A sad week for me and my Friends™ as we say goodbye to Rosita.

Alas, Rachel broke Rosita and she was replaced by a Lazy Boy Ecliner 3000™. No-one names furniture like that anymore. Now it’s all things like “Sittzenflugen” (some assembly required).

I can’t be too sad about Rosita. For months I’ve feared the death of our own sofa when we move. My wife’s been set on getting a brand new Sofa Set for some time. But recently, perhaps coming to terms with our financial reality, she admitted the possibility of finding something to match our current sofa, rather than letting a decent sofa go to waste.

A reprieve!!

Sofa McSofaface lives to see another day.

“The One Where Everyone’s Giving Things Names”

Phoebe’s been struggling to make ends meet. People don’t seem to want as many massages these days. Yet another business ruined by the pandemic.

She took a job doing telemarketing to get by. And, what would you know! Her first call was Jason Alexander. Star of huge 90’s hit…

(And also a little known show called Seinfeld™).

Phoebe found out he was suicidal and rushed to make him think life was worth living again. She really is so kind sometimes!

Elsewhere, Monica and Ross’s dad has taken a leaf out of my book and decided to sell his house.

It’s a big step. I always wonder when (if at all) my own parents will sell up. I think grandkids have put them off for now. Which is a huge relief, as I do not have space to store all my stuff that’s there.

But then, do I really need it? As Ross and Monica discover, most of the things in boxes in cupboards have sentimental value, but little else. It’s only value comes from going through it and being reminded of your youth. But then, when will I find the time for that? At this point probably not until the kids have moved out, and by then we’ll have boxes full of their little lives.

Monica’s annoyed that the Gellar parents already got rid of her bedroom. But not as mad as she is when she finds out Jack used her boxes to stop his Porche™ getting flooded.

The bedroom argument will be familiar to anyone with siblings. There’s always one room that get’s reclaimed first. And I’m proud to say it wasn’t mine so I’m clearly not the least favourite child. Or maybe my parents think I have a higher likelihood of needing to move back in…

I have noticed recently those subtle changes that the territory is being reclaimed though. The build up of troops on the border. First the bedsheets change, then the posters comes down. And before you know it your room is still there, but starts to not really look like your room at all.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Joey isn’t the only one giving things unlikely names this week. My dad entered the kitchen at his, unusually cheerfully, and announced “I’m just taking Jerry for a walk.”

“Oh no” I thought “they haven’t got a new dog have they? I can’t face having to guard my toddler every time we come round.”

But I shouldn’t have worried. It turned out “Jerry” was Jason Alexander’s friend, in town to do a stand-up set.

Sorry, no… “Jerry” was a mouse. I suppose I should have been able to guess that really.

I looked in horror at the humane mouse trap on the kitchen table, realising the little box was not merely waiting to be set-up.

But my dad, still laughing eerily, explained that mum had insisted they get a humane trap to deal with a recent infestation, and he was about to take the mouse on a very long drive to the woods.

Wow. Becoming a grandparent really has changed him.

My friends are on the roof to see the Bapstein King comet.

I’ve never heard of it, and nothing’s coming up on Google™. Oi Ross! Are you just wasting everyone’s time?

Hey, maybe we’ll see the guy who keeps pigeons on the roof? That’d be pretty awkward for Phoebe.

We’ve decided to give up, leaving Joey and Ross behind.

It’s rare to see them hanging out. Especially literally.

Still, a good opportunity for them to share some quality voyeurism time, as Joey points out all the ladies you can see through windows. Hang on, maybe THAT’s the real reason Ross wanted to come up here??

 “The One With the New Job”

After the roof, Rachel and Tag (NOT A NAME) decided to go back to their office to get some work done. Wow she is both a terrible boss and a terrible partner. And not just for making him go back to work. She lies to him to cover up her own cock-up at work!

How do they even have access to the office at this time? I can barely get into my new office during the day, with all the keycards, temperature sensors, and facemasks fogging up my glasses.

It seems no-one’s getting a good night sleep tonight. Phoebe’s kept awake by her fire alarm, even though she’s taken the batteries out. I’m not sure that’s how electricity works…

We had a similar problem a while back, for many nights awoken by a strange beeping sound. Eventually I got up during the night to find the source and it was a faulty Ninendo™ Wii™ Remote™! Still to this day I have no idea what was setting it off, perhaps a ghost hoping I’d get up and play Luigi’s Mansion?

Over at Chanica’s, our least creepy boy has woken up Monica as he can’t sleep. We’ve been struggling a bit too in this regard. My wife is pretty pregnant now so there’s a lot of tossing and turning that wakes me up. (And a lot of tossing in general tbh) I regularly return the favour by accidentally waking her up when I come to bed late. It’s happening with increasing frequency as I’m desperate to squeeze in as much time to myself after babies gone to bed as I can.

You'd think after all the parenting I'd have a developed a bigger appreciation for a good nights sleep!

When Chandler finally gives up and goes to get a drink Monica comes out too. I’m sorry, there’s no way one of us would get up if the other person couldn't sleep. If anything there’d be a lot more angry growling telling them to keep it down.

Eventually they decide to make the most of things with some sex. Only for Monica to fall asleep!

Rather than doing the decent thing and letting her rest Chandler AGAIN wakes her up to complain.

Mate.

If someone’s so tired they fell asleep DURING SEX maybe think about letting them get forty winks.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

My new job’s great so far. A really cool company and lots of nice people.

It’s a bit odd though, after only a couple of weeks being brought up to speed, my new manager got me and the other new guy on a call and told us they needed to take a leave of absence for two weeks!

Waaaa? But I’ve only just started, how can I cope with this?

What a trial by fire. It’s a bit like showing up to your first driving lesson and when they’ve barely said anything the instructor says “right. You take the wheel” and jumps out the car.