Smelly cat, smelly cat, it’s not your fault.
Phoebe isn’t singing the song again, it just came to mind as my cat is currently stinking up our house.
In an attempt to get him to stop attacking my wife we’ve got a special collar to calm him down. Which absolutely reeks.
It seems to be working. But it’s having the opposite effect on us as I’m finding the constant urge to hold my breath less than relaxing.
“The One With the Smelly Cat”
Things open in a nail salon, with Chandler and Rachel hanging out for once. They’re both unlucky in love at the moment so it makes sense. I wonder if they’ll get together?! Hah, no, two Friends™ (who aren’t Rachel and Ross) getting together? Don’t be silly.
But it’s a nice break from Rachel’s weird perving on Josh. This time she’s excited she accidentally felt his pulse. I suppose it’s a relief to know the person you fancy isn’t dead?
The closest I’ve come to a nail salon is on our Vietnam holiday when my wife and I split up for some nail time. But, boy, did I look fabulous after.
And who should walk in but Janice?!
“Janice, what are you doing in Vietnam?” we both asked.
“Who the hell are you?” replied Janice… “and why is nobody laughing after everything I say?”
I’m ashamed to say we left her there. Mercifully avoiding Chandler’s problem, of how to get rid of her without boarding a plane to Yemen. There’s a lot of back-tracking here for the sake of the jokes. When we last saw Janice, Chandler was pretty into her as she struggled to choose between him and her husband. Now she’s divorced, you’d think the newly single Chandler would be into it!
Maybe being with Kathy raised his standards? Or maybe he’s just not ready for commitment again? So he goes to preposterous lengths to get rid, pretending he’s taking a job in Yemen. Hang on a minute… OH. MY. GOD. I really hope Chandler Number 2 wasn’t pretending when they left the country for work. Could I BE any more suspicious…
She had a lot less trouble than Rachel Number 2 and their partner when they tried to go to Italy. (I’d like to remind you Rachel Number 2 is about seven feet tall and, also, a guy.) I’ve actually known their partner for longer but let’s call them Josh for simplicities sake.
Thanks to online check-in Josh managed to get through airport security before realising they’d left their passport at home. After being thoroughly let down by the people at the emergency passport desk; Josh had no choice but to go all the way back to Cambridge from the airport whilst Rachel re-arranged the flights.
But of course, this being a sit-com, it didn’t end there as they’d left their keys in the house too!
The nearest locksmith couldn’t help but, handily, directed them to their local mate “Mike” who has a, definitely not suspicious, talent for breaking locks. Josh got the keys and passport and somehow made it back to the airport in time to arrive in Italy just three hours after their original schedule.
All thanks to dodgy Mike and a generous taxi driver eager to help a woman in need. It’s enough to make Gillette™ proud.
These two, shining beacons of “masculinity” don’t make Ross look too great. First he stands around screaming after Emily gets tackled in the street by two huge guys. And then, when it turns out the guys know her from England, he gets completely destroyed in a game of Rugby™. (I say England, their terrible accents could be from literally anywhere in the world.)
There’s still no sport in my life, I’ve started daydreaming of things I’d do if I worked less. Sport and going to more exhibitions first, followed by gardening and painting, and, finally, spending time with my family. It’s never too early to start planning for retirement.
Like Ross, I don’t think I’m tough enough for rugby. Although I did find at school I’m surprising fast when being chased! Not during rugby, I was just chased a lot.
Given I started crying this morning when I spilt tuna all over my new trousers I think it’s a little late to get into Rugby. Ross and Emily are cute though, and his “masculine” display wins her over in the end.
But it’s a bad week for both the Gellars. With everyone else occupied, Monica’s showing clear signs of a serious mental illness. After becoming obsessed with a mystery light-switch she smashes holes in all the walls to try and find out what’s going on.
Won’t someone please do something for her?!
Strangely my Monica Number 2 has a history of putting holes in walls. Cannibal Boss once hosted a party which ended with a bunch of drunkards attempting to “Spiderman” their way up the corridor, putting one leg on each wall to climb up. Well, Monica Number 2 is also quite a large man and let’s just say “with great power, comes great big holes in walls”.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
A few months ago my wife and I had an argument over whether she’d seen the third Bridget Jones Film (2 stars).
I was adamant we’d seen it together, as I remember seeing it and there’s no way I would have seen it otherwise.
She was sure she hadn’t seen it and that I must have gone with someone else.
So I was delighted when I put an old jacket on the other day, and found two tickets for the film in the pocket. I sent a picture to my wife “ah ha! I knew we’d seen it!”
“What bitch you been sleeping with?”
One day I will convince her…