Torn To Ribbons
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4.17 - “The One Where I Watch The One With The Free Porn”

12/5/2019

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Zomgosh, I love it.

Ross flying to England for Emily, Emily flying back to the US. (This is one expensive hook-up). How romantic!

But the curse of Friends™ struck again when we had a (much shorter) journey to London. Our train was jam packed with drunk rugby players! Fortunately they didn’t give us any trouble, and I avoided having to go “Red RLF”. Hopefully this means I’m due a free Toblerone™ in a few weeks?
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I’m delighted that Ross taking a chance on Emily pays off!

EMILY AND ROSS FOR EVER <3 <3 <3

Sorry I appear to have become a teenage girl… maybe it’s all the hormones in the air?

“The One With the Nibling”

Yes, it’s happened! Call me the man from U.N.C.L.E.

I’m now the proud relative of a little “Nibling” (apparently the gender neutral term for nephew/niece).

So far he doesn’t seem to do much but fart and vomit. Like he’s stuck in a perpetual hangover. Boy, just wait till your 20s! But I’m surprised how strongly I feel bonded with him already. It’s been great seeing him, and worrying over every little strange sound.
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I’m a little annoyed though. Phoebe’s only just found out she’s having triplets. This is all way too early! Couldn’t my sister have held out a little longer?! God, she’s so selfish.

Coming to terms with the triplets is a big deal for Phoebe, but more so Alice and Frank.

How will they afford three times as many babies? It’s a good question, and Phoebe comes up with one idea I love for the era of driverless cars: The Relaxi-Taxi™. Hop in and get a massage whilst you’re transported to your destination! That’s basically Niblings life, comfy transportation and a massage after every meal. LIVING. THE. DREAM.

I’m sure I’ll regret saying this if it comes to it, but I’d prefer to have twins. Seeing as we want two anyway it makes sense to get the hard part over with as quick as possible! Though maybe not from my wife’s point of view…

Speaking of different points of view, the show’s continued its generally poor representation of B.A.M.E. characters. So it’s nice to see Phoebe’s doctor played by a B.A.M.E. actor, even if she gets less screen time than the porn on Chandler and Joey’s TV. Mr Treeger is back too, all too briefly. It’s a bit of a shame after such a wonderful turn earlier in the series.

(Any excuse to watch this again…)

Regarding Chandler and Joey, it’s weird seeing two men, who are almost thirty, get excited at the prospect of accidentally getting free porn. Guys haven’t you heard of the internet?

Other people far better versed than me have more interesting things to say on the effects of widespread free porn. I fall more into the Josh camp, even with the ridiculously easy access, I usually prefer to use my imagination.

Chandler: Oh-oh, yeah, and did he also say that ah, some of the dialogue was corny and that he actually found it was funny and not sexy?
Rachel: Yes!
Joey: Yeah, he likes porn.

Shut up Joey! I do not like it. I mean, fine, sometimes it does the job when I’m bored. OK?!

But like it? How could anyone like scrolling past wave after wave of videos they find deeply distasteful, until you finally find the granny porn you’ve been looking for.

One guy I don’t envy is whoever had to compile the PG-13 porn that plays in the background of the entire episode. I assume that’s how they did it. And they didn’t just edit around it. Imagine David Schwimmer’s rage at having the perfect take ruined because they accidentally caught the money shot in the background?

Another thing I just noticed is how weird it feels the Friends™ still being in the wrong apartments.

It’s like my memory has blocked out this whole period when things are switched around. I think I’m crossing into a grey zone. I know I binge watched the first 3-4 series when I was young, and followed the rest of the show in my teens. But this episode came out in 1998 when I was still in primary school.

Maybe I haven’t seen the whole series before? There must be some gaps from now to season 7 or so. How exciting!!

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

So I had the little Nibling on my lap for the first time (let’s call him Ben Number 1).

Lying on his back he started doing a little sick. Now, I would have thought in this situation my first instinct would be too protect my jumper. But I instantly knew to roll him on to his side!

And people say I learned nothing at university.

All those times caring for drunk people finally paid off!
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    One mans quest to watch all of the classic 90s sit-com Friends™ in real time over ten years.

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