care you’d get from a professional. Or from someone who’s financially invested in the whole thing (ie. Me). I always think it’s better for me to try something first, as it’s easier for me to blame myself if something goes wrong than to go against my gut, let someone else have a go, then still end up blaming myself for not trusting my gut. Why not cut out the middle man?

I finally relented as we were desperate to get our banister fixed before our child fell through it. And my wife assured me he would do a great job.

Did I come home to find a safe and presentable banister? Safe, yes. But I’m not sure I’d call the block of wood drilled into our carpet, the one carpet we weren’t planning on replacing, “presentable”.