“So are what are you going to do?” Rachel Number 1 asked about my would-be seducer.

“Well I’ve got several options... quit my job to remove temptation, embark on a clandestine affair or tell her in no uncertain terms that nothing will happen as I’m very happy with my current relationship.”

“Well the last one sounds best to me.”

“I agree but...”

“But? You’re not seriously considering cheating?”

“Of course not! It’s just...”

“Oh God, you’re going to put this in the blog aren’t you?”

“I need a cliffhanger! The timing is perfect!”

“I don’t know how your partner puts up with you...”

“The One Where My Cliffhanger Gets Me Into Hot Water”

OK, hands up who thought I was actually about to embark on an affair?

Keep your hands up if you think, if I was, I would be dumb enough to share it on the internet?

Well thanks a lot... your confidence in me (or lack of it) is noted...

I hope you enjoyed my little attempt at a cliffhanger. A public blog really isn’t the best way to let your partner know someone’s attempting to seduce you. I really put my relationship on the line for you guys!

Still, my partner finding out through the blog probably would have been preferable to what actually happened – which was her finding a rather racy Facebook™ message the young woman sent me. I’m not trying to brag here. In fact I will happily state it’s been a very long time since anyone has shown the slightest interest in me sexually. But naturally I got a little caught up in the flattery and failed to shut down the situation immediately as I should have.

This led to a rather serious conversation with my partner.

We talked about whether we’re still happy, and how we can keep each other fulfilled in our hobbies and careers, whilst making sure we still have a good time together. After we’d spoken some more about what an idiot I was and how I could make things right I started making dinner. We were sorting out making sure the time we spend together can be “quality time” and not just conversations about mortgages and children. Weirdly my body chose that moment for the floodgates to open and I started crying as I told her how much I hated what a shithole our flat was. How it ground me down coming back to all the mess after work. And how I’d showered at my parents the day before as I couldn’t stand how grim ours had got.

My partner, understandably annoyed about me making the situation about myself, started furiously scrubbing the shower. I tried to get her to stop but she’s pretty tenacious for someone so small and I was left with no other option – I had to get in the shower.

Clothes off or on? There was no time... I whipped my phone out my pocket and, as my phone landed safely on the sofa with a thud, dived into the shower.

Thankfully it was worth it and all our tears turned back to smiles as she gleefully sprayed me with water. In the face. Repeatedly.

With the crisis averted, and us both feeling a little more positive about the future again, we settled down to watch the next episode of Friends™. After a brief rub down with a towel and a change of clothes.

As my partner has recently been spending more time watching ER than visiting it she was excited to see George Clooney (and the other one) pop up. Albeit confused to see their names had changed due to the unofficial nature of the crossover... The doctors and hospital faced similar confusion as Rachel and Monica swapped names to avoid Rachel having to pay for health care. Hang on... What? They pay for healthcare!? America is a strange place.

Unfortunately for the two Friends™ this name swapping gave them ample opportunity to insult one another – ruining their chances with Clooney in the process. I wouldn’t worry Rachel... I’m sure you’ll have plenty of other opportunities to seduce A-List movie stars as the series progresses. But they struck upon an interesting point here: It is always easy for us to embarrass our friends.

Intimate knowledge gained from years of friendship gives us a tremendous amount of power over our Real Live Friends. Thanks to the internet there’s also a growing unease felt by people about how much of themselves they share. Not surprising, given some of the stuff I could tell you about my friends! (And vice versa).

But the bonds of friendship (as well as the mutually assured destruction) keep us from over-sharing. I think this is a big part of being an adult too, knowing when to share and when to keep schtum. When to remain silent and when’s the perfect time to bring out that hilarious anecdote about your friend getting their willy stuck in the refrigerator door.

As I’ve been reminded this week: it’s always easiest to hurt the people we care about the most.

This is explored in the episode as well: as, to Phoebe’s dismay, Joey’s tryst with Ursula continues. Lisa Kudrow does an excellent job, both in playing the twin characters but also in bringing out the emotion of Phoebe’s experience. Particularly in the last scene where she pretends to be Ursula to let Joey down gently and he finally comes through for her.

I’m not what you’d call a typical shipper (largely because the series ended over ten years ago) but it does almost seem a shame that nothing ever happened between Phoebe and Joey.

Back in real life, inspired by Phoebe’s party, we’ve decided to host our own little party to finish washing away our troubles. And to distract us from talk of mortgages. So come back (please) next time to see how that goes. Who knows maybe I’ll even have my own Gunther pop up in the background of our party?

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Me temo que si usted habla español esta broma se perderá en usted... Pero no estaba poniendo el televisor a Marcel divertida español.  Y la etiqueta sobrecopiada al final del episodio fue genial! Bueno aquí está mi intento de hacer lo mismo. Es la versión en Vivo Real Amigos si se quiere. O copiándome Amigos™ si no lo hará. De todos modos es mi blog y creo que el incidente de la ducha era probablemente lo suficientemente grande para mí a abandonar teniendo un Momento Sitcom Real Vivo separada por una vez. Espero que me perdonen. Ciao

Hrrm... I didn’t really think about this when I started.

How do I deal with two-part episodes? Do I watch them in one go and do a bumper blog? Or try and mirror their format with my own two-parter? Will it be weird my life jumping ahead two weeks if the next episode follows on immediately? Does anyone even care?

I don’t think any of us wants an extra long entry (oo-err) so perhaps I will keep the episodes split and see what happens.

But how do I incorporate a cliff-hanger into the blog? This episode not only ends with multiple threads unresolved but a very literal cliff-hanger as Rachel is left dangling from the side of her building - with nothing but Christmas tree decorations stopping her fall.

And all because “SOMEONE was supposed to take down the Christmas decorations around New Years!” but didn’t...

I had a good chuckle at this as our kitchen was cluttered with boxes of decorations for several months after Christmas. Despite repeatedly asking my partner to take them on the fifteen minute journey back to her mother’s garage.

Anyway, a two-part episode leaves a lot more space for multiple plot-lines so there’s a lot to get through. Here’s a few of the things we don’t really have time to talk through in more detail:

1. They’ve updated the credits. Quite a common occurrence midway through a season. By this point they’ve finished shooting a lot more footage so have extra stuff to run with.
2. Helen Hunt’s appearance garners another sitcom entry applause in the second of two crossovers with fellow New York sitcom Mad About You™ - where Phoebe’s sister Ursula originated. (The first crossover was earlier this season when the Friends™ experienced a blackout created by Helen Hunt in her show)
3. After her confusing exchange with Helen Hunt, Phoebe goes and sits next to a completely random guy in the coffee shop. I don’t know if he’s supposed to be a friend of hers? It seemed like he wasn’t, but this is completely alien to me. As a Londoner I can’t think of anything more awkward than going and sitting next to someone I don’t know in a coffee shop.
4. The African-American character count goes up by one for the first time in several episodes at Carol’s maternity class. Although I haven’t been keeping a specific count, already at this early point, the under representation of black characters (for which Friends™ has received much criticism) is readily apparent.
5. The return of Mr Heckles!

 “The One Where I Try and Have a Cliffhanger”

Chandler’s string of luck with unrealistically attractive women continues as he embarks on an office place romance. Having never been single and employed at the same time I’ve never had the opportunity for one. Mind you, if I worked in a place that used acroynyms like WENUS and ANUS I’d probably be pretty tempted too. Imagine the sexual tension!

I doubt I’d enmesh myself in a complicated web of lies though, as Chandler does when he can’t bring himself to fire his new squeeze. It seems promotions can have their downsides. With great office space comes great responsibility.

Inevitably Chandler loses control of the situation – failing to maintain his new relationship by blurting “will you marry me?” as a last ditch attempt to cover his lies. At least we now know where Maeby from Arrested Development™ got that quirk from.

Elsewhere Phoebe gets a welcome bit of character development as we're introduced to her previously mentioned twin. I only know one twin: the partner of my best Real Live Friend (of trouser biting dog fame). Next time I see her I’ll be sure to ask how her experience compares to that of Phoebe. There wont be any similar issues to Joey dating Ursula in my life though as her sister is already in a committed relationship.

But it really is tragic hearing more of Phoebe’s past. Her back-story is unusually dark as this fan theory explores. I believe it was already mentioned (via song) that her mother killed herself but I was still surprised when it popped up again.

Rachel: So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
*laughter*
Rachel: Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn?
Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.

Ah, bath salts... the eternal gift. Whether covering for a forgotten anniversary or erasing the memory of a dead parent, is there nothing they can’t do?

I also noticed that Phoebe is wearing what, I’m reliably informed, is called a “choker”. Funnily enough the six year old little terror on my Ireland trip was also wearing one. The 90s fashion renaissance really is in full swing!

Speaking of fashion, I just noticed how stylish Susan always is. I’m not sure I can even blame Carol for leaving Ross at this point. The trio head over to their maternity class with first Carol and then Ross freaking out over the dawning reality of their incumbent parenthood. And I can understand Ross’s position, if he can’t control Marcel how can he be a father? By the same token, what kind of father will I be when I can’t even remember to get cat-food in our weekly shop?

I realise it probably seems silly the amount of time I’m spending talking about children when it’s still several years off for me. It certainly feels silly the amount of time I spend thinking about it – when it’s so irrelevant to my current life. But this is one of the major differences between Friends™ and my own life. Although my Real Live Friends are largely in relationships they all seem less serious somehow than the ones in Friends™. Only one of my Real Live Friends is married with another wedding scheduled next year. Children still seem far off.

But people all move at different speeds and this is why it’s weighing so heavily on my thoughts. I’ve been informed that next year’s wedding couple are keen to pop as soon as they drop (so to speak).

Most surprisingly two of my closest male Real Live Friends have recently ended up as surrogate fathers through their new relationships. The immediacy and shock of this, they’re both the last people I would have expected to end up with such responsibility at this age, has brought my apprehensions of my own future to the fore.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Despite me complaining last time about the lack of realism in the Friends™ visiting each other at work my Rachel Number 1 actually came to visit me at work this week!

We had an excellent catch-up conversation. Among other things her parents have thrown caution to the wind and gotten married after 37 years! She said it was great fun as the family laughed together at the registry office. But was less enthused when her father informed her a week later that the marriage had yet to be consummated.

I hadn’t quite realised how much I’d missed her until the conversation got a little deeper and we both shared our frustrations at how sick we are of the amount of time we spend thinking about things that don’t interest us – children, traffic, house prices. Being an adult sucks.

I really needed it if I’m honest. I’ve been feeling down in the dumps lately. I’ve been drinking again. Getting back from holiday and our flat being a mess, starting work again and feeling useless, not being able to afford anything, it’s really got me down.

“And to top it all off”, as I told Rachel Number 1, “my attractive young co-worker has just told me she’s got the hots for me.”

Silence fell, Ross’s words ringing in my ears:

 “You don’t dip your pen in the company ink.”

OK, you’ve got me...

I’ve been putting off writing this one. Not because of anything tragic happening.

Nothing of interest has happened at all this month! Even the much touted ‘Friends™ Reunion’ was a damp squib. Although it was nice seeing the picture of them all together again! (Wasn’t it weird though how much Matthew Perry now looks like the cast of The Big Bang Theory?).

Anyway, I shall do my best to rescue this entry. Like Chandler dropping to the floor in surprise at finding Ross and Joey right outside his door, I shall emerge victorious clutching today’s paper like it was all intentional.

“The One Where I Don’t Get Ill Enough”

First up, more evidence of the strong support the studio gave Friends™ early on with a Jay Leno cameo. Who’s that he’s interviewing? Chandlers mum?!

Maybe it’s because I’ve just seen a picture of the cast as they are now, but I really didn’t think she looked old enough to be Chandlers mum.

At first I thought it was a sad reflection of the TV industries unwillingness to cast older women... But I looked it up and the actress who played her was actually 45 so it’s completely within the realms of possibility. Looking good Mrs B! I suppose her attractiveness is, slightly, the point as Ross succumbs to drunken temptation and breaks the “bro code”. Hands up who else completely forgot that Ross once kissed Chandlers mum?!

Maybe I find it unusual because it's so different to my own situation. (I’m talking about the age range here, not the getting off with friends parents – although I haven’t done that either. Yet.) The other day we had a big dinner for my mother’s 62nd birthday. I find it interesting there's such a huge range in the age difference between parents and kids. My partner’s parents are only around fifty, whereas Rachel Number 1s dad is 70!

This factors into me and my partners VERY HYPOTHETICAL discussions about children.

Is it better to get the most out of your freedom in your youth and then settle? (As my parents did) Or have children younger and then enjoy a ‘Gilmore Girls’ lifestyle where you and your children are the best of buds? I’ve always leant to the former but must say getting drunk with my partners parents is often more entertaining than the slightly terse dinners with my own family. But perhaps that’s more a result of my family’s dysfunctions...

Either way, for now at least, I am content to avoid any extra responsibility for as long as I can.

I’m happy to say I’ve managed to maintain my non-drinking this month! All temptations have only served to reinforce my desire to not drink. The tequila shots Chandlers mum served in this episode looked far too good for me to trust myself with a drink.

I only hope everyone cutting back on drinking for January is not connected to the uneventfulness of this month....

I suspect a lot of the quietness is a side effect of the return to work. The B-Plot of this episode, with a caricatured Monica and Phoebe doting on a guy in a coma, illustrates the strange phenomenon of sitcom characters always having more free time than real people with jobs.

That’s not say it’s been all work this month as both me and my partner have been off sick at different points.

She really wasn’t happy about it. Especially when I told her I was jealous of her chest infection. I’d happily cough up blood for a bit if I could get a week off work... I was so excited at the notion of a few days off when I woke with a stomach bug!

Waking up fine the next day was a huge disappointment to rival Ross’s disappointment that Rachel is still with Paulo. But, as in the surprisingly Meta commentary of Mrs Bing on Paulo’s status as a supporting character, perhaps, as the main character of this project there’s hope for me yet...

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

The struggle to find something eventful continues...

The best I’ve got is getting my first flat tyre. A subplot hardly even worth a Two and a Half Men episode.

It did provide some amusement as I called my partners father in a panic thinking I didn’t have a jack. (Calling him over my own father wasn’t the result of any sort of preference or age discrimination, he's a mechanic).

My panic turned to embarrassment, however, when - after he rushed to my aid - we discovered I already had everything underneath my spare tyre.

My phone is fixed! Thank the little baby Jesus, it’s a Christmas miracle!!

(Or an early Christmas present from my partner).

It turns out I remembered last week’s episode pretty well after all! With three exceptions I want to briefly mention:

1. Phoebe’s first gig at Central Perk being sadly cut short by the power cut.
2. Phoebe not knowing her own phone number. My partner has this exact problem so she gains the honour of being Phoebe Number 3. Which surprisingly makes Phoebe the character whose traits have appeared most in my Real Live Friends so far.
3. Joey telling Ross he’s in the friend-zone. A slightly nebulous concept, nowadays mired in gender-political problems associated with “nice guys who always finish last”. These “nice guys” often prove exactly how nice they are - by being annoyed their friend’s wont sleep with them. Friends™ conforms to the trope as Ross is beaten to the punch by newcomer Paulo (boo!).

“The One Where People Get Hurt”

Well, who would have thought a light-hearted sit-com like Friends™ would feature the heady topic of death before my life?

In this stand-out episode, we get a rather unexpected meditation on the passage of time and cyclical nature of life. It's beautifully expressed in the final scene where the Friends™ look through old baby pictures, but come across one of their recently deceased Nana’s – showing her and her friends hanging out at their very own coffee shop in bygone days.

We also see Ross having to go through his Nana's stuff. This took me back to my own grandfathers funeral (quite a few years ago now) where my floodgates finally burst open when I saw his empty glasses case in his room.

It’s not all sadness and a great job is done finding the humour in a dark situation. Including Joey matter-of-factually opining on the lack of life after death (which mirrors my partner’s sister’s lack of tact a few weeks ago.)

The writers also get a chance to flesh out the Gellar parents a bit more. It's mostly played for laughs with Gellar dad revealing he wants to be buried at sea and Gellar mum still having a go at Monica. However it keeps the sweetness of the rest of the episode when Gellar mum opens up to Monica over her own mother’s judgmental nature and they gain a better understanding of one another. I can’t help being reminded of my recent experience with my father. We all become our parents.

Thanks to the single nature of the Friends™ (as well as the fact there is no Christmas episode this season – see next week’s entry) we’ve yet to see any arguments about whose family to spend Christmas with. My partner and I have already done and dusted those, so this week brought her second favourite day of the year: “CHRISTMAS TREE DAY”.

She loves Christmas. To the extent that once, in a moment of drunken delirium, she asked “was it Santa or Jesus who died for our sins?”

Our halls are now fully bedecked with Holly after quite a traumatic experience for me. I had to a) spend time in the plasticised and disposable consumer hell that is Poundland™ and b) come to terms with the fact every year we kill millions of trees for little good reason.

But to say it was more traumatic for my partner would be a huge understatement!

Putting the decorations up is an important tradition for her and, as with most traditions, this comes with a large side of wine. Unfortunately the side of our kitchen top is not so wide, and one of the glasses fell and smashed. This meant a trip to A and E for me and my partner when she fell on one of the shards and got a large gash in her hand! The Friends™ aren’t the only ones spending time in a hospital this week.

We were shocked to find the hospital nearest to us is in special measures too. The large number of posters on the wall declaiming the service as “inadequate” didn't fill us with confidence. This, along with the poor timing of it being late at night on a Sunday, meant we had to hang around in the waiting room for over four and a half hours before we were seen!

And all the while we were haunted by the memory of our cats licking up the blood, and our new found knowledge that they would not hesitate to eat us should our boiler finally finish us off.

Apart from the poor waiting time, the staff were pleasant and helpful. Unlike the bullish nurse Ross encountered after the hockey game. We were kept amused by the appearance of two old and (presumably drunk) men on the ward, one of whom regaled us with Christmas songs. Thanks to him for lightening an otherwise awful experience. As our guardian angel I hope he didn’t have to wait too long to be seen!

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

My partner isn’t the only one in hospital this week, as Christmas decorations have successfully taken my boss out of action too.

Putting up an eight foot Christmas tree by himself proved more than he could handle. Doubly unfortunately he didn’t realise how hurt he was till he’d been lying down in his office for a few hours. Once he did he, eventually, worked up the courage to call me for help (uttering the phrase “I’ve been stuck here for longer than I’d care to admit...”).

This led to the, no doubt comical, sight of me struggling to lift him to a more upright position, which wouldn’t have been at all out of place in an episode of Friends™.

Strangely, this episode see’s Ross also hurting his back after he falls into a grave. I find this a worrying coincidence. (Made worse as I was listening to a Miranda Hart interview earlier where she talks about the comedic trope of someone falling into a grave.) Still, all these coincidences may be odd… But are they any odder than the Friends™ all wearing sunglasses to a funeral?

Following last week’s heated discussion my partner and I have reached an uneasy truce.

She, mostly, cleans the litter tray and in exchange I try not to complain about the amount of food in the sink and deal with the resulting slugs. But my cat troubles continue: only this morning he smashed his food bowl, a while ago he jumped up and scratched my penis, and worst of all a few days ago he broke my phone!

As a result my notes on this week’s episode are currently lost to me, so I'll be attempting to complete this using a mixture of my memory and Wikipedia™.

“The One Where I Try and Remember Things”

I have a terrible memory. Last week I rather flippantly mentioned my “budding dependence on alcohol and kebabs.” But the truth is I’ve had a complicated relationship with alcohol since I went to university. (Not so with kebabs where it’s a very simple relationship along the lines of: “I want you, I’ve eaten you. Yum.”)

I’ve never been a full on alcoholic but, as with many students, I found myself drinking regularly (and increasingly heavily) during my studies. This was not helped by taking five years to graduate, and I developed a love/hate relationship with drink once I realised over four years I hadn’t had more than three days sober in a row - and that this probably wasn’t a good idea.

I’ve had several attempts to deal with this in recent years – usually taking the form of stopping for a month to see if I can, achieving my goal (mostly) and then returning to drinking after being relieved I’m not actually addicted. Which is fine, until I reach the point of drinking almost every day again and then it starts over.

As you would expect, I’ve had noticeable deterioration in my health and memory as a result, and was heavily contemplating stopping completely from the age of 25 – 35. Until I decided to watch all of Friends™ during that time instead.

This week the Friends™ discuss the weirdest place they’ve had sex. Fortunately I can’t recall my own so I won’t be sharing. Not having a great memory can have its upsides.!

But, speaking of getting naked, there's another Ugly Naked Guy joke this episode: when they see him lighting candles in his apartment. Aside from this amusing me, as it foreshadows Rachel doing the same many years later, it also made me happy because it reminded me we’ve got our own Ugly Naked Guy now!

I swear I’m not making this up.

My partner’s mother was round and our door was open to let the cats come and go. The back of our house looks onto another building and suddenly a naked man appeared in one of the windows! Is he reading the blog and playing a trick on me? Only time will tell...

The line between reality and Friends™ was further blurred, when we played a phone app game this week. You put a phone on your head and it goes through categories. Everyone has to describe them and the person with the phone has to guess what they are. Suffice to say, when we played the Friends™ category, me and my partner were too busy laughing at “Gum would be PERFECTION” from this episode coming up that we couldn’t continue...

As with George Stephanopolous I'm surprised to find the target of Chandler’s gum related affections (Jill Goldacre) was actually a real person! The preponderance of cameos in Friends™ is well known but I’m surprised to see they had them so early on. Maybe she knew someone at the studio?

Our confusing coincidences continue as Ross’s attempts to ask out Rachel are thwarted by an attack from a cat. It’s good to know I’m not the only one with animal trouble. On top of the cats we just visited my best Real Live Friend who's got a very cute puppy; who's yet to understand that people don’t want their trouser legs bitten.

It was good fun seeing him (as it always is). Much like Joey and Chandler we have a very special bromance where we’re able to understand one another even when talking in a way that no-one else can understand. This proved a huge annoyance for our teachers in school and also for our partners during the visit as they struggled to get a word in.

Real Life Sitcom Moment:

During Rachel’s and Phoebe’s quest to return the lost cat they encounter a new recurring guest character – Mr Heckles. This week’s Real Live Sitcom Moment comes courtesy of another grumpy old man: my father.

He’s been digitising his old CDs recently (which naturally has required a bit of help from his more technologically savvy son). He invited me round for the dinner the other day, and it turned out it only because he needed me to answer a question about the computer. He also accused me of stealing CDs – despite them being by artists I have no interest in.

We both like music, and share a love of certain bands (such as Pink Floyd), but the generation gap can make talking about it difficult, as can our faltering memories. Our conversation over dinner stuttered to a halt once he failed to remember the new singer who reminds him of Syd Barrett, and I’d assured him I do in fact know who Creedence Clearwater Revival are. Despite remembering none of their songs.

We’re not particularly good at communicating with each other in general but I think we’re both keenly aware we need to put in more effort. (Although he puts up a good front in this area - I’m still waiting for him to let me know when he’s free for a game of tennis.)

He rarely opens up or reveals much about himself but, as he was speaking about his music collection, and I was looking in his eyes (the same eyes I saw in myself last week) there was a magical moment, as the walls fell away and he revealed he's greatly been enjoying how the music has been bringing back long-forgotten memories to him.

Seriously Rachel? You’ve never done laundry? NEVER?! You’re twenty three! Sort yourself out woman.

People often accuse my generation of being full of molly-coddled late bloomers but it looks like this trend started quite a while ago...

I found it surprising the Friends™ are already in their mid-20s by the start of the show. Now I can see why. Growing up with the show it always seemed like their lifestyles, troubles and the scrapes they got into were all the preserve of young adults on the cusp of responsibility. (At least for the first few series).

As a long term student (due to changing course) I’ve felt like I was lagging behind the expected point of my life for several years.

Unexpectedly, researching the ages of the Friends™ has reassured me that it’s not unusual, in our modern society, for people in their mid-20s to remain lost and directionless. And with large gaps in their knowledge. I suspect it’s not as usual for the gaps to increase as much as mine seem to, but overall it appears this project will be good for my mental health!

But still Rachel, your bloody laundry...

Perhaps I’m showing my privilege but I was also under the impression that laundromats aren't really that common anymore? Probably because I lived in shared houses at university rather than the high rise flats of New York. My privilege is also mirrored by Rachel’s in this episode after her dad gives her a car. I was lucky enough to have the same experience a few years ago when my dad got sick of me borrowing his. So REALLY, hitting that dog was his fault.

Continuing the series’ exploration of the difference between male and female experiences of dating, both Chandler and Phoebe attempt to end relationships. With varying success. The sudden off-screen appearance of these relationships to facilitate the story-line has been reflected in my own life. I’ve discovered Rachel Number 1 and Ross Number 2 have ended their break! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

Its good news all round as this episode introduces one of the best recurring characters in Friends™. Oh my god! It’s Janice!!

Although she's clearly written in this episode to be a one-off, Maggie Wheeler does such a fantastic job of making Janice much more than a silly voice, that it’s no surprise they brought her back again and again. And this time she doesn’t even need to utter her famous catchphrase!

If you’re playing “watch along with Real Live Friends” there are a couple of other things to look out for this episode. Firstly, check out Ross’s weird tucked in shirt in the opening scene. He looks like a Hare Krishna got stuck in a transporter with an extra from Spike Jonze’s Her. Although, much like the dungarees a few episodes back, I wouldn’t be surprised to see someone wearing something similar on a fashionable street in London.

Secondly, I found it amusing, and strangely out of place, just how much of a dick Joey is to Monica in this episode.

To recap (if you're not watching): Joey tricks Monica into going on a double date with his ex and her new partner. But Joey tells the ex that Monica is his new squeeze and tells Monica he’s still with the ex, and that the new partner is her brother. Needless to say HILARITY ENSUES but I found it interesting seeing this early Joey go to almost Always Sunny in Philadelphia levels of ass-holery.

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

 “The One Where We Could Have Died”

Speaking of shared houses, my current flat (essentially a converted drive-way latched onto another house) has been causing quite a lot of trouble this week.

We were about to make dinner on Sunday when suddenly all our taps stopped working. After failing to get in contact with the landlord we were forced to get a takeaway. I later found out he was “having some work done” and neglected to tell us as he “assumed we would be out”. At dinner time. On a Sunday.

Still that pales in comparison to our other discovery this week that our boiler is supposed to terminate outside and that at any point in the last six months we could have been suffocated in our sleep by an unexpected backlog of Carbon Monoxide.

Did you know the length of a man’s penis can be told from the distance between his thumb and his fingertip? You did? Fantastic! I suppose you heard it in school? There was always that one kid with preternatural knowledge of such matters... At the time we assumed they were some sort of omnipotent god with wisdom in defiance of their young years... it turns out they just watched Friends™!

Let’s not waste too much time on whether it’s true or not as I’m typing this up hurriedly at work. With my exceptionally long fingers. Read on for:

“The One Where Strange Coincidences Start to Happen”

Despite predicting my life would prove much less eventful than that of the Friends™, no sooner have I started Real Live Friends than a host of strange, sit-com like, occurrences have happened! Like a sort of Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon but with less death.

First we had the mysterious incident of my academic friend, then two Real Live Friends going on a break, but this week it was my turn for an unusual happening... which could easily have appeared in Friends™:

We were driving home and a fox ran out ahead of the car. He was quite far away so I carried on as normal, until we heard a loud bang from the side of the car. Turns out a dog was chasing him and ran straight into my car!

We stopped and ran over. The owner was there, surprisingly chilled out for someone whose dog had just hit a car. He said he'd just got home opened the front door and the dog dashed out after the fox. Fortunately, after a few minutes of us fussing over the dog he was up and seemed ok. Perhaps a little dazed, but that's to be expected after you've head butted a Vauxhall Astra at speed.

It's not like I needed another reason to think dogs were stupid but if I ever do get one (a dog not a reason) someone please remind me to get a house with a porch first. Or as I shall call them from now on: "a dog airlock".

My own 'Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time' has a strange sort of synergy with this week’s episode.

Ross finds out his dog didn’t really “go off to the farm” when they were younger. Also something’s just struck me (much like the dog): unlike the Friends™, I have a car, due to being forced to the suburbs. With their well located flats (see: Rent Control) the friends have no need for a polluting car, instead having (the questionable) luxury of taking public transport.

Time now I think for the first “diversity report”: This episode continues to buck the trend with the second appearance of a black character, this time working with Monica. However the P.C. points they get for that are slightly undermined by some quite blunt and lazy gay jokes.

In the big game of liberal Friends™ foosball it’s Black People: 1 - Gay People: 0 with everything to play for... (NB. I’m not actually going to keep score as if there’s some sort of battle between marginalised groups to see who is most oppressed. Because there isn’t.)

Before we get a bit more serious I have a few light observations. This episode starts with a character fobbing off Phoebe after a date with the phrase “we should do this again”.

This reminded me of later in the series when notoriously poor date/relationship ender Chandler attempts to employ this phrase only to accidentally prolong a relationship by altering it to “I’ll call you and we’ll do it again sometime!” I wonder whether this was a conscious continuation of the joke on the part of the writers, or a case of them reusing a similar joke and not realising?

We also get our first glimpse of Gunther serving drinks behind the bar. I’m sure this character needs no introduction to anyone who’s watched the series before. I will be interested to see how long it is before he’s given his first line. I expect it could be a while as James Michael Taylor was only given the role for being the only "background artiste" capable of using the coffee machine.

It's all a bit Chandler-centric as we see his battles with nicotine addiction for the first time. This offers a welcome chance for the writers to broaden out his character. He was less well established than the others at the start due to his propensity for speaking in jokes. It also highlights another difference between now and the nineties: the ability to smoke inside.

As an ex-smoker I can relate all too well to Chandler's desperation but it makes for amusing viewing as I'm reminded of the lengths smokers go to feed their habit when Chandler attempts to smoke in the rain.

Oddly, despite most of my Real Live Friends now being non-smokers, my real life has once again tied in with this week’s episode as “Ross No. 2” has sadly taken up smoking in the wake of his break. This of course now puts him in the unenviable position of being both “Ross No. 2” and “Chandler No. 1” so hopefully we will see improvements in both of those areas soon. (I say unenviable but I was kind of hoping I would be “Chandler No. 1”...)

Many things have been said about how difficult it is to stop smoking but Allen Carr (no not that one) and I would argue it’s easy. I was a confirmed smoker for seven years before reading his book and have now been a non-smoker for almost two years so would recommend it to any of you who are sick of it. I suspect if Chandler had read Allen Carr’s book this episode would have been a lot shorter.

I think there is a large role friends (as opposed to Friends™) play in whether people stop smoking or continue. Of my Real Live Friends just over half were smokers for a long time until we reached a tipping point when a few of us stopped. From then on the transition to almost all of us being non-smokers was markedly more rapid.

My partner and her friends, however, have yet to reach this tipping point with most of them still smoking and she's found it very difficult to stop as a result.

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

Seeing as I’ve already mentioned the dog/car fiasco I must use another incident for this week’s Real Life Sitcom moment. Fortunately, as I mentioned at the start, they’re suddenly bloody everywhere!

This one comes in the form of “Phoebe No. 2” otherwise known as – a friend from work who left recently to pursue their work as an artist. However they’re not “Phoebe No. 2” because they’re creative but rather because, just like Phoebe in this episode, they've recently been the recipient of unexpected money.

Although they left work around six months ago, due to an administrative error, they’re still getting money periodically appearing in their account!

AND WE’RE BACK FOR ROUND TWO.

A NOTE ON TIMINGS: I’m aware at this point some of you might be thinking “that wasn’t two weeks...” I checked my calendar and it turns out you’re right! So what’s happened?

I’m going to be a little fluid with the timings to make certain episodes match up. However that’s not what’s happened here. As expected with such an ambitious project, I’ve created a bit of a backlog of life things and episodes which I’ve watched and made notes on but not written up yet. I didn’t expect to get behind quite so soon... But luckily for you readers it means the first few episodes will be out in quick succession before we settle into more regularly paced updates.

So I’m not cheating, I just wanted to make sure I thought the project had legs before I started writing things up all good and proper. As if to highlight my note on timings, this episode specifically states it is a month after the first rather than two weeks so please bear that in mind as we go forward.

Anyway, read on for:

“The One Where I’m Almost as Insensitive as Phoebe”

First up: some firsts!

Who’s that in the apartment across the street? It’s Ugly Naked Guy! Yes, second episode in and already we’ve seen our first Ugly Naked Guy joke. These were a mainstay of the first couple of series with vast amounts of jokes being made at our fat, ugly, disrobed friend’s expense. For obvious reasons I won’t be assigning one of my Real Live Friends as U.N.G. although I do have a fair few of them who aren’t shy when it comes to getting their kit off...

Secondly this episode features the first appearance of an African-American character in the form of Carol’s doctor. The show has been heavily criticised for its lack of prominent black characters over the years, so this is something I want to look at more as the series progresses.

Obviously it’s too soon to draw any conclusions but as a huge fan of Friends™ it was nice to see that the first black character was portrayed in a positive light and that no jokes were made at their expense. However, this portrayal of a high status black character is not particularly unusual by the early nineties (thanks to awesome shows such as Fresh Prince of Bel Air - with the wealthy Banks family father and mother being a lawyer and doctor respectively).

Finally, this episode gives us the first appearance of the Gellar parents. Much like U.N.G. (although they’re slightly more visible) these characters pop up quite a lot over the years. They often serve to bring in humorous plot points and flesh out the characters of Ross and Monica. They’re deployed to great effect to achieve this here; in a scene filled with strong jokes (including the first mention of Monica being fat as a youngster...).

The “pushy parent” is now an old cliché of comedy but it’s played with well in this scene. It’s helped by the strong performances of Elliott Gould and Christina Pickles, so credit should really go to those guys for making the characters such fan favourites! They're the only guest characters to appear in every season of the show (other than the women with the worlds most annoying voice and a certain blond haired barista).

The pushy parent cliché is one I’m familiar with in my life as I often find a legion of newspaper clippings concerning job opportunities thrust in my face whenever I return to my parents’ house...

I found it interesting that this scene focuses heavily on the pressure put on Monica by her mother to find a man. I can’t relate to this (due largely to me being a man...) but feel it demonstrates the show has a strong feminist thrust from the very start. This is also born out in the first scene of the episode, with the Friends™ frank discussion on the different sexual needs of men and women. As with many sitcom situations the pressure put on Monica by her mother is spun out in a slightly exaggerated fashion for comic effect – when the mother finds out about Ross and Carol's divorce she blames Monica for not telling her!

The way Friends™ deals with universal themes (such as the relationship between Monica and her mother) is surely the key to its longevity and enduring appeal in syndication. Lots of things in the world have changed since the nineties, but we’re already seeing how many things remain the same. Although I’m surprised to see that dungarees being in fashion is one of them.
 
Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

My Real Live Friends and I dived into a new area of London this week in our continuing search for a new local. And were all saddened to find out  two of our number have decided to go on a break...

I say saddened. I was obviously elated. I mean what are the chances? One of the most famous story lines from the show playing out in my own life, and I’m only on the second episode! I suppose I could have hid it better than immediately saying how great it would be for the blog over my lamb schwarma...

So with that in mind I am making myself Phoebe Number 1 with my own insensitivity nearly matching her exclamation, to the newly divorced Ross, of “Carol is so great, I miss her.”

.As the show opens with the Friends™ sitting in Central Perk it immediately becomes apparent that there is something huge missing from my life that the Friends™ have... a local!

My Real Live Friends now have a quest on their hands: to decide on a place where we can all meet. Unfortunately, unlike the New York of the 90s, London is not subject to rent controls... As a result, in recent years, we have been thrust to various far corners of London. This has made most of our previously frequented spots a nightmare to get to.

Inspired by my new project we set out to find a new local which we can all get to easily. This being London, rather than New York, we settle upon a pub instead of a coffee shop and are soon discussing our weeks.

As it’s the very first episode and the characters need to be set up, the Friends™ initially don’t really talk about things other than their relationships. I just want to note here how incredibly well written the first scene is. It immediately establishes all the characters through their conversations whilst littering it with great jokes. (As well as offering us Matthew Perry’s immortal delivery of “And I just want a million dollars!” following Rachel’s dramatic entrance).

The show was initially criticised for underdeveloped characters but I was surprised to see a vast number of the characters major traits established right from the off. This even occurs with Chandler and Phoebe despite them speaking almost exclusively in the form of jokes. As I noted previously, with the arrival of the wedding-fleeing Rachel and the divorced Ross, all of the Friends™ characters are single – whereas only two of my friends at the pub are.

Our economic conditions are much more similar – with most of us occupying the same level of work as the Friends™: we’ve mostly achieved some level of success at the bottom rung of our chosen field. If anything my Real Live Friends are doing better than the Friends™ with our outing to the pub bringing news of several promotions. However from recent memory I can still relate to Rachel’s lack of work experience and fears of her newfound unemployment – although I can’t relate to her job hunt experience, where she gets twelve interviews in one day! IT TOOK ME EIGHT MONTHS TO FIND A JOB AFTER UNI.

Maybe it was my fault for studying Archaeology? It basically just taught me how to put up with all the hardships of being a builder, without giving me any of the skills required to be a builder!

Aside from talk of promotions, our own conversations are much more diverse than that of the Friends™ - incorporating holidays, our homes and other subjects that would translate less well to a sit-com script (such as politics). One Real Live Friend confirms his expected position of “Joey No. 1” by revealing that his flatmates were planning on getting a cleaner for their shared house, but he offered to do it for £30 a month so he could get Sky TV.

Despite my earlier assertion that our lives would seem mundane in comparison to Friends™ I'm relieved to see a scene of the Friends™ putting together furniture. This willingness to show the mundane alongside the other major life moments of the episode highlights another great strength of the show. It also puts less pressure on me to live up to their sitcom lifestyle...

As I watch I find myself asking the question of “do we look the same age as them?”

Although they look young in comparison to how they look now, it seems strange that I have finally caught up to these familiar faces in age. They still seem older than we are.

After a quick wiki search on my phone (a luxury never afforded to the Friends™) I am relieved to discover that they were mostly a year or so older than their characters age.
I’m very surprised to find that Lisa Kudrow and Courteney Cox were both already thirty when the show started! I can only hope me and my friends look as good as them in four years time...

The episode ends with a touching scene between Ross and Rachel. As well as introducing this important long term story-line this scene shows the heart that made the characters so beloved was there right from the start.

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

The honour of being Ross Number 1 goes to my only married friend. Being married and an academic already made him a prime candidate for Ross (although so far as I’m aware his wife has no lesbian tendencies...) and he confirmed it by living out what could have easily been a Ross storyline this week:

EDIT: Unfortunately he's taken umbrage to his story being published despite it containing nothing incriminating at all and being completely anonymous. In the days before the internet, Crane and Kauffman would never have had to deal with such censorship as this...