We’re hitting quite the pace as we approach the end of the season!

And now, with this two-parter, I think I’ll go straight on next week too.  I’ve still got a lot of catching up to do, and I don’t think it’ll take Rachel two whole weeks to get to London…

 “The One With the Tooth Fairy”

The Friends™ are in London for Emily and Ross’s wedding. Gee, I sure hope they don’t get COLD FEET™

There’s a real sense of excitement from the characters (with the exclusion of a world weary Chandler) and also the actors. Or at least those who got an expensive holiday out of it. Phoebe’s stuck cause of her pregnancy, and Rachel is still in New York (in this part) as she can’t bring herself to attend the wedding.

I can feel the excitement too, having just been to (yet another) wedding.

It was a bit of a weird one as neither me nor my wife knew many people there. But it was impossible not to get sucked up in the joy of the situation! Like Joey, who is EXTREMELY excited about being in London. He even buys one of those awful Union Jack knick-knacks they sell to tourists.

From a man who looks suspiciously like Virgin™ owner Richard Branson.

Where’s my bloody broadband, Richard?

I hate those things, why is it flags and pomp always appeal more to foreigners than the people living here? I suppose it’s safer for them to flirt with nationalism from the other side, without risking all the damage it’s causing us currently.

It’s appropriate the Friends™ are travelling as the Friends™ Sofa is doing a world tour at the moment, to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the show. As if anyone’s still obsessed with the show 25 years later…

Ah, this is taking me back to my holidays. Two years ago in New York, with my proposal, our jaunts to Europe last year with Real Live Friends. Isn’t being able to cross borders un-impeded awful?

One thing I don’t agree with is this idea that holidaying with friends is annoying. Chandler’s getting very irritated by Joey, and Monica’s packing gets on the girls wick. I’ve found holidaying with friends just as fun as family, I wish I did it more!

And look how happy Joey is! Snapping selfie’s like a 21st Century instagrammer with the lady from the Black Eyed Peas™.

He’s ahead of his time with the camera there, but his map confusion makes it clear how much easier it is travelling with smart-phones. It seems most places (well, at least within the States and the EU) you can rely on Google™ Maps to not get lost. Although, unfortunately, not Morocco yet, as we found on our recent holiday there. We lost a whole afternoon trying to find the exit from the market in the Souks. Getting hotter and hotter and my wife getting more and more irritated at me not asking for directions.

It’s nice seeing London in the show, even if it’s only the landmarks I rarely go near. It’s not a hugely representative image of the city. I’m sure if I told any New Yorkers where we went on holiday they’d say the same to me.

The most “London” thing (even if it’s ridiculous and unbelievable) is probably the wedding venue being prematurely demolished. Not at our mates wedding, Emily is the one having trouble. Like all cities, London has the permanent feel of never being finished, ruins, and building sites sit alongside buildings from hundreds of years ago. With some building sites approaching the same age waiting to be finished. Here’s looking at you Crossrail™.

Thinking about it, Emily’s made quite a big impact for someone who’s hardly been in it. I really hope nothing else goes wrong with her wedding!

As Monica points out, she’s been planning this her whole life. No wonder weddings are always brilliant! I feel a little bad now for drunkenly telling the bride it was “easily my 3rd favourite wedding”. I have no memory of this, but my wife told me so it must be true. I only hope she took it the right way, as the wedding was perfect really.

Well, if there was one flaw it was me. Once again I felt the booze and food weighing me down, and, conscious of my history at these things, I hatched a cunning plan.

It was at a farm and I’d seen some very impressive looking sheep.

“I’m just going to check out those sheep for a bit” I said “I may be some time”. Putting on my best Sergeant Oates hat, I nobly left the venue, and had a nap in my car. I’m pretty sure I got away with it.

Although I’m now disappointed I didn’t actually get to see the sheep. But, in a way, I was counting sheep.

Ross, too is disappointed, but about Rachel, not the lack of sheep. It’s a little sad he doesn’t get why she can’t bring herself to go. To him he’s just being let down by a friend.

But, after failing to get over him by focusing on the negative she decides she does want to go after all. Shame she couldn’t see the episode with all his negative flashbacks like us.

You go Rachel! Go to London, be there for your loved ones. But I have to say the romance of Rachel going is undercut slightly by her leaving behind a heavily pregnant lady.

And now it’s gona take a whole week for her to get there…

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

While we wait for Rachel, I’ll tell you a bit about the kid’s birthday party last week.

There were some fun and games, and a delicious cake, but the highlight was easily my brother-in-law accidentally knocking a wobbly tooth from a kid’s mouth.

The kid was pretty non-plussed, but we all ended up scrabbling round the grass trying to find it. Eventually we gave up, with someone ominously telling the kid “don’t worry, the Tooth Fairy has ways of finding teeth.”

Oh, very funny Friends™...

A week after me complaining about the flashbacks and here’s your response.

Honestly it’s like the writers are taunting me!

“The One With the Christening”

It’s a bit of a gendered one this week. The boys are planning Ross’s stag do, and the girls are dealing with Phoebe’s pregnancy mood swings. No prizes for guessing which I relate to more...

All the best man politics is pretty familiar. But I had a lot less drama; cunningly splitting my two potentials between ring duties and speech/stag.

One thing I struggled with, which the Friends™ boys brush over immediately, was whether to invite women. I like to think I value my female friends as much as the guys, and try to be a good little feminist, but I let the side down here. It was just the simplest way of getting the numbers to a more manageable level, you know?

I know, I know, I’m a bad feminist! Thankfully my wife, kindly, invited them all to her hen.

Which, of course, resulted in them all seeing a crude manifestation of my junk.

What happened was my wife’s brosmaid, (which is like a bridesmaid but a guy), rang me up and said “how would you feel, for a little hen-do prank, about making a dildo from your own penis?” (You can get these little kits). I said “well, that very much depends if you’ll be there when I do it…” But I decided to do it. You know, for the crack… But it turns out...

It’s quite hard to maintain an erection when you’re secretly making a dildo in your mums house.

So I was there desperately fluffing myself. Got half way up, thought "screw it" and stuck it in. And the job was done. I had to weigh up if I was ok with my female friends seeing this monstrosity (them, unfortunately having no choice in the matter). And decided I was fine with it, knowing my wife would find it hilarious. I just made sure the brosmaid let them know it was only a semi. Got to keep them on side in case the wedding doesn’t pan out!

Hopefully I atoned for my poor feminism through another similarity with Friends™, my insistence (along with Ross) of “no strippers”.

Joey, obviously, ignores Ross’s request. And lucky Joe! As she decides to stick around after the party. Before I met my wife she had the gender flipped version of this. The stripper at her sisters hen-do refused to leave, hitting on her, and one of the sisters friends before claiming he couldn’t drive home as he’d had a drink. My mother-in-laws curt response as she forced him out the door: “OK, well you can sleep it off in your car!”

A smart thing, given Joey’s just lost Ross’s ring. The bloody fool! Thankfully my ring-bearer never lost mine as I was smart enough to wait until the day of the wedding to give him it. Although we did nearly have the same problem when David the Science Guy almost lost his ring in the sea on my stag. Shh, don’t tell the bride…

Ross’s ring is supposedly a family heirloom, which begs the question, did he give it to Carol on his first go? Did he awkwardly have to ask for it back? If not, why is he only using it now?? I’m not sure they thought this one through…

Fortunately they find the ring inside the duck (the phrases this show makes me write…), vindicating the stripper, and Ross solves his dilemma by asking both men to be his best men. Honestly Friends, you’re just copying me now.

Elsewhere Phoebe get’s a non-baby shower, with gifts for her to enjoy once the babies are given to her brother. She proves even more ungrateful when it comes to presents than me. Something, something, pregnancy, babies.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Sorry, I’m a bit babied out. We just had my nephews christening, and are about to go to a birthday party for another one.

The christening was lovely, although I was a little offended to not be a Godparent. I suppose it does make more sense to pick someone who actually believes in God…

It was great to see everyone, and a doubly happy occasion as my other sister has finally moved out my parents! (She’s 28 years old…)

I asked my dad if he was happy to no longer have to hear my mother and her arguing. His response?

“No, because now your mum argues with me instead.”

Oh dear.

In a Malibu™ induced haze; I haven’t seen any point continuing.

Not with my life, Jesus… just the blog.

I’m still happier than I’ve ever been!

But, maybe that’s the problem?

Now I’m thirty have I said all there is to say? Friends™ always seemed about people in their twenties. And yet, it can’t be… there’s six more years to go. Is it really worth it?!

Maybe it’s just that end of season feeling? Knowing Friends™ is building to some sort of climax as my own life carries on one day at a time. Often the same, what little threads there are left dangling and unresolved. Resolution for the issue with my brother impossible. Everything else sown up neatly. What happens after the happy ending?

Maybe I’m just feeling the same pre-finale malaise of the writers? Padding out time.

Maybe, if they’re too lazy to write a proper episode, relying on flashbacks, I shouldn’t bother either?

But no, Friends™ still has me whipped.

WhupPAH.

Much like me, Chandler and Joey are at a loss at what to do. People making babies (like my sister and Phoebe), people getting married (like Ross and my mate), and what are they doing?

Making an ass print on a sofa. Why do I feel like I've just been shaded by Friends™?

Looking for a way to inject some meaning into their life, Joey suggests they climb Everest. Pfft my Chandler’s already done that. So unoriginal!

Watch Die Hard™ again instead? The video store is too far. Oh, Netflix™ I love you…

I could do something with my life? Join the protests over our new unelected leader shutting down Parliament. Travel more? Do something about Climate Change?

Or just watch Friends™ again!

“The One With the Picnic Bench”

These flashbacks are making me realise how far things have come. And how many things have happened to get us to this point. Perhaps life doesn’t always need to be a season finale?

It’s as if the flashbacks are here to answer my comment about Rachel and Ross not being on and off – now we’re reminded of their whole journey as it leads to Ross’s wedding. So much of the comedy and drama of the last four years came from their off moments; it’s easy to forget how long things were ON for them. Between the pages, in the space between episodes.

Although, if the intention is to make it seem like they SHOULD be together, it’s having the opposite effect; given how many of these flashbacks are arguments and bad moments.

It’s all playing out over Ross’s decision whether to invite Rachel to his wedding. A decision I never had to face, having already fallen out of touch with the few serious loves I’d had before my wife.

Well, there’s always next time!

(Which might be soon if you keep making jokes like that…) – “Janice”

As if they hear my call, the writer’s flip it. Now we get Rachel’s flashbacks as she decides whether to attend the wedding.

It’s interesting seeing the different things they remember. Rachel more good and Ross more bad. It’s a strange thing about relationships and memory, even though you went through the same thing, you remember different bits. How things seem for one person can end up completely different for the other. Things that seemed huge for one can haunt them for years, whilst the other never gives it a second thought.

And how much is decided by your own position? Ross, happily engaged, remembers mostly bad stuff, putting up the walls to be able to move forward. But the heartbroken Rachel focuses on the good stuff, and let’s her fantasy continue.

And all I can think through all this is “POOR JULIE”. They really did a number on her…

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

With all this wedding chat I can’t help thinking back to my mates wedding in the summer.

He’s a bit of a hillbilly so there was already a lot of great stuff kicking about, setting logs on fire, cutting the cake with an axe, denim waistcoats. As you can imagine it was a pretty raucous affair!  But towards the end I saw one of the best things I’ve ever seen.

A, slightly larger, friend of ours was sitting at a picnic bench after having one too many. I was in a similar state nearby, basking in the atmosphere, so my mouth dropped when I saw him slump. Not forwards, but BACKWARDS, flipping the whole picnic bench over with him! I’d never seen anything like it.

My wife and others rushed to help, but I was too stunned to move. It was like something from a Melissa McCarthy film. Absolutely amazing!

As we drunkenly said our goodbye’s I confessed to the bride and groom. “Guys, I know this is the best day of your life, well, guess what, MINE TOO.”

I’ll never see anything that brilliant again.