Much like Carol, I’ve spent my day attempting to get a thing which is just that little bit too big through a small space. Although I recognise that doing DIY is probably slightly easier than giving birth.

At least giving birth is a bit more worthwhile. All this work seems a bit pointless given our tenancy runs out next year. Honestly, you put in all this work and then 9 months later you have to move out.

Not even a baby to show for it.

“The One Where Things Are Back to Normal… Mostly”

I’m hoping all the banging is annoying our neighbours. They’ve been on holiday and left an alarm ringing for a whole week! I’ve never been so close to breaking into someone’s house.

With summer in full swing they’re not the only ones off on holiday. The Friends™ theme tune excellently captures the problems facing 20-somethings - “your job’s a joke, you're broke, your love lives D.O.A.” – perfectly distilling the themes of Friends™ into one and a half minutes, but several of my Real Live Friends are doing much better than the Friends™.

Just to bring things full circle at the end of Season 1, the Real Live Friends who got promoted in episode one have been promoted again as their career ladders seem to have bizarrely synced up. And Joey Number 1 and Chandler Number 2 (who lets face it is probably now the main Chandler) have been jet setting off on all kinds of weekend breaks.

But all this hard work can make it hard to meet new people and both Real Live Joey and Real Live Chandler are some of my only Real Live Friends remaining single into their late 20s. It’s a bit of a cliché, but most of them are those in high flying careers. It does seem there’s still something in this episode’s observation of how hard doctors find it to find relationships outside of work. Even the most recent of my Doctor Real Live Friends to get into a relationship is with a nurse.

This episode is almost exclusively set in hospital as Ross’s son is finally born. And I for one am looking forward to seeing how Ben contributes to the show. I mean, it’s not like they’d just gradually forget him is it?

But also there’s a surprising amount of focus on Joey’s worries about fatherhood, as he becomes a surrogate birthing partner to one attractive young mother. This mirrors my own Real Live Friends unexpected positions of responsibility. Joey here is a much more well-rounded character than later in the series – as this plot carries forward his concerns about becoming his father.

And speaking of the future [SPOILER ALERT] this episode has a couple of cute moments (with hindsight) between Chandler and Monica. Including Chandler attempting to make a “let’s get together and have a kid when we’re forty” pact with her.

I’ve lost track of all the marriage pacts I made in high school. (Which is probably for the best, given how tricky negotiating that minefield might have been.) However I remember making a “let’s get married when we’re forty” pact several years ago too. I ended up wishing I’d suggested thirty instead, after I remained single for several years and realised I really liked the other person.

Thankfully I don’t have any need for it now. And in any case am not sure they’re legally binding…

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

As with Ross and Carol disappearing during the birth, I’ve had my own case of a mysterious disappearance.

I went round my parents only to find my mother had gone away. No word of where. I asked my father and he simply said she’d gone away for the week but wouldn’t tell him where. Sick with worry, given her recent trauma over losing our dog, I ended up frantically ringing my sisters to find out if they knew where she was. It turned out she’d just gone for a holiday in the Lake District.

I’m still not sure whether my dad was playing a trick on me or genuinely didn’t know.

Well, much like my dog, it looks like Britain has opted to leave the EU.

We’re drifting rudderless in a storm, waiting to see what our new leader will do. Perhaps it won’t be as bad as we’re told? But at the very least I’m hoping for the promised housing price crash. I came home to actual mushrooms growing in our flat today!

I’ve spent the last weeks drifting too, unsure what to think, moving between apathy and apoplectic rage. I’m not sure how much of this is just my default state. I seem to feel less now I’m an adult. In my darker moments I often worry if this is because I have a better handle on my emotions, or whether a part of my soul has died. And then I realise I do still often feel emotions. It’s just usually anger.

If there’s one lesson Friends™ has taught us though, it’s that actually things will mostly stay the same.

Sadness rarely carries on in sitcom world, as things reset to the status quo each week.

Despite his loss of Marcel, Ross is still lusting after Rachel.

Britain is still Britain.

My mother can still be found in the evening with a beer in front of the TV. Just now with no dog for companionship.

 “The One With The Hottest Wings ”

To cheer me up a bit about my dog (and our political turmoil) I planned a joint birthday party for myself and Rachel Number 1.

You know what? It really did the trick! I forgot all my troubles! This was largely due to alcohol, which did a bit too good a job of it. The only thing I remember was eating the world’s hottest chicken wings. I mean, they were very tasty but it was incredibly close to an act of self-flagellation.

I’m pretty sure I had fun though. It’s probably the first time since New Years that the “main cast” of Real Live Friends were together. I think it marks the first time we had the complete Friends™ set too! Joey and Rachel Number 1, Chandler, Monica and Ross Number 2 and my partner as Phoebe Number 3. Even my David the Science Guy and Cannibal Boss were there! But it almost didn’t come to pass…

Joey Number 1 was only there as, by a complete quirk of fate, he and some colleagues just happened to be having some post-work drinks in the same pub. What are the chances? Out of all the pubs in London! It’s good to see coincidences don’t just occur between my life and Friends™.

Nevertheless the Friends™ coincidences are continuing. This episode puts a big old lampshade on Matthew Perry’s unusual emphasis on CERTAIN words. And I too have been on the receiving end of similar mocking, thanks to Phoebe Number 3s discovery that I have trouble pronouncing the word “interpret”. It’s just… It’s always seemed like it should be said how it’s spelt. “Inter-PRET”.

My inability to speak has taken another blow recently as, perhaps because of my belated birthday excess, I’ve had horrendous tooth ache. Phoebe, in her role as Chandlers assistant, isn’t the only one trying to avoid answering the phone this week.

As we all know I’m no stranger to having a Real Live Friend as a boss too and we’re currently looking for some extra staff at work. This lead to a little awkwardness when a friend came to do a trial shift after I posted about it on Facebook™ - only to be turned down. Just like with Phoebe, sometimes nepotism just isn’t enough to nail down a secure job.

My new position is going well enough though. I just wish it left me with a little more of a life. All of my dreams since starting have been about work. I’d kill for a sex dream like Rachel’s.

With Chandlers search for an assistant, and Monica dating a younger guy, I couldn’t help be reminded of my young colleague from my old job – the racy messages she sent me also concerned a sex dream. I haven’t seen her since starting my new job but do hope she’s doing OK.

Monica’s fling seems less sordid than mine could have been, had I not done the correct thing and remained a devoted boyfriend. Although I find this slightly weird given the more extreme age difference in Monica’s case. This plot would have been a lot more disturbing had it been about one of the male cast members. Monica clearly hasn’t heard of the “half your age plus seven” rule, which would have put her young squeeze firmly out of bounds, even before she found out he was in high school!

But I suppose we have to remember that this is a comedy show. It’s not real. As illustrated by Monica’s unrealistic satisfaction after having sex with a guy who probably doesn’t have the faintest idea what he’s doing.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Birthdays abound this month as my partner’s brother celebrated his too. By forcing us all to strap on harness’s and climb through an assault course in a forest. I was excited to do something a little different. However the fun was ruined by having to cling to a tree waiting for the guy in front to hurry up and conquer his damn fear, so I could get through it as fast as possible without looking down.

Still that guy wasn’t as bad as my potential brother in law who refused to do the final jump to the ground and had to take the stairs! EVEN THOUGH the only reason he made us go was because he bottled it a few years previously after pushing his girlfriend off the edge first.

No, they're not still together.