My wife, house, cats, even job! Everything's falling in place.
The Friends™, too, are more comfortable with themselves now they’re in their 30s (with the exception of Ross…).
It’s peculiar though, most of the silly little markers of “success” that society judges us by, the house, the pets, a long-term partner, aren’t in place for the Friends™ yet.
Most of my Real Live Friends, if not completely set-up, are at least in long term relationships. “Moving forward”.
But, despite having their shit together career wise, the Friends™ are either in the early days of a relationship (Chandler, Monica, and Rachel) or single still (the other three).
I suppose it’s a reminder the castles we build ourselves are only made of glass, and, like Ross, we could lose it at any time. I am truly thankful that hasn’t happened to me.
But still, no matter how many coincidences happen, my identity being stolen, the dog episode, my half-brother, with each passing season my life gets less and less like the Friends™.
Ross’s son, Phoebe birthing triplets. We are not shown the reality of their family life. The impact it has on them is barely touched upon.
What I’m trying to say is… we’ve got a new thing to be thankful for.
We’re having a baby!
“The One With the Big News”
Yep, like Joey, I’m sick of keeping secrets. And this episode (despite the Ross sandwich stuff we ALL remember) deals largely with the increasing difficulty of keeping Chanica a secret. Their flagrant sexual behaviour is spiralling out of control and Joey keeps taking the fall.
I’ve said it before but Joey is a damn good friend. Appearing like a pervert to cover for Mondler’s sexual exploration. Now, I get the “giving sexy pictures” thing. It’s so easy now I’m sure we ALL do that. And, it’s charmingly retro seeing Monica’s is a Polaroid™. But making a “home movie” together? I only know one person who’s admitted to that, who will remain anonymous, but earned A LOT of Joey points after offering to show me theirs if I made one with someone.
Answers on a USB stick please.
To be honest it’s been almost as long since we found out about we're going to be parents as Chandler and Monica have been together. I hope you can forgive me for sitting on this one for so long?
Like Chandler and Monica, we needed something that was just ours. To experience it together. Free from the work of David Crane and Marta Kauffman. If you will indulge me, consider it me positioning my wife cleverly behind pieces of set to hide the bump. Which is better than replacing her with another actress.
It was little tough hiding it from the Real Live Friends. We were very open about the decision to start trying. This led to a particularly awkward lunch when it was too early to say yet David the Science Guy flat out asked if it had happened yet. Despite my stunned silence people seemed genuinely surprised when we came out the baby closet a few weeks later.
Cannibal Boss is the only one who claims to have guessed, after seeing a picture of my wife not drinking on Instagram™. Which, if you know my wife, is a pretty big tell.
It’s been a very exciting time!
And particulary nice telling those other outliers who’ve been our canaries down the mine (including my sister). They mostly all looked relieved to not have to go through the horror of parenthood alone.
It’s not long now till we’ll be taking our first “Lamaze class”. You can tell what sort of parent I’m going to be from the fact I had to Google™ that to understand Phoebe’s joke about her new English Literature classes having a less painful final exam.
Also, another bizarre throwaway line, Phoebe once stabbed a cop?!
Forget Joey™, Young Sheldon™, even a Friends™ reunion, what we REALLY need is a Phoebe prequel. Maybe they could do more stuff with her past lives a la Blackadder™?
Phoebe’s pissed because Rachel stole her analysis of Wuthering Heights™. There’s a lot of that about, as Ross has discovered.
You know what? I’d get JUST as annoyed as Ross if someone took my sandwich.
I’m possessive at the best of times, but with all these pregnancy hormones (OK, not MY hormones) I’m feeling pretty protective at the moment. WHO THE HELL STEALS SOMEONE’S LUNCH?!? Ross is the one who’s been wronged here and HE’s the one who gets tranquilised, and given a leave of absence. Maybe’s it’s all the emotions I’m feeling at the moment but I’m properly sad seeing Ross’s breakdown. Especially as everyone else is doing so well…
My protectiveness came to the fore on a train journey recently. We were travelling back from London with my wife’s parents. An absolute arsehole barged on and, after a few angry words were exchanged between him and my father – in – law, did a move that I can only describe as a “fake headbutt”. As my father – in – law dodged backwards, the sardines responded like some awesome wave, voices raised further, and my wife shrieked “I’m pregnant”.
I’m not ashamed to say I went “Red Ross”, finger prodding the guys shoulder and saying something I imagine to be very cool like “I’M THE MOTHER FUCKING BATMAN” but which probably sounded more like “errm, excuse me, sir, could you please calm the fuck down?”.
Fortunately, before I could get the shit kicked out of me, an undercover cop flashed their badge and calmed the situation. And we took what I imagine will be my worst thirty minute journey, until we have to make our way to the hospital in five months time.
But whenever my wife pulls me up on being too relaxed about the pregnancy, or I have no answer when she asks to hear my worries, it’s because I now know what sort of parent I’m going to be.
One who will protect his child no matter what.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
Another fun thing I haven’t said yet about Christmas™!
My sister-in-law has taken up boxing! (It’s good to know I can hide behind her next time there’s a coked up loon on the train).
My wife got her a pair of gloves, with a matching pair for her 7 year old, who’s getting to that “punchy” stage. Their brother’s newly purchased house had an unfurnished living room, so we had our own makeshift arena… which lead to one of the best Christmases™ EVER, as we were free to spend the afternoon punching the crap out of each other. (With the obvious exception of my wife).
It’s fair to say my brother-in-law got his own back for me impregnating his sister: