A week after me complaining about the flashbacks and here’s your response.
“The One With the Christening”
It’s a bit of a gendered one this week. The boys are planning Ross’s stag do, and the girls are dealing with Phoebe’s pregnancy mood swings. No prizes for guessing which I relate to more...
All the best man politics is pretty familiar. But I had a lot less drama; cunningly splitting my two potentials between ring duties and speech/stag.
One thing I struggled with, which the Friends™ boys brush over immediately, was whether to invite women. I like to think I value my female friends as much as the guys, and try to be a good little feminist, but I let the side down here. It was just the simplest way of getting the numbers to a more manageable level, you know?
I know, I know, I’m a bad feminist! Thankfully my wife, kindly, invited them all to her hen.
Which, of course, resulted in them all seeing a crude manifestation of my junk.
What happened was my wife’s brosmaid, (which is like a bridesmaid but a guy), rang me up and said “how would you feel, for a little hen-do prank, about making a dildo from your own penis?” (You can get these little kits). I said “well, that very much depends if you’ll be there when I do it…” But I decided to do it. You know, for the crack… But it turns out...
It’s quite hard to maintain an erection when you’re secretly making a dildo in your mums house.
So I was there desperately fluffing myself. Got half way up, thought "screw it" and stuck it in. And the job was done. I had to weigh up if I was ok with my female friends seeing this monstrosity (them, unfortunately having no choice in the matter). And decided I was fine with it, knowing my wife would find it hilarious. I just made sure the brosmaid let them know it was only a semi. Got to keep them on side in case the wedding doesn’t pan out!
Hopefully I atoned for my poor feminism through another similarity with Friends™, my insistence (along with Ross) of “no strippers”.
Joey, obviously, ignores Ross’s request. And lucky Joe! As she decides to stick around after the party. Before I met my wife she had the gender flipped version of this. The stripper at her sisters hen-do refused to leave, hitting on her, and one of the sisters friends before claiming he couldn’t drive home as he’d had a drink. My mother-in-laws curt response as she forced him out the door: “OK, well you can sleep it off in your car!”
A smart thing, given Joey’s just lost Ross’s ring. The bloody fool! Thankfully my ring-bearer never lost mine as I was smart enough to wait until the day of the wedding to give him it. Although we did nearly have the same problem when David the Science Guy almost lost his ring in the sea on my stag. Shh, don’t tell the bride…
Ross’s ring is supposedly a family heirloom, which begs the question, did he give it to Carol on his first go? Did he awkwardly have to ask for it back? If not, why is he only using it now?? I’m not sure they thought this one through…
Fortunately they find the ring inside the duck (the phrases this show makes me write…), vindicating the stripper, and Ross solves his dilemma by asking both men to be his best men. Honestly Friends, you’re just copying me now.
Elsewhere Phoebe get’s a non-baby shower, with gifts for her to enjoy once the babies are given to her brother. She proves even more ungrateful when it comes to presents than me. Something, something, pregnancy, babies.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
Sorry, I’m a bit babied out. We just had my nephews christening, and are about to go to a birthday party for another one.
The christening was lovely, although I was a little offended to not be a Godparent. I suppose it does make more sense to pick someone who actually believes in God…
It was great to see everyone, and a doubly happy occasion as my other sister has finally moved out my parents! (She’s 28 years old…)
I asked my dad if he was happy to no longer have to hear my mother and her arguing. His response?
“No, because now your mum argues with me instead.”