Torn To Ribbons
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4.16 - “The One Where I Watch The One With The Fake Party”

27/4/2019

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Bizarrely, the calming collar is working.

The cat has transformed into the most loving, affectionate mewler I’ve ever met. Even following me to the shops and back. I might get a leash… he could be my own personal Marcel.

The smells even died down a little, and my wife is a lot happier with him. Now the only one chasing her up the stairs is me.

I hope she doesn’t get me a collar…

“The One With Even More Chicks”

Yet more Friends™ shower action, as Phoebe follows her nose to Joey’s shower! Remind me to walk in on more people next time we rent a cottage for New Years. At our current rate that should be midway through season six. I’ll buy a drink for anyone who remembers. Or even, anyone who’s still reading at that point.

Phoebe wants to eat Joey’s meat. Oo er, missus!

Only one problem: She’s vegetarian. But her pregnancy cravings are going haywire! This is a problem we’ve discussed at length, as my, now Vegan, wife has grappled with how to raise a healthy baby.

Both her sister and mine flexed their –tarianism a bit for the cause, and my wife intends to do the same. I’m not convinced she’ll be able to keep any down, giving how long it’s been since she’s eaten meat. And how disgusted she was when I covered myself in tuna last time.

Joey’s come up with a surprisingly good solution, every time Phoebe eats meat he will eat less, so no more animals need to die!

Maybe it’s because of changing attitudes to Vegetarianism, but rather than laughing I thought it’s actually one of the sweetest things I’ve heard! I’m not sure I’d do the same, I’m currently eyeing up a steakhouse for my birthday; wife be damned! (Hey, she’s not pregnant yet…)

Rachel’s still being exceptionally lame over Josh, trying to sneak secret notes to him, and arranging a fake leaving do for Emily. Why can’t she just do what I did when I was single? And cry silently into a pillow.

The fake party is a neat match for us, as we attended an Easter party at Rachel No 1 and Ross No 2s for Dyngus Day. It was a relatively civilised affair, with Rachel really letting the side down by neither suggesting spin the bottle nor awkwardly hitting on someone that wasn’t her husband. She didn’t even go to the effort of putting on a cheerleaders outfit! I’m going to have to have words with my Real Live Friends; they’re not living up to their characters enough!!

It’s a little sad to think I’ve outgrown spin the bottle now.

I guess it’s one of those things you never notice has happened for the last time until many years later. Like being carried by your parents. I will never again feel the warm fussy feeling of the bottle landing on the right person, and mum carrying me up to bed. What? Isn’t that how everyone’s parents decided whose turn it was?

It’s sad too seeing Emily have to go; she’s a really good fit Ross! Although props to whomever did this background joke:
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It’s hard to think they’ve only been together a few weeks. And now, bloody Rachel ruins their last evening so she can have one last pop at Josh! God, Rachel. LET. IT. GO.

Thankfully she comes through for Ross in the end, telling him Emily’s clearly into him more than he realises, and is rewarded with Josh returning for her.

It’s quite a sweet little scene in the stairwell, which shows how far Rachel and Ross have come. It feels like they’ve finally managed to move on!

Now let’s never talk about Ross and Rachel again.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Appropriately enough, given its Easter, Ross Number 3 told us a story on Dyngus Day involving yet more chicks.

This is Ross Number 3 of “having a child” fame. Not to be confused with Ross Number 2 (married to Rachel Number 1) and Ross Number 1 (academic - probably married a lesbian). Is everyone keeping up? Good.

Young mother Ross No. 3 once went on a nice country walk with Rachel No 1. Which had to be cut short when they got lost, vaulted a fence, and found themselves smack, bang, in the middle of a chicken farm.

I can only imagine this resulted in them doing a live action remake of the film Chicken Run™, complete with a giant catapult and gratuitous Northern accents.
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    One mans quest to watch all of the classic 90s sit-com Friends™ in real time over ten years.

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