Much like Carol, I’ve spent my day attempting to get a thing which is just that little bit too big through a small space. Although I recognise that doing DIY is probably slightly easier than giving birth.

At least giving birth is a bit more worthwhile. All this work seems a bit pointless given our tenancy runs out next year. Honestly, you put in all this work and then 9 months later you have to move out.

Not even a baby to show for it.

“The One Where Things Are Back to Normal… Mostly”

I’m hoping all the banging is annoying our neighbours. They’ve been on holiday and left an alarm ringing for a whole week! I’ve never been so close to breaking into someone’s house.

With summer in full swing they’re not the only ones off on holiday. The Friends™ theme tune excellently captures the problems facing 20-somethings - “your job’s a joke, you're broke, your love lives D.O.A.” – perfectly distilling the themes of Friends™ into one and a half minutes, but several of my Real Live Friends are doing much better than the Friends™.

Just to bring things full circle at the end of Season 1, the Real Live Friends who got promoted in episode one have been promoted again as their career ladders seem to have bizarrely synced up. And Joey Number 1 and Chandler Number 2 (who lets face it is probably now the main Chandler) have been jet setting off on all kinds of weekend breaks.

But all this hard work can make it hard to meet new people and both Real Live Joey and Real Live Chandler are some of my only Real Live Friends remaining single into their late 20s. It’s a bit of a cliché, but most of them are those in high flying careers. It does seem there’s still something in this episode’s observation of how hard doctors find it to find relationships outside of work. Even the most recent of my Doctor Real Live Friends to get into a relationship is with a nurse.

This episode is almost exclusively set in hospital as Ross’s son is finally born. And I for one am looking forward to seeing how Ben contributes to the show. I mean, it’s not like they’d just gradually forget him is it?

But also there’s a surprising amount of focus on Joey’s worries about fatherhood, as he becomes a surrogate birthing partner to one attractive young mother. This mirrors my own Real Live Friends unexpected positions of responsibility. Joey here is a much more well-rounded character than later in the series – as this plot carries forward his concerns about becoming his father.

And speaking of the future [SPOILER ALERT] this episode has a couple of cute moments (with hindsight) between Chandler and Monica. Including Chandler attempting to make a “let’s get together and have a kid when we’re forty” pact with her.

I’ve lost track of all the marriage pacts I made in high school. (Which is probably for the best, given how tricky negotiating that minefield might have been.) However I remember making a “let’s get married when we’re forty” pact several years ago too. I ended up wishing I’d suggested thirty instead, after I remained single for several years and realised I really liked the other person.

Thankfully I don’t have any need for it now. And in any case am not sure they’re legally binding…

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

As with Ross and Carol disappearing during the birth, I’ve had my own case of a mysterious disappearance.

I went round my parents only to find my mother had gone away. No word of where. I asked my father and he simply said she’d gone away for the week but wouldn’t tell him where. Sick with worry, given her recent trauma over losing our dog, I ended up frantically ringing my sisters to find out if they knew where she was. It turned out she’d just gone for a holiday in the Lake District.

I’m still not sure whether my dad was playing a trick on me or genuinely didn’t know.

Well, much like my dog, it looks like Britain has opted to leave the EU.

We’re drifting rudderless in a storm, waiting to see what our new leader will do. Perhaps it won’t be as bad as we’re told? But at the very least I’m hoping for the promised housing price crash. I came home to actual mushrooms growing in our flat today!

I’ve spent the last weeks drifting too, unsure what to think, moving between apathy and apoplectic rage. I’m not sure how much of this is just my default state. I seem to feel less now I’m an adult. In my darker moments I often worry if this is because I have a better handle on my emotions, or whether a part of my soul has died. And then I realise I do still often feel emotions. It’s just usually anger.

If there’s one lesson Friends™ has taught us though, it’s that actually things will mostly stay the same.

Sadness rarely carries on in sitcom world, as things reset to the status quo each week.

Despite his loss of Marcel, Ross is still lusting after Rachel.

Britain is still Britain.

My mother can still be found in the evening with a beer in front of the TV. Just now with no dog for companionship.

 “The One With The Hottest Wings ”

To cheer me up a bit about my dog (and our political turmoil) I planned a joint birthday party for myself and Rachel Number 1.

You know what? It really did the trick! I forgot all my troubles! This was largely due to alcohol, which did a bit too good a job of it. The only thing I remember was eating the world’s hottest chicken wings. I mean, they were very tasty but it was incredibly close to an act of self-flagellation.

I’m pretty sure I had fun though. It’s probably the first time since New Years that the “main cast” of Real Live Friends were together. I think it marks the first time we had the complete Friends™ set too! Joey and Rachel Number 1, Chandler, Monica and Ross Number 2 and my partner as Phoebe Number 3. Even my David the Science Guy and Cannibal Boss were there! But it almost didn’t come to pass…

Joey Number 1 was only there as, by a complete quirk of fate, he and some colleagues just happened to be having some post-work drinks in the same pub. What are the chances? Out of all the pubs in London! It’s good to see coincidences don’t just occur between my life and Friends™.

Nevertheless the Friends™ coincidences are continuing. This episode puts a big old lampshade on Matthew Perry’s unusual emphasis on CERTAIN words. And I too have been on the receiving end of similar mocking, thanks to Phoebe Number 3s discovery that I have trouble pronouncing the word “interpret”. It’s just… It’s always seemed like it should be said how it’s spelt. “Inter-PRET”.

My inability to speak has taken another blow recently as, perhaps because of my belated birthday excess, I’ve had horrendous tooth ache. Phoebe, in her role as Chandlers assistant, isn’t the only one trying to avoid answering the phone this week.

As we all know I’m no stranger to having a Real Live Friend as a boss too and we’re currently looking for some extra staff at work. This lead to a little awkwardness when a friend came to do a trial shift after I posted about it on Facebook™ - only to be turned down. Just like with Phoebe, sometimes nepotism just isn’t enough to nail down a secure job.

My new position is going well enough though. I just wish it left me with a little more of a life. All of my dreams since starting have been about work. I’d kill for a sex dream like Rachel’s.

With Chandlers search for an assistant, and Monica dating a younger guy, I couldn’t help be reminded of my young colleague from my old job – the racy messages she sent me also concerned a sex dream. I haven’t seen her since starting my new job but do hope she’s doing OK.

Monica’s fling seems less sordid than mine could have been, had I not done the correct thing and remained a devoted boyfriend. Although I find this slightly weird given the more extreme age difference in Monica’s case. This plot would have been a lot more disturbing had it been about one of the male cast members. Monica clearly hasn’t heard of the “half your age plus seven” rule, which would have put her young squeeze firmly out of bounds, even before she found out he was in high school!

But I suppose we have to remember that this is a comedy show. It’s not real. As illustrated by Monica’s unrealistic satisfaction after having sex with a guy who probably doesn’t have the faintest idea what he’s doing.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Birthdays abound this month as my partner’s brother celebrated his too. By forcing us all to strap on harness’s and climb through an assault course in a forest. I was excited to do something a little different. However the fun was ruined by having to cling to a tree waiting for the guy in front to hurry up and conquer his damn fear, so I could get through it as fast as possible without looking down.

Still that guy wasn’t as bad as my potential brother in law who refused to do the final jump to the ground and had to take the stairs! EVEN THOUGH the only reason he made us go was because he bottled it a few years previously after pushing his girlfriend off the edge first.

No, they're not still together.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

As you’ll see, I’m talking about identity this week, our Real Live Sitcom Moment deals with the issue too and comes from a gathering of my partner’s family.

My potential nephew was going round the room and pointing at all of us “Boy!” or “Girl!” (Depending on our gender) until he got to my partner’s Nan, paused for a moment, then gave up and moved on to the next person. Ouch!
 

A few months ago I lamented having to post a Real Live Friends late, as I was waiting for something to happen and nothing had.

I wish I could say the same this time.

“The One With the Hard Goodbyes”

God damn you Friends™ this is one coincidence I can’t bear.

My heart quickened when I watched this week’s episode as, after a now familiar scene of Monica being pressured by her mother, Ross returned from the vets with bad news. He was going to have to give up Marcel. It was only yesterday I got the 21st Century equivalent. A text from my mother. Bad news from the vet. Our family dog had perhaps four weeks left. Euthanasia was recommended.

After a few hours of nothing sinking in at my new job the news hit me. I sat and drank a cup of tea and wondered what the point of it all was. Shipping drinks out to people I barely cared for. Is this really what I want to be spending my time doing? Being a cog in some great machine just to keep the wheels turning? All because that’s just the way things are and the price of our comfort is being part of something bigger?

I thought of my dog. The thirteen long years he’d spent as part of our family. The times he’d sat with me and my sister on the sofa, even though he wasn’t allowed. My mother urging him to jump on me almost every morning of Sixth Form to make me get up for school.

All the funny useless tricks.

“Shake hands Barney!”

Why? He’s just a dog.

I thought of his insatiable appetite that nothing could overcome, even as he’s got older and weaker. We once bought a spray can to stop him trying to eat the remote controls – only for him to eat the can.

I thought of all the times I sat at my computer when I could have been spending time with him.

Like Phoebe sitting on the sofa playing her Game Boy™. There but not taking part. Present but not voting.

As the scene of Ross breaking the news to Joey and Chandler played out I found myself crying. Until it turned to laughter when the scene switched to a shot of them in the three monkeys pose. I spent the whole episode alternating between laughing and crying.

Especially in the end scene when Ross says goodbye to Marcel.

But it’s worst for my mother. As we all became adults she’s relied on Barney’s companionship more than any of us. She doesn’t know what she’ll do without him, as she confided in me yesterday. At least my partner and I will still have our cats. Although, much like Marcel, the male ones frequent masturbation is pretty disturbing.

With my worry about whether I’ve made the right decision over my new job, my birthday fast behind me, and our beloved pet at deaths door, Monica’s desire to live more and do more things resonates strongly today. I’m not sure I’m quite ready to take up tap dancing though. This episode is bled through with performance, from Phoebe’s expressionist dancing and acting out in the kitchen to “Monica” and “Monana” auditioning for a Broadway show.

But it also plays a lot with the notion of identity. Both in Joey’s consideration of a stage name, and with Monica’s identity thief showing her she can be a different person. My country has to decide its own identity this week too, as we vote whether to stay in the EU or leave. Whether to be part of something bigger or set out just for ourselves.

A twisted mirror shone over our kitchen earlier as we debated whether to follow the vets’ recommendation, or face prolonged pain and uncertainty in the hope our dog will buck the trend. It was a decision made much harder by how happy he seemed to see me. I would have done anything to be able to kick a ball around with him again. In a note of grim irony all my family’s positions were reversed from our views on the referendum. My sisters agreed it was best for him to go peacefully, my mother argued for him to remain. I wavered.

My sister and mother took Barney out for one last walk, with me tragic-comically running after the car when I, once again, faffed on my computer for too long.

“You at the Back! In or out?”

Monica’s dance teacher snaps me back to reality as she calls to Monica: In or Out? To take part and dance? Or to sit on the sidelines?

I think I’ve decided. I do want to be in my job, to be that cog, to be part of something bigger.

I can only hope Britain decides the same.

“So are what are you going to do?” Rachel Number 1 asked about my would-be seducer.

“Well I’ve got several options... quit my job to remove temptation, embark on a clandestine affair or tell her in no uncertain terms that nothing will happen as I’m very happy with my current relationship.”

“Well the last one sounds best to me.”

“I agree but...”

“But? You’re not seriously considering cheating?”

“Of course not! It’s just...”

“Oh God, you’re going to put this in the blog aren’t you?”

“I need a cliffhanger! The timing is perfect!”

“I don’t know how your partner puts up with you...”

“The One Where My Cliffhanger Gets Me Into Hot Water”

OK, hands up who thought I was actually about to embark on an affair?

Keep your hands up if you think, if I was, I would be dumb enough to share it on the internet?

Well thanks a lot... your confidence in me (or lack of it) is noted...

I hope you enjoyed my little attempt at a cliffhanger. A public blog really isn’t the best way to let your partner know someone’s attempting to seduce you. I really put my relationship on the line for you guys!

Still, my partner finding out through the blog probably would have been preferable to what actually happened – which was her finding a rather racy Facebook™ message the young woman sent me. I’m not trying to brag here. In fact I will happily state it’s been a very long time since anyone has shown the slightest interest in me sexually. But naturally I got a little caught up in the flattery and failed to shut down the situation immediately as I should have.

This led to a rather serious conversation with my partner.

We talked about whether we’re still happy, and how we can keep each other fulfilled in our hobbies and careers, whilst making sure we still have a good time together. After we’d spoken some more about what an idiot I was and how I could make things right I started making dinner. We were sorting out making sure the time we spend together can be “quality time” and not just conversations about mortgages and children. Weirdly my body chose that moment for the floodgates to open and I started crying as I told her how much I hated what a shithole our flat was. How it ground me down coming back to all the mess after work. And how I’d showered at my parents the day before as I couldn’t stand how grim ours had got.

My partner, understandably annoyed about me making the situation about myself, started furiously scrubbing the shower. I tried to get her to stop but she’s pretty tenacious for someone so small and I was left with no other option – I had to get in the shower.

Clothes off or on? There was no time... I whipped my phone out my pocket and, as my phone landed safely on the sofa with a thud, dived into the shower.

Thankfully it was worth it and all our tears turned back to smiles as she gleefully sprayed me with water. In the face. Repeatedly.

With the crisis averted, and us both feeling a little more positive about the future again, we settled down to watch the next episode of Friends™. After a brief rub down with a towel and a change of clothes.

As my partner has recently been spending more time watching ER than visiting it she was excited to see George Clooney (and the other one) pop up. Albeit confused to see their names had changed due to the unofficial nature of the crossover... The doctors and hospital faced similar confusion as Rachel and Monica swapped names to avoid Rachel having to pay for health care. Hang on... What? They pay for healthcare!? America is a strange place.

Unfortunately for the two Friends™ this name swapping gave them ample opportunity to insult one another – ruining their chances with Clooney in the process. I wouldn’t worry Rachel... I’m sure you’ll have plenty of other opportunities to seduce A-List movie stars as the series progresses. But they struck upon an interesting point here: It is always easy for us to embarrass our friends.

Intimate knowledge gained from years of friendship gives us a tremendous amount of power over our Real Live Friends. Thanks to the internet there’s also a growing unease felt by people about how much of themselves they share. Not surprising, given some of the stuff I could tell you about my friends! (And vice versa).

But the bonds of friendship (as well as the mutually assured destruction) keep us from over-sharing. I think this is a big part of being an adult too, knowing when to share and when to keep schtum. When to remain silent and when’s the perfect time to bring out that hilarious anecdote about your friend getting their willy stuck in the refrigerator door.

As I’ve been reminded this week: it’s always easiest to hurt the people we care about the most.

This is explored in the episode as well: as, to Phoebe’s dismay, Joey’s tryst with Ursula continues. Lisa Kudrow does an excellent job, both in playing the twin characters but also in bringing out the emotion of Phoebe’s experience. Particularly in the last scene where she pretends to be Ursula to let Joey down gently and he finally comes through for her.

I’m not what you’d call a typical shipper (largely because the series ended over ten years ago) but it does almost seem a shame that nothing ever happened between Phoebe and Joey.

Back in real life, inspired by Phoebe’s party, we’ve decided to host our own little party to finish washing away our troubles. And to distract us from talk of mortgages. So come back (please) next time to see how that goes. Who knows maybe I’ll even have my own Gunther pop up in the background of our party?

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Me temo que si usted habla español esta broma se perderá en usted... Pero no estaba poniendo el televisor a Marcel divertida español.  Y la etiqueta sobrecopiada al final del episodio fue genial! Bueno aquí está mi intento de hacer lo mismo. Es la versión en Vivo Real Amigos si se quiere. O copiándome Amigos™ si no lo hará. De todos modos es mi blog y creo que el incidente de la ducha era probablemente lo suficientemente grande para mí a abandonar teniendo un Momento Sitcom Real Vivo separada por una vez. Espero que me perdonen. Ciao

OK, you’ve got me...

I’ve been putting off writing this one. Not because of anything tragic happening.

Nothing of interest has happened at all this month! Even the much touted ‘Friends™ Reunion’ was a damp squib. Although it was nice seeing the picture of them all together again! (Wasn’t it weird though how much Matthew Perry now looks like the cast of The Big Bang Theory?).

Anyway, I shall do my best to rescue this entry. Like Chandler dropping to the floor in surprise at finding Ross and Joey right outside his door, I shall emerge victorious clutching today’s paper like it was all intentional.

“The One Where I Don’t Get Ill Enough”

First up, more evidence of the strong support the studio gave Friends™ early on with a Jay Leno cameo. Who’s that he’s interviewing? Chandlers mum?!

Maybe it’s because I’ve just seen a picture of the cast as they are now, but I really didn’t think she looked old enough to be Chandlers mum.

At first I thought it was a sad reflection of the TV industries unwillingness to cast older women... But I looked it up and the actress who played her was actually 45 so it’s completely within the realms of possibility. Looking good Mrs B! I suppose her attractiveness is, slightly, the point as Ross succumbs to drunken temptation and breaks the “bro code”. Hands up who else completely forgot that Ross once kissed Chandlers mum?!

Maybe I find it unusual because it's so different to my own situation. (I’m talking about the age range here, not the getting off with friends parents – although I haven’t done that either. Yet.) The other day we had a big dinner for my mother’s 62nd birthday. I find it interesting there's such a huge range in the age difference between parents and kids. My partner’s parents are only around fifty, whereas Rachel Number 1s dad is 70!

This factors into me and my partners VERY HYPOTHETICAL discussions about children.

Is it better to get the most out of your freedom in your youth and then settle? (As my parents did) Or have children younger and then enjoy a ‘Gilmore Girls’ lifestyle where you and your children are the best of buds? I’ve always leant to the former but must say getting drunk with my partners parents is often more entertaining than the slightly terse dinners with my own family. But perhaps that’s more a result of my family’s dysfunctions...

Either way, for now at least, I am content to avoid any extra responsibility for as long as I can.

I’m happy to say I’ve managed to maintain my non-drinking this month! All temptations have only served to reinforce my desire to not drink. The tequila shots Chandlers mum served in this episode looked far too good for me to trust myself with a drink.

I only hope everyone cutting back on drinking for January is not connected to the uneventfulness of this month....

I suspect a lot of the quietness is a side effect of the return to work. The B-Plot of this episode, with a caricatured Monica and Phoebe doting on a guy in a coma, illustrates the strange phenomenon of sitcom characters always having more free time than real people with jobs.

That’s not say it’s been all work this month as both me and my partner have been off sick at different points.

She really wasn’t happy about it. Especially when I told her I was jealous of her chest infection. I’d happily cough up blood for a bit if I could get a week off work... I was so excited at the notion of a few days off when I woke with a stomach bug!

Waking up fine the next day was a huge disappointment to rival Ross’s disappointment that Rachel is still with Paulo. But, as in the surprisingly Meta commentary of Mrs Bing on Paulo’s status as a supporting character, perhaps, as the main character of this project there’s hope for me yet...

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

The struggle to find something eventful continues...

The best I’ve got is getting my first flat tyre. A subplot hardly even worth a Two and a Half Men episode.

It did provide some amusement as I called my partners father in a panic thinking I didn’t have a jack. (Calling him over my own father wasn’t the result of any sort of preference or age discrimination, he's a mechanic).

My panic turned to embarrassment, however, when - after he rushed to my aid - we discovered I already had everything underneath my spare tyre.

“You’re just reviewing the episodes!”

“Err what?” I replied, incredulously.

“You’re just reviewing the episodes and putting a few jokes in” my girlfriend continued. “There’s none of you in it.”

“What about the Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week?”

“Oh yerh, it’s really fascinating reading a half baked anecdote about how nothing really happened but would have if real life was more like Friends™”

“Well that’s sort of the point…” I said defensively.

“In the first one you couldn’t even say what happened because your friend objected!”

“My Real Live Friend” I corrected “we’ve got to keep a consistent style here. Anyway that was beyond my control! And I can’t help that I’m terrible at anecdotes… in fact this one time I saw someone try to tell an anecdote and it trailed off and went nowhere.”

“Did you just try a joke out on me?”

“… err maybe.”

“See that’s exactly the problem. You’re using humour to deflect from actually putting any of yourself in the blog! And that’s what people want! Not just you talking about Friends™.”

“Using humour to deflect… oh my god just like Chandler!”

As she stormed out the room her words sank in more and I realised she had a point... So with that in mind:

“The One Where I Try to Get More Personal”

Because of my awkward shift patterns I sometimes end up with three days off in a row.

As much as the temptation is there to use these days productively they often result in three solid days of drinking with friends and/or family. Naturally, for someone my age, this tends to result in a period of sadness at the good times being over. As well as a prolonged hangover. And then I have to return to work. So it hasn’t been a great week for me.

Perhaps it’s the result of my heavy weekend, or because I’ve seen this episode so many times, but something felt oddly staged about it as I watched, curled up on the sofa in my wolf onesie. I can’t tell whether they were just overselling the jokes a little or, maybe, a sort of Friends™ fatigue has set in.

Nah. It’s probably just cause I'm completely zonked after going to a club night for the first time in years.

And I’m talking proper dancing till four in the morning then all back to our place for a cup of tea and a chat clubbing here.

But it hasn’t all been hedonism, sleeping on sofas and drunken discussions of bestiality since last week. (Incidentally, if anyone wants to know the logic behind why sex with dead animals is morally preferable to sex with live ones then feel free to email. I’m looking at you David Cameron!)

Before the weekend, my partner and I went to see Miss Saigon™ for her birthday.

After her criticism of me only reviewing things I won’t speak of it too much, but in a fun coincidence “The One with the Butt” also features a trip to the theatre. As someone who's been in plays I can relate to the Friends™ blunt appraisals of Joey’s star turn in a musical about Freud. Although in my own life I’ve found getting honest feedback can sometimes be like getting blood from a stone. Except of course, where my partner is concerned…

Speaking of partners, now he’s free from Janice, Chandler finds himself in a polyamorous relationship this episode.

Although I’ve had quite a few non-serious flings in the past I’ve never indulged in a polyamorous relationship. (Not for want of trying, mind). For those who don’t know: polyamory is where you believe that one person can be in love more than one person at the same time. Personally I prefer monopoly-amory, which is where everyone’s in love with one person. Me.

(Sorry… I had to cram in a joke somewhere.)

Monica’s cleanliness obsession appears for the first time this week. I used to be terminally filthy, with piles of dirty plates stacking up, overflowing ashtrays and smelly clothes filling my student houses, as I’m sure my old flatmates would attest. This wasn’t helped by us playing games such as “try and knock the cover off the fire alarm with your empty beer can” as well as my budding dependence on alcohol and kebabs.

However my aversion to washing up has led to me being obsessed with creating as little mess as possible. I have a serious lack of respect for anyone who eats a slice of toast using anything other than one knife as a result. JUST BALANCE IT ON THE MARGARINE POT, GOD.

This puts quite a strain on my relationship, as I'm loathe to clean up mess I did not create if it seems like an unreasonable amount. This issue is quadrupled by our cats who, aside from bringing in dead mice, regularly create what I would describe as “an unreasonable amount of mess” in their litter tray.

That I was misled to believe the cats would no longer need a litter tray once they started going outside is neither here nor there as I am continually branded a nag for complaining about the amount of mess on our kitchen tabletop. I wouldn’t mind if I felt it rang true. My main problem with the accusation is I used to hate being nagged by my mother.

Oh my god!!

“Ross: ‘Monica… you’re mom.’”

Well it looks like:
‘Ross… I’m Monica Number 1.’

Funnily enough, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we turn into our parents.

I was amazed (and terrified) when I looked in my rear view mirror, the other day, and saw my father’s eyes staring back at me. All it takes is a few years being ground down by work and exhaustion and the resemblance is suddenly there. But it’s not just in appearance. I’m constantly surprised in my grumpier moments to hear my father’s sarcastic voice coming out my mouth. Ironically this usually makes me more irritated; realising I’m trapped in an endless cycle of negative reinforcement.

I think it’s time to draw things to a close now (and we haven’t even talked about Al Pacino’s butt!). I was going to speak a little about my own experiences working as an extra for extra cash over the years but it looks like you’ll have to wait for that.

For the completists watching along with me there are two things to check out this episode:

1. First use of the Chandler emphasis “Could she BE more out of my league.”
2. Check out Joey’s shadow in the shower scene. It’s incredibly obvious that he’s wearing boxers! I mean why wouldn’t he at least have gone for briefs or pants?

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

My partner wasn’t the only one with a birthday this week as her nephew turned three.

Unfortunately right before he blew out his candles he asked where his grandmother’s recently deceased cat was. Having decided to raise him honestly his poor mother was left with no choice but to reply with “he’s gone”. The, newly grieving, child responded with the eternal question of “gone where?” only to discover the answer is “just gone”.

What a way to find out all life ends with death… as you blow out your birthday candles.

Seriously Rachel? You’ve never done laundry? NEVER?! You’re twenty three! Sort yourself out woman.

People often accuse my generation of being full of molly-coddled late bloomers but it looks like this trend started quite a while ago...

I found it surprising the Friends™ are already in their mid-20s by the start of the show. Now I can see why. Growing up with the show it always seemed like their lifestyles, troubles and the scrapes they got into were all the preserve of young adults on the cusp of responsibility. (At least for the first few series).

As a long term student (due to changing course) I’ve felt like I was lagging behind the expected point of my life for several years.

Unexpectedly, researching the ages of the Friends™ has reassured me that it’s not unusual, in our modern society, for people in their mid-20s to remain lost and directionless. And with large gaps in their knowledge. I suspect it’s not as usual for the gaps to increase as much as mine seem to, but overall it appears this project will be good for my mental health!

But still Rachel, your bloody laundry...

Perhaps I’m showing my privilege but I was also under the impression that laundromats aren't really that common anymore? Probably because I lived in shared houses at university rather than the high rise flats of New York. My privilege is also mirrored by Rachel’s in this episode after her dad gives her a car. I was lucky enough to have the same experience a few years ago when my dad got sick of me borrowing his. So REALLY, hitting that dog was his fault.

Continuing the series’ exploration of the difference between male and female experiences of dating, both Chandler and Phoebe attempt to end relationships. With varying success. The sudden off-screen appearance of these relationships to facilitate the story-line has been reflected in my own life. I’ve discovered Rachel Number 1 and Ross Number 2 have ended their break! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

Its good news all round as this episode introduces one of the best recurring characters in Friends™. Oh my god! It’s Janice!!

Although she's clearly written in this episode to be a one-off, Maggie Wheeler does such a fantastic job of making Janice much more than a silly voice, that it’s no surprise they brought her back again and again. And this time she doesn’t even need to utter her famous catchphrase!

If you’re playing “watch along with Real Live Friends” there are a couple of other things to look out for this episode. Firstly, check out Ross’s weird tucked in shirt in the opening scene. He looks like a Hare Krishna got stuck in a transporter with an extra from Spike Jonze’s Her. Although, much like the dungarees a few episodes back, I wouldn’t be surprised to see someone wearing something similar on a fashionable street in London.

Secondly, I found it amusing, and strangely out of place, just how much of a dick Joey is to Monica in this episode.

To recap (if you're not watching): Joey tricks Monica into going on a double date with his ex and her new partner. But Joey tells the ex that Monica is his new squeeze and tells Monica he’s still with the ex, and that the new partner is her brother. Needless to say HILARITY ENSUES but I found it interesting seeing this early Joey go to almost Always Sunny in Philadelphia levels of ass-holery.

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

 “The One Where We Could Have Died”

Speaking of shared houses, my current flat (essentially a converted drive-way latched onto another house) has been causing quite a lot of trouble this week.

We were about to make dinner on Sunday when suddenly all our taps stopped working. After failing to get in contact with the landlord we were forced to get a takeaway. I later found out he was “having some work done” and neglected to tell us as he “assumed we would be out”. At dinner time. On a Sunday.

Still that pales in comparison to our other discovery this week that our boiler is supposed to terminate outside and that at any point in the last six months we could have been suffocated in our sleep by an unexpected backlog of Carbon Monoxide.

AND WE’RE BACK FOR ROUND TWO.

A NOTE ON TIMINGS: I’m aware at this point some of you might be thinking “that wasn’t two weeks...” I checked my calendar and it turns out you’re right! So what’s happened?

I’m going to be a little fluid with the timings to make certain episodes match up. However that’s not what’s happened here. As expected with such an ambitious project, I’ve created a bit of a backlog of life things and episodes which I’ve watched and made notes on but not written up yet. I didn’t expect to get behind quite so soon... But luckily for you readers it means the first few episodes will be out in quick succession before we settle into more regularly paced updates.

So I’m not cheating, I just wanted to make sure I thought the project had legs before I started writing things up all good and proper. As if to highlight my note on timings, this episode specifically states it is a month after the first rather than two weeks so please bear that in mind as we go forward.

Anyway, read on for:

“The One Where I’m Almost as Insensitive as Phoebe”

First up: some firsts!

Who’s that in the apartment across the street? It’s Ugly Naked Guy! Yes, second episode in and already we’ve seen our first Ugly Naked Guy joke. These were a mainstay of the first couple of series with vast amounts of jokes being made at our fat, ugly, disrobed friend’s expense. For obvious reasons I won’t be assigning one of my Real Live Friends as U.N.G. although I do have a fair few of them who aren’t shy when it comes to getting their kit off...

Secondly this episode features the first appearance of an African-American character in the form of Carol’s doctor. The show has been heavily criticised for its lack of prominent black characters over the years, so this is something I want to look at more as the series progresses.

Obviously it’s too soon to draw any conclusions but as a huge fan of Friends™ it was nice to see that the first black character was portrayed in a positive light and that no jokes were made at their expense. However, this portrayal of a high status black character is not particularly unusual by the early nineties (thanks to awesome shows such as Fresh Prince of Bel Air - with the wealthy Banks family father and mother being a lawyer and doctor respectively).

Finally, this episode gives us the first appearance of the Gellar parents. Much like U.N.G. (although they’re slightly more visible) these characters pop up quite a lot over the years. They often serve to bring in humorous plot points and flesh out the characters of Ross and Monica. They’re deployed to great effect to achieve this here; in a scene filled with strong jokes (including the first mention of Monica being fat as a youngster...).

The “pushy parent” is now an old cliché of comedy but it’s played with well in this scene. It’s helped by the strong performances of Elliott Gould and Christina Pickles, so credit should really go to those guys for making the characters such fan favourites! They're the only guest characters to appear in every season of the show (other than the women with the worlds most annoying voice and a certain blond haired barista).

The pushy parent cliché is one I’m familiar with in my life as I often find a legion of newspaper clippings concerning job opportunities thrust in my face whenever I return to my parents’ house...

I found it interesting that this scene focuses heavily on the pressure put on Monica by her mother to find a man. I can’t relate to this (due largely to me being a man...) but feel it demonstrates the show has a strong feminist thrust from the very start. This is also born out in the first scene of the episode, with the Friends™ frank discussion on the different sexual needs of men and women. As with many sitcom situations the pressure put on Monica by her mother is spun out in a slightly exaggerated fashion for comic effect – when the mother finds out about Ross and Carol's divorce she blames Monica for not telling her!

The way Friends™ deals with universal themes (such as the relationship between Monica and her mother) is surely the key to its longevity and enduring appeal in syndication. Lots of things in the world have changed since the nineties, but we’re already seeing how many things remain the same. Although I’m surprised to see that dungarees being in fashion is one of them.
 
Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

My Real Live Friends and I dived into a new area of London this week in our continuing search for a new local. And were all saddened to find out  two of our number have decided to go on a break...

I say saddened. I was obviously elated. I mean what are the chances? One of the most famous story lines from the show playing out in my own life, and I’m only on the second episode! I suppose I could have hid it better than immediately saying how great it would be for the blog over my lamb schwarma...

So with that in mind I am making myself Phoebe Number 1 with my own insensitivity nearly matching her exclamation, to the newly divorced Ross, of “Carol is so great, I miss her.”

.As the show opens with the Friends™ sitting in Central Perk it immediately becomes apparent that there is something huge missing from my life that the Friends™ have... a local!

My Real Live Friends now have a quest on their hands: to decide on a place where we can all meet. Unfortunately, unlike the New York of the 90s, London is not subject to rent controls... As a result, in recent years, we have been thrust to various far corners of London. This has made most of our previously frequented spots a nightmare to get to.

Inspired by my new project we set out to find a new local which we can all get to easily. This being London, rather than New York, we settle upon a pub instead of a coffee shop and are soon discussing our weeks.

As it’s the very first episode and the characters need to be set up, the Friends™ initially don’t really talk about things other than their relationships. I just want to note here how incredibly well written the first scene is. It immediately establishes all the characters through their conversations whilst littering it with great jokes. (As well as offering us Matthew Perry’s immortal delivery of “And I just want a million dollars!” following Rachel’s dramatic entrance).

The show was initially criticised for underdeveloped characters but I was surprised to see a vast number of the characters major traits established right from the off. This even occurs with Chandler and Phoebe despite them speaking almost exclusively in the form of jokes. As I noted previously, with the arrival of the wedding-fleeing Rachel and the divorced Ross, all of the Friends™ characters are single – whereas only two of my friends at the pub are.

Our economic conditions are much more similar – with most of us occupying the same level of work as the Friends™: we’ve mostly achieved some level of success at the bottom rung of our chosen field. If anything my Real Live Friends are doing better than the Friends™ with our outing to the pub bringing news of several promotions. However from recent memory I can still relate to Rachel’s lack of work experience and fears of her newfound unemployment – although I can’t relate to her job hunt experience, where she gets twelve interviews in one day! IT TOOK ME EIGHT MONTHS TO FIND A JOB AFTER UNI.

Maybe it was my fault for studying Archaeology? It basically just taught me how to put up with all the hardships of being a builder, without giving me any of the skills required to be a builder!

Aside from talk of promotions, our own conversations are much more diverse than that of the Friends™ - incorporating holidays, our homes and other subjects that would translate less well to a sit-com script (such as politics). One Real Live Friend confirms his expected position of “Joey No. 1” by revealing that his flatmates were planning on getting a cleaner for their shared house, but he offered to do it for £30 a month so he could get Sky TV.

Despite my earlier assertion that our lives would seem mundane in comparison to Friends™ I'm relieved to see a scene of the Friends™ putting together furniture. This willingness to show the mundane alongside the other major life moments of the episode highlights another great strength of the show. It also puts less pressure on me to live up to their sitcom lifestyle...

As I watch I find myself asking the question of “do we look the same age as them?”

Although they look young in comparison to how they look now, it seems strange that I have finally caught up to these familiar faces in age. They still seem older than we are.

After a quick wiki search on my phone (a luxury never afforded to the Friends™) I am relieved to discover that they were mostly a year or so older than their characters age.
I’m very surprised to find that Lisa Kudrow and Courteney Cox were both already thirty when the show started! I can only hope me and my friends look as good as them in four years time...

The episode ends with a touching scene between Ross and Rachel. As well as introducing this important long term story-line this scene shows the heart that made the characters so beloved was there right from the start.

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

The honour of being Ross Number 1 goes to my only married friend. Being married and an academic already made him a prime candidate for Ross (although so far as I’m aware his wife has no lesbian tendencies...) and he confirmed it by living out what could have easily been a Ross storyline this week:

EDIT: Unfortunately he's taken umbrage to his story being published despite it containing nothing incriminating at all and being completely anonymous. In the days before the internet, Crane and Kauffman would never have had to deal with such censorship as this...