Real Live Sitcom Moment:

As you’ll see, I’m talking about identity this week, our Real Live Sitcom Moment deals with the issue too and comes from a gathering of my partner’s family.

My potential nephew was going round the room and pointing at all of us “Boy!” or “Girl!” (Depending on our gender) until he got to my partner’s Nan, paused for a moment, then gave up and moved on to the next person. Ouch!
 

A few months ago I lamented having to post a Real Live Friends late, as I was waiting for something to happen and nothing had.

I wish I could say the same this time.

“The One With the Hard Goodbyes”

God damn you Friends™ this is one coincidence I can’t bear.

My heart quickened when I watched this week’s episode as, after a now familiar scene of Monica being pressured by her mother, Ross returned from the vets with bad news. He was going to have to give up Marcel. It was only yesterday I got the 21st Century equivalent. A text from my mother. Bad news from the vet. Our family dog had perhaps four weeks left. Euthanasia was recommended.

After a few hours of nothing sinking in at my new job the news hit me. I sat and drank a cup of tea and wondered what the point of it all was. Shipping drinks out to people I barely cared for. Is this really what I want to be spending my time doing? Being a cog in some great machine just to keep the wheels turning? All because that’s just the way things are and the price of our comfort is being part of something bigger?

I thought of my dog. The thirteen long years he’d spent as part of our family. The times he’d sat with me and my sister on the sofa, even though he wasn’t allowed. My mother urging him to jump on me almost every morning of Sixth Form to make me get up for school.

All the funny useless tricks.

“Shake hands Barney!”

Why? He’s just a dog.

I thought of his insatiable appetite that nothing could overcome, even as he’s got older and weaker. We once bought a spray can to stop him trying to eat the remote controls – only for him to eat the can.

I thought of all the times I sat at my computer when I could have been spending time with him.

Like Phoebe sitting on the sofa playing her Game Boy™. There but not taking part. Present but not voting.

As the scene of Ross breaking the news to Joey and Chandler played out I found myself crying. Until it turned to laughter when the scene switched to a shot of them in the three monkeys pose. I spent the whole episode alternating between laughing and crying.

Especially in the end scene when Ross says goodbye to Marcel.

But it’s worst for my mother. As we all became adults she’s relied on Barney’s companionship more than any of us. She doesn’t know what she’ll do without him, as she confided in me yesterday. At least my partner and I will still have our cats. Although, much like Marcel, the male ones frequent masturbation is pretty disturbing.

With my worry about whether I’ve made the right decision over my new job, my birthday fast behind me, and our beloved pet at deaths door, Monica’s desire to live more and do more things resonates strongly today. I’m not sure I’m quite ready to take up tap dancing though. This episode is bled through with performance, from Phoebe’s expressionist dancing and acting out in the kitchen to “Monica” and “Monana” auditioning for a Broadway show.

But it also plays a lot with the notion of identity. Both in Joey’s consideration of a stage name, and with Monica’s identity thief showing her she can be a different person. My country has to decide its own identity this week too, as we vote whether to stay in the EU or leave. Whether to be part of something bigger or set out just for ourselves.

A twisted mirror shone over our kitchen earlier as we debated whether to follow the vets’ recommendation, or face prolonged pain and uncertainty in the hope our dog will buck the trend. It was a decision made much harder by how happy he seemed to see me. I would have done anything to be able to kick a ball around with him again. In a note of grim irony all my family’s positions were reversed from our views on the referendum. My sisters agreed it was best for him to go peacefully, my mother argued for him to remain. I wavered.

My sister and mother took Barney out for one last walk, with me tragic-comically running after the car when I, once again, faffed on my computer for too long.

“You at the Back! In or out?”

Monica’s dance teacher snaps me back to reality as she calls to Monica: In or Out? To take part and dance? Or to sit on the sidelines?

I think I’ve decided. I do want to be in my job, to be that cog, to be part of something bigger.

I can only hope Britain decides the same.

Ah the evil orthodontist. Worst of all evil people. My mouth suffered at the hands of one in my teens. On the plus side I do now have relatively straight teeth, if a little ground down from all the worry of my last twenty seven years...

Unlike a lot of people I’ve never really had much of a problem going to the dentists or anything like that though. My partner completely refuses to go at all. (As far as I know this is out of fear and not because she once left one at the altar.) Rachel certainly doesn’t have a problem returning to Barry though; as Friends™ delves into the seedy world of on-off-on relationships.

I’ve never had anything as serious as Rachel’s situation happen to me (with the cheating, and the engagements). A couple of times my previous partner and I hooked up in moments of weakness after university. But, thinking about it, some of my most rewarding flings did happen in a weird, sort of, on-again/off-again limbo. Whatever it was that happened with my “Cannibal Boss” followed that sort of non-relationship pattern. Until the last off-again, when “Other Boss” swooped in and turned out to be a much better fit for her.

There was one non-relationship in particular that spanned several years. I find it hard to say why it never developed into something more serious – other than us just being too young. Neither one of us wanted to get tied down and drifted apart. They’re still one of my favourite people I’ve ever met, and every now and then I find myself missing their presence in my life. Usually when they pop up in my Facebook™ newsfeed.

Sadly they’re the only Real Live Friend I decided to stop seeing altogether when I got with my current partner. Just in case old habits came back. As Rachel finds, it can be very enjoyable returning to someone you’ve got a history with. But it’s not always a good idea.

“The One With the Most Uneventful Birthday of All Time”

In another surprisingly meta-turn T.O.W.T.E.O. flags up the weirdness of the Friends™ spying on Ugly Naked Guy by giving them their own spy across the street.

Everyone’s freaked out before Joey tracks her down and she wins them over with kind words and compliments. I’ve been thinking a lot about Joey’s creeping. It’s an interesting relic of the show. Many instances of his behaviour, like him getting sexual gratification from imagining Rachel at camp, seem especially seedy by today’s standards. And yet they often garner the biggest laughs.

How much of this is because of the broad strokes Joey is cast with and how much is because we recognise him from real life is hard to say. But I don’t think anyone would deny that they’ve perved on at least one of their Real Live Friends at some point.

There is another element however, which reflects real life – attractiveness. We forgive Joey for a lot of his creepiness because he is young and attractive. Likewise the characters do as well. Could you imagine Rachel or Monica’s reaction to Joey’s comments if they came from Mr Heckles? Or Ugly Naked Guy? Or even from Chandler?

Context and mode of delivery is all important. The same thing said to someone by a nice young attractive man in a bar has completely different connotations when said by an old man in a duffel coat, a group of men on the tube, or even the same nice young man once he’s had three too many beers, is bleary eyed, slurring, and drenched in sweat.

Joey is also an expert at cloaking his pervy-ness behind compliments. And as a result, much like the woman on the phone, he is let off the hook.

Speaking of hooks (because it wouldn’t be RLF without a tenuous “speaking of” segue): I had another reminder of orthodontists this week when I ended up watching some old family videos on my birthday. My braces definitely go a long way to explaining my lack of success with women at the time. (Though not my lack of success once they were removed.)

It was very strange watching the videos. I remember the events happening, but it was like watching a different person’s life. I remember the child in the videos but he isn’t me. I’m hoping this is just a natural result of aging. And not because I drank so much at university I severed the connection between the person I was before and the person I am now.

If I needed another reminder of how I’m now DEFINITELY. AN. ADULT. the fates certainly delivered. I spent the rest of my birthday having to sort out my MOT, car insurance and road tax. The mundanity of this was brought into sharp relief by the home videos including a wild bouncy castle birthday party.

My birthday dullness, combined with leaving my job after three years, has got me thinking: What’s the best thing that’s happened to me in the last three years? Aside from moving in with my partner I don’t really know... I’ve been on some holidays? Drank a lot of wine? Seen the new Star Wars™?

It seems like nothing’s really happened. I’ve been sitting still (literally in the case of work).

All my fears of wasting my life combined when I decided to leave. Fears I entertained daily as I sat in traffic jams or stared into the void of the internet.

But will my new role be any different? I’m replacing being annoyed at people in cars with being annoyed at people on trains. Staring blankly at a computer displaying the news with staring blankly at a computer screen displaying a spreadsheet.

And all for a change of scene and a bit of extra money.

Sitting outside in the garden at work on my last day, I’ve been struck by how peaceful working here has been. I think actually in many ways it’s helped me heal my mind a little. Even as the clock has ticked away.

I will miss the place, but perhaps something a little less peaceful might be a little more interesting.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

This weeks RLSM comes courtesy of Chandler Number 2 who, so far, has probably been doing the best job of living up to their character. Another bizarre parallel comes with news that she’s moving into Joey Number 1s shared house! Hopefully this will give us a new hub of fun and many RLSM’s to come. Although annoyingly it is right next to the job I am now leaving.