Seriously Rachel? You’ve never done laundry? NEVER?! You’re twenty three! Sort yourself out woman.

People often accuse my generation of being full of molly-coddled late bloomers but it looks like this trend started quite a while ago...

I found it surprising the Friends™ are already in their mid-20s by the start of the show. Now I can see why. Growing up with the show it always seemed like their lifestyles, troubles and the scrapes they got into were all the preserve of young adults on the cusp of responsibility. (At least for the first few series).

As a long term student (due to changing course) I’ve felt like I was lagging behind the expected point of my life for several years.

Unexpectedly, researching the ages of the Friends™ has reassured me that it’s not unusual, in our modern society, for people in their mid-20s to remain lost and directionless. And with large gaps in their knowledge. I suspect it’s not as usual for the gaps to increase as much as mine seem to, but overall it appears this project will be good for my mental health!

But still Rachel, your bloody laundry...

Perhaps I’m showing my privilege but I was also under the impression that laundromats aren't really that common anymore? Probably because I lived in shared houses at university rather than the high rise flats of New York. My privilege is also mirrored by Rachel’s in this episode after her dad gives her a car. I was lucky enough to have the same experience a few years ago when my dad got sick of me borrowing his. So REALLY, hitting that dog was his fault.

Continuing the series’ exploration of the difference between male and female experiences of dating, both Chandler and Phoebe attempt to end relationships. With varying success. The sudden off-screen appearance of these relationships to facilitate the story-line has been reflected in my own life. I’ve discovered Rachel Number 1 and Ross Number 2 have ended their break! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

Its good news all round as this episode introduces one of the best recurring characters in Friends™. Oh my god! It’s Janice!!

Although she's clearly written in this episode to be a one-off, Maggie Wheeler does such a fantastic job of making Janice much more than a silly voice, that it’s no surprise they brought her back again and again. And this time she doesn’t even need to utter her famous catchphrase!

If you’re playing “watch along with Real Live Friends” there are a couple of other things to look out for this episode. Firstly, check out Ross’s weird tucked in shirt in the opening scene. He looks like a Hare Krishna got stuck in a transporter with an extra from Spike Jonze’s Her. Although, much like the dungarees a few episodes back, I wouldn’t be surprised to see someone wearing something similar on a fashionable street in London.

Secondly, I found it amusing, and strangely out of place, just how much of a dick Joey is to Monica in this episode.

To recap (if you're not watching): Joey tricks Monica into going on a double date with his ex and her new partner. But Joey tells the ex that Monica is his new squeeze and tells Monica he’s still with the ex, and that the new partner is her brother. Needless to say HILARITY ENSUES but I found it interesting seeing this early Joey go to almost Always Sunny in Philadelphia levels of ass-holery.

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

 “The One Where We Could Have Died”

Speaking of shared houses, my current flat (essentially a converted drive-way latched onto another house) has been causing quite a lot of trouble this week.

We were about to make dinner on Sunday when suddenly all our taps stopped working. After failing to get in contact with the landlord we were forced to get a takeaway. I later found out he was “having some work done” and neglected to tell us as he “assumed we would be out”. At dinner time. On a Sunday.

Still that pales in comparison to our other discovery this week that our boiler is supposed to terminate outside and that at any point in the last six months we could have been suffocated in our sleep by an unexpected backlog of Carbon Monoxide.

George who? Stephanopoulos? WHO?! Never heard of him.

But thanks to the magic of Google I can confirm he is in fact a real person! And a politician at that. Who knew Friends™ was so topical? I mean, not topical anymore obviously... but still.

“The One Where I Decide this was an Excellent Idea”

This week me and my Real Live Friends (mercifully less screechy than Rachel’s friends) went out to see Spectre (four stars).

This marks the third time we’ve been out recently to an area of London known as “Shepherds Bush” (steady…). So I suppose you could say that's become our equivalent of Central Perk! Going to see a film contrasts with the Friends™ visit to a hockey game in this episode as none of us really like sport.

I mean, sure I’ll watch football on the telly if it’s an international match, I just don’t have time for the commitment needed to follow it properly. At times this creates quite a gulf between me and people who DO support a football team. I wonder how my friendships would be different if I did? I suspect more random events would happen in my life.

Joey Number 1 did once try to organise a tennis match, but we ended up having a cheese night after he miss-spelt "racket" as "raclette".

Literally nothing of interest happened on our trip to the cinema, with a large portion of the evening being taken up by sitting in the dark. I can see why the writers of Friends™ chose a hockey match over a visit to the cinema. In fact I can’t think at all of a time the Friends™ go to the cinema! (Feel free to correct me in the comments...)

In many ways this episode continues the themes set out by Episode 2. Except this time the focus is on the pressures felt by Rachel rather than Monica. In a small coincidence, before the film a friend of a friend mentioned she hates being single, because whenever she goes home her family constantly asks her if she’s got a boyfriend yet.

Girl, Monica can feel your pain!

I myself can relate to Rachel’s excitement then disappointment at her first payslip. Not least because a few months ago I was paid 1% of what I supposed to be due to an administrative error!

I found it interesting how Rachel’s snobby friends see her job as some sort of little jolly she’s doing for fun rather than an unfortunate economic necessity of circumstance.

I often feel people in my own life view my “career” (or lack thereof) in a similar way. My partner has had some bad news in the job department too, so the scenes of Rachel, Phoebe and Monica lying around in their pajamas, depressed at their jobs and lack of direction in life struck particularly close to home. We don't even have any hot politicians out our window to entertain us! Although we do have Netflix.

I saw R, P and M’s appreciation of Mr Stephanopoulos as another affirmation of their sexuality. This, again, piqued my interest in the shows feminist slant so I decided to have a look into the gender distribution of the writers:

Series one has a ratio of three women to eight men (including series co-creator Marta Kauffman) and it turns out that this episode was solely written by a woman: Alexa Junge.

Although this looks like quite a poor ratio; ten out of the twenty-four episodes in season one were either written or co-written by a woman which I think is actually quite good.

Particularly in such a traditionally male dominated industry such as comedy.

As with last episode though; any liberal bingo points the writers gain are counter-balanced by some slightly insensitive jokes about deaf people making noises when having sex. (Although I can hardly talk as one of my Real Live Friends once split my sides with a story of their deaf flatmate having rather loud sex too…)

Speaking of sex, this episode has Ross revealing he lost his virginity to Carol and that he was with her for seven years. I only have one RLF who has been in a relationship for this long, who happily is already my Ross No. 1 (his number of sexual partners is currently unconfirmed…)

If I was super creepy this means I could count every time Ross gets laid and work out how many sexual partners he has before he finally (SPOILER ALERT) settles down with Rachel. Fortunately for you I am super creepy! So I will be doing that.

The first few episodes I felt like Ross and Rachel got over their relationships ending unrealistically quickly, so I was glad they focused more on the fallout from that this week, and showed Ross hurting from his split. Hurt, Ross, hurt. I need your pain for my entertainment.

So far I’m really enjoying re-watching the show as it is both funnier and more moving than I remember. I don’t regret starting this ridiculous project at all!

Having said that, this episode brought two uncomfortable realisations with it:

Firstly, it is explicitly stated in this episode that it's 20th October. This means I am a lot further behind than I thought. As a result, I’ve planned ahead and found that for News Years to match up I'll have to do one a week until the end of the year. Only then can I settle into my originally planned more leisurely pace of one episode every two weeks. Lucky for you I guess?

Secondly I noticed this week that in my efforts to start the retro-90s trend (“hairdresser, make me look like David Beckham circa 1996”) I have inadvertently ended up with Chandler’s hair…

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

I went to a wedding this week where the wedding band singer was the ex of the bride.

Although in a sit-com this would have lead to a litany of humorous yet awkward situations I am happy to report that everyone was very adult about the situation! I say happy… I am of course livid that nothing amusing happened.

Friends™: 1 – Real Live Friends: 0

Did you know the length of a man’s penis can be told from the distance between his thumb and his fingertip? You did? Fantastic! I suppose you heard it in school? There was always that one kid with preternatural knowledge of such matters... At the time we assumed they were some sort of omnipotent god with wisdom in defiance of their young years... it turns out they just watched Friends™!

Let’s not waste too much time on whether it’s true or not as I’m typing this up hurriedly at work. With my exceptionally long fingers. Read on for:

“The One Where Strange Coincidences Start to Happen”

Despite predicting my life would prove much less eventful than that of the Friends™, no sooner have I started Real Live Friends than a host of strange, sit-com like, occurrences have happened! Like a sort of Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon but with less death.

First we had the mysterious incident of my academic friend, then two Real Live Friends going on a break, but this week it was my turn for an unusual happening... which could easily have appeared in Friends™:

We were driving home and a fox ran out ahead of the car. He was quite far away so I carried on as normal, until we heard a loud bang from the side of the car. Turns out a dog was chasing him and ran straight into my car!

We stopped and ran over. The owner was there, surprisingly chilled out for someone whose dog had just hit a car. He said he'd just got home opened the front door and the dog dashed out after the fox. Fortunately, after a few minutes of us fussing over the dog he was up and seemed ok. Perhaps a little dazed, but that's to be expected after you've head butted a Vauxhall Astra at speed.

It's not like I needed another reason to think dogs were stupid but if I ever do get one (a dog not a reason) someone please remind me to get a house with a porch first. Or as I shall call them from now on: "a dog airlock".

My own 'Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time' has a strange sort of synergy with this week’s episode.

Ross finds out his dog didn’t really “go off to the farm” when they were younger. Also something’s just struck me (much like the dog): unlike the Friends™, I have a car, due to being forced to the suburbs. With their well located flats (see: Rent Control) the friends have no need for a polluting car, instead having (the questionable) luxury of taking public transport.

Time now I think for the first “diversity report”: This episode continues to buck the trend with the second appearance of a black character, this time working with Monica. However the P.C. points they get for that are slightly undermined by some quite blunt and lazy gay jokes.

In the big game of liberal Friends™ foosball it’s Black People: 1 - Gay People: 0 with everything to play for... (NB. I’m not actually going to keep score as if there’s some sort of battle between marginalised groups to see who is most oppressed. Because there isn’t.)

Before we get a bit more serious I have a few light observations. This episode starts with a character fobbing off Phoebe after a date with the phrase “we should do this again”.

This reminded me of later in the series when notoriously poor date/relationship ender Chandler attempts to employ this phrase only to accidentally prolong a relationship by altering it to “I’ll call you and we’ll do it again sometime!” I wonder whether this was a conscious continuation of the joke on the part of the writers, or a case of them reusing a similar joke and not realising?

We also get our first glimpse of Gunther serving drinks behind the bar. I’m sure this character needs no introduction to anyone who’s watched the series before. I will be interested to see how long it is before he’s given his first line. I expect it could be a while as James Michael Taylor was only given the role for being the only "background artiste" capable of using the coffee machine.

It's all a bit Chandler-centric as we see his battles with nicotine addiction for the first time. This offers a welcome chance for the writers to broaden out his character. He was less well established than the others at the start due to his propensity for speaking in jokes. It also highlights another difference between now and the nineties: the ability to smoke inside.

As an ex-smoker I can relate all too well to Chandler's desperation but it makes for amusing viewing as I'm reminded of the lengths smokers go to feed their habit when Chandler attempts to smoke in the rain.

Oddly, despite most of my Real Live Friends now being non-smokers, my real life has once again tied in with this week’s episode as “Ross No. 2” has sadly taken up smoking in the wake of his break. This of course now puts him in the unenviable position of being both “Ross No. 2” and “Chandler No. 1” so hopefully we will see improvements in both of those areas soon. (I say unenviable but I was kind of hoping I would be “Chandler No. 1”...)

Many things have been said about how difficult it is to stop smoking but Allen Carr (no not that one) and I would argue it’s easy. I was a confirmed smoker for seven years before reading his book and have now been a non-smoker for almost two years so would recommend it to any of you who are sick of it. I suspect if Chandler had read Allen Carr’s book this episode would have been a lot shorter.

I think there is a large role friends (as opposed to Friends™) play in whether people stop smoking or continue. Of my Real Live Friends just over half were smokers for a long time until we reached a tipping point when a few of us stopped. From then on the transition to almost all of us being non-smokers was markedly more rapid.

My partner and her friends, however, have yet to reach this tipping point with most of them still smoking and she's found it very difficult to stop as a result.

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

Seeing as I’ve already mentioned the dog/car fiasco I must use another incident for this week’s Real Life Sitcom moment. Fortunately, as I mentioned at the start, they’re suddenly bloody everywhere!

This one comes in the form of “Phoebe No. 2” otherwise known as – a friend from work who left recently to pursue their work as an artist. However they’re not “Phoebe No. 2” because they’re creative but rather because, just like Phoebe in this episode, they've recently been the recipient of unexpected money.

Although they left work around six months ago, due to an administrative error, they’re still getting money periodically appearing in their account!

AND WE’RE BACK FOR ROUND TWO.

A NOTE ON TIMINGS: I’m aware at this point some of you might be thinking “that wasn’t two weeks...” I checked my calendar and it turns out you’re right! So what’s happened?

I’m going to be a little fluid with the timings to make certain episodes match up. However that’s not what’s happened here. As expected with such an ambitious project, I’ve created a bit of a backlog of life things and episodes which I’ve watched and made notes on but not written up yet. I didn’t expect to get behind quite so soon... But luckily for you readers it means the first few episodes will be out in quick succession before we settle into more regularly paced updates.

So I’m not cheating, I just wanted to make sure I thought the project had legs before I started writing things up all good and proper. As if to highlight my note on timings, this episode specifically states it is a month after the first rather than two weeks so please bear that in mind as we go forward.

Anyway, read on for:

“The One Where I’m Almost as Insensitive as Phoebe”

First up: some firsts!

Who’s that in the apartment across the street? It’s Ugly Naked Guy! Yes, second episode in and already we’ve seen our first Ugly Naked Guy joke. These were a mainstay of the first couple of series with vast amounts of jokes being made at our fat, ugly, disrobed friend’s expense. For obvious reasons I won’t be assigning one of my Real Live Friends as U.N.G. although I do have a fair few of them who aren’t shy when it comes to getting their kit off...

Secondly this episode features the first appearance of an African-American character in the form of Carol’s doctor. The show has been heavily criticised for its lack of prominent black characters over the years, so this is something I want to look at more as the series progresses.

Obviously it’s too soon to draw any conclusions but as a huge fan of Friends™ it was nice to see that the first black character was portrayed in a positive light and that no jokes were made at their expense. However, this portrayal of a high status black character is not particularly unusual by the early nineties (thanks to awesome shows such as Fresh Prince of Bel Air - with the wealthy Banks family father and mother being a lawyer and doctor respectively).

Finally, this episode gives us the first appearance of the Gellar parents. Much like U.N.G. (although they’re slightly more visible) these characters pop up quite a lot over the years. They often serve to bring in humorous plot points and flesh out the characters of Ross and Monica. They’re deployed to great effect to achieve this here; in a scene filled with strong jokes (including the first mention of Monica being fat as a youngster...).

The “pushy parent” is now an old cliché of comedy but it’s played with well in this scene. It’s helped by the strong performances of Elliott Gould and Christina Pickles, so credit should really go to those guys for making the characters such fan favourites! They're the only guest characters to appear in every season of the show (other than the women with the worlds most annoying voice and a certain blond haired barista).

The pushy parent cliché is one I’m familiar with in my life as I often find a legion of newspaper clippings concerning job opportunities thrust in my face whenever I return to my parents’ house...

I found it interesting that this scene focuses heavily on the pressure put on Monica by her mother to find a man. I can’t relate to this (due largely to me being a man...) but feel it demonstrates the show has a strong feminist thrust from the very start. This is also born out in the first scene of the episode, with the Friends™ frank discussion on the different sexual needs of men and women. As with many sitcom situations the pressure put on Monica by her mother is spun out in a slightly exaggerated fashion for comic effect – when the mother finds out about Ross and Carol's divorce she blames Monica for not telling her!

The way Friends™ deals with universal themes (such as the relationship between Monica and her mother) is surely the key to its longevity and enduring appeal in syndication. Lots of things in the world have changed since the nineties, but we’re already seeing how many things remain the same. Although I’m surprised to see that dungarees being in fashion is one of them.
 
Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

My Real Live Friends and I dived into a new area of London this week in our continuing search for a new local. And were all saddened to find out  two of our number have decided to go on a break...

I say saddened. I was obviously elated. I mean what are the chances? One of the most famous story lines from the show playing out in my own life, and I’m only on the second episode! I suppose I could have hid it better than immediately saying how great it would be for the blog over my lamb schwarma...

So with that in mind I am making myself Phoebe Number 1 with my own insensitivity nearly matching her exclamation, to the newly divorced Ross, of “Carol is so great, I miss her.”

.As the show opens with the Friends™ sitting in Central Perk it immediately becomes apparent that there is something huge missing from my life that the Friends™ have... a local!

My Real Live Friends now have a quest on their hands: to decide on a place where we can all meet. Unfortunately, unlike the New York of the 90s, London is not subject to rent controls... As a result, in recent years, we have been thrust to various far corners of London. This has made most of our previously frequented spots a nightmare to get to.

Inspired by my new project we set out to find a new local which we can all get to easily. This being London, rather than New York, we settle upon a pub instead of a coffee shop and are soon discussing our weeks.

As it’s the very first episode and the characters need to be set up, the Friends™ initially don’t really talk about things other than their relationships. I just want to note here how incredibly well written the first scene is. It immediately establishes all the characters through their conversations whilst littering it with great jokes. (As well as offering us Matthew Perry’s immortal delivery of “And I just want a million dollars!” following Rachel’s dramatic entrance).

The show was initially criticised for underdeveloped characters but I was surprised to see a vast number of the characters major traits established right from the off. This even occurs with Chandler and Phoebe despite them speaking almost exclusively in the form of jokes. As I noted previously, with the arrival of the wedding-fleeing Rachel and the divorced Ross, all of the Friends™ characters are single – whereas only two of my friends at the pub are.

Our economic conditions are much more similar – with most of us occupying the same level of work as the Friends™: we’ve mostly achieved some level of success at the bottom rung of our chosen field. If anything my Real Live Friends are doing better than the Friends™ with our outing to the pub bringing news of several promotions. However from recent memory I can still relate to Rachel’s lack of work experience and fears of her newfound unemployment – although I can’t relate to her job hunt experience, where she gets twelve interviews in one day! IT TOOK ME EIGHT MONTHS TO FIND A JOB AFTER UNI.

Maybe it was my fault for studying Archaeology? It basically just taught me how to put up with all the hardships of being a builder, without giving me any of the skills required to be a builder!

Aside from talk of promotions, our own conversations are much more diverse than that of the Friends™ - incorporating holidays, our homes and other subjects that would translate less well to a sit-com script (such as politics). One Real Live Friend confirms his expected position of “Joey No. 1” by revealing that his flatmates were planning on getting a cleaner for their shared house, but he offered to do it for £30 a month so he could get Sky TV.

Despite my earlier assertion that our lives would seem mundane in comparison to Friends™ I'm relieved to see a scene of the Friends™ putting together furniture. This willingness to show the mundane alongside the other major life moments of the episode highlights another great strength of the show. It also puts less pressure on me to live up to their sitcom lifestyle...

As I watch I find myself asking the question of “do we look the same age as them?”

Although they look young in comparison to how they look now, it seems strange that I have finally caught up to these familiar faces in age. They still seem older than we are.

After a quick wiki search on my phone (a luxury never afforded to the Friends™) I am relieved to discover that they were mostly a year or so older than their characters age.
I’m very surprised to find that Lisa Kudrow and Courteney Cox were both already thirty when the show started! I can only hope me and my friends look as good as them in four years time...

The episode ends with a touching scene between Ross and Rachel. As well as introducing this important long term story-line this scene shows the heart that made the characters so beloved was there right from the start.

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

The honour of being Ross Number 1 goes to my only married friend. Being married and an academic already made him a prime candidate for Ross (although so far as I’m aware his wife has no lesbian tendencies...) and he confirmed it by living out what could have easily been a Ross storyline this week:

EDIT: Unfortunately he's taken umbrage to his story being published despite it containing nothing incriminating at all and being completely anonymous. In the days before the internet, Crane and Kauffman would never have had to deal with such censorship as this...

“It’s a stupid idea” my friend says.

*Pause for audience laughter*

“What do you mean real time?” asks another.

“I’m going to watch all of Friends in real time over the next ten years” I repeat. “It works out as roughly one episode every two weeks. Although I’ll have to tweak it a bit so special episodes like Christmas ones match up.”

“And... then you’re going to compare it to your own life?”

“Our lives, I’m not completely full of myself. It’s going to be the definitive statement of mid 20s to mid 30s life in London in the early 21st Century.
Like Friends is but a different city and two decades later. We’re exactly the same age as when the show starts.”

“I suppose this says a lot about our generation’s obsession with TV and its influence on us...”

“Exactly! And I’ve already noticed some interesting differences! At the start of Friends they’re mostly single and still dating whereas most of us are in relationships. I’m putting that down to the English being less confident and therefore more likely to settle earlier due to a fear of dying alone...”

 
Once the awkward silence subsided, I told them more of my reasons for Real Live Friends and certain rules I’d set myself:

As well as acting as a memoir, of sorts, I'm hoping it'll inspire me to take a more active interest in my friend’s lives. You don't see your buddies as much as you get older, do you? Thanks to Facebook I mostly see my friends on the toilet at work.

Real Live Friends should motivate me to keep going to the effort of hanging out with people - at a time when social relations can start to fall apart as everyone pairs off and moves around to pursue their careers.

On a slightly grim note, one of the things I anticipate happening is that my own life will feature much more sadness and/or death than Friends™, with sit-coms offering a rose-tinted view to keep things light. Time is precious and I wish to spend as much of it with my Real Live Friends as I realistically can.

I also anticipate it becoming rapidly apparent from Real Live Friends that my own life is relentlessly less eventful than that of the Friends™ characters'. By the necessities of a sitcom plot, something amusing and out of the ordinary must happen every other week, for the jokes to have something to hang on. I am hoping that, as I notice this difference, I will be encouraged to try new things to emulate the lives of the Friends™ characters.

One of the most interesting things about Friends™, and part of its enduring appeal, is that each character offers up a part of a defined whole. We’ve all played at “Which Friends™ character are you?” (a game now streamlined by a thousand online quizzes – the changes brought about by the internet being another thing this project will reveal) and can all recognise a little of each character within ourselves. We also all recognise our own friendships in the mocking, yet affectionate tone that the characters take when dealing with each other’s flaws.

The characters of Friends™ are in all of us. I've mutated from a confirmed Ross in school, to a fun-time Joey at university, before settling as a devout Chandler in adulthood. So am interested to see how the ups, downs and changes the characters go through will mirror that of me and my friend’s lives over the next ten years.

I was tempted to pick some friends and assign them each an analogue from the show (pity poor Gunther...) but decided to be more pragmatic in my approach.

I will assign my friends as a “Ross” or “Rachel” etc based only on what is happening currently. Aside from stopping me from accidentally insulting my friends, this will allow for shifts in my friendships by letting me have more than one “avatar” of each character. This covers for the possibilities of friendships drifting apart, existing people taking on new roles, and new friends being made in my life.

I hope you enjoy going on this journey with me over the next ten years!

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