Who was I to look a gift horse in the mouth?
I had two.
“Just a couple, then” I thought, at Chandler Number 1’s leaving drinks.
And, of course, it all went wrong.
“The One Where I Cross the Line”
Given past behaviour, it’s no great surprise a party celebrating Chandler leaving was a boozy affair. I say celebrate, as I’m obviously delighted one of my Real Live Friends is moving abroad for three years.
I never thought I’d look forward to season seven.
It was all fine until we missed the last train home. The Friends™ do bad things, like cheat while on a break, fall in love with each others’ girlfriends, play horrendous keyboard solos.
And now Janice, quite rightly, is hugely pissed off. If I hadn’t just read the Wikipedia™ article on, the Roman goddess, Victory I’d feel utterly defeated.
We made it back home eventually and are giving each other a bit of breathing space. Hopefully she can forgive me for my drunken state. But, whilst Chandler and I try and work out how to make amends, I’m now free to ponder the big questions. Like why do Chandler and Joey still not have a bathroom lock?!
You’d think they’d have learned after seeing Joey’s dad naked in the shower. But now Chandler’s had the same problem with Kathy. It’s almost like Chandler and Joey WANT to see each other naked. I don’t know what’s worse; that it’s been three years and they still haven’t fixed it, or that it’s three years since I watched that episode and I’m still writing Real Live Friends.
Even though it’s Chandler and Kathy who cross the line, I think I spoke too soon about Joey being ready to settle down. He’s dating another woman alongside Kathy! Which excuses her and Chandler’s behaviour if you ask me. But who’s looking for excuses?
Janice certainly isn’t. There’s a general feeling in the air of “what comes next?” How do I make things up to her? How will Chandler fix things?
But also, what DO you do once you’ve done the wedding and got the house? If things still aren’t perfect? And all it takes for you to lose your shit is 4 beers, 3 years of your friend abroad, 2 months of parental disapproval, and a partridge in a fucking pear tree.
What do you get for the man who’s got everything? (In my dad’s case, whichever new Game of Thrones spin-off they’ve released instead of the actual sequel).
What’s next when you get what you want but can’t seem to enjoy it? Every change just brings more complications. Like Chandler you say outwardly: “All the pieces of my life are falling right into place!”
But what you mean is “swallow our feelings, even if it means we’re unhappy forever.”
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
Once again the more serious the storyline, the sillier the b-plot must be. Like Ross and his keyboard, I’ve got my own stupid thing going on in the background.
Mum’s been trying to convince me to let her friend fix my noisey gate, which I do not want fixed thank you very much. It’ll be my only warning if someone tries to break in!
But it lead to the following exchange…
Mum: “Are you aware of the expression ‘don’t look a gift horse in the mouth’”?
Me: “Are you aware of the expression ‘you can lead a horse to water but not make it drink’”?
Mum: “What about cutting your nose off to spite your face!”
Me: “That hasn’t got a horse in it.”
Thus, I win.
At least that’s what I thought until my phone pinged with another text 6 hours later.
Mum: “I suppose I’m flogging a dead horse!”
Touché, mum… touché.