Fair to say I’ve got a bit of post holiday blues. Despite being back for several weeks. It’s hard not to wonder if this is it now. Feeling crap and dissatisfied most of the time, praying for a holiday, getting a little one week break where a ray of light comes in, then it’s over. Back to all work and no play. A dull boy indeed.
Hopefully Rachel will have a better time of it.
“The One With the Mancrush”
Returning to work didn’t start too badly.
We had a big two day meeting where everyone gets a chance to get together. I felt involved and got on top of things. But then it goes back to working from home. Sitting in a box, watching the world go by on a screen as my life ticks down. All the while feeling a permanent sense of exhaustion.
Chandler, although seemingly better at his job than me, is struggling with being overtired too. And he hasn’t even got children yet! We really need to legitimise naps as part of the working day. Chandler ends up having a cheeky one in the office. Which I guess would have been fine. Just not DURING a meeting. Woken from his slumber, he desperately guesses a “yes” in a response to a question he didn’t hear, to discover he’s agreed to move to Oklahoma! (Queue gay joke...)
Monica’s not happy about it, so Chandler goes to set the record straight. I’ve no idea why he opens by telling his boss he fell asleep? Dude. Just tell them you talked it over with your wife and she didn’t want to move. They’ll understand.
Monica’s a little pre-occupied helping look after her niece. Yes, niece! It’s amazing how often I forget her and Ross are siblings… Almost as often as Ross forgets about Ben.
In a scene that could be straight out of my own life, Ross realises he’s left the nappies in the hospital and goes out to get more. Ah, pulling the old “someone needs to do this task!” trick to get out of looking after the kid itself. You can tell he’s not a first time dad.
Perhaps he did just forget? It’s easy to make that sort of mistake, especially when you’re sleep deprived. (Ask Chandler). It reminds me of the time we took our first born for a check up, only for her to have a massive “Poonami™” and us realise we hadn’t brought spare clothes. We’ve had few parent moments as embarrassing as taking our baby home from a hospital wearing nothing but a towel.
But what did you expect me to do? My clothes were covered in poo.
Ross heads out with “best friend” Joey (REALLY ROSS, I’m right here) to get more nappies, and a chance to clear the air over Joey’s “proposal”. It’s fair to say it doesn’t go great, after he discovers Joey can neither “understand” quotation marks, nor hold still long enough to take the punch he promises Ross to make up for things.
I tell you, Gunther’s face was an absolute picture when Ross hit a pipe instead.
I feel there’s a bit of a lost art of knowing your friends birthdays. One of those things superceded by modern technology. Or maybe I’m just a terrible friend? But if you ask me, Joey’s ahead of the curve on this one.
More confusingly, he says he thinks Rachel and Ross are meant to be together. Errm, what? If you think that why have you spent the last six months trying to be with her??
Somewhat typically, the women have all been left with a crying baby. I don’t want to “mansplain” “babies” here, but from my experience with newborns, she’s probably hungry.
That first time is a nightmare. When you don’t know what to do and you keep getting more stressed and that makes the baby more stressed and it’s like that every time something new or unexpected upsets them for, I guess, the next eighteen years?
If only the girls had a parent around who’d done it already… I mean Ross, not me. There’s no way I’m getting involved. Imagine a preppy English man trying to tell three women how to parent to their faces.
In the end, Monica has the magic touch, getting the baby to sleep and allowing Phoebe (and me) to hear the voices in our head again. Sorry, guys, whilst I’m delighted to find more evidence of Phoebe’s neurodivergence, do you mind if I duck out for bit? It’s bad enough constantly being bounced between two children screaming without adding a third.
And yet, I was speaking to Rachel Number One and Ross Number Two the other day about their impending parenthood. And found myself offering to help if they ever need it. Don’t know what came over me. Maybe I’m just excited they finally live a bit closer again?
Ross No. 2 called me out on this “thought you’d be sick of it?” Well yes (evidently), but the problem is, you always want to go back. By the time you’ve learned the lesson enough to actually enjoy the kid, they’ve moved onto the next stage.
And also, I think doing the whole thing as a bunch of friends/family rather than just two people might have been far more pleasant.
We are built to be a small tribe, ducking in and helping each other out. Yet we insist on the nuclear family, and that becomes the nucleus of families, and then you’re left with little time for your friends. The people you find it easiest to talk openly with about what the experience is actually like.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
We had a slight delay getting back from our holiday.
We loaded everything into the car only to find it wouldn’t start! Long term readers will know I’m quite unlucky with cars. And it appeared that, once again, I’d somehow drained the battery, without even using the car.
Not to fear though! Help was on the way, in the form of a rugged, older, Welsh man.
So am I now an expert in cars too?
Nope. I was far too busy thinking how sexy he was to listen.