Torn To Ribbons
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1.19 - “The One Where I Watch The One Where the Monkey Gets Away”

22/5/2016

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Well, any residual doubt I had over whether to leave my job is now completely gone. I just found out the person doing our rotas has given away one of my last shifts. And no-one told me! This means I can’t do the hours I’m contracted for this month.

I’m hoping that, given past form, Human Resources won’t notice and I’ll still get paid at least.

But it definitely feels like it’s time to move on...

“The One With the Dad Drink Off”

My temptation to assign myself as Rachel Number 2 continues this week as she complains about her mother sending her engagement notices.

OK, I haven’t quite been sent any engagement notices. My parents are pretty relaxed on that front (unlike my girlfriend! #AmIRightFellas? #NoIAmNot) But my mother does continually send me links to jobs she thinks I could do and flats we can’t afford.

It seems like I’ve been on family duty a lot these past two weeks. My partner’s dad now lives abroad so we don’t see him that often. He just came to visit so we went for a lovely day out with all of my partner’s family. This led to the strange realisation that the sound of babies crying doesn’t seem to annoy me anymore. At least where my potential niece is concerned.

Babies crying used to be in my top 3 least favourite sounds, along with dogs barking and sirens. I can only hope dogs barking is the next to go. Otherwise my new job may be very short lived – due to the two extremely whiny dogs my boss owns.

We also went to see my partner’s Nan which was a bit of a shame. Not a shame that we were seeing her, but a shame we’d been meaning to for quite a while and then shortly before we went she had a scare and ended up in hospital. Hopefully she doesn’t think our visit was only a pity visit because of that.

One thing I found particularly entertaining whilst there was that the parking permits they have for her estate come in the form of a scratch card. Because if we know one thing about old people it’s they love a scratch card...

Anyway, as the title suggests, this episode is about Rachel losing Marcel. FINALLY A MONKEY CENTRED EPISODE. This is a smart plotline though as it means they don’t actually need that much of Marcel. It’s well known the cast and crew of Friends™ found it very difficult working with Katie (the female monkey who played Marcel) so this neatly sidesteps the problem of actors working with animals. How can the director get those beasts to do what they want with a monkey hanging around?

Speaking of animals, there's a joke about Chandler and Joey stumbling upon some hot and sweaty women with a broken radiator in their search for Marcel. I don't mean that they're the animals! Joey's the animal... when he asks if he can have some pictures of them. Oh Joey, you loveable pervert.

And speaking of lovable perverts, this episode also features another dose of Mr Heckles - who inexplicably dresses Marcel in a pink tutu. But everything is wrapped up nicely as Rachel atones for losing Marcel, when she saves him from the clutches of an animal handler she went to school with.

Mostly this episode left me thinking it would have all been over a lot quicker if they had mobile phones to coordinate their search.

With Marcel safe, Ross is free to continue his initial plan of confessing his feelings to the increasingly oblivious Rachel... only for her ex-fiancé to rush in and declare his love for her first.

DAMMIT BARRY.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

My recent family duties included a dinner with my partner’s father where we realised he’d never met my parents!

After a quick phone call to ensure we were welcome, we made the spur of the moment decision to take him to meet them. We were initially fearful that, as we’d had quite a few drinks, my partner’s father might embarrass himself. But any fears along those lines were put to rest after my mother assured me my own father (and my own Mr Heckles) was at a similar level of inebriation.

In the end I’d say my Mr Heckles probably won the battle of the embarrassing dads – after he made a string of jokes about how his very elderly father was refusing to give up the ghost, and how he himself wasn’t likely to last much longer!

Oh dear, dad, oh dear...
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1.18 - “The One Where I Watch The One with All the Poker”

8/5/2016

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Well no sign of a Real Live Gunther at our party...

In fact, no sign of a lot of people. Being in your late 20s really hits home when you organise an impromptu party and only end up with three guests.

The quality of guest was high at least. We had my Real Live David the Science Guy and his partner, as well as Chandler Number 2.

Life is imitating art once again as David the Science Guy is moving away from London. Thankfully not quite as far away as Yemen.

I’m happy that he and his partner are buying their first place together. Although unfortunately this meant a large part of our evening was taken up with more talk of mortgages.

 “The One Where My Cliffhanger Gets Me Into Hot Water Again”

Hang on; are they literally just playing poker in this episode?! There must be more... no, it appears that’s the entire plot. Well at least the title is spot on.

“The One With” title format is one of the unique stamps that makes Friends™ special. The meta-joke of it and how easy it is for people to discuss the show round the water-cooler form a big part of Friends™ continued success. Along with the show being a nostalgic touching point for a huge number of people, thanks to it being repeated Ad Nauseum on the telly.

One of the best bits of advice ever given to me is that if you ever run out of something to talk about with someone (in the original context it was a member of the opposite sex) then the best thing to do is start talking about food. It’s the one definite shared experience everyone has. But I think Friends™ comes a close second.

Another thing that's part of the continued appeal of Friends™ is you can really see the cast enjoying themselves. This is never clearer than in the many instances they laugh at each others jokes. In this episode Lisa Kudrow tries to cover up laughing at a joke Rachel makes at Phoebes expense.

It’s often said Friends™ works so well because, well, they seem like real friends. When I pointed out to my partner that Lisa stifled a laugh, she disagreed and saw it rather as Phoebe laughing at Rachel’s joke. The casts use of their amusement to strengthen their characters – much like how we laugh with our Real Live Friends – is one of my favourite things about re-watching the show.

Another highlight is Marcel dancing to Lion Sleeps Tonight. So far there’s been a lot less of the iconic monkey than I remember. (That might be the greatest sentence I've ever written.) But this definitely sticks in my mind as one of his classic scenes. There’s another running joke as poker brings out “competitive Monica” and one of my own running jokes continues too thanks to Chandler’s choice of shirt.

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A black shoulder stripe with a different coloured bottom... is this an episode of Friends™ or Star Trek™?

No, turns out it’s just another weird incidence of 90s fashion coming back. (Incidentally if anyone knows the name of that style of shirt please tell me. I’ve been wanting one ever since I realised it’s now fine to essentially walk around dressed as a Star Trek™ character. But I never know what to Google™.)

The crux of this episode, its ace in the hole if you will, is the continuing development of Ross and Rachel.

Their sparring during the poker game – with Rachel eager to prove women can play just as well as men – allows Ross to finally be more comfortable around her. As anyone who’s ever got with someone they fancy knows: being comfortable in yourself and not letting your feelings make you act like a fool is key to success. I embarrassed myself several times when I attempted to woo my partner during school. It was only after I moved away from home for several years and became happier with myself that something happened between us.

Or maybe she’d just lowered her standards by then.

I suppose in that way our relationship mirrors that of Ross and Rachel. I am hesitant to give her the title of Rachel Number 2 however, as she’s actually incredible at poker. Seriously, she once won hundreds of pounds after being severely underestimated by a group of men in a casino! One day I will defeat her... One day...

Perhaps I, myself, should be Rachel Number 2? After all I’ve had a similar experience recently of a job interview that I thought went well. At least Rachel gets the courtesy of a rejection phone call. I’m STILL waiting to hear about that job. Although it’s not quite as bad as when I managed to be so unmemorable at an interview they emailed me two weeks later asking if I still wanted come for an interview.

Anyway, I can’t be Rachel Number 2 as:
  1. My partner would never let me win at poker.
  2. I’ve just a got a promotion.
Oh sorry, did I forget to mention?

Yes, it turns out that, despite previously moaning that “getting a promotion in real life isn’t quite as simple as quitting and waiting”, it is actually possible to get one by doing nothing but waiting.

My “cannibal boss” has given me an offer I can’t refuse – a pay-rise in exchange for leaving my other part-time job and working for her full time. This means I’m still Chandler Number 3, I’ve just got promoted and quit in the wrong order...

The problem is I don’t really know how to quit. I’ve never left a job before! My lack of quitting experience is probably why I ended up staying in the same “temp job” for three years. That and my fear of failing if I ever try hard at anything.

I always say I would have left a year ago – much like Chandler – if it didn’t coincide with me and my partner moving in together. But I wonder if I would have had the guts to do it? I’m only comfortable leaving now that I’ve definitely got a better offer. I couldn’t even decide whether to take the offer at first. Thankfully the agonising decision was made easier when I told my other boss I might be leaving and they looked more relieved than anything.

It seems weird I’ve been thinking and talking about leaving for so long and now it’s finally come everything’s happened so quickly. And with so little fanfare.

But we play the cards we are dealt. Except in Ross’s case as he, very sweetly, let’s Rachel win to make her feel better.

I guess there’s more to this episode than poker after all.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

I continued making amends for my cliff-hanger this week with a romantic evening for my partner.

This included a foot-bath and a lovely home-cooked stir-fry. Or at least it would have if I hadn’t forgotten to check which ingredients we had. This led to a very awkward moment when we realised we’d have to come up with new plans for dinner half-way through the foot-bath. I don’t know if you’ve ever been crouched on the floor massaging someone’s feet in rapidly cooling water whilst having a terse discussion about where to eat? But I wouldn’t recommend it. Especially if you’re dressed as a naked butler.

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    One mans quest to watch all of the classic 90s sit-com Friends™ in real time over ten years.

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