I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news. I’m still coming to terms with it, but my wonderful fiancé hasn’t come back from his stag do. I was worried sick all week until I got the call from Ross Number One.
The bastard was right. He didn’t make it. And WORST OF ALL he would have said this was all evidence of some burgeoning psychic power. That he’d predicted yet another thing happening to him. Well look where his STUPID Friends OBSESSION lead him. And now he’s gone and left me six weeks before the wedding. I don’t know what to do.
I know he would have wanted me to carry on this stupid project. So I guess, I’ll try, maybe that’ll help me come to terms with things?
Oh look, it’s Ben Stiller! How exciting. Letting his anger get the better of him and having it burst out. Just like my fiancé used to. It’s all tied up neatly when Chandler finds him yelling at the duck.
I SUPPOSE that’s like the argument my fiancé had with his sister before he left? She’s just got a dog which came round and terrified our poor cats. Oh god our poor cats… What am I going to do!
There’s a picture of an avocado in Monica’s kitchen? He would have loved that. Probably made some stupid joke about Friends predicting hipsters…
I just, can’t believe he’s dead.
OK, OK. It’s me! Janice and I are fine. She’s safely at work. I’m snuggled with the cats, still smarting over the confrontation with my sister’s dog.
Hopefully you realised my joke there. You really should have, firstly because Janice would never carry on the project in the event of my untimely death (she hates it). But mostly because she DEFINITELY wouldn’t call me wonderful. Especially after pretending I’d died…
The stag was fine in the end. So far as I’m aware no-one even threw up. We did have one person faint, but I think it was just the heat. (I believe that makes him Me Number 3?)
We mostly managed to stay out of trouble, but were briefly chased by the police when the pirate ship we were attempting to learn how to sail got a bit too close to a warship.
But anyway, we’re here for Friends™ not for me to brag.
There’s an odd throwaway line about Chandlers watch not working. I’ve been wearing a watch that doesn’t work for several months now. Strange. My dad came and stood over me whilst I was watching TV and asked if I’d like my Grandpa’s watch. Unfortunately I’d recently watched Pulp Fiction so I blurted out “as long as it hasn’t been up Christopher Walken’s ass”.
Looks like Friends™ isn’t the only thing influencing my life.
I decided to wear the watch to honour my Grandpa’s memory. I got it in my head that if I fixed it it would cease to be a memento, as I would be wearing it for functional purposes. This annoyed Janice no end as she repeatedly pointed out I could honour the memory of my Grandpa and still know what time it was.
But a part of me felt like the watch had stopped, if not at his death then soon after, and somehow this connected me to the funeral I had missed, which still existed, frozen in time on the other side of the world.
It may sound silly but I think it helped. I’ve now stopped wearing the watch and feel I’ve come to terms with his death, one year on. I think I’m finally ready to take his memorial DVD out of the freezer.
Waiting is a bit of a theme this week, with Phoebe waiting on hold for hours, and the premiere of Joey’s long awaited play (including a short but sweet third appearance from his agent Estelle).
We’ve spent the last month waiting to hear if our THIRD attempt to buy is house is going to go through. At this point any joy we may have felt at the prospect of moving out my parents house has well and truly been sucked from the process. Like Phoebe we’ve spent hours trying to get in contact with the sellers to move things forward only to be stuck in some sort of hellish answer phone limbo.
I was further disappointed by Friends™ not showing us Joey’s play and skipping straight to the fallout. But what a treat it was when they finally had it!
Hopefully the same doesn’t happen with the house…
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
Just a couple of little things from the Stag:
Monica Number 2 rode the recent success of the England football team very highly. With a fetching waistcoat making up part of his pirate costume, a drunk guy insisted on buying him numerous Jaegerbombs™ after mistaking him for Gareth Southgate.
Meanwhile Joey Number 1 is contemplating changing his name to a more memorable one. He was greeted by howls of laughter after asking “what do you guys think of the name Hunter?”
Oh Joey Number 1¸ I think it’s a great name… for a dog. I might start calling him Old Yeller.