Rachel and Ross are finding it hard to go out and let their hair down. Chandler can only come back for one day see Monica or Joey. And my wife and I are agonizing over who gets to do what for New Years.
Yet Ross still manages to find the time to openly stare at Rachel’s tits.
He gets a pass as he’s staying in with the baby so Rachel can go out properly for the first time. And he’s invited Paul Rudd over for the evening. How sweet!
You better not make any moves Ross! Rudd is mine….
“The One With the Alcoholics”
In the end, I needn’t have worried. It turns out Ross and Rudd have zero chemistry. Their awkward chat taking me right back to the office Christmas party. (At least we had karaoke!)
To be fair to Ross (as much as I’m loathe to be fair to Ross at this point), he does put in a fair bit more effort than Rudd, who ruthlessly crushes every conversation starter with a monosyllabic answer. Who does he think he is, my dad?
Couldn’t he at least tell us about the time he was in Clueless™?
They end up spending the whole time drinking and waiting around doing very little. Not dissimilar to my experience of Christmas as a parent.
To preserve his night with Monica, Chandler pretends he’s not around to Joey. This leads to Joey suspecting her of an affair!
Honestly, this is the point Joey has become an absolute moron. All the unresolved feelings for Rachel must have finally pushed him into full blown alcoholism.
Once the affair stuff is straightened out, Monica agrees to let Chandler go out to a game with Joey. A gesture mirrored by my own wife letting me do my own thing for New Years for the first time since getting together. This is especially welcome as, like Joey, I’ve been drinking far too much, and it’s going to be great having one last blowout before I stop again come January.
But it all goes to pot when it turns out Joey got the wrong date for the game! They comfort him:
“Aw, nobody think’s your stupid, Jo”
Err… I do.
Speaking of stupidity. Why wouldn’t Paul Rudd just leave after they ate their pizza?? Surely once you’ve eaten there’s no obligation to stay? He’s still there now. Maybe, he too, can’t turn down the offer of free beer?
Rachel and Phoebe are also sensing the opportunity for some free booze. Leading some guys on in a club. I say “leading on” to be honest it’s absolutely fair for Rachel to give a guy her number if she wants to! But she confides in Phoebe that she feels guilty after getting excited earlier by a bit of eye contact from Ross. I’m not surprised she was so affected by it. Given how much time he spends looking at her tits.
Hang on a minute. She’s waiting around for Ross?!? If she wants to be with him why isn’t she just telling him? Did he say he didn’t want to be with her at some point? Wasn’t he basically saying “I’ll be there for you” only a few months ago?? I’m really lost at this point.
Lost like Rudd who’s, fortunately, still at Ross’s to be press-ganged into attempting to intercept any calls from the guy from the bar. Again... Why shouldn’t she be able to give away her phone number?!
It ends up being Ross who takes the message.
Before deciding he doesn’t want to give her the option of escape and crumpling it up.
Deeply controlling, and not a little bit sinister.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
The pull of alcohol is strong in my family.
I have it.
Son has it?
Yes he appears to be getting in there early, after my foolish brother-in-law left a half drunk bottle of beer on the floor on Christmas. In one chaotic moment we all looked over to see him (my son, not brother-in-law) attempting to take a sip from it, before I dashed over and wrestled if off of him.
This, unfortunately, turned out to be the start of something. And the next day at my parents, whilst unwrapping presents, he managed to sneakily grab my dad’s glass of red and run across the room with it, spilling it all over the carpet.
I wouldn’t have minded, he didn’t drink any, and it’s not my carpet.
But my dad was so annoyed at being blamed for it he stormed out and refused to open his presents.
Honestly. Who’s the real baby here?