Birdworld. A world of Birds. What possible wonders could have awaited us?

Turns out it was birds. A lot of them. Just when you think you’ve seen all the cool birds. THERE’S ANOTHER ONE.

I really would actually recommend a trip if you’re ever near Guildford. Unfortunately, we’re not near Guildford, so paid a hearty price for our fun day out with half the day spent in traffic. But it was “totes” worth it. To borrow the parlance of the youth.

OK, I don’t know why I would “borrow the parlance of the youth” but it’s been typed now. Maybe time is once again on my mind, as I’ve just had a double Real Live Friends birthday and we’ve reached the end of Season 1!

I’ve had fun so far, and am enjoying re-watching the show at least as much as when I last binge-watched it during university. You’d think the binge-watching would have been better, despite it now being in more manageable chunks, as it was with a very attractive young woman. But it turned out getting it on is virtually impossible with Ross on the screen.

 “The One Where I Find It Hard to Write Because My Beautiful Partner is Singing Proud Mary Loudly In My Ear”

This episode has just reminded me that I’ve completely failed at having BBQs this summer.

Hopefully this will be rectified by the end of the summer. But it definitely won’t be at our flat. We tried to host one last year which had to be abandoned, after much to-ing and fro-ing to get fittings and gas canisters, when flames started coming out of the wrong part of the BBQ. And by wrong part, I mean “the outside of it”.

Speaking of unexpected hotness, one of my Real Live Birthday Friends has just earned the (dubious) honour of becoming Me Number 2 (yes I went there), after she ordered an unexpectedly hot chicken dish for her birthday. I’m not sure any of my friends understood my glee at her pain…

As far as other Friends™ coincidences go, this week’s pretty light. Two friends were trying to pass a fiver with a subtle handshake but seeing as we haven’t had that episode yet I’m not sure it counts.

One thing I did notice this week is the peculiar quirk that Monica and Rachels flat has no balcony door. You can see this when Rachel climbs through the window, rushing to meet Ross at the airport. I can’t recall this being referenced in the series, and I certainly hadn’t noticed before. But it’s one of those fun little background details that give the measure of the Friends™ lives not quite being the middle-class perfection that people in their late 20s try to project.

My partner finds the end of this episode very tragic. I’m not sure it’s quite as tragic as a new father having no paternity leave and also having to fly out to work in China. I’m also not sure this makes Rachels reaction to FINALLY finding out about Ross’s (very obvious feelings) more believable. It’s sold well, but would she really journey all the way to the airport TWICE just because she found out one of her friends has feelings for her? I suppose when that friend is also your friends brother you really don’t want to screw up.

I found it sweet how keen Monica was for Rachel to get with her brother, although generally my Real Live Friends have been less than keen when it comes to stuff like this. No-one’s ever got with a friends sibling, but myself and Joey Number 1 (true to form) used to make inappropriate jokes about David the Science Guy’s sister. Funnily enough he wasn’t amused…

Perhaps Monica’s shipping of Rachel and Ross comes more from thinking about how great it would be for two of her friends to get together? Despite the dangers of things going awry it can be a happy moment (as we found when Rachel Number 1 and Ross Number 2 got together)! Not least because of the convenience.

But unfortunately this episode leaves us hanging (except for the first onscreen kiss of Ross and Rachel – taking place in her mind).

I don’t wish to resort to such cheap tricks to get you to come back for season 2 myself. So instead I will simply say:

Thanks for making it this far!

I’m going to take a short hiatus to allow for the next season to sync up again. Please check back, follow @TornToRibbons on Twitter™ or Subscribe below, and I look forward to making Friends™ with you again in Season 2!

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

We recently went to see a Real Live Friend in a show where they managed to be a perfect Joey.

They had a quick costume change on stage from behind a sheet. Unfortunately they didn’t quite make it in time and ended up having to “adjust” their costume whilst under the sheet. Doubly unfortunately the audience was supposed to think they were dead at this point. Triply unfortunately the position of their hands made it look like they were doing something a lot less appropriate than just doing their trousers up.

FIRST

Much like Carol, I’ve spent my day attempting to get a thing which is just that little bit too big through a small space. Although I recognise that doing DIY is probably slightly easier than giving birth.

At least giving birth is a bit more worthwhile. All this work seems a bit pointless given our tenancy runs out next year. Honestly, you put in all this work and then 9 months later you have to move out.

Not even a baby to show for it.

“The One Where Things Are Back to Normal… Mostly”

I’m hoping all the banging is annoying our neighbours. They’ve been on holiday and left an alarm ringing for a whole week! I’ve never been so close to breaking into someone’s house.

With summer in full swing they’re not the only ones off on holiday. The Friends™ theme tune excellently captures the problems facing 20-somethings - “your job’s a joke, you're broke, your love lives D.O.A.” – perfectly distilling the themes of Friends™ into one and a half minutes, but several of my Real Live Friends are doing much better than the Friends™.

Just to bring things full circle at the end of Season 1, the Real Live Friends who got promoted in episode one have been promoted again as their career ladders seem to have bizarrely synced up. And Joey Number 1 and Chandler Number 2 (who lets face it is probably now the main Chandler) have been jet setting off on all kinds of weekend breaks.

But all this hard work can make it hard to meet new people and both Real Live Joey and Real Live Chandler are some of my only Real Live Friends remaining single into their late 20s. It’s a bit of a cliché, but most of them are those in high flying careers. It does seem there’s still something in this episode’s observation of how hard doctors find it to find relationships outside of work. Even the most recent of my Doctor Real Live Friends to get into a relationship is with a nurse.

This episode is almost exclusively set in hospital as Ross’s son is finally born. And I for one am looking forward to seeing how Ben contributes to the show. I mean, it’s not like they’d just gradually forget him is it?

But also there’s a surprising amount of focus on Joey’s worries about fatherhood, as he becomes a surrogate birthing partner to one attractive young mother. This mirrors my own Real Live Friends unexpected positions of responsibility. Joey here is a much more well-rounded character than later in the series – as this plot carries forward his concerns about becoming his father.

And speaking of the future [SPOILER ALERT] this episode has a couple of cute moments (with hindsight) between Chandler and Monica. Including Chandler attempting to make a “let’s get together and have a kid when we’re forty” pact with her.

I’ve lost track of all the marriage pacts I made in high school. (Which is probably for the best, given how tricky negotiating that minefield might have been.) However I remember making a “let’s get married when we’re forty” pact several years ago too. I ended up wishing I’d suggested thirty instead, after I remained single for several years and realised I really liked the other person.

Thankfully I don’t have any need for it now. And in any case am not sure they’re legally binding…

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

As with Ross and Carol disappearing during the birth, I’ve had my own case of a mysterious disappearance.

I went round my parents only to find my mother had gone away. No word of where. I asked my father and he simply said she’d gone away for the week but wouldn’t tell him where. Sick with worry, given her recent trauma over losing our dog, I ended up frantically ringing my sisters to find out if they knew where she was. It turned out she’d just gone for a holiday in the Lake District.

I’m still not sure whether my dad was playing a trick on me or genuinely didn’t know.

Well, much like my dog, it looks like Britain has opted to leave the EU.

We’re drifting rudderless in a storm, waiting to see what our new leader will do. Perhaps it won’t be as bad as we’re told? But at the very least I’m hoping for the promised housing price crash. I came home to actual mushrooms growing in our flat today!

I’ve spent the last weeks drifting too, unsure what to think, moving between apathy and apoplectic rage. I’m not sure how much of this is just my default state. I seem to feel less now I’m an adult. In my darker moments I often worry if this is because I have a better handle on my emotions, or whether a part of my soul has died. And then I realise I do still often feel emotions. It’s just usually anger.

If there’s one lesson Friends™ has taught us though, it’s that actually things will mostly stay the same.

Sadness rarely carries on in sitcom world, as things reset to the status quo each week.

Despite his loss of Marcel, Ross is still lusting after Rachel.

Britain is still Britain.

My mother can still be found in the evening with a beer in front of the TV. Just now with no dog for companionship.

 “The One With The Hottest Wings ”

To cheer me up a bit about my dog (and our political turmoil) I planned a joint birthday party for myself and Rachel Number 1.

You know what? It really did the trick! I forgot all my troubles! This was largely due to alcohol, which did a bit too good a job of it. The only thing I remember was eating the world’s hottest chicken wings. I mean, they were very tasty but it was incredibly close to an act of self-flagellation.

I’m pretty sure I had fun though. It’s probably the first time since New Years that the “main cast” of Real Live Friends were together. I think it marks the first time we had the complete Friends™ set too! Joey and Rachel Number 1, Chandler, Monica and Ross Number 2 and my partner as Phoebe Number 3. Even my David the Science Guy and Cannibal Boss were there! But it almost didn’t come to pass…

Joey Number 1 was only there as, by a complete quirk of fate, he and some colleagues just happened to be having some post-work drinks in the same pub. What are the chances? Out of all the pubs in London! It’s good to see coincidences don’t just occur between my life and Friends™.

Nevertheless the Friends™ coincidences are continuing. This episode puts a big old lampshade on Matthew Perry’s unusual emphasis on CERTAIN words. And I too have been on the receiving end of similar mocking, thanks to Phoebe Number 3s discovery that I have trouble pronouncing the word “interpret”. It’s just… It’s always seemed like it should be said how it’s spelt. “Inter-PRET”.

My inability to speak has taken another blow recently as, perhaps because of my belated birthday excess, I’ve had horrendous tooth ache. Phoebe, in her role as Chandlers assistant, isn’t the only one trying to avoid answering the phone this week.

As we all know I’m no stranger to having a Real Live Friend as a boss too and we’re currently looking for some extra staff at work. This lead to a little awkwardness when a friend came to do a trial shift after I posted about it on Facebook™ - only to be turned down. Just like with Phoebe, sometimes nepotism just isn’t enough to nail down a secure job.

My new position is going well enough though. I just wish it left me with a little more of a life. All of my dreams since starting have been about work. I’d kill for a sex dream like Rachel’s.

With Chandlers search for an assistant, and Monica dating a younger guy, I couldn’t help be reminded of my young colleague from my old job – the racy messages she sent me also concerned a sex dream. I haven’t seen her since starting my new job but do hope she’s doing OK.

Monica’s fling seems less sordid than mine could have been, had I not done the correct thing and remained a devoted boyfriend. Although I find this slightly weird given the more extreme age difference in Monica’s case. This plot would have been a lot more disturbing had it been about one of the male cast members. Monica clearly hasn’t heard of the “half your age plus seven” rule, which would have put her young squeeze firmly out of bounds, even before she found out he was in high school!

But I suppose we have to remember that this is a comedy show. It’s not real. As illustrated by Monica’s unrealistic satisfaction after having sex with a guy who probably doesn’t have the faintest idea what he’s doing.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Birthdays abound this month as my partner’s brother celebrated his too. By forcing us all to strap on harness’s and climb through an assault course in a forest. I was excited to do something a little different. However the fun was ruined by having to cling to a tree waiting for the guy in front to hurry up and conquer his damn fear, so I could get through it as fast as possible without looking down.

Still that guy wasn’t as bad as my potential brother in law who refused to do the final jump to the ground and had to take the stairs! EVEN THOUGH the only reason he made us go was because he bottled it a few years previously after pushing his girlfriend off the edge first.

No, they're not still together.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

As you’ll see, I’m talking about identity this week, our Real Live Sitcom Moment deals with the issue too and comes from a gathering of my partner’s family.

My potential nephew was going round the room and pointing at all of us “Boy!” or “Girl!” (Depending on our gender) until he got to my partner’s Nan, paused for a moment, then gave up and moved on to the next person. Ouch!
 

A few months ago I lamented having to post a Real Live Friends late, as I was waiting for something to happen and nothing had.

I wish I could say the same this time.

“The One With the Hard Goodbyes”

God damn you Friends™ this is one coincidence I can’t bear.

My heart quickened when I watched this week’s episode as, after a now familiar scene of Monica being pressured by her mother, Ross returned from the vets with bad news. He was going to have to give up Marcel. It was only yesterday I got the 21st Century equivalent. A text from my mother. Bad news from the vet. Our family dog had perhaps four weeks left. Euthanasia was recommended.

After a few hours of nothing sinking in at my new job the news hit me. I sat and drank a cup of tea and wondered what the point of it all was. Shipping drinks out to people I barely cared for. Is this really what I want to be spending my time doing? Being a cog in some great machine just to keep the wheels turning? All because that’s just the way things are and the price of our comfort is being part of something bigger?

I thought of my dog. The thirteen long years he’d spent as part of our family. The times he’d sat with me and my sister on the sofa, even though he wasn’t allowed. My mother urging him to jump on me almost every morning of Sixth Form to make me get up for school.

All the funny useless tricks.

“Shake hands Barney!”

Why? He’s just a dog.

I thought of his insatiable appetite that nothing could overcome, even as he’s got older and weaker. We once bought a spray can to stop him trying to eat the remote controls – only for him to eat the can.

I thought of all the times I sat at my computer when I could have been spending time with him.

Like Phoebe sitting on the sofa playing her Game Boy™. There but not taking part. Present but not voting.

As the scene of Ross breaking the news to Joey and Chandler played out I found myself crying. Until it turned to laughter when the scene switched to a shot of them in the three monkeys pose. I spent the whole episode alternating between laughing and crying.

Especially in the end scene when Ross says goodbye to Marcel.

But it’s worst for my mother. As we all became adults she’s relied on Barney’s companionship more than any of us. She doesn’t know what she’ll do without him, as she confided in me yesterday. At least my partner and I will still have our cats. Although, much like Marcel, the male ones frequent masturbation is pretty disturbing.

With my worry about whether I’ve made the right decision over my new job, my birthday fast behind me, and our beloved pet at deaths door, Monica’s desire to live more and do more things resonates strongly today. I’m not sure I’m quite ready to take up tap dancing though. This episode is bled through with performance, from Phoebe’s expressionist dancing and acting out in the kitchen to “Monica” and “Monana” auditioning for a Broadway show.

But it also plays a lot with the notion of identity. Both in Joey’s consideration of a stage name, and with Monica’s identity thief showing her she can be a different person. My country has to decide its own identity this week too, as we vote whether to stay in the EU or leave. Whether to be part of something bigger or set out just for ourselves.

A twisted mirror shone over our kitchen earlier as we debated whether to follow the vets’ recommendation, or face prolonged pain and uncertainty in the hope our dog will buck the trend. It was a decision made much harder by how happy he seemed to see me. I would have done anything to be able to kick a ball around with him again. In a note of grim irony all my family’s positions were reversed from our views on the referendum. My sisters agreed it was best for him to go peacefully, my mother argued for him to remain. I wavered.

My sister and mother took Barney out for one last walk, with me tragic-comically running after the car when I, once again, faffed on my computer for too long.

“You at the Back! In or out?”

Monica’s dance teacher snaps me back to reality as she calls to Monica: In or Out? To take part and dance? Or to sit on the sidelines?

I think I’ve decided. I do want to be in my job, to be that cog, to be part of something bigger.

I can only hope Britain decides the same.

Ah the evil orthodontist. Worst of all evil people. My mouth suffered at the hands of one in my teens. On the plus side I do now have relatively straight teeth, if a little ground down from all the worry of my last twenty seven years...

Unlike a lot of people I’ve never really had much of a problem going to the dentists or anything like that though. My partner completely refuses to go at all. (As far as I know this is out of fear and not because she once left one at the altar.) Rachel certainly doesn’t have a problem returning to Barry though; as Friends™ delves into the seedy world of on-off-on relationships.

I’ve never had anything as serious as Rachel’s situation happen to me (with the cheating, and the engagements). A couple of times my previous partner and I hooked up in moments of weakness after university. But, thinking about it, some of my most rewarding flings did happen in a weird, sort of, on-again/off-again limbo. Whatever it was that happened with my “Cannibal Boss” followed that sort of non-relationship pattern. Until the last off-again, when “Other Boss” swooped in and turned out to be a much better fit for her.

There was one non-relationship in particular that spanned several years. I find it hard to say why it never developed into something more serious – other than us just being too young. Neither one of us wanted to get tied down and drifted apart. They’re still one of my favourite people I’ve ever met, and every now and then I find myself missing their presence in my life. Usually when they pop up in my Facebook™ newsfeed.

Sadly they’re the only Real Live Friend I decided to stop seeing altogether when I got with my current partner. Just in case old habits came back. As Rachel finds, it can be very enjoyable returning to someone you’ve got a history with. But it’s not always a good idea.

“The One With the Most Uneventful Birthday of All Time”

In another surprisingly meta-turn T.O.W.T.E.O. flags up the weirdness of the Friends™ spying on Ugly Naked Guy by giving them their own spy across the street.

Everyone’s freaked out before Joey tracks her down and she wins them over with kind words and compliments. I’ve been thinking a lot about Joey’s creeping. It’s an interesting relic of the show. Many instances of his behaviour, like him getting sexual gratification from imagining Rachel at camp, seem especially seedy by today’s standards. And yet they often garner the biggest laughs.

How much of this is because of the broad strokes Joey is cast with and how much is because we recognise him from real life is hard to say. But I don’t think anyone would deny that they’ve perved on at least one of their Real Live Friends at some point.

There is another element however, which reflects real life – attractiveness. We forgive Joey for a lot of his creepiness because he is young and attractive. Likewise the characters do as well. Could you imagine Rachel or Monica’s reaction to Joey’s comments if they came from Mr Heckles? Or Ugly Naked Guy? Or even from Chandler?

Context and mode of delivery is all important. The same thing said to someone by a nice young attractive man in a bar has completely different connotations when said by an old man in a duffel coat, a group of men on the tube, or even the same nice young man once he’s had three too many beers, is bleary eyed, slurring, and drenched in sweat.

Joey is also an expert at cloaking his pervy-ness behind compliments. And as a result, much like the woman on the phone, he is let off the hook.

Speaking of hooks (because it wouldn’t be RLF without a tenuous “speaking of” segue): I had another reminder of orthodontists this week when I ended up watching some old family videos on my birthday. My braces definitely go a long way to explaining my lack of success with women at the time. (Though not my lack of success once they were removed.)

It was very strange watching the videos. I remember the events happening, but it was like watching a different person’s life. I remember the child in the videos but he isn’t me. I’m hoping this is just a natural result of aging. And not because I drank so much at university I severed the connection between the person I was before and the person I am now.

If I needed another reminder of how I’m now DEFINITELY. AN. ADULT. the fates certainly delivered. I spent the rest of my birthday having to sort out my MOT, car insurance and road tax. The mundanity of this was brought into sharp relief by the home videos including a wild bouncy castle birthday party.

My birthday dullness, combined with leaving my job after three years, has got me thinking: What’s the best thing that’s happened to me in the last three years? Aside from moving in with my partner I don’t really know... I’ve been on some holidays? Drank a lot of wine? Seen the new Star Wars™?

It seems like nothing’s really happened. I’ve been sitting still (literally in the case of work).

All my fears of wasting my life combined when I decided to leave. Fears I entertained daily as I sat in traffic jams or stared into the void of the internet.

But will my new role be any different? I’m replacing being annoyed at people in cars with being annoyed at people on trains. Staring blankly at a computer displaying the news with staring blankly at a computer screen displaying a spreadsheet.

And all for a change of scene and a bit of extra money.

Sitting outside in the garden at work on my last day, I’ve been struck by how peaceful working here has been. I think actually in many ways it’s helped me heal my mind a little. Even as the clock has ticked away.

I will miss the place, but perhaps something a little less peaceful might be a little more interesting.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

This weeks RLSM comes courtesy of Chandler Number 2 who, so far, has probably been doing the best job of living up to their character. Another bizarre parallel comes with news that she’s moving into Joey Number 1s shared house! Hopefully this will give us a new hub of fun and many RLSM’s to come. Although annoyingly it is right next to the job I am now leaving.

Well, any residual doubt I had over whether to leave my job is now completely gone. I just found out the person doing our rotas has given away one of my last shifts. And no-one told me! This means I can’t do the hours I’m contracted for this month.

I’m hoping that, given past form, Human Resources won’t notice and I’ll still get paid at least.

But it definitely feels like it’s time to move on...

“The One With the Dad Drink Off”

My temptation to assign myself as Rachel Number 2 continues this week as she complains about her mother sending her engagement notices.

OK, I haven’t quite been sent any engagement notices. My parents are pretty relaxed on that front (unlike my girlfriend! #AmIRightFellas? #NoIAmNot) But my mother does continually send me links to jobs she thinks I could do and flats we can’t afford.

It seems like I’ve been on family duty a lot these past two weeks. My partner’s dad now lives abroad so we don’t see him that often. He just came to visit so we went for a lovely day out with all of my partner’s family. This led to the strange realisation that the sound of babies crying doesn’t seem to annoy me anymore. At least where my potential niece is concerned.

Babies crying used to be in my top 3 least favourite sounds, along with dogs barking and sirens. I can only hope dogs barking is the next to go. Otherwise my new job may be very short lived – due to the two extremely whiny dogs my boss owns.

We also went to see my partner’s Nan which was a bit of a shame. Not a shame that we were seeing her, but a shame we’d been meaning to for quite a while and then shortly before we went she had a scare and ended up in hospital. Hopefully she doesn’t think our visit was only a pity visit because of that.

One thing I found particularly entertaining whilst there was that the parking permits they have for her estate come in the form of a scratch card. Because if we know one thing about old people it’s they love a scratch card...

Anyway, as the title suggests, this episode is about Rachel losing Marcel. FINALLY A MONKEY CENTRED EPISODE. This is a smart plotline though as it means they don’t actually need that much of Marcel. It’s well known the cast and crew of Friends™ found it very difficult working with Katie (the female monkey who played Marcel) so this neatly sidesteps the problem of actors working with animals. How can the director get those beasts to do what they want with a monkey hanging around?

Speaking of animals, there's a joke about Chandler and Joey stumbling upon some hot and sweaty women with a broken radiator in their search for Marcel. I don't mean that they're the animals! Joey's the animal... when he asks if he can have some pictures of them. Oh Joey, you loveable pervert.

And speaking of lovable perverts, this episode also features another dose of Mr Heckles - who inexplicably dresses Marcel in a pink tutu. But everything is wrapped up nicely as Rachel atones for losing Marcel, when she saves him from the clutches of an animal handler she went to school with.

Mostly this episode left me thinking it would have all been over a lot quicker if they had mobile phones to coordinate their search.

With Marcel safe, Ross is free to continue his initial plan of confessing his feelings to the increasingly oblivious Rachel... only for her ex-fiancé to rush in and declare his love for her first.

DAMMIT BARRY.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

My recent family duties included a dinner with my partner’s father where we realised he’d never met my parents!

After a quick phone call to ensure we were welcome, we made the spur of the moment decision to take him to meet them. We were initially fearful that, as we’d had quite a few drinks, my partner’s father might embarrass himself. But any fears along those lines were put to rest after my mother assured me my own father (and my own Mr Heckles) was at a similar level of inebriation.

In the end I’d say my Mr Heckles probably won the battle of the embarrassing dads – after he made a string of jokes about how his very elderly father was refusing to give up the ghost, and how he himself wasn’t likely to last much longer!

Oh dear, dad, oh dear...

Well no sign of a Real Live Gunther at our party...

In fact, no sign of a lot of people. Being in your late 20s really hits home when you organise an impromptu party and only end up with three guests.

The quality of guest was high at least. We had my Real Live David the Science Guy and his partner, as well as Chandler Number 2.

Life is imitating art once again as David the Science Guy is moving away from London. Thankfully not quite as far away as Yemen.

I’m happy that he and his partner are buying their first place together. Although unfortunately this meant a large part of our evening was taken up with more talk of mortgages.

 “The One Where My Cliffhanger Gets Me Into Hot Water Again”

Hang on; are they literally just playing poker in this episode?! There must be more... no, it appears that’s the entire plot. Well at least the title is spot on.

“The One With” title format is one of the unique stamps that makes Friends™ special. The meta-joke of it and how easy it is for people to discuss the show round the water-cooler form a big part of Friends™ continued success. Along with the show being a nostalgic touching point for a huge number of people, thanks to it being repeated Ad Nauseum on the telly.

One of the best bits of advice ever given to me is that if you ever run out of something to talk about with someone (in the original context it was a member of the opposite sex) then the best thing to do is start talking about food. It’s the one definite shared experience everyone has. But I think Friends™ comes a close second.

Another thing that's part of the continued appeal of Friends™ is you can really see the cast enjoying themselves. This is never clearer than in the many instances they laugh at each others jokes. In this episode Lisa Kudrow tries to cover up laughing at a joke Rachel makes at Phoebes expense.

It’s often said Friends™ works so well because, well, they seem like real friends. When I pointed out to my partner that Lisa stifled a laugh, she disagreed and saw it rather as Phoebe laughing at Rachel’s joke. The casts use of their amusement to strengthen their characters – much like how we laugh with our Real Live Friends – is one of my favourite things about re-watching the show.

Another highlight is Marcel dancing to Lion Sleeps Tonight. So far there’s been a lot less of the iconic monkey than I remember. (That might be the greatest sentence I've ever written.) But this definitely sticks in my mind as one of his classic scenes. There’s another running joke as poker brings out “competitive Monica” and one of my own running jokes continues too thanks to Chandler’s choice of shirt.

A black shoulder stripe with a different coloured bottom... is this an episode of Friends™ or Star Trek™?

No, turns out it’s just another weird incidence of 90s fashion coming back. (Incidentally if anyone knows the name of that style of shirt please tell me. I’ve been wanting one ever since I realised it’s now fine to essentially walk around dressed as a Star Trek™ character. But I never know what to Google™.)

The crux of this episode, its ace in the hole if you will, is the continuing development of Ross and Rachel.

Their sparring during the poker game – with Rachel eager to prove women can play just as well as men – allows Ross to finally be more comfortable around her. As anyone who’s ever got with someone they fancy knows: being comfortable in yourself and not letting your feelings make you act like a fool is key to success. I embarrassed myself several times when I attempted to woo my partner during school. It was only after I moved away from home for several years and became happier with myself that something happened between us.

Or maybe she’d just lowered her standards by then.

I suppose in that way our relationship mirrors that of Ross and Rachel. I am hesitant to give her the title of Rachel Number 2 however, as she’s actually incredible at poker. Seriously, she once won hundreds of pounds after being severely underestimated by a group of men in a casino! One day I will defeat her... One day...

Perhaps I, myself, should be Rachel Number 2? After all I’ve had a similar experience recently of a job interview that I thought went well. At least Rachel gets the courtesy of a rejection phone call. I’m STILL waiting to hear about that job. Although it’s not quite as bad as when I managed to be so unmemorable at an interview they emailed me two weeks later asking if I still wanted come for an interview.

Anyway, I can’t be Rachel Number 2 as:

1. My partner would never let me win at poker.
2. I’ve just a got a promotion.

Oh sorry, did I forget to mention?

Yes, it turns out that, despite previously moaning that “getting a promotion in real life isn’t quite as simple as quitting and waiting”, it is actually possible to get one by doing nothing but waiting.

My “cannibal boss” has given me an offer I can’t refuse – a pay-rise in exchange for leaving my other part-time job and working for her full time. This means I’m still Chandler Number 3, I’ve just got promoted and quit in the wrong order...

The problem is I don’t really know how to quit. I’ve never left a job before! My lack of quitting experience is probably why I ended up staying in the same “temp job” for three years. That and my fear of failing if I ever try hard at anything.

I always say I would have left a year ago – much like Chandler – if it didn’t coincide with me and my partner moving in together. But I wonder if I would have had the guts to do it? I’m only comfortable leaving now that I’ve definitely got a better offer. I couldn’t even decide whether to take the offer at first. Thankfully the agonising decision was made easier when I told my other boss I might be leaving and they looked more relieved than anything.

It seems weird I’ve been thinking and talking about leaving for so long and now it’s finally come everything’s happened so quickly. And with so little fanfare.

But we play the cards we are dealt. Except in Ross’s case as he, very sweetly, let’s Rachel win to make her feel better.

I guess there’s more to this episode than poker after all.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

I continued making amends for my cliff-hanger this week with a romantic evening for my partner.

This included a foot-bath and a lovely home-cooked stir-fry. Or at least it would have if I hadn’t forgotten to check which ingredients we had. This led to a very awkward moment when we realised we’d have to come up with new plans for dinner half-way through the foot-bath. I don’t know if you’ve ever been crouched on the floor massaging someone’s feet in rapidly cooling water whilst having a terse discussion about where to eat? But I wouldn’t recommend it. Especially if you’re dressed as a naked butler.

“So are what are you going to do?” Rachel Number 1 asked about my would-be seducer.

“Well I’ve got several options... quit my job to remove temptation, embark on a clandestine affair or tell her in no uncertain terms that nothing will happen as I’m very happy with my current relationship.”

“Well the last one sounds best to me.”

“I agree but...”

“But? You’re not seriously considering cheating?”

“Of course not! It’s just...”

“Oh God, you’re going to put this in the blog aren’t you?”

“I need a cliffhanger! The timing is perfect!”

“I don’t know how your partner puts up with you...”

“The One Where My Cliffhanger Gets Me Into Hot Water”

OK, hands up who thought I was actually about to embark on an affair?

Keep your hands up if you think, if I was, I would be dumb enough to share it on the internet?

Well thanks a lot... your confidence in me (or lack of it) is noted...

I hope you enjoyed my little attempt at a cliffhanger. A public blog really isn’t the best way to let your partner know someone’s attempting to seduce you. I really put my relationship on the line for you guys!

Still, my partner finding out through the blog probably would have been preferable to what actually happened – which was her finding a rather racy Facebook™ message the young woman sent me. I’m not trying to brag here. In fact I will happily state it’s been a very long time since anyone has shown the slightest interest in me sexually. But naturally I got a little caught up in the flattery and failed to shut down the situation immediately as I should have.

This led to a rather serious conversation with my partner.

We talked about whether we’re still happy, and how we can keep each other fulfilled in our hobbies and careers, whilst making sure we still have a good time together. After we’d spoken some more about what an idiot I was and how I could make things right I started making dinner. We were sorting out making sure the time we spend together can be “quality time” and not just conversations about mortgages and children. Weirdly my body chose that moment for the floodgates to open and I started crying as I told her how much I hated what a shithole our flat was. How it ground me down coming back to all the mess after work. And how I’d showered at my parents the day before as I couldn’t stand how grim ours had got.

My partner, understandably annoyed about me making the situation about myself, started furiously scrubbing the shower. I tried to get her to stop but she’s pretty tenacious for someone so small and I was left with no other option – I had to get in the shower.

Clothes off or on? There was no time... I whipped my phone out my pocket and, as my phone landed safely on the sofa with a thud, dived into the shower.

Thankfully it was worth it and all our tears turned back to smiles as she gleefully sprayed me with water. In the face. Repeatedly.

With the crisis averted, and us both feeling a little more positive about the future again, we settled down to watch the next episode of Friends™. After a brief rub down with a towel and a change of clothes.

As my partner has recently been spending more time watching ER than visiting it she was excited to see George Clooney (and the other one) pop up. Albeit confused to see their names had changed due to the unofficial nature of the crossover... The doctors and hospital faced similar confusion as Rachel and Monica swapped names to avoid Rachel having to pay for health care. Hang on... What? They pay for healthcare!? America is a strange place.

Unfortunately for the two Friends™ this name swapping gave them ample opportunity to insult one another – ruining their chances with Clooney in the process. I wouldn’t worry Rachel... I’m sure you’ll have plenty of other opportunities to seduce A-List movie stars as the series progresses. But they struck upon an interesting point here: It is always easy for us to embarrass our friends.

Intimate knowledge gained from years of friendship gives us a tremendous amount of power over our Real Live Friends. Thanks to the internet there’s also a growing unease felt by people about how much of themselves they share. Not surprising, given some of the stuff I could tell you about my friends! (And vice versa).

But the bonds of friendship (as well as the mutually assured destruction) keep us from over-sharing. I think this is a big part of being an adult too, knowing when to share and when to keep schtum. When to remain silent and when’s the perfect time to bring out that hilarious anecdote about your friend getting their willy stuck in the refrigerator door.

As I’ve been reminded this week: it’s always easiest to hurt the people we care about the most.

This is explored in the episode as well: as, to Phoebe’s dismay, Joey’s tryst with Ursula continues. Lisa Kudrow does an excellent job, both in playing the twin characters but also in bringing out the emotion of Phoebe’s experience. Particularly in the last scene where she pretends to be Ursula to let Joey down gently and he finally comes through for her.

I’m not what you’d call a typical shipper (largely because the series ended over ten years ago) but it does almost seem a shame that nothing ever happened between Phoebe and Joey.

Back in real life, inspired by Phoebe’s party, we’ve decided to host our own little party to finish washing away our troubles. And to distract us from talk of mortgages. So come back (please) next time to see how that goes. Who knows maybe I’ll even have my own Gunther pop up in the background of our party?

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Me temo que si usted habla español esta broma se perderá en usted... Pero no estaba poniendo el televisor a Marcel divertida español.  Y la etiqueta sobrecopiada al final del episodio fue genial! Bueno aquí está mi intento de hacer lo mismo. Es la versión en Vivo Real Amigos si se quiere. O copiándome Amigos™ si no lo hará. De todos modos es mi blog y creo que el incidente de la ducha era probablemente lo suficientemente grande para mí a abandonar teniendo un Momento Sitcom Real Vivo separada por una vez. Espero que me perdonen. Ciao

Hrrm... I didn’t really think about this when I started.

How do I deal with two-part episodes? Do I watch them in one go and do a bumper blog? Or try and mirror their format with my own two-parter? Will it be weird my life jumping ahead two weeks if the next episode follows on immediately? Does anyone even care?

I don’t think any of us wants an extra long entry (oo-err) so perhaps I will keep the episodes split and see what happens.

But how do I incorporate a cliff-hanger into the blog? This episode not only ends with multiple threads unresolved but a very literal cliff-hanger as Rachel is left dangling from the side of her building - with nothing but Christmas tree decorations stopping her fall.

And all because “SOMEONE was supposed to take down the Christmas decorations around New Years!” but didn’t...

I had a good chuckle at this as our kitchen was cluttered with boxes of decorations for several months after Christmas. Despite repeatedly asking my partner to take them on the fifteen minute journey back to her mother’s garage.

Anyway, a two-part episode leaves a lot more space for multiple plot-lines so there’s a lot to get through. Here’s a few of the things we don’t really have time to talk through in more detail:

1. They’ve updated the credits. Quite a common occurrence midway through a season. By this point they’ve finished shooting a lot more footage so have extra stuff to run with.
2. Helen Hunt’s appearance garners another sitcom entry applause in the second of two crossovers with fellow New York sitcom Mad About You™ - where Phoebe’s sister Ursula originated. (The first crossover was earlier this season when the Friends™ experienced a blackout created by Helen Hunt in her show)
3. After her confusing exchange with Helen Hunt, Phoebe goes and sits next to a completely random guy in the coffee shop. I don’t know if he’s supposed to be a friend of hers? It seemed like he wasn’t, but this is completely alien to me. As a Londoner I can’t think of anything more awkward than going and sitting next to someone I don’t know in a coffee shop.
4. The African-American character count goes up by one for the first time in several episodes at Carol’s maternity class. Although I haven’t been keeping a specific count, already at this early point, the under representation of black characters (for which Friends™ has received much criticism) is readily apparent.
5. The return of Mr Heckles!

 “The One Where I Try and Have a Cliffhanger”

Chandler’s string of luck with unrealistically attractive women continues as he embarks on an office place romance. Having never been single and employed at the same time I’ve never had the opportunity for one. Mind you, if I worked in a place that used acroynyms like WENUS and ANUS I’d probably be pretty tempted too. Imagine the sexual tension!

I doubt I’d enmesh myself in a complicated web of lies though, as Chandler does when he can’t bring himself to fire his new squeeze. It seems promotions can have their downsides. With great office space comes great responsibility.

Inevitably Chandler loses control of the situation – failing to maintain his new relationship by blurting “will you marry me?” as a last ditch attempt to cover his lies. At least we now know where Maeby from Arrested Development™ got that quirk from.

Elsewhere Phoebe gets a welcome bit of character development as we're introduced to her previously mentioned twin. I only know one twin: the partner of my best Real Live Friend (of trouser biting dog fame). Next time I see her I’ll be sure to ask how her experience compares to that of Phoebe. There wont be any similar issues to Joey dating Ursula in my life though as her sister is already in a committed relationship.

But it really is tragic hearing more of Phoebe’s past. Her back-story is unusually dark as this fan theory explores. I believe it was already mentioned (via song) that her mother killed herself but I was still surprised when it popped up again.

Rachel: So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
*laughter*
Rachel: Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn?
Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.

Ah, bath salts... the eternal gift. Whether covering for a forgotten anniversary or erasing the memory of a dead parent, is there nothing they can’t do?

I also noticed that Phoebe is wearing what, I’m reliably informed, is called a “choker”. Funnily enough the six year old little terror on my Ireland trip was also wearing one. The 90s fashion renaissance really is in full swing!

Speaking of fashion, I just noticed how stylish Susan always is. I’m not sure I can even blame Carol for leaving Ross at this point. The trio head over to their maternity class with first Carol and then Ross freaking out over the dawning reality of their incumbent parenthood. And I can understand Ross’s position, if he can’t control Marcel how can he be a father? By the same token, what kind of father will I be when I can’t even remember to get cat-food in our weekly shop?

I realise it probably seems silly the amount of time I’m spending talking about children when it’s still several years off for me. It certainly feels silly the amount of time I spend thinking about it – when it’s so irrelevant to my current life. But this is one of the major differences between Friends™ and my own life. Although my Real Live Friends are largely in relationships they all seem less serious somehow than the ones in Friends™. Only one of my Real Live Friends is married with another wedding scheduled next year. Children still seem far off.

But people all move at different speeds and this is why it’s weighing so heavily on my thoughts. I’ve been informed that next year’s wedding couple are keen to pop as soon as they drop (so to speak).

Most surprisingly two of my closest male Real Live Friends have recently ended up as surrogate fathers through their new relationships. The immediacy and shock of this, they’re both the last people I would have expected to end up with such responsibility at this age, has brought my apprehensions of my own future to the fore.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Despite me complaining last time about the lack of realism in the Friends™ visiting each other at work my Rachel Number 1 actually came to visit me at work this week!

We had an excellent catch-up conversation. Among other things her parents have thrown caution to the wind and gotten married after 37 years! She said it was great fun as the family laughed together at the registry office. But was less enthused when her father informed her a week later that the marriage had yet to be consummated.

I hadn’t quite realised how much I’d missed her until the conversation got a little deeper and we both shared our frustrations at how sick we are of the amount of time we spend thinking about things that don’t interest us – children, traffic, house prices. Being an adult sucks.

I really needed it if I’m honest. I’ve been feeling down in the dumps lately. I’ve been drinking again. Getting back from holiday and our flat being a mess, starting work again and feeling useless, not being able to afford anything, it’s really got me down.

“And to top it all off”, as I told Rachel Number 1, “my attractive young co-worker has just told me she’s got the hots for me.”

Silence fell, Ross’s words ringing in my ears:

 “You don’t dip your pen in the company ink.”

“Sorry I can’t watch your dance, there’s slug slime all over the chopping board.”

And with one sentence I bring my partner back to the humdrum reality of everyday life...

We’ve had a simply dreadful fortnight. We’ve just got back from seeing her relatives in Ireland, and before that I went skiing with my dad and sisters. Awful.

Still it’s nice to be back among the damp, burnt lampshades and constantly mewling cats. Did I mention the lampshade? No I didn’t? Well, just before we went away, my partner called to report a burning smell in our flat. After much searching we finally discovered our lovely “make your own pattern” lampshade had fallen on to the light bulb. Where it was steadily melting above our bed.

Half way through the first season and I already could have been killed in my sleep twice!!

“The One Where I Use Up All My Remaining Annual Leave”

First, some things I noticed about the episode that don’t relate to my life:

1. “And a hot cider for Monica” – I... what? No. That’s a thing? Jeez... Just no Monica.
2. Ross dating a woman dressed as Han Solo – I can't relate to this at all as my partner never wears waistcoats. Although my ex-girlfriend and I did once go to a party dressed as Han and Leia. My buns looked great.
3. Ross can’t talk dirty and only ended up cuddling – Unlike Ross I’m all talk in the bedroom, slamming out smut and filth with reckless abandon.
   (Incidentally this also means the “Ross Sexual Partner Count” is still only at 1).
4. The masterful slow comic timing in the sex talk practise scene, eking out every laugh to build the audience to applause – I have a terrible sense of timing, particularly where sex is concerned. As I said, I’m all talk.

Speaking of bedroom talk, my partner regularly talks in her sleep. So I was particularly looking forward to enjoying a whole week of unbroken sleep on my ski holiday. No sleep-talking, duvet-stealing or door-banging cats. (My partner is the one stealing the duvet, not the cats).

But imagine my horror at discovering, upon our arrival at the hotel, that I would be sharing a room with my father! He could snore in the Olympics. Though I doubt he’d win a medal. As there isn’t one. It'd just be a large antipodean asleep in the stands, loudly putting off the athletes. But it was pretty horrific, and that’s before you consider the nightmares caused by his lack of compunction over walking around naked! Cats come back all is forgiven...

Aside from the room it was a fantastic holiday and a real chance for me to catch up with my family. This included finding out that my sister has been trying for a child ever since her wedding! No one tells me anything...

I also found out my dad’s got pretty heavily into a vitamin addiction. Within the first few hours our hotel room had enough pills lying around to make Bez envious.

There was quite a strange crossover with this weeks episode too as we had an abundance of amuse-bouches on our holiday. The influence of Friends™ on my family is clear as we immediately started quoting Chandlers “well, it IS amusing...” once we were handed them, and weirdly this was before I’d even watched the episode. What are the chances? About the same as the chances of me and Joey enjoying “whipped fish”.

My sister is yet to be blessed with child but I got a chance to flex my “uncle muscles” with my partner’s relatives in Ireland.

I say uncle, actually the little terrors were my partner’s mother’s cousin’s children. I’m not sure what that makes me, but everyone said I was good with them at least... I didn’t really know what I was doing, I just tried to keep a sense of fun and act how my own older cousins acted when I was a child. I think I got away with it. With so many new relatives around it felt like I was being auditioned for my prospective fatherhood skills (or lack thereof) but they were generous, pleasant and lovely, so the holiday was too!

Weirdly, I think my abiding memory will be us all crammed around a tiny table in a cafe. The Irish certainly don’t skimp on food (despite certain historical tragedies...) so I could only laugh when the waitress brought out our food on giant plates and they had to be pieced together on the table like a jigsaw puzzle to fit.

Anyway, it’s all back to work now and this week Chandler has the opposite experience when he quits his job.

Much like Chandler I’ve been stuck in what was initially supposed to be a “temp job” for several years. Real Live Friends hasn’t quite taken over my life enough for me to follow his lead and quit so I'll be stuck there a while longer. On the plus side my wish of being a Chandler has been granted as I'm now Chandler Number 3!

But, if truth be told, I have been umming and ahhing over leaving for a while myself; largely as getting a promotion in real life isn’t quite as simple as quitting and waiting for my boss to ring - with an offer of a shiny new office, shiny new pay rise, and a shiny new assistant. I wouldn’t mind if my Real Live Friends visited me at work every now and then; as Phoebe does when she goes to see Chandler’s new office. Once again perhaps Friends™ has just given me unrealistic expectations of the amount of free time working adults have.

Shouldn’t Phoebe be massaging people rather than swanning about in Chandler’s office?

My doldrums at returning to work have been further exacerbated by finding out how little effect my absence has had. Apparently things have been ticking over fine without my presence; apart from a minor build up of paperwork that no-one else seems concerned with (my own personal Wenus...).

It’s nice to feel needed. I imagine.

One man who certainly doesn’t need to imagine being appreciated is Jon Lovitz, who becomes the first Friends™ guest star to live the “audience applauding guest star entrance” sitcom cliché. He proves more than worth it with his great turn as a stoned restaurateur and it’s no surprise the character is brought back later. Although some surprise that it isn’t till the 9th season! I’m gona have to wait 9 whole years??

I need to sit down. The enormity of this project suddenly hit me...

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

We have a volunteer at my work, who I suppose is the closest thing I have to an assistant.

The other day I was telling her about Ross Number 1’s stag weekend: we all remembered how in school we used to rip the pockets off of peoples badly made shirts when I drunkenly tried to do the same to Ross’s shirt. Needless to say he wasn’t too happy about having to spend the rest of the weekend with the front of his shirt held together with a safety pin.

“My Assistant” wasn’t happy either when, after hearing the story, she tugged at her pocket to test the strength of the stitches only to accidentally tear a hole in her own shirt!