As we come to the end of our ninth year. I find I’m saying goodbye a lot.
First to Rachel Number 1 and Ross Number 2. As they’ve made a surprise announcement they’re moving to France.
Then to David the Science Guy, (I lose track of which one) as he finds himself immediately supplanted by Paul Rudd (boo).
And finally to my wife and kids, as I head off on my trip to New York.
What a year it’s been!
A year ago we were welcoming Emma to the world. Now we’re all thoroughly done with babies. She barely gets a look in.
Back then I was getting excited that Rachel Number 1 was pregnant and moving nearer to me. In the end, much like with Emma, the little baby barely made an appearance. I’ve just got back from their leaving party. From my original roster of Real Live Friends, the only other attendee was Doctor Phalange. Thankfully they’re staying in the country. For now…
I attempted to give Emma Number One a cuddle goodbye, only for her to immediately start crying. Rachel Number 1’s mum immediately cut in with “isn’t that reflective of all your relationships with women?” No, only your offspring. Who it now seems are leaving the country to be rid of me.
This time last year, my family was off on our first proper holiday together, now I’m travelling alone. A bittersweet moment, as I wonder if it’ll bring the success I crave. And yet both Chandler and I are no longer stuck in jobs we both hate.
Joey and Rachel have completely flipped. Last year he was smitten with her, now she lusts for him. But who lusts for me?? Nobody? Maybe I should shack up with David the Science Guy on my trip? He is, after all, my personal style icon.
First to Rachel Number 1 and Ross Number 2. As they’ve made a surprise announcement they’re moving to France.
Then to David the Science Guy, (I lose track of which one) as he finds himself immediately supplanted by Paul Rudd (boo).
And finally to my wife and kids, as I head off on my trip to New York.
What a year it’s been!
A year ago we were welcoming Emma to the world. Now we’re all thoroughly done with babies. She barely gets a look in.
Back then I was getting excited that Rachel Number 1 was pregnant and moving nearer to me. In the end, much like with Emma, the little baby barely made an appearance. I’ve just got back from their leaving party. From my original roster of Real Live Friends, the only other attendee was Doctor Phalange. Thankfully they’re staying in the country. For now…
I attempted to give Emma Number One a cuddle goodbye, only for her to immediately start crying. Rachel Number 1’s mum immediately cut in with “isn’t that reflective of all your relationships with women?” No, only your offspring. Who it now seems are leaving the country to be rid of me.
This time last year, my family was off on our first proper holiday together, now I’m travelling alone. A bittersweet moment, as I wonder if it’ll bring the success I crave. And yet both Chandler and I are no longer stuck in jobs we both hate.
Joey and Rachel have completely flipped. Last year he was smitten with her, now she lusts for him. But who lusts for me?? Nobody? Maybe I should shack up with David the Science Guy on my trip? He is, after all, my personal style icon.
I find it really sad, and strange, that Phoebe chooses Paul Rudd over him. A year ago they hadn’t even met! Surely she’d want to give David a proper chance at last? He’s been holding a candle for her for years, and then just when he thinks it’s finally happening it’s snuffed out. Poor guy.
But sometimes that’s the way it goes. Life is full of surprises.
I don’t think I could have seen any of this coming.
And that’s without mentioning the other things that’ve happened in Barbados!
“The One Where I Say Goodbye”
Let's start with Monica’s hair.
But sometimes that’s the way it goes. Life is full of surprises.
I don’t think I could have seen any of this coming.
And that’s without mentioning the other things that’ve happened in Barbados!
“The One Where I Say Goodbye”
Let's start with Monica’s hair.
Ok. Now that that’s out the way. Phoebe keeps thinking about Paul Rudd. (And she’s not the only one. Hubba.) She pulls a Ross and keeps calling David “Paul Rudd” by mistake. Which makes him a little worried. Much like Ross feeling insecure about Wheeler’s ex’s a few weeks ago, this is the worst thing he can do. Play it cool David… and CERTAINLY don’t go mad and decide to propose.
Woops. Too late.
Monica sells him out to Phoebe. AND goes one step further, ringing Paul Rudd to tell him to get his ass to Barbados to stop things. And yet she has the gall to accuse Chandler of meddling, just for being the one to tell David the reason Phoebe broke up with Paul Rudd.
Insanely, Paul Rudd ACTUALLY COMES ALL THE WAY TO BARBADOS WITH ONE DAYS NOTICE!?
(Man, I need some of that Hollywood money. Crossing my fingers…)
With shades of Rachel a year ago, Phoebe refuses both proposals, but chooses Paul Rudd. Who celebrates by challenging Monica to a table tennis match. Hrrm. Is it just me or is there way too much testosterone floating around?
And that’s just from Monica.
After a couple of hours, we all got bored, as they came to a stalemate. Chandler nobly steps up to replace Monica when she injures her hand. Winning the game. To be honest, I think he might have done it because he wanted the game to end.
Actually, now I mention it, there’s a lot of pulling a Ross this week. Monica pulls a Diana Ross.
Woops. Too late.
Monica sells him out to Phoebe. AND goes one step further, ringing Paul Rudd to tell him to get his ass to Barbados to stop things. And yet she has the gall to accuse Chandler of meddling, just for being the one to tell David the reason Phoebe broke up with Paul Rudd.
Insanely, Paul Rudd ACTUALLY COMES ALL THE WAY TO BARBADOS WITH ONE DAYS NOTICE!?
(Man, I need some of that Hollywood money. Crossing my fingers…)
With shades of Rachel a year ago, Phoebe refuses both proposals, but chooses Paul Rudd. Who celebrates by challenging Monica to a table tennis match. Hrrm. Is it just me or is there way too much testosterone floating around?
And that’s just from Monica.
After a couple of hours, we all got bored, as they came to a stalemate. Chandler nobly steps up to replace Monica when she injures her hand. Winning the game. To be honest, I think he might have done it because he wanted the game to end.
Actually, now I mention it, there’s a lot of pulling a Ross this week. Monica pulls a Diana Ross.
And Wheeler literally pulls Ross. But isn’t she going out with Joey?!? Well you see…
Ross wasn’t wrong that, on paper, him and Wheeler are a great fit. And who WOULDN’T want to see pretty but simple Joey end up with pretty but simple Rachel?? I can’t imagine that annoying vast swathes of people AT ALL. And yet, at the moment, they’re all tied to the other one.
It feels like there’s a bit of the old Shakespeare in the air.
Ross is going down a storm at the conference. I can only dream I do as well in New York. He’s got actual Paleontology fans (to Joey’s annoyance), with one older fella even hitting on him.
There’s a bit of an elephant in the room here. Emma is still VERY young for her mother and father to both travel abroad without her. I can’t imagine doing the same. Less so taking the step of moving to another country with an even younger one, as Rachel Number 1 and Ross Number 2 are. But maybe it’s better that way? Do it when they won't remember, when they won't notice. I know me going away will be very difficult for my kids, even just for a little bit.
I feel like we all keep forgetting how young Emma is. Hang on… Maybe a year of sleep deprivation is why Ross has gone so nuts?? No wait, it started way before Emma. Maybe after the second divorce? He’s holding it together much better in Barbados. Doesn’t even lose it when Chandler accidentally deletes his entire speech.
If anything, that works out great! It gives him and Wheeler an excuse to spend more time together to rewrite it from memory. Leading to the first of a few “oh no, we clearly both want to kiss but can’t” moments. Then he finds out she was also engaged to someone who turned out to be gay! What are the chances? Hrrm, maybe it was that palaeontologist who hit on Ross? She does have a type…
When the big speech comes (heh “come”) Wheeler finally realises how dumb Joey is, after he laughs at the words “Homo Erectus”. God Joey, you’re so immature.
You’d have thought she might have noticed when he got his spade out and announced he wanted to dig a big hole… Ah, that takes me back.
Ross wasn’t wrong that, on paper, him and Wheeler are a great fit. And who WOULDN’T want to see pretty but simple Joey end up with pretty but simple Rachel?? I can’t imagine that annoying vast swathes of people AT ALL. And yet, at the moment, they’re all tied to the other one.
It feels like there’s a bit of the old Shakespeare in the air.
Ross is going down a storm at the conference. I can only dream I do as well in New York. He’s got actual Paleontology fans (to Joey’s annoyance), with one older fella even hitting on him.
There’s a bit of an elephant in the room here. Emma is still VERY young for her mother and father to both travel abroad without her. I can’t imagine doing the same. Less so taking the step of moving to another country with an even younger one, as Rachel Number 1 and Ross Number 2 are. But maybe it’s better that way? Do it when they won't remember, when they won't notice. I know me going away will be very difficult for my kids, even just for a little bit.
I feel like we all keep forgetting how young Emma is. Hang on… Maybe a year of sleep deprivation is why Ross has gone so nuts?? No wait, it started way before Emma. Maybe after the second divorce? He’s holding it together much better in Barbados. Doesn’t even lose it when Chandler accidentally deletes his entire speech.
If anything, that works out great! It gives him and Wheeler an excuse to spend more time together to rewrite it from memory. Leading to the first of a few “oh no, we clearly both want to kiss but can’t” moments. Then he finds out she was also engaged to someone who turned out to be gay! What are the chances? Hrrm, maybe it was that palaeontologist who hit on Ross? She does have a type…
When the big speech comes (heh “come”) Wheeler finally realises how dumb Joey is, after he laughs at the words “Homo Erectus”. God Joey, you’re so immature.
You’d have thought she might have noticed when he got his spade out and announced he wanted to dig a big hole… Ah, that takes me back.
We were so young...
This prompted me to check in with Joey Number 4. He never did dig his big hole. Ah well, at least we’ve still got each other! He better not move abroad any time soon. (This also reminds me, I really need to watch Old Yeller…)
To be fair, Wheeler is much too busy at the conference to play with Joey anyway. Hrrm, reminds me of my kids. I hope they can forgive me for working so hard one day. Wheeler being busy, on a work trip, for her actual job, that her new boyfriend has essentially crashed, is what leads Joey and Rachel to spend more time together.
I don’t really understand why the two of them don’t hang out with the other non-scientists? Or they could have kept David the Science Guy company?! As far as I’m aware he’s still somewhere on the island. Oh look there he is:
This prompted me to check in with Joey Number 4. He never did dig his big hole. Ah well, at least we’ve still got each other! He better not move abroad any time soon. (This also reminds me, I really need to watch Old Yeller…)
To be fair, Wheeler is much too busy at the conference to play with Joey anyway. Hrrm, reminds me of my kids. I hope they can forgive me for working so hard one day. Wheeler being busy, on a work trip, for her actual job, that her new boyfriend has essentially crashed, is what leads Joey and Rachel to spend more time together.
I don’t really understand why the two of them don’t hang out with the other non-scientists? Or they could have kept David the Science Guy company?! As far as I’m aware he’s still somewhere on the island. Oh look there he is:
Oh no. He’s gone native.
Anyway, Wheeler and Joey realise they have bigger problems so break up. Rachel comes clean with Joey, Joey sees Ross and Wheeler kissing, and YES. We’re in the clear. They think it’s all over… Joey and Rachel kiss. Back of the net.
At this point, my daughter asks why music is playing. I try and explain how momentous the moment is, before giving up as I realised I can’t easily describe nine years of background context.
You know what? Just wait till you’re older. Then I’ve got something you can read that’ll explain it all.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
After emotionally saying goodbye to my wife and kids, I board my plane. She bids me good luck, though I’m not sure she means it. It may be she’d prefer if things don’t go as well as I hope. I mean with the trip. I assume she at least wants the plane to land safely.
After the eight or so hour flight (Grave of the Fireflies: 5 Stars, Godzilla Minus One: 3 stars, 2 episodes of 24: need to watch more to rate), my flight lands in New York. A city so good, I’m visiting it twice.
I go to passport control. They take my fingerprints. DAMN. There goes all those crimes I was planning.
Now what will I do with my time?
Anyway, Wheeler and Joey realise they have bigger problems so break up. Rachel comes clean with Joey, Joey sees Ross and Wheeler kissing, and YES. We’re in the clear. They think it’s all over… Joey and Rachel kiss. Back of the net.
At this point, my daughter asks why music is playing. I try and explain how momentous the moment is, before giving up as I realised I can’t easily describe nine years of background context.
You know what? Just wait till you’re older. Then I’ve got something you can read that’ll explain it all.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
After emotionally saying goodbye to my wife and kids, I board my plane. She bids me good luck, though I’m not sure she means it. It may be she’d prefer if things don’t go as well as I hope. I mean with the trip. I assume she at least wants the plane to land safely.
After the eight or so hour flight (Grave of the Fireflies: 5 Stars, Godzilla Minus One: 3 stars, 2 episodes of 24: need to watch more to rate), my flight lands in New York. A city so good, I’m visiting it twice.
I go to passport control. They take my fingerprints. DAMN. There goes all those crimes I was planning.
Now what will I do with my time?
