It’s been a bit of a busy one.

I’m trying to fix our lawn after killing most of it. It turns out leaves take a lot longer to decompose than I thought. AND YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE THEM ON THE GRASS. Why are they even called "leaves"?!?

Oh, why didn’t the Friends™ writers include an episode on gardening! Honestly, how am I supposed to learn all these adult things if the show that’s, supposedly, about “adulting” doesn’t teach me!

It’s really been stressing me out. Things got so bad it took me five hours at work to realise I’d only spoke about that and hadn’t even mentioned becoming an uncle. Always good to have your priorities straight… I suppose one of the positives of a child compared to a lawn is it mostly grows of its own accord.

Certainly in Ross’s case the kid seems to need a lot less maintenance than a garden.

 “The One Where I Accidentally Do Ramadan”

Yep, Ben is back for the first time in forever. No doubt heralded by the arrival of my own Ben Number One. He’s not a big feature, mostly appearing to set-up Emily showing Susan round London. And Ross’s ensuing jealousy and paranoia.

Isn’t it great when your ex-wife’s lesbian lover goes on holiday with your new partner? We’ve all been there. This is the sort of everyday relatable storyline we’ve come to love. Rachel will be accidentally getting her boobs out in front of Josh’s parents next…

Spoke too soon.

I think this storyline is finally growing on me. Rachel cooking for Josh for the first time reminds me of when my wife and I started dating. Although, unlike Rachel, I didn’t cheat by getting my friend to cook for me.

But I think all involved wish I had.

It was back when I lived at mum’s house the first time after university. My wife often reminds me of mum opening the door for her and exclaiming “I’m not letting him cook for you here again!”

I thought all the effort, mess, and arguments with my mother would be worth it. But it turned out my choice of what was essentially a pancake with noodles in it went down about as well as a… well, a noodle pancake.

Luckily for Rachel, “her” meal is a big hit! Until they have to upend the whole date to Josh’s parents when he’s freaked out by the chick and duck.

Farmyard birds is a pretty interesting phobia to have, if I’m honest it makes Ross’s fear of Susan stealing his woman again seem pretty reasonable.

But people do have these weird fears! I was reminded recently that David the Science Guy has an irrational fear of exposed corners. I’ve never noticed it being particularly debilitating but his wife now routinely covers potentially troublesome corners with napkins. What some might call sweet, I consider enabling.

But the Chick and Duck aren't the real scary thing in this episode... *shudder*

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

I am feeling a lot better about the garden now. If it grows it grows. Let it be. Que Sera Sera. Hakuna Matata, C’est La Vie, Zig-a Zig ah. Etc.

It’s been helped by a little holiday to Morocco. It’s been a location goal for us for a while so it was nice to finally make it! Less nice was whichever meal it was that gave me horrendous shits.

This meant me having to delve much deeper into the culture than I intended, joining in with Ramadan fasting for a few days whilst I recuperated. I’m not sure how I feel about Friends™ influencing my life being extended to just anywhere I go having an impact. What if I go to Barcelona and get randomly attacked by a bull? Go to Berlin and get split in two? Go to Israel and be forced to take part in the Eurovision™ song contest?

The worst thing about my dodgy stomach is it interfered with the Friends™ gods wishes from last time! No giant Toblerone™ for me…

Zomgosh, I love it.

Ross flying to England for Emily, Emily flying back to the US. (This is one expensive hook-up). How romantic!

But the curse of Friends™ struck again when we had a (much shorter) journey to London. Our train was jam packed with drunk rugby players! Fortunately they didn’t give us any trouble, and I avoided having to go “Red RLF”. Hopefully this means I’m due a free Toblerone™ in a few weeks?

I’m delighted that Ross taking a chance on Emily pays off!

EMILY AND ROSS FOR EVER <3 <3 <3

Sorry I appear to have become a teenage girl… maybe it’s all the hormones in the air?

“The One With the Nibling”

Yes, it’s happened! Call me the man from U.N.C.L.E.

I’m now the proud relative of a little “Nibling” (apparently the gender neutral term for nephew/niece).

So far he doesn’t seem to do much but fart and vomit. Like he’s stuck in a perpetual hangover. Boy, just wait till your 20s! But I’m surprised how strongly I feel bonded with him already. It’s been great seeing him, and worrying over every little strange sound.

I’m a little annoyed though. Phoebe’s only just found out she’s having triplets. This is all way too early! Couldn’t my sister have held out a little longer?! God, she’s so selfish.

Coming to terms with the triplets is a big deal for Phoebe, but more so Alice and Frank.

How will they afford three times as many babies? It’s a good question, and Phoebe comes up with one idea I love for the era of driverless cars: The Relaxi-Taxi™. Hop in and get a massage whilst you’re transported to your destination! That’s basically Niblings life, comfy transportation and a massage after every meal. LIVING. THE. DREAM.

I’m sure I’ll regret saying this if it comes to it, but I’d prefer to have twins. Seeing as we want two anyway it makes sense to get the hard part over with as quick as possible! Though maybe not from my wife’s point of view…

Speaking of different points of view, the show’s continued its generally poor representation of B.A.M.E. characters. So it’s nice to see Phoebe’s doctor played by a B.A.M.E. actor, even if she gets less screen time than the porn on Chandler and Joey’s TV. Mr Treeger is back too, all too briefly. It’s a bit of a shame after such a wonderful turn earlier in the series.

(Any excuse to watch this again…)

Regarding Chandler and Joey, it’s weird seeing two men, who are almost thirty, get excited at the prospect of accidentally getting free porn. Guys haven’t you heard of the internet?

Other people far better versed than me have more interesting things to say on the effects of widespread free porn. I fall more into the Josh camp, even with the ridiculously easy access, I usually prefer to use my imagination.

Chandler: Oh-oh, yeah, and did he also say that ah, some of the dialogue was corny and that he actually found it was funny and not sexy?
Rachel: Yes!
Joey: Yeah, he likes porn.

Shut up Joey! I do not like it. I mean, fine, sometimes it does the job when I’m bored. OK?!

But like it? How could anyone like scrolling past wave after wave of videos they find deeply distasteful, until you finally find the granny porn you’ve been looking for.

One guy I don’t envy is whoever had to compile the PG-13 porn that plays in the background of the entire episode. I assume that’s how they did it. And they didn’t just edit around it. Imagine David Schwimmer’s rage at having the perfect take ruined because they accidentally caught the money shot in the background?

Another thing I just noticed is how weird it feels the Friends™ still being in the wrong apartments.

It’s like my memory has blocked out this whole period when things are switched around. I think I’m crossing into a grey zone. I know I binge watched the first 3-4 series when I was young, and followed the rest of the show in my teens. But this episode came out in 1998 when I was still in primary school.

Maybe I haven’t seen the whole series before? There must be some gaps from now to season 7 or so. How exciting!!

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

So I had the little Nibling on my lap for the first time (let’s call him Ben Number 1).

Lying on his back he started doing a little sick. Now, I would have thought in this situation my first instinct would be too protect my jumper. But I instantly knew to roll him on to his side!

And people say I learned nothing at university.

All those times caring for drunk people finally paid off!