Birdworld. A world of Birds. What possible wonders could have awaited us?

Turns out it was birds. A lot of them. Just when you think you’ve seen all the cool birds. THERE’S ANOTHER ONE.

I really would actually recommend a trip if you’re ever near Guildford. Unfortunately, we’re not near Guildford, so paid a hearty price for our fun day out with half the day spent in traffic. But it was “totes” worth it. To borrow the parlance of the youth.

OK, I don’t know why I would “borrow the parlance of the youth” but it’s been typed now. Maybe time is once again on my mind, as I’ve just had a double Real Live Friends birthday and we’ve reached the end of Season 1!

I’ve had fun so far, and am enjoying re-watching the show at least as much as when I last binge-watched it during university. You’d think the binge-watching would have been better, despite it now being in more manageable chunks, as it was with a very attractive young woman. But it turned out getting it on is virtually impossible with Ross on the screen.

 “The One Where I Find It Hard to Write Because My Beautiful Partner is Singing Proud Mary Loudly In My Ear”

This episode has just reminded me that I’ve completely failed at having BBQs this summer.

Hopefully this will be rectified by the end of the summer. But it definitely won’t be at our flat. We tried to host one last year which had to be abandoned, after much to-ing and fro-ing to get fittings and gas canisters, when flames started coming out of the wrong part of the BBQ. And by wrong part, I mean “the outside of it”.

Speaking of unexpected hotness, one of my Real Live Birthday Friends has just earned the (dubious) honour of becoming Me Number 2 (yes I went there), after she ordered an unexpectedly hot chicken dish for her birthday. I’m not sure any of my friends understood my glee at her pain…

As far as other Friends™ coincidences go, this week’s pretty light. Two friends were trying to pass a fiver with a subtle handshake but seeing as we haven’t had that episode yet I’m not sure it counts.

One thing I did notice this week is the peculiar quirk that Monica and Rachels flat has no balcony door. You can see this when Rachel climbs through the window, rushing to meet Ross at the airport. I can’t recall this being referenced in the series, and I certainly hadn’t noticed before. But it’s one of those fun little background details that give the measure of the Friends™ lives not quite being the middle-class perfection that people in their late 20s try to project.

My partner finds the end of this episode very tragic. I’m not sure it’s quite as tragic as a new father having no paternity leave and also having to fly out to work in China. I’m also not sure this makes Rachels reaction to FINALLY finding out about Ross’s (very obvious feelings) more believable. It’s sold well, but would she really journey all the way to the airport TWICE just because she found out one of her friends has feelings for her? I suppose when that friend is also your friends brother you really don’t want to screw up.

I found it sweet how keen Monica was for Rachel to get with her brother, although generally my Real Live Friends have been less than keen when it comes to stuff like this. No-one’s ever got with a friends sibling, but myself and Joey Number 1 (true to form) used to make inappropriate jokes about David the Science Guy’s sister. Funnily enough he wasn’t amused…

Perhaps Monica’s shipping of Rachel and Ross comes more from thinking about how great it would be for two of her friends to get together? Despite the dangers of things going awry it can be a happy moment (as we found when Rachel Number 1 and Ross Number 2 got together)! Not least because of the convenience.

But unfortunately this episode leaves us hanging (except for the first onscreen kiss of Ross and Rachel – taking place in her mind).

I don’t wish to resort to such cheap tricks to get you to come back for season 2 myself. So instead I will simply say:

Thanks for making it this far!

I’m going to take a short hiatus to allow for the next season to sync up again. Please check back, follow @TornToRibbons on Twitter™ or Subscribe below, and I look forward to making Friends™ with you again in Season 2!

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

We recently went to see a Real Live Friend in a show where they managed to be a perfect Joey.

They had a quick costume change on stage from behind a sheet. Unfortunately they didn’t quite make it in time and ended up having to “adjust” their costume whilst under the sheet. Doubly unfortunately the audience was supposed to think they were dead at this point. Triply unfortunately the position of their hands made it look like they were doing something a lot less appropriate than just doing their trousers up.

FIRST

Ah the evil orthodontist. Worst of all evil people. My mouth suffered at the hands of one in my teens. On the plus side I do now have relatively straight teeth, if a little ground down from all the worry of my last twenty seven years...

Unlike a lot of people I’ve never really had much of a problem going to the dentists or anything like that though. My partner completely refuses to go at all. (As far as I know this is out of fear and not because she once left one at the altar.) Rachel certainly doesn’t have a problem returning to Barry though; as Friends™ delves into the seedy world of on-off-on relationships.

I’ve never had anything as serious as Rachel’s situation happen to me (with the cheating, and the engagements). A couple of times my previous partner and I hooked up in moments of weakness after university. But, thinking about it, some of my most rewarding flings did happen in a weird, sort of, on-again/off-again limbo. Whatever it was that happened with my “Cannibal Boss” followed that sort of non-relationship pattern. Until the last off-again, when “Other Boss” swooped in and turned out to be a much better fit for her.

There was one non-relationship in particular that spanned several years. I find it hard to say why it never developed into something more serious – other than us just being too young. Neither one of us wanted to get tied down and drifted apart. They’re still one of my favourite people I’ve ever met, and every now and then I find myself missing their presence in my life. Usually when they pop up in my Facebook™ newsfeed.

Sadly they’re the only Real Live Friend I decided to stop seeing altogether when I got with my current partner. Just in case old habits came back. As Rachel finds, it can be very enjoyable returning to someone you’ve got a history with. But it’s not always a good idea.

“The One With the Most Uneventful Birthday of All Time”

In another surprisingly meta-turn T.O.W.T.E.O. flags up the weirdness of the Friends™ spying on Ugly Naked Guy by giving them their own spy across the street.

Everyone’s freaked out before Joey tracks her down and she wins them over with kind words and compliments. I’ve been thinking a lot about Joey’s creeping. It’s an interesting relic of the show. Many instances of his behaviour, like him getting sexual gratification from imagining Rachel at camp, seem especially seedy by today’s standards. And yet they often garner the biggest laughs.

How much of this is because of the broad strokes Joey is cast with and how much is because we recognise him from real life is hard to say. But I don’t think anyone would deny that they’ve perved on at least one of their Real Live Friends at some point.

There is another element however, which reflects real life – attractiveness. We forgive Joey for a lot of his creepiness because he is young and attractive. Likewise the characters do as well. Could you imagine Rachel or Monica’s reaction to Joey’s comments if they came from Mr Heckles? Or Ugly Naked Guy? Or even from Chandler?

Context and mode of delivery is all important. The same thing said to someone by a nice young attractive man in a bar has completely different connotations when said by an old man in a duffel coat, a group of men on the tube, or even the same nice young man once he’s had three too many beers, is bleary eyed, slurring, and drenched in sweat.

Joey is also an expert at cloaking his pervy-ness behind compliments. And as a result, much like the woman on the phone, he is let off the hook.

Speaking of hooks (because it wouldn’t be RLF without a tenuous “speaking of” segue): I had another reminder of orthodontists this week when I ended up watching some old family videos on my birthday. My braces definitely go a long way to explaining my lack of success with women at the time. (Though not my lack of success once they were removed.)

It was very strange watching the videos. I remember the events happening, but it was like watching a different person’s life. I remember the child in the videos but he isn’t me. I’m hoping this is just a natural result of aging. And not because I drank so much at university I severed the connection between the person I was before and the person I am now.

If I needed another reminder of how I’m now DEFINITELY. AN. ADULT. the fates certainly delivered. I spent the rest of my birthday having to sort out my MOT, car insurance and road tax. The mundanity of this was brought into sharp relief by the home videos including a wild bouncy castle birthday party.

My birthday dullness, combined with leaving my job after three years, has got me thinking: What’s the best thing that’s happened to me in the last three years? Aside from moving in with my partner I don’t really know... I’ve been on some holidays? Drank a lot of wine? Seen the new Star Wars™?

It seems like nothing’s really happened. I’ve been sitting still (literally in the case of work).

All my fears of wasting my life combined when I decided to leave. Fears I entertained daily as I sat in traffic jams or stared into the void of the internet.

But will my new role be any different? I’m replacing being annoyed at people in cars with being annoyed at people on trains. Staring blankly at a computer displaying the news with staring blankly at a computer screen displaying a spreadsheet.

And all for a change of scene and a bit of extra money.

Sitting outside in the garden at work on my last day, I’ve been struck by how peaceful working here has been. I think actually in many ways it’s helped me heal my mind a little. Even as the clock has ticked away.

I will miss the place, but perhaps something a little less peaceful might be a little more interesting.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

This weeks RLSM comes courtesy of Chandler Number 2 who, so far, has probably been doing the best job of living up to their character. Another bizarre parallel comes with news that she’s moving into Joey Number 1s shared house! Hopefully this will give us a new hub of fun and many RLSM’s to come. Although annoyingly it is right next to the job I am now leaving.

Well, any residual doubt I had over whether to leave my job is now completely gone. I just found out the person doing our rotas has given away one of my last shifts. And no-one told me! This means I can’t do the hours I’m contracted for this month.

I’m hoping that, given past form, Human Resources won’t notice and I’ll still get paid at least.

But it definitely feels like it’s time to move on...

“The One With the Dad Drink Off”

My temptation to assign myself as Rachel Number 2 continues this week as she complains about her mother sending her engagement notices.

OK, I haven’t quite been sent any engagement notices. My parents are pretty relaxed on that front (unlike my girlfriend! #AmIRightFellas? #NoIAmNot) But my mother does continually send me links to jobs she thinks I could do and flats we can’t afford.

It seems like I’ve been on family duty a lot these past two weeks. My partner’s dad now lives abroad so we don’t see him that often. He just came to visit so we went for a lovely day out with all of my partner’s family. This led to the strange realisation that the sound of babies crying doesn’t seem to annoy me anymore. At least where my potential niece is concerned.

Babies crying used to be in my top 3 least favourite sounds, along with dogs barking and sirens. I can only hope dogs barking is the next to go. Otherwise my new job may be very short lived – due to the two extremely whiny dogs my boss owns.

We also went to see my partner’s Nan which was a bit of a shame. Not a shame that we were seeing her, but a shame we’d been meaning to for quite a while and then shortly before we went she had a scare and ended up in hospital. Hopefully she doesn’t think our visit was only a pity visit because of that.

One thing I found particularly entertaining whilst there was that the parking permits they have for her estate come in the form of a scratch card. Because if we know one thing about old people it’s they love a scratch card...

Anyway, as the title suggests, this episode is about Rachel losing Marcel. FINALLY A MONKEY CENTRED EPISODE. This is a smart plotline though as it means they don’t actually need that much of Marcel. It’s well known the cast and crew of Friends™ found it very difficult working with Katie (the female monkey who played Marcel) so this neatly sidesteps the problem of actors working with animals. How can the director get those beasts to do what they want with a monkey hanging around?

Speaking of animals, there's a joke about Chandler and Joey stumbling upon some hot and sweaty women with a broken radiator in their search for Marcel. I don't mean that they're the animals! Joey's the animal... when he asks if he can have some pictures of them. Oh Joey, you loveable pervert.

And speaking of lovable perverts, this episode also features another dose of Mr Heckles - who inexplicably dresses Marcel in a pink tutu. But everything is wrapped up nicely as Rachel atones for losing Marcel, when she saves him from the clutches of an animal handler she went to school with.

Mostly this episode left me thinking it would have all been over a lot quicker if they had mobile phones to coordinate their search.

With Marcel safe, Ross is free to continue his initial plan of confessing his feelings to the increasingly oblivious Rachel... only for her ex-fiancé to rush in and declare his love for her first.

DAMMIT BARRY.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

My recent family duties included a dinner with my partner’s father where we realised he’d never met my parents!

After a quick phone call to ensure we were welcome, we made the spur of the moment decision to take him to meet them. We were initially fearful that, as we’d had quite a few drinks, my partner’s father might embarrass himself. But any fears along those lines were put to rest after my mother assured me my own father (and my own Mr Heckles) was at a similar level of inebriation.

In the end I’d say my Mr Heckles probably won the battle of the embarrassing dads – after he made a string of jokes about how his very elderly father was refusing to give up the ghost, and how he himself wasn’t likely to last much longer!

Oh dear, dad, oh dear...

Well no sign of a Real Live Gunther at our party...

In fact, no sign of a lot of people. Being in your late 20s really hits home when you organise an impromptu party and only end up with three guests.

The quality of guest was high at least. We had my Real Live David the Science Guy and his partner, as well as Chandler Number 2.

Life is imitating art once again as David the Science Guy is moving away from London. Thankfully not quite as far away as Yemen.

I’m happy that he and his partner are buying their first place together. Although unfortunately this meant a large part of our evening was taken up with more talk of mortgages.

 “The One Where My Cliffhanger Gets Me Into Hot Water Again”

Hang on; are they literally just playing poker in this episode?! There must be more... no, it appears that’s the entire plot. Well at least the title is spot on.

“The One With” title format is one of the unique stamps that makes Friends™ special. The meta-joke of it and how easy it is for people to discuss the show round the water-cooler form a big part of Friends™ continued success. Along with the show being a nostalgic touching point for a huge number of people, thanks to it being repeated Ad Nauseum on the telly.

One of the best bits of advice ever given to me is that if you ever run out of something to talk about with someone (in the original context it was a member of the opposite sex) then the best thing to do is start talking about food. It’s the one definite shared experience everyone has. But I think Friends™ comes a close second.

Another thing that's part of the continued appeal of Friends™ is you can really see the cast enjoying themselves. This is never clearer than in the many instances they laugh at each others jokes. In this episode Lisa Kudrow tries to cover up laughing at a joke Rachel makes at Phoebes expense.

It’s often said Friends™ works so well because, well, they seem like real friends. When I pointed out to my partner that Lisa stifled a laugh, she disagreed and saw it rather as Phoebe laughing at Rachel’s joke. The casts use of their amusement to strengthen their characters – much like how we laugh with our Real Live Friends – is one of my favourite things about re-watching the show.

Another highlight is Marcel dancing to Lion Sleeps Tonight. So far there’s been a lot less of the iconic monkey than I remember. (That might be the greatest sentence I've ever written.) But this definitely sticks in my mind as one of his classic scenes. There’s another running joke as poker brings out “competitive Monica” and one of my own running jokes continues too thanks to Chandler’s choice of shirt.

A black shoulder stripe with a different coloured bottom... is this an episode of Friends™ or Star Trek™?

No, turns out it’s just another weird incidence of 90s fashion coming back. (Incidentally if anyone knows the name of that style of shirt please tell me. I’ve been wanting one ever since I realised it’s now fine to essentially walk around dressed as a Star Trek™ character. But I never know what to Google™.)

The crux of this episode, its ace in the hole if you will, is the continuing development of Ross and Rachel.

Their sparring during the poker game – with Rachel eager to prove women can play just as well as men – allows Ross to finally be more comfortable around her. As anyone who’s ever got with someone they fancy knows: being comfortable in yourself and not letting your feelings make you act like a fool is key to success. I embarrassed myself several times when I attempted to woo my partner during school. It was only after I moved away from home for several years and became happier with myself that something happened between us.

Or maybe she’d just lowered her standards by then.

I suppose in that way our relationship mirrors that of Ross and Rachel. I am hesitant to give her the title of Rachel Number 2 however, as she’s actually incredible at poker. Seriously, she once won hundreds of pounds after being severely underestimated by a group of men in a casino! One day I will defeat her... One day...

Perhaps I, myself, should be Rachel Number 2? After all I’ve had a similar experience recently of a job interview that I thought went well. At least Rachel gets the courtesy of a rejection phone call. I’m STILL waiting to hear about that job. Although it’s not quite as bad as when I managed to be so unmemorable at an interview they emailed me two weeks later asking if I still wanted come for an interview.

Anyway, I can’t be Rachel Number 2 as:

1. My partner would never let me win at poker.
2. I’ve just a got a promotion.

Oh sorry, did I forget to mention?

Yes, it turns out that, despite previously moaning that “getting a promotion in real life isn’t quite as simple as quitting and waiting”, it is actually possible to get one by doing nothing but waiting.

My “cannibal boss” has given me an offer I can’t refuse – a pay-rise in exchange for leaving my other part-time job and working for her full time. This means I’m still Chandler Number 3, I’ve just got promoted and quit in the wrong order...

The problem is I don’t really know how to quit. I’ve never left a job before! My lack of quitting experience is probably why I ended up staying in the same “temp job” for three years. That and my fear of failing if I ever try hard at anything.

I always say I would have left a year ago – much like Chandler – if it didn’t coincide with me and my partner moving in together. But I wonder if I would have had the guts to do it? I’m only comfortable leaving now that I’ve definitely got a better offer. I couldn’t even decide whether to take the offer at first. Thankfully the agonising decision was made easier when I told my other boss I might be leaving and they looked more relieved than anything.

It seems weird I’ve been thinking and talking about leaving for so long and now it’s finally come everything’s happened so quickly. And with so little fanfare.

But we play the cards we are dealt. Except in Ross’s case as he, very sweetly, let’s Rachel win to make her feel better.

I guess there’s more to this episode than poker after all.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

I continued making amends for my cliff-hanger this week with a romantic evening for my partner.

This included a foot-bath and a lovely home-cooked stir-fry. Or at least it would have if I hadn’t forgotten to check which ingredients we had. This led to a very awkward moment when we realised we’d have to come up with new plans for dinner half-way through the foot-bath. I don’t know if you’ve ever been crouched on the floor massaging someone’s feet in rapidly cooling water whilst having a terse discussion about where to eat? But I wouldn’t recommend it. Especially if you’re dressed as a naked butler.

“So are what are you going to do?” Rachel Number 1 asked about my would-be seducer.

“Well I’ve got several options... quit my job to remove temptation, embark on a clandestine affair or tell her in no uncertain terms that nothing will happen as I’m very happy with my current relationship.”

“Well the last one sounds best to me.”

“I agree but...”

“But? You’re not seriously considering cheating?”

“Of course not! It’s just...”

“Oh God, you’re going to put this in the blog aren’t you?”

“I need a cliffhanger! The timing is perfect!”

“I don’t know how your partner puts up with you...”

“The One Where My Cliffhanger Gets Me Into Hot Water”

OK, hands up who thought I was actually about to embark on an affair?

Keep your hands up if you think, if I was, I would be dumb enough to share it on the internet?

Well thanks a lot... your confidence in me (or lack of it) is noted...

I hope you enjoyed my little attempt at a cliffhanger. A public blog really isn’t the best way to let your partner know someone’s attempting to seduce you. I really put my relationship on the line for you guys!

Still, my partner finding out through the blog probably would have been preferable to what actually happened – which was her finding a rather racy Facebook™ message the young woman sent me. I’m not trying to brag here. In fact I will happily state it’s been a very long time since anyone has shown the slightest interest in me sexually. But naturally I got a little caught up in the flattery and failed to shut down the situation immediately as I should have.

This led to a rather serious conversation with my partner.

We talked about whether we’re still happy, and how we can keep each other fulfilled in our hobbies and careers, whilst making sure we still have a good time together. After we’d spoken some more about what an idiot I was and how I could make things right I started making dinner. We were sorting out making sure the time we spend together can be “quality time” and not just conversations about mortgages and children. Weirdly my body chose that moment for the floodgates to open and I started crying as I told her how much I hated what a shithole our flat was. How it ground me down coming back to all the mess after work. And how I’d showered at my parents the day before as I couldn’t stand how grim ours had got.

My partner, understandably annoyed about me making the situation about myself, started furiously scrubbing the shower. I tried to get her to stop but she’s pretty tenacious for someone so small and I was left with no other option – I had to get in the shower.

Clothes off or on? There was no time... I whipped my phone out my pocket and, as my phone landed safely on the sofa with a thud, dived into the shower.

Thankfully it was worth it and all our tears turned back to smiles as she gleefully sprayed me with water. In the face. Repeatedly.

With the crisis averted, and us both feeling a little more positive about the future again, we settled down to watch the next episode of Friends™. After a brief rub down with a towel and a change of clothes.

As my partner has recently been spending more time watching ER than visiting it she was excited to see George Clooney (and the other one) pop up. Albeit confused to see their names had changed due to the unofficial nature of the crossover... The doctors and hospital faced similar confusion as Rachel and Monica swapped names to avoid Rachel having to pay for health care. Hang on... What? They pay for healthcare!? America is a strange place.

Unfortunately for the two Friends™ this name swapping gave them ample opportunity to insult one another – ruining their chances with Clooney in the process. I wouldn’t worry Rachel... I’m sure you’ll have plenty of other opportunities to seduce A-List movie stars as the series progresses. But they struck upon an interesting point here: It is always easy for us to embarrass our friends.

Intimate knowledge gained from years of friendship gives us a tremendous amount of power over our Real Live Friends. Thanks to the internet there’s also a growing unease felt by people about how much of themselves they share. Not surprising, given some of the stuff I could tell you about my friends! (And vice versa).

But the bonds of friendship (as well as the mutually assured destruction) keep us from over-sharing. I think this is a big part of being an adult too, knowing when to share and when to keep schtum. When to remain silent and when’s the perfect time to bring out that hilarious anecdote about your friend getting their willy stuck in the refrigerator door.

As I’ve been reminded this week: it’s always easiest to hurt the people we care about the most.

This is explored in the episode as well: as, to Phoebe’s dismay, Joey’s tryst with Ursula continues. Lisa Kudrow does an excellent job, both in playing the twin characters but also in bringing out the emotion of Phoebe’s experience. Particularly in the last scene where she pretends to be Ursula to let Joey down gently and he finally comes through for her.

I’m not what you’d call a typical shipper (largely because the series ended over ten years ago) but it does almost seem a shame that nothing ever happened between Phoebe and Joey.

Back in real life, inspired by Phoebe’s party, we’ve decided to host our own little party to finish washing away our troubles. And to distract us from talk of mortgages. So come back (please) next time to see how that goes. Who knows maybe I’ll even have my own Gunther pop up in the background of our party?

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Me temo que si usted habla español esta broma se perderá en usted... Pero no estaba poniendo el televisor a Marcel divertida español.  Y la etiqueta sobrecopiada al final del episodio fue genial! Bueno aquí está mi intento de hacer lo mismo. Es la versión en Vivo Real Amigos si se quiere. O copiándome Amigos™ si no lo hará. De todos modos es mi blog y creo que el incidente de la ducha era probablemente lo suficientemente grande para mí a abandonar teniendo un Momento Sitcom Real Vivo separada por una vez. Espero que me perdonen. Ciao

Ah Valentine’s Day, a yearly reminder of the sexism deep at the heart of our consumer culture.

I usually remain blissfully unaware of this, due to a complete lack of interest in high-street shops. I pretend this lack of interest is because of the environmental impact of such large scale disposable materialism. But of course it’s actually due to a lack of money.

By ignoring the strain put on us (and our relationships) by the genderisation of shop products for marketing purposes; I can focus fully on more tangible feminist issues. Like our Prime Minister vetoing improving sex education in schools despite it being recommended by a huge array of experts and the women in his own cabinet.

Admittedly though, most of the strain “the genderisation of shop products for marketing purposes” puts on my relationship is because of me using phrases like “the genderisation of shop products for marketing purposes”.

Anyway, thankfully this episode doesn’t actually cover Valentine’s Day. So I can press on without its shadow hanging over us.

“The One Where I Try Not to Talk About Valentine’s Day”

Seeing as this seems to be the “feminist issue” of RLF I'm gonna start with the “feminist issue” covered in this episode (at least according to Joey and Ross): Phoebe having to tell Rachel the "wonderful" Paulo assaulted her on the massage table. Thankfully for the viewer this makes Paulo such a horrendous arsehole we excuse Ross’s own dubious attempt to show Rachel what a “nice guy” he is - by jumping her whilst she's vulnerable.

The writers manage to subvert this well though as Rachel swears off men altogether.

(As an aside there's another example of concurrent fashion trends between the 90s and now here, as Rachel spends most of the episode in what looks like a onesie).

I did wonder (again) if this was written by the female writing staff. In many ways it’s a female focused counterpart to the previous episode. Both feature one the Friends™ crossing an inappropriate sexual line with someone important to one of the others. But this handles the issue with more sensitivity as it delves into Rachel’s heartbreak, and the laughs are derived largely from Ross acting out.

I looked it up and, to my surprise; this episode was written by all men. I suppose ultimately this is positive, the male writing staff too were capable of portraying M, P and R as complex female characters.

It's helped by the first appearance of Monica’s competitive streak, brought about by the introduction of another staple quirk of the series – the Foosball table! Before this we get the joy of Chandler and Joey struggling to agree on furniture to buy, which I can very much relate to. We received several gift cards in lieu of Christmas presents this year.

Whilst it's a funny scene, a lot of the humour relies on two heterosexual male flatmates acting in a stereotypically coupley fashion. This links nicely with the classic scene at the start of the episode (of the Friends™ spontaneously singing the theme to ‘The Odd Couple’) but I can’t shake the realisation I’m essentially laughing because they’re “being a bit gay”. This is made worse by the reappearance of the “blunt gay joke” at the expense of Carol and Susan.

Ross’s further dick-holery is also apparent when he willingly lets a vegetarian Susan eat a lasagne with meat in it.

Talking of things you shouldn’t eat, this episode briefly touches on people eating placenta. My partner had a good laugh at this as apparently I go on about it “all the time”. Ridiculous, all because I happen to have mentioned once or twice how good for you it’s supposed to be and that a lot of animals do it naturally...

Also though why would any self respecting meat eater pass up on their only opportunity to legally and morally eat human meat? And my partner’s a vegetarian, so it would be her ONLY opportunity to eat ANY meat.

There’s been an odd trend in recent years of companies offering services to prepare the placenta into smoothies or dried pill form, but I say fry it with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

(NB I emphatically do not actually say that. I am merely open to the possibility of trying it.)

The miracles of childbirth (culinary and otherwise) are further explored in this episode as Ross deliberates on whether he wants to know the sex of his child.

I’m not sure where I fall in this camp. I like the idea of it being a surprise. (And certainly wouldn’t want to buy any clothing or decor based on preconceived notions of the child’s gender.) But, on the other hand, I suspect finding out would make me feel more involved and excited about the pregnancy. We'll have to cross that road when it comes to it.

To bring this decidedly un-valentine’s day special to a close: I’ve just realised if Ross had gone all the way with Chandler’s mother last time, she would have become the second person he’d slept with!

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

This week’s RLSM comes from my Real Live David the Science Guy. He shared the following story with us in the pub last weekend:

Apparently one of his uncles has both a predilection for sleeping in the nude and an unfortunate habit of not putting his spectacles on to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

As a result, whilst on holiday, David and his partner were awoken in the middle of the night by the drunken uncle first exclaiming “what are you doing in my room?!” before, upon realising his error, hurriedly adding “for heaven’s sake don’t turn on the light.”

IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!

I am of course talking about the release of the new Star Wars film. (Four stars)

Star Wars is a huge deal for me and I’m not ashamed to say I’ve seen it twice already. Only one and a half seasons of Friends™ till the next one! I can’t wait.

I’ve been told there’s another big thing going on at the moment... Winterval? Saturnalia? Something like that. I’ve found it hard to get excited this year. Largely because I find it hard to get excited about anything when people constantly ask me if I’m excited about it yet.

Completely ruins the momentum.

Anyway, as we all know, in America they celebrate Thanksgiving instead of Christmas so it’s time for the first Friends™ Thanksgiving episode!

“The One Where I Don’t Celebrate Thanksgiving”

Well, I suppose I can get in the spirit a little...

I’m thankful for:

1. Joey unwittingly becoming the face of VD
2. Chandler’s sweet ass tweed jacket (I’m quite the connoisseur myself)
3. My wonderful girlfriend, who has so far very graciously put up with me talking about her in the blog.

We ended up settling on Christmas Eve with my family, Boxing Day with hers and going our separate ways on the day itself (as she didn’t want to miss her Nieces first Christmas). My point that the baby won’t even know it’s Christmas (akin to Ross’s doubt over whether the baby in his wife’s stomach could hear him, let alone understand) was sadly ignored.

But I’m happy I managed to fit everyone in, even if it means I haven’t achieved anything over the festive period.

Part of the goal of this project is to ensure I don’t lose contact with Real Live Family and Friends so it’s good it seems to be working so far! I even joined my family on their annual trip to the pub with their dog-walker friends. Normally I would have stayed at home for a little peace and quiet away from all the barking and bladder problems. (And that's just my parents...)

As Chandler says, it doesn’t really feel like the festive season until there are arguments so it was nice being home. And everything was relatively civil this year too. (In the same way as the English War of 1624 -1651). Maybe this is why I'm enjoying Susan’s antagonism towards Ross so much. I must recognise the friendly hostility of someone rubbing you up the wrong way who you can’t escape due to circumstance.

But I am thankful that I could spend Christmas with my family. It was put in perspective by Rachel not getting an advance from work to spend Thanksgiving with her family. My heart goes out to all in a similar predicament at this time of year!

There's something very special about the relationship of a child to their parents cooking. Of all the fancy meals I’ve had I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed one as much as something cooked by my parents. Like a sort of dietary Stockholm Syndrome.

Both of their roasts are exquisite (although if ever the two were combined I think we’d discover a new reaction to rival Nuclear fission) and it was my dad’s turn this year. He didn’t disappoint! Least of all because (much like the Friends™) he didn’t get his head stuck in the Turkey. There’s always next year...

Speaking of the difficulty of people fitting inside things (steady) one of the principle problems this year was getting everyone in the same room at the same time to do presents. No sooner had my father taken a break from cooking than my sister would disappear to buy some cigarettes. At least we didn’t all get locked out like the Friends™!

Our flat has had several “almost setting things on fire” incidents since we moved in. Notably after an oven glove was left on a burning hob. And when my attempts to host my first BBQ ended prematurely as the result of a leaky gas pipe. And when we smelt burning plastic only to discover that the cupboard underneath the hobs was maybe not the best place to store all of our plastic bags.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

It’s difficult to choose this week. Between my chaotic family roast, my partners Nan coming up with the rudest answers during board games, and my friend almost setting himself on fire at a gig on Christmas Eve.

But I think I have to go with the moment we arrived at the pub on Christmas Day - only to find the man behind the bar inexplicably dressed as Darth Vader.

Following last week’s heated discussion my partner and I have reached an uneasy truce.

She, mostly, cleans the litter tray and in exchange I try not to complain about the amount of food in the sink and deal with the resulting slugs. But my cat troubles continue: only this morning he smashed his food bowl, a while ago he jumped up and scratched my penis, and worst of all a few days ago he broke my phone!

As a result my notes on this week’s episode are currently lost to me, so I'll be attempting to complete this using a mixture of my memory and Wikipedia™.

“The One Where I Try and Remember Things”

I have a terrible memory. Last week I rather flippantly mentioned my “budding dependence on alcohol and kebabs.” But the truth is I’ve had a complicated relationship with alcohol since I went to university. (Not so with kebabs where it’s a very simple relationship along the lines of: “I want you, I’ve eaten you. Yum.”)

I’ve never been a full on alcoholic but, as with many students, I found myself drinking regularly (and increasingly heavily) during my studies. This was not helped by taking five years to graduate, and I developed a love/hate relationship with drink once I realised over four years I hadn’t had more than three days sober in a row - and that this probably wasn’t a good idea.

I’ve had several attempts to deal with this in recent years – usually taking the form of stopping for a month to see if I can, achieving my goal (mostly) and then returning to drinking after being relieved I’m not actually addicted. Which is fine, until I reach the point of drinking almost every day again and then it starts over.

As you would expect, I’ve had noticeable deterioration in my health and memory as a result, and was heavily contemplating stopping completely from the age of 25 – 35. Until I decided to watch all of Friends™ during that time instead.

This week the Friends™ discuss the weirdest place they’ve had sex. Fortunately I can’t recall my own so I won’t be sharing. Not having a great memory can have its upsides.!

But, speaking of getting naked, there's another Ugly Naked Guy joke this episode: when they see him lighting candles in his apartment. Aside from this amusing me, as it foreshadows Rachel doing the same many years later, it also made me happy because it reminded me we’ve got our own Ugly Naked Guy now!

I swear I’m not making this up.

My partner’s mother was round and our door was open to let the cats come and go. The back of our house looks onto another building and suddenly a naked man appeared in one of the windows! Is he reading the blog and playing a trick on me? Only time will tell...

The line between reality and Friends™ was further blurred, when we played a phone app game this week. You put a phone on your head and it goes through categories. Everyone has to describe them and the person with the phone has to guess what they are. Suffice to say, when we played the Friends™ category, me and my partner were too busy laughing at “Gum would be PERFECTION” from this episode coming up that we couldn’t continue...

As with George Stephanopolous I'm surprised to find the target of Chandler’s gum related affections (Jill Goldacre) was actually a real person! The preponderance of cameos in Friends™ is well known but I’m surprised to see they had them so early on. Maybe she knew someone at the studio?

Our confusing coincidences continue as Ross’s attempts to ask out Rachel are thwarted by an attack from a cat. It’s good to know I’m not the only one with animal trouble. On top of the cats we just visited my best Real Live Friend who's got a very cute puppy; who's yet to understand that people don’t want their trouser legs bitten.

It was good fun seeing him (as it always is). Much like Joey and Chandler we have a very special bromance where we’re able to understand one another even when talking in a way that no-one else can understand. This proved a huge annoyance for our teachers in school and also for our partners during the visit as they struggled to get a word in.

Real Life Sitcom Moment:

During Rachel’s and Phoebe’s quest to return the lost cat they encounter a new recurring guest character – Mr Heckles. This week’s Real Live Sitcom Moment comes courtesy of another grumpy old man: my father.

He’s been digitising his old CDs recently (which naturally has required a bit of help from his more technologically savvy son). He invited me round for the dinner the other day, and it turned out it only because he needed me to answer a question about the computer. He also accused me of stealing CDs – despite them being by artists I have no interest in.

We both like music, and share a love of certain bands (such as Pink Floyd), but the generation gap can make talking about it difficult, as can our faltering memories. Our conversation over dinner stuttered to a halt once he failed to remember the new singer who reminds him of Syd Barrett, and I’d assured him I do in fact know who Creedence Clearwater Revival are. Despite remembering none of their songs.

We’re not particularly good at communicating with each other in general but I think we’re both keenly aware we need to put in more effort. (Although he puts up a good front in this area - I’m still waiting for him to let me know when he’s free for a game of tennis.)

He rarely opens up or reveals much about himself but, as he was speaking about his music collection, and I was looking in his eyes (the same eyes I saw in myself last week) there was a magical moment, as the walls fell away and he revealed he's greatly been enjoying how the music has been bringing back long-forgotten memories to him.

Seriously Rachel? You’ve never done laundry? NEVER?! You’re twenty three! Sort yourself out woman.

People often accuse my generation of being full of molly-coddled late bloomers but it looks like this trend started quite a while ago...

I found it surprising the Friends™ are already in their mid-20s by the start of the show. Now I can see why. Growing up with the show it always seemed like their lifestyles, troubles and the scrapes they got into were all the preserve of young adults on the cusp of responsibility. (At least for the first few series).

As a long term student (due to changing course) I’ve felt like I was lagging behind the expected point of my life for several years.

Unexpectedly, researching the ages of the Friends™ has reassured me that it’s not unusual, in our modern society, for people in their mid-20s to remain lost and directionless. And with large gaps in their knowledge. I suspect it’s not as usual for the gaps to increase as much as mine seem to, but overall it appears this project will be good for my mental health!

But still Rachel, your bloody laundry...

Perhaps I’m showing my privilege but I was also under the impression that laundromats aren't really that common anymore? Probably because I lived in shared houses at university rather than the high rise flats of New York. My privilege is also mirrored by Rachel’s in this episode after her dad gives her a car. I was lucky enough to have the same experience a few years ago when my dad got sick of me borrowing his. So REALLY, hitting that dog was his fault.

Continuing the series’ exploration of the difference between male and female experiences of dating, both Chandler and Phoebe attempt to end relationships. With varying success. The sudden off-screen appearance of these relationships to facilitate the story-line has been reflected in my own life. I’ve discovered Rachel Number 1 and Ross Number 2 have ended their break! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

Its good news all round as this episode introduces one of the best recurring characters in Friends™. Oh my god! It’s Janice!!

Although she's clearly written in this episode to be a one-off, Maggie Wheeler does such a fantastic job of making Janice much more than a silly voice, that it’s no surprise they brought her back again and again. And this time she doesn’t even need to utter her famous catchphrase!

If you’re playing “watch along with Real Live Friends” there are a couple of other things to look out for this episode. Firstly, check out Ross’s weird tucked in shirt in the opening scene. He looks like a Hare Krishna got stuck in a transporter with an extra from Spike Jonze’s Her. Although, much like the dungarees a few episodes back, I wouldn’t be surprised to see someone wearing something similar on a fashionable street in London.

Secondly, I found it amusing, and strangely out of place, just how much of a dick Joey is to Monica in this episode.

To recap (if you're not watching): Joey tricks Monica into going on a double date with his ex and her new partner. But Joey tells the ex that Monica is his new squeeze and tells Monica he’s still with the ex, and that the new partner is her brother. Needless to say HILARITY ENSUES but I found it interesting seeing this early Joey go to almost Always Sunny in Philadelphia levels of ass-holery.

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

 “The One Where We Could Have Died”

Speaking of shared houses, my current flat (essentially a converted drive-way latched onto another house) has been causing quite a lot of trouble this week.

We were about to make dinner on Sunday when suddenly all our taps stopped working. After failing to get in contact with the landlord we were forced to get a takeaway. I later found out he was “having some work done” and neglected to tell us as he “assumed we would be out”. At dinner time. On a Sunday.

Still that pales in comparison to our other discovery this week that our boiler is supposed to terminate outside and that at any point in the last six months we could have been suffocated in our sleep by an unexpected backlog of Carbon Monoxide.

George who? Stephanopoulos? WHO?! Never heard of him.

But thanks to the magic of Google I can confirm he is in fact a real person! And a politician at that. Who knew Friends™ was so topical? I mean, not topical anymore obviously... but still.

“The One Where I Decide this was an Excellent Idea”

This week me and my Real Live Friends (mercifully less screechy than Rachel’s friends) went out to see Spectre (four stars).

This marks the third time we’ve been out recently to an area of London known as “Shepherds Bush” (steady…). So I suppose you could say that's become our equivalent of Central Perk! Going to see a film contrasts with the Friends™ visit to a hockey game in this episode as none of us really like sport.

I mean, sure I’ll watch football on the telly if it’s an international match, I just don’t have time for the commitment needed to follow it properly. At times this creates quite a gulf between me and people who DO support a football team. I wonder how my friendships would be different if I did? I suspect more random events would happen in my life.

Joey Number 1 did once try to organise a tennis match, but we ended up having a cheese night after he miss-spelt "racket" as "raclette".

Literally nothing of interest happened on our trip to the cinema, with a large portion of the evening being taken up by sitting in the dark. I can see why the writers of Friends™ chose a hockey match over a visit to the cinema. In fact I can’t think at all of a time the Friends™ go to the cinema! (Feel free to correct me in the comments...)

In many ways this episode continues the themes set out by Episode 2. Except this time the focus is on the pressures felt by Rachel rather than Monica. In a small coincidence, before the film a friend of a friend mentioned she hates being single, because whenever she goes home her family constantly asks her if she’s got a boyfriend yet.

Girl, Monica can feel your pain!

I myself can relate to Rachel’s excitement then disappointment at her first payslip. Not least because a few months ago I was paid 1% of what I supposed to be due to an administrative error!

I found it interesting how Rachel’s snobby friends see her job as some sort of little jolly she’s doing for fun rather than an unfortunate economic necessity of circumstance.

I often feel people in my own life view my “career” (or lack thereof) in a similar way. My partner has had some bad news in the job department too, so the scenes of Rachel, Phoebe and Monica lying around in their pajamas, depressed at their jobs and lack of direction in life struck particularly close to home. We don't even have any hot politicians out our window to entertain us! Although we do have Netflix.

I saw R, P and M’s appreciation of Mr Stephanopoulos as another affirmation of their sexuality. This, again, piqued my interest in the shows feminist slant so I decided to have a look into the gender distribution of the writers:

Series one has a ratio of three women to eight men (including series co-creator Marta Kauffman) and it turns out that this episode was solely written by a woman: Alexa Junge.

Although this looks like quite a poor ratio; ten out of the twenty-four episodes in season one were either written or co-written by a woman which I think is actually quite good.

Particularly in such a traditionally male dominated industry such as comedy.

As with last episode though; any liberal bingo points the writers gain are counter-balanced by some slightly insensitive jokes about deaf people making noises when having sex. (Although I can hardly talk as one of my Real Live Friends once split my sides with a story of their deaf flatmate having rather loud sex too…)

Speaking of sex, this episode has Ross revealing he lost his virginity to Carol and that he was with her for seven years. I only have one RLF who has been in a relationship for this long, who happily is already my Ross No. 1 (his number of sexual partners is currently unconfirmed…)

If I was super creepy this means I could count every time Ross gets laid and work out how many sexual partners he has before he finally (SPOILER ALERT) settles down with Rachel. Fortunately for you I am super creepy! So I will be doing that.

The first few episodes I felt like Ross and Rachel got over their relationships ending unrealistically quickly, so I was glad they focused more on the fallout from that this week, and showed Ross hurting from his split. Hurt, Ross, hurt. I need your pain for my entertainment.

So far I’m really enjoying re-watching the show as it is both funnier and more moving than I remember. I don’t regret starting this ridiculous project at all!

Having said that, this episode brought two uncomfortable realisations with it:

Firstly, it is explicitly stated in this episode that it's 20th October. This means I am a lot further behind than I thought. As a result, I’ve planned ahead and found that for News Years to match up I'll have to do one a week until the end of the year. Only then can I settle into my originally planned more leisurely pace of one episode every two weeks. Lucky for you I guess?

Secondly I noticed this week that in my efforts to start the retro-90s trend (“hairdresser, make me look like David Beckham circa 1996”) I have inadvertently ended up with Chandler’s hair…

Real Life Sitcom Moment of the Week:

I went to a wedding this week where the wedding band singer was the ex of the bride.

Although in a sit-com this would have lead to a litany of humorous yet awkward situations I am happy to report that everyone was very adult about the situation! I say happy… I am of course livid that nothing amusing happened.

Friends™: 1 – Real Live Friends: 0