IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!

I am of course talking about the release of the new Star Wars film. (Four stars)

Star Wars is a huge deal for me and I’m not ashamed to say I’ve seen it twice already. Only one and a half seasons of Friends™ till the next one! I can’t wait.

I’ve been told there’s another big thing going on at the moment... Winterval? Saturnalia? Something like that. I’ve found it hard to get excited this year. Largely because I find it hard to get excited about anything when people constantly ask me if I’m excited about it yet.

Completely ruins the momentum.

Anyway, as we all know, in America they celebrate Thanksgiving instead of Christmas so it’s time for the first Friends™ Thanksgiving episode!

“The One Where I Don’t Celebrate Thanksgiving”

Well, I suppose I can get in the spirit a little...

I’m thankful for:

1. Joey unwittingly becoming the face of VD
2. Chandler’s sweet ass tweed jacket (I’m quite the connoisseur myself)
3. My wonderful girlfriend, who has so far very graciously put up with me talking about her in the blog.

We ended up settling on Christmas Eve with my family, Boxing Day with hers and going our separate ways on the day itself (as she didn’t want to miss her Nieces first Christmas). My point that the baby won’t even know it’s Christmas (akin to Ross’s doubt over whether the baby in his wife’s stomach could hear him, let alone understand) was sadly ignored.

But I’m happy I managed to fit everyone in, even if it means I haven’t achieved anything over the festive period.

Part of the goal of this project is to ensure I don’t lose contact with Real Live Family and Friends so it’s good it seems to be working so far! I even joined my family on their annual trip to the pub with their dog-walker friends. Normally I would have stayed at home for a little peace and quiet away from all the barking and bladder problems. (And that's just my parents...)

As Chandler says, it doesn’t really feel like the festive season until there are arguments so it was nice being home. And everything was relatively civil this year too. (In the same way as the English War of 1624 -1651). Maybe this is why I'm enjoying Susan’s antagonism towards Ross so much. I must recognise the friendly hostility of someone rubbing you up the wrong way who you can’t escape due to circumstance.

But I am thankful that I could spend Christmas with my family. It was put in perspective by Rachel not getting an advance from work to spend Thanksgiving with her family. My heart goes out to all in a similar predicament at this time of year!

There's something very special about the relationship of a child to their parents cooking. Of all the fancy meals I’ve had I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed one as much as something cooked by my parents. Like a sort of dietary Stockholm Syndrome.

Both of their roasts are exquisite (although if ever the two were combined I think we’d discover a new reaction to rival Nuclear fission) and it was my dad’s turn this year. He didn’t disappoint! Least of all because (much like the Friends™) he didn’t get his head stuck in the Turkey. There’s always next year...

Speaking of the difficulty of people fitting inside things (steady) one of the principle problems this year was getting everyone in the same room at the same time to do presents. No sooner had my father taken a break from cooking than my sister would disappear to buy some cigarettes. At least we didn’t all get locked out like the Friends™!

Our flat has had several “almost setting things on fire” incidents since we moved in. Notably after an oven glove was left on a burning hob. And when my attempts to host my first BBQ ended prematurely as the result of a leaky gas pipe. And when we smelt burning plastic only to discover that the cupboard underneath the hobs was maybe not the best place to store all of our plastic bags.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

It’s difficult to choose this week. Between my chaotic family roast, my partners Nan coming up with the rudest answers during board games, and my friend almost setting himself on fire at a gig on Christmas Eve.

But I think I have to go with the moment we arrived at the pub on Christmas Day - only to find the man behind the bar inexplicably dressed as Darth Vader.

My phone is fixed! Thank the little baby Jesus, it’s a Christmas miracle!!

(Or an early Christmas present from my partner).

It turns out I remembered last week’s episode pretty well after all! With three exceptions I want to briefly mention:

1. Phoebe’s first gig at Central Perk being sadly cut short by the power cut.
2. Phoebe not knowing her own phone number. My partner has this exact problem so she gains the honour of being Phoebe Number 3. Which surprisingly makes Phoebe the character whose traits have appeared most in my Real Live Friends so far.
3. Joey telling Ross he’s in the friend-zone. A slightly nebulous concept, nowadays mired in gender-political problems associated with “nice guys who always finish last”. These “nice guys” often prove exactly how nice they are - by being annoyed their friend’s wont sleep with them. Friends™ conforms to the trope as Ross is beaten to the punch by newcomer Paulo (boo!).

“The One Where People Get Hurt”

Well, who would have thought a light-hearted sit-com like Friends™ would feature the heady topic of death before my life?

In this stand-out episode, we get a rather unexpected meditation on the passage of time and cyclical nature of life. It's beautifully expressed in the final scene where the Friends™ look through old baby pictures, but come across one of their recently deceased Nana’s – showing her and her friends hanging out at their very own coffee shop in bygone days.

We also see Ross having to go through his Nana's stuff. This took me back to my own grandfathers funeral (quite a few years ago now) where my floodgates finally burst open when I saw his empty glasses case in his room.

It’s not all sadness and a great job is done finding the humour in a dark situation. Including Joey matter-of-factually opining on the lack of life after death (which mirrors my partner’s sister’s lack of tact a few weeks ago.)

The writers also get a chance to flesh out the Gellar parents a bit more. It's mostly played for laughs with Gellar dad revealing he wants to be buried at sea and Gellar mum still having a go at Monica. However it keeps the sweetness of the rest of the episode when Gellar mum opens up to Monica over her own mother’s judgmental nature and they gain a better understanding of one another. I can’t help being reminded of my recent experience with my father. We all become our parents.

Thanks to the single nature of the Friends™ (as well as the fact there is no Christmas episode this season – see next week’s entry) we’ve yet to see any arguments about whose family to spend Christmas with. My partner and I have already done and dusted those, so this week brought her second favourite day of the year: “CHRISTMAS TREE DAY”.

She loves Christmas. To the extent that once, in a moment of drunken delirium, she asked “was it Santa or Jesus who died for our sins?”

Our halls are now fully bedecked with Holly after quite a traumatic experience for me. I had to a) spend time in the plasticised and disposable consumer hell that is Poundland™ and b) come to terms with the fact every year we kill millions of trees for little good reason.

But to say it was more traumatic for my partner would be a huge understatement!

Putting the decorations up is an important tradition for her and, as with most traditions, this comes with a large side of wine. Unfortunately the side of our kitchen top is not so wide, and one of the glasses fell and smashed. This meant a trip to A and E for me and my partner when she fell on one of the shards and got a large gash in her hand! The Friends™ aren’t the only ones spending time in a hospital this week.

We were shocked to find the hospital nearest to us is in special measures too. The large number of posters on the wall declaiming the service as “inadequate” didn't fill us with confidence. This, along with the poor timing of it being late at night on a Sunday, meant we had to hang around in the waiting room for over four and a half hours before we were seen!

And all the while we were haunted by the memory of our cats licking up the blood, and our new found knowledge that they would not hesitate to eat us should our boiler finally finish us off.

Apart from the poor waiting time, the staff were pleasant and helpful. Unlike the bullish nurse Ross encountered after the hockey game. We were kept amused by the appearance of two old and (presumably drunk) men on the ward, one of whom regaled us with Christmas songs. Thanks to him for lightening an otherwise awful experience. As our guardian angel I hope he didn’t have to wait too long to be seen!

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

My partner isn’t the only one in hospital this week, as Christmas decorations have successfully taken my boss out of action too.

Putting up an eight foot Christmas tree by himself proved more than he could handle. Doubly unfortunately he didn’t realise how hurt he was till he’d been lying down in his office for a few hours. Once he did he, eventually, worked up the courage to call me for help (uttering the phrase “I’ve been stuck here for longer than I’d care to admit...”).

This led to the, no doubt comical, sight of me struggling to lift him to a more upright position, which wouldn’t have been at all out of place in an episode of Friends™.

Strangely, this episode see’s Ross also hurting his back after he falls into a grave. I find this a worrying coincidence. (Made worse as I was listening to a Miranda Hart interview earlier where she talks about the comedic trope of someone falling into a grave.) Still, all these coincidences may be odd… But are they any odder than the Friends™ all wearing sunglasses to a funeral?

Seriously Rachel? You’ve never done laundry? NEVER?! You’re twenty three! Sort yourself out woman.

People often accuse my generation of being full of molly-coddled late bloomers but it looks like this trend started quite a while ago...

I found it surprising the Friends™ are already in their mid-20s by the start of the show. Now I can see why. Growing up with the show it always seemed like their lifestyles, troubles and the scrapes they got into were all the preserve of young adults on the cusp of responsibility. (At least for the first few series).

As a long term student (due to changing course) I’ve felt like I was lagging behind the expected point of my life for several years.

Unexpectedly, researching the ages of the Friends™ has reassured me that it’s not unusual, in our modern society, for people in their mid-20s to remain lost and directionless. And with large gaps in their knowledge. I suspect it’s not as usual for the gaps to increase as much as mine seem to, but overall it appears this project will be good for my mental health!

But still Rachel, your bloody laundry...

Perhaps I’m showing my privilege but I was also under the impression that laundromats aren't really that common anymore? Probably because I lived in shared houses at university rather than the high rise flats of New York. My privilege is also mirrored by Rachel’s in this episode after her dad gives her a car. I was lucky enough to have the same experience a few years ago when my dad got sick of me borrowing his. So REALLY, hitting that dog was his fault.

Continuing the series’ exploration of the difference between male and female experiences of dating, both Chandler and Phoebe attempt to end relationships. With varying success. The sudden off-screen appearance of these relationships to facilitate the story-line has been reflected in my own life. I’ve discovered Rachel Number 1 and Ross Number 2 have ended their break! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

Its good news all round as this episode introduces one of the best recurring characters in Friends™. Oh my god! It’s Janice!!

Although she's clearly written in this episode to be a one-off, Maggie Wheeler does such a fantastic job of making Janice much more than a silly voice, that it’s no surprise they brought her back again and again. And this time she doesn’t even need to utter her famous catchphrase!

If you’re playing “watch along with Real Live Friends” there are a couple of other things to look out for this episode. Firstly, check out Ross’s weird tucked in shirt in the opening scene. He looks like a Hare Krishna got stuck in a transporter with an extra from Spike Jonze’s Her. Although, much like the dungarees a few episodes back, I wouldn’t be surprised to see someone wearing something similar on a fashionable street in London.

Secondly, I found it amusing, and strangely out of place, just how much of a dick Joey is to Monica in this episode.

To recap (if you're not watching): Joey tricks Monica into going on a double date with his ex and her new partner. But Joey tells the ex that Monica is his new squeeze and tells Monica he’s still with the ex, and that the new partner is her brother. Needless to say HILARITY ENSUES but I found it interesting seeing this early Joey go to almost Always Sunny in Philadelphia levels of ass-holery.

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

 “The One Where We Could Have Died”

Speaking of shared houses, my current flat (essentially a converted drive-way latched onto another house) has been causing quite a lot of trouble this week.

We were about to make dinner on Sunday when suddenly all our taps stopped working. After failing to get in contact with the landlord we were forced to get a takeaway. I later found out he was “having some work done” and neglected to tell us as he “assumed we would be out”. At dinner time. On a Sunday.

Still that pales in comparison to our other discovery this week that our boiler is supposed to terminate outside and that at any point in the last six months we could have been suffocated in our sleep by an unexpected backlog of Carbon Monoxide.

George who? Stephanopoulos? WHO?! Never heard of him.

But thanks to the magic of Google I can confirm he is in fact a real person! And a politician at that. Who knew Friends™ was so topical? I mean, not topical anymore obviously... but still.

“The One Where I Decide this was an Excellent Idea”

This week me and my Real Live Friends (mercifully less screechy than Rachel’s friends) went out to see Spectre (four stars).

This marks the third time we’ve been out recently to an area of London known as “Shepherds Bush” (steady…). So I suppose you could say that's become our equivalent of Central Perk! Going to see a film contrasts with the Friends™ visit to a hockey game in this episode as none of us really like sport.

I mean, sure I’ll watch football on the telly if it’s an international match, I just don’t have time for the commitment needed to follow it properly. At times this creates quite a gulf between me and people who DO support a football team. I wonder how my friendships would be different if I did? I suspect more random events would happen in my life.

Joey Number 1 did once try to organise a tennis match, but we ended up having a cheese night after he miss-spelt "racket" as "raclette".

Literally nothing of interest happened on our trip to the cinema, with a large portion of the evening being taken up by sitting in the dark. I can see why the writers of Friends™ chose a hockey match over a visit to the cinema. In fact I can’t think at all of a time the Friends™ go to the cinema! (Feel free to correct me in the comments...)

In many ways this episode continues the themes set out by Episode 2. Except this time the focus is on the pressures felt by Rachel rather than Monica. In a small coincidence, before the film a friend of a friend mentioned she hates being single, because whenever she goes home her family constantly asks her if she’s got a boyfriend yet.

Girl, Monica can feel your pain!

I myself can relate to Rachel’s excitement then disappointment at her first payslip. Not least because a few months ago I was paid 1% of what I supposed to be due to an administrative error!

I found it interesting how Rachel’s snobby friends see her job as some sort of little jolly she’s doing for fun rather than an unfortunate economic necessity of circumstance.

I often feel people in my own life view my “career” (or lack thereof) in a similar way. My partner has had some bad news in the job department too, so the scenes of Rachel, Phoebe and Monica lying around in their pajamas, depressed at their jobs and lack of direction in life struck particularly close to home. We don't even have any hot politicians out our window to entertain us! Although we do have Netflix.

I saw R, P and M’s appreciation of Mr Stephanopoulos as another affirmation of their sexuality. This, again, piqued my interest in the shows feminist slant so I decided to have a look into the gender distribution of the writers:

Series one has a ratio of three women to eight men (including series co-creator Marta Kauffman) and it turns out that this episode was solely written by a woman: Alexa Junge.

Although this looks like quite a poor ratio; ten out of the twenty-four episodes in season one were either written or co-written by a woman which I think is actually quite good.

Particularly in such a traditionally male dominated industry such as comedy.

As with last episode though; any liberal bingo points the writers gain are counter-balanced by some slightly insensitive jokes about deaf people making noises when having sex. (Although I can hardly talk as one of my Real Live Friends once split my sides with a story of their deaf flatmate having rather loud sex too…)

Speaking of sex, this episode has Ross revealing he lost his virginity to Carol and that he was with her for seven years. I only have one RLF who has been in a relationship for this long, who happily is already my Ross No. 1 (his number of sexual partners is currently unconfirmed…)

If I was super creepy this means I could count every time Ross gets laid and work out how many sexual partners he has before he finally (SPOILER ALERT) settles down with Rachel. Fortunately for you I am super creepy! So I will be doing that.

The first few episodes I felt like Ross and Rachel got over their relationships ending unrealistically quickly, so I was glad they focused more on the fallout from that this week, and showed Ross hurting from his split. Hurt, Ross, hurt. I need your pain for my entertainment.

So far I’m really enjoying re-watching the show as it is both funnier and more moving than I remember. I don’t regret starting this ridiculous project at all!

Having said that, this episode brought two uncomfortable realisations with it:

Firstly, it is explicitly stated in this episode that it's 20th October. This means I am a lot further behind than I thought. As a result, I’ve planned ahead and found that for News Years to match up I'll have to do one a week until the end of the year. Only then can I settle into my originally planned more leisurely pace of one episode every two weeks. Lucky for you I guess?

Secondly I noticed this week that in my efforts to start the retro-90s trend (“hairdresser, make me look like David Beckham circa 1996”) I have inadvertently ended up with Chandler’s hair…

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

I went to a wedding this week where the wedding band singer was the ex of the bride.

Although in a sit-com this would have lead to a litany of humorous yet awkward situations I am happy to report that everyone was very adult about the situation! I say happy… I am of course livid that nothing amusing happened.

Friends™: 1 – Real Live Friends: 0

AND WE’RE BACK FOR ROUND TWO.

A NOTE ON TIMINGS: I’m aware at this point some of you might be thinking “that wasn’t two weeks...” I checked my calendar and it turns out you’re right! So what’s happened?

I’m going to be a little fluid with the timings to make certain episodes match up. However that’s not what’s happened here. As expected with such an ambitious project, I’ve created a bit of a backlog of life things and episodes which I’ve watched and made notes on but not written up yet. I didn’t expect to get behind quite so soon... But luckily for you readers it means the first few episodes will be out in quick succession before we settle into more regularly paced updates.

So I’m not cheating, I just wanted to make sure I thought the project had legs before I started writing things up all good and proper. As if to highlight my note on timings, this episode specifically states it is a month after the first rather than two weeks so please bear that in mind as we go forward.

Anyway, read on for:

“The One Where I’m Almost as Insensitive as Phoebe”

First up: some firsts!

Who’s that in the apartment across the street? It’s Ugly Naked Guy! Yes, second episode in and already we’ve seen our first Ugly Naked Guy joke. These were a mainstay of the first couple of series with vast amounts of jokes being made at our fat, ugly, disrobed friend’s expense. For obvious reasons I won’t be assigning one of my Real Live Friends as U.N.G. although I do have a fair few of them who aren’t shy when it comes to getting their kit off...

Secondly this episode features the first appearance of an African-American character in the form of Carol’s doctor. The show has been heavily criticised for its lack of prominent black characters over the years, so this is something I want to look at more as the series progresses.

Obviously it’s too soon to draw any conclusions but as a huge fan of Friends™ it was nice to see that the first black character was portrayed in a positive light and that no jokes were made at their expense. However, this portrayal of a high status black character is not particularly unusual by the early nineties (thanks to awesome shows such as Fresh Prince of Bel Air - with the wealthy Banks family father and mother being a lawyer and doctor respectively).

Finally, this episode gives us the first appearance of the Gellar parents. Much like U.N.G. (although they’re slightly more visible) these characters pop up quite a lot over the years. They often serve to bring in humorous plot points and flesh out the characters of Ross and Monica. They’re deployed to great effect to achieve this here; in a scene filled with strong jokes (including the first mention of Monica being fat as a youngster...).

The “pushy parent” is now an old cliché of comedy but it’s played with well in this scene. It’s helped by the strong performances of Elliott Gould and Christina Pickles, so credit should really go to those guys for making the characters such fan favourites! They're the only guest characters to appear in every season of the show (other than the women with the worlds most annoying voice and a certain blond haired barista).

The pushy parent cliché is one I’m familiar with in my life as I often find a legion of newspaper clippings concerning job opportunities thrust in my face whenever I return to my parents’ house...

I found it interesting that this scene focuses heavily on the pressure put on Monica by her mother to find a man. I can’t relate to this (due largely to me being a man...) but feel it demonstrates the show has a strong feminist thrust from the very start. This is also born out in the first scene of the episode, with the Friends™ frank discussion on the different sexual needs of men and women. As with many sitcom situations the pressure put on Monica by her mother is spun out in a slightly exaggerated fashion for comic effect – when the mother finds out about Ross and Carol's divorce she blames Monica for not telling her!

The way Friends™ deals with universal themes (such as the relationship between Monica and her mother) is surely the key to its longevity and enduring appeal in syndication. Lots of things in the world have changed since the nineties, but we’re already seeing how many things remain the same. Although I’m surprised to see that dungarees being in fashion is one of them.
 
Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

My Real Live Friends and I dived into a new area of London this week in our continuing search for a new local. And were all saddened to find out  two of our number have decided to go on a break...

I say saddened. I was obviously elated. I mean what are the chances? One of the most famous story lines from the show playing out in my own life, and I’m only on the second episode! I suppose I could have hid it better than immediately saying how great it would be for the blog over my lamb schwarma...

So with that in mind I am making myself Phoebe Number 1 with my own insensitivity nearly matching her exclamation, to the newly divorced Ross, of “Carol is so great, I miss her.”

.As the show opens with the Friends™ sitting in Central Perk it immediately becomes apparent that there is something huge missing from my life that the Friends™ have... a local!

My Real Live Friends now have a quest on their hands: to decide on a place where we can all meet. Unfortunately, unlike the New York of the 90s, London is not subject to rent controls... As a result, in recent years, we have been thrust to various far corners of London. This has made most of our previously frequented spots a nightmare to get to.

Inspired by my new project we set out to find a new local which we can all get to easily. This being London, rather than New York, we settle upon a pub instead of a coffee shop and are soon discussing our weeks.

As it’s the very first episode and the characters need to be set up, the Friends™ initially don’t really talk about things other than their relationships. I just want to note here how incredibly well written the first scene is. It immediately establishes all the characters through their conversations whilst littering it with great jokes. (As well as offering us Matthew Perry’s immortal delivery of “And I just want a million dollars!” following Rachel’s dramatic entrance).

The show was initially criticised for underdeveloped characters but I was surprised to see a vast number of the characters major traits established right from the off. This even occurs with Chandler and Phoebe despite them speaking almost exclusively in the form of jokes. As I noted previously, with the arrival of the wedding-fleeing Rachel and the divorced Ross, all of the Friends™ characters are single – whereas only two of my friends at the pub are.

Our economic conditions are much more similar – with most of us occupying the same level of work as the Friends™: we’ve mostly achieved some level of success at the bottom rung of our chosen field. If anything my Real Live Friends are doing better than the Friends™ with our outing to the pub bringing news of several promotions. However from recent memory I can still relate to Rachel’s lack of work experience and fears of her newfound unemployment – although I can’t relate to her job hunt experience, where she gets twelve interviews in one day! IT TOOK ME EIGHT MONTHS TO FIND A JOB AFTER UNI.

Maybe it was my fault for studying Archaeology? It basically just taught me how to put up with all the hardships of being a builder, without giving me any of the skills required to be a builder!

Aside from talk of promotions, our own conversations are much more diverse than that of the Friends™ - incorporating holidays, our homes and other subjects that would translate less well to a sit-com script (such as politics). One Real Live Friend confirms his expected position of “Joey No. 1” by revealing that his flatmates were planning on getting a cleaner for their shared house, but he offered to do it for £30 a month so he could get Sky TV.

Despite my earlier assertion that our lives would seem mundane in comparison to Friends™ I'm relieved to see a scene of the Friends™ putting together furniture. This willingness to show the mundane alongside the other major life moments of the episode highlights another great strength of the show. It also puts less pressure on me to live up to their sitcom lifestyle...

As I watch I find myself asking the question of “do we look the same age as them?”

Although they look young in comparison to how they look now, it seems strange that I have finally caught up to these familiar faces in age. They still seem older than we are.

After a quick wiki search on my phone (a luxury never afforded to the Friends™) I am relieved to discover that they were mostly a year or so older than their characters age.
I’m very surprised to find that Lisa Kudrow and Courteney Cox were both already thirty when the show started! I can only hope me and my friends look as good as them in four years time...

The episode ends with a touching scene between Ross and Rachel. As well as introducing this important long term story-line this scene shows the heart that made the characters so beloved was there right from the start.

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

The honour of being Ross Number 1 goes to my only married friend. Being married and an academic already made him a prime candidate for Ross (although so far as I’m aware his wife has no lesbian tendencies...) and he confirmed it by living out what could have easily been a Ross storyline this week:

EDIT: Unfortunately he's taken umbrage to his story being published despite it containing nothing incriminating at all and being completely anonymous. In the days before the internet, Crane and Kauffman would never have had to deal with such censorship as this...