Around a hundred Real Live Friends and Real Live Family gathered to see us go through what only one of the Friends™ has.
And now, as a married man, I am both further away from the Friends™ and happier than ever before.
Thankfully my wife didn’t pull a Rachel and leave me at the altar. I’m slowly getting used to saying “My Wife” (I still can’t bring myself to say “spouse”), but it does seem a bit possessive. “The Wife” is too dismissive in my book, but when you think it through, probably not as bad as saying “My”. One thing I know for certain, you can’t say “A wife”.
There was a moment at the altar where I was worried, as I stood there looking hotter than Tom Selleck’s head on Matt Le Blanc’s body. Not about her not showing up, worried that instead of saying “I do” she’d just say “you’ll do”.
But we said the right words (and names...) and now it’s done!
Ross Number One even managed to slip a Friends™ reference into his speech! Which was from a future episode so it went completely over my head… but everyone else seemed to enjoy it.
The day was beautiful. It was clear skies for us, even as the Friends™ are stuck in doors at the beach on a rainy day. It’s like they took the rain for us. Hopefully our luck holds for the honeymoon! After what happened last year I’m pretty worried about going away in hurricane season again…
“The One Where I Get Married”
I wasn’t allowed to wear a hat as part of my wedding costume (I’m not sure that’s the right word?).
I wish I had because Ross has given Rachel a huge one! Hat, I mean, although the renewed sexual tension between them is the crux of this season finale. Which once AGAIN ends on a cliffhanger – dammit, now I’m gona spend the WHOLE honeymoon wanting to know which room Ross picked!
We’re going to Vietnam so at least there’ll be ample opportunity for big hats. As long as it doesn’t get hurricane-d off… (Friends™ Gods be kind, that’s one real life cliff-hanger I would not like to be party to.)
I’ll be sure to drink plenty of Margarita’s, hopefully not out of boredom like the Friends™. It’s weird seeing people going on holiday and BEING bored, I can’t imagine that happening these days, with your smart-phones, and your e-books, and your learning about the Viet-Cong. Ok, perhaps I have a different definition of entertainment than others…
Maybe more crazy things would happen if we didn’t have smart-phones? It’s spurred the Friends™ onto a game of strip poker! Although, maybe that’s the Margarita’s…
One of the scavenger hunt tasks was to recreate some old photos of us all, including one from a game of strip poker! So we all took some of our clothes off for a (PG-13) photograph on the beach. Disappointingly, no-one went as far as Joey, and back at David the Science Guy’s wedding there was no skinny dipping either. Despite my best efforts…
The Friends™ are in an unusually frisky mood. Chatting to Ross’s new bae Bonny about all the places she’s had sex (I can pull off “bae” right?). Our whirlwind tour of Indo-China should give us plenty of opportunities to match her!
Maybe it’s the frisson of the stripping, and Bonny’s sex talk, but everyone’s flirting with each other. Even Chandler and Monica! Imagine that…
But Rachel and Ross are the big surprise, as their old feelings re-emerge. Unfortunately Bonny’s there… bloody unwanted guests! The wife… no, sorry, I’m gonna stick with “my wife”. MY wife had a couple come up to her at the wedding who we didn’t invite but were staying in the hotel and just wanted to see what the commotion was! Cheeky buggers…
Rachel’s got an out though! All she has to do is convince Bonnie to shave her head again and voila. How could Ross ever love someone with no hair… a little insulting to sufferers of alopecia perhaps but it makes for some good jokes? I find it a little too close to the bone (so to speak…) having only just cut off my lustrous Mohawk for the wedding.
Now my hair’s so boring!
I can’t remember ever being bored on trips I’ve done with Real Live Friends. Even when we’re doing boring things like going on walks. I suppose you never remember those moments when nothing is happening. It’s cruel that, at the time, they last the longest but the best times come and go in a flash. After a year of planning the wedding has gone in an instant.
It’s like David the Science Guy said at the wedding:
“Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on Earth can you explain, in terms of Chemistry and Physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.”
Well, technically it was Einstein who said that. I thought it would be funny to get a scientist to do a wedding reading, by a scientist, which is against science explaining everything. But isn’t it better that love is unexplained?
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
I’m going to break with tradition here.
There is no Real Live Sitcom Moment. No cliff-hanger in sight. Everything was faultless.
Mum got over-enthusiastic with the confetti and shoved it down my wife’s top. My 75 year old Australian Aunt still made it despite falling down the stairs on the morning of the wedding. And the photographer managed to avoid racially abusing anyone.