We’ve recovered from the trauma of “seat-gate”.

But, after an abundance of leftover Halloween™ chocolate, it still isn’t safe to sit anywhere in the house without looking first.

Strangely Chandler’s got the same problem.

But there’s no time to dwell on that with all the Friends™ drama around!

“The One Without Christmas”

The cat’s finally out the bag and Joey knows about Mondler.

I’m surprised no-one worked it out sooner. There’s a lot of suspicious behaviour, and with Monica and Joey going on a trip together… hrrm where have I seen this before?

Ok, I can’t talk; it was several months before I found out about Chandler and Joey Number 1’s tryst. It seems so long ago now.

It’s funny that the dumbest character works things out first, even if it makes everyone else seem stupid by comparison. Especially when Phoebe and Rachel aren’t remotely suspicious of Chandler and Monica bundling Joey into a room after he starts screaming. My wife get’s suspicious of me when she thinks I’m spending too long in the toilet.

“That’s cause I know you’re on your phone…”

Hey, stop reading over my shoulder! Or I’ll take this laptop to the bathroom.

Like a lot of us, Chonica’s first trip alone together is a little stressful. They get in their first fight after it’s ruined by each of their feebles. Monica demands a clean room, and Chandler gets distracted by the TV. Pfft, this is so unrealistic. I would never get upset by mess or distracted by a screen …

Hang on, THIS IS CLEARLY THE SAME ROOM EACH TIME. Given they’ve just spared no expense on three episodes in London you’d think the producers would put out for two hotel room sets. Maybe the cast have had a payrise? Oh wow, yes. At this point they’re getting $100,000 an episode. EACH. That’s four times their season one pay! Maybe I need to up my career game?

I could always go on the Apprentice™ (lol, no). Joey works it out after both Chandler and Monica claim to have seen a pre-Apprentice Donald Trump waiting for an elevator. Shame they didn’t push him down the shaft.

(Strange to think just a year later he’ll be running for President)

Even as Joey’s getting dumber, he’s showing a knack for the sort of smart-brained dumbness that Trump espouses. With things coming to a head over Emily demanding Ross give up Rachel, the gang once again find themselves locked in a bedroom, listening in. And this time Joey prepared snacks.

Why are they all always together when the big moments play out? Is it just because they hang out way more than me and my mates?? Is it me that’s unusual or the Friends™?

I remember we always used to wonder what would happen if some of us broke up. Mercifully we’ve never had many “Kips”. Though I wonder if that’s only because there’s been less break-ups… God that’s a terrifying thought, at any point we could lose someone forever in a messy break-up. Closest we’ve come on the break up front is Chandler and Joey and they are probably the most absent, although that’s through work rather than any emotional fallout.

Hrrm, I don’t envy Ross or Rachel. I wonder what I would do in this situation? Ross’s decision seems a lot harder when you consider how it would affect Rachel’s friendships too.

What would I do? Probably just move to England, mate.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

As Christmas approaches, my ever-keen wife is determined to bagsie a good tree this year.

Her and her mother set aside their traditional “Christmas Tree Day” to pick out a good one.

But it turns out they were a little too keen. When they arrived at the garden centre there were no trees there! Just a solitary attendant telling them to “come back in a few weeks.”

Think we’ve finally got proof it is possible to love Christmas™ TOO much.

After a cracking day out for David the Science Guy’s birthday I definitely don’t feel any annoyance over my Real Live Friends bailing on our Halloween party anymore.

David’s love of scavenger hunts took us on our own trip through the touristy sites of LONDON, baby.

And without the need to sit through a wedding!

We had to find and consume a “delicacy” from all the countries of Europe, finishing in a lovely Belgian alehouse.

I take thee, Belgian Beer, I take thee Belgian Beer, I take thee…

“The One With Too Much Belgian Beer”

Yes, I’m feeling it a little today, why do the Friends™ never seem to get drunk? Sure, Chandler’s got a bottle of Champagne™ for him and Monica. But I don’t see them getting drunk on anything other than love. At least one good thing came from Ross’s wedding!

Elsewhere, Ross is now starting to go fully crazy, harassing Emily’s family as he tries to get in touch with her. It’s a difficult situation, how would you get a person to re-open a dialogue after something like that? But he’s rewarded for bad behaviour, as she finally relents, if only to tell him to bugger off.

Being rewarded for your behaviour is a bit of a theme, as Phoebe and Joey are arguing over whether any deed is truly selfless.

I’d say David the Science Guy’s wife planning a scavenger hunt for his birthday is pretty selfless. But then she got the fun of taking part, judging who’s the best; and incorporating her love of mediaeval shipping into it.

Hrrm, like Phoebe I’m struggling to think of a selfless deed. Which I doubt will surprise my wife as she thinks it's an alien concept to me. I think I’m with Joey on this one; people claiming to act selflessly usually get something out of it. Even if it’s just satisfaction.

But what’s wrong with that? This whole question seems irrelevant to me. If a person doing something for someone else gets something out of it too, doesn’t it give people MORE motivation to put a little goodness in the world? What’s wrong with things being mutually beneficial?

If we had a little more kindness, even for selfish reasons, maybe people like Phoebe wouldn’t grow up living in a box??

Perhaps Emily and Ross would find it easier to patch things up if either of them were willing to act selflessly? Alas, there’s a big difference between donating a bit of money to charity and leaving your family behind in another country. If I were Emily I certainly wouldn’t move to America after that wedding. But Ross can’t leave his kid either… So Emily is prepared to act “selflessly” and move to America. But only if Ross cuts out Rachel from his life…

Isn’t cutting a spouse off from their friends one of the first signs of domestic abuse? God this is a level of complexity my hung-over brain did not expect Friends™ to throw at it.

For the second time in a row I’ve been jolted by a sudden switch to sad, as Ross decides to let Rachel go at her own (unknowing) insistence. Well I guess that’s the end of Friends™ then? It’s been fun…

To be fair, given Rachel was barely in the episode and I didn’t even notice, I say go for it Ross! Similarly, Rachel Number 2 was only at part of the scavenger hunt, and on the other team so I didn’t see her! Certainly missed her more than the real Rachel. Oh man, now Friends™ is starting to interfere and cutting me off from MY friends.

Hey, Ross, wait! Rachel’s given you the right advice; so you can’t lose her! You need to keep people like that in your life!!!

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

A little bit grim, this one…

My night’s sleep was very broken as I struggled to digest my beers.

Eventually it was too much to take and I stumbled to the bathroom, where I loosed the fury of the last couple of pints through my face, like a fresher at a rugby club initiation. Only without the pig’s head and piss.

After flushing I stared forlornly at the bowl, getting ready to clean the seat, when my wife habitually came in and immediately took her usual position on the throne.

I’m sure I looked triply pale at this point, and her concern for me must have been strong, as she got quite a way into asking if I was OK before realising what she’d done. And coldly asking me to turn the shower on for her.

That’ll be the last time she asks me to leave the seat down.

ONE HUNDRED EPISODES.

We did it.

Thank you, thank you!

You may hold your applause…

What do you mean there are 136 episodes still to go?!

JESUS.

Well, there’s no time to be sad.

IT’S BABY TIME.

“The One With the Halloween Party”

Yep, Friends™ marks its 100th episode, not with a lame clip show, or an extra-long cameo stuffed bonanza (as so many lesser shows do), but with a fantastic, and surprisingly moving, episode as Phoebe finally gives birth to her brothers babies.

It’s a timeless tale of love, and incest against the odds… hang on. I think I’ve got confused with Game of Thrones™.

It’s great to have Frank Jnr back. Even if his absence matches that of my own half-brother. Or, indeed, my own my absence in my sisters life. Think I’ve seen her about five times since she gave birth?

Despite the humour, it all builds to an incredibly sad ending as Phoebe must give up the babies. It’s easily up there with some of the best turns in comedy since. Bojack Horseman™, The Good Place™, Extras™ (I’m sure I’ve missed loads) I don’t think we would have had any of the best moments in these shows without Friends™ showing you can do comedy and emotion together.

This time it’s all down to Lisa Kudrow, no doubt channelling all the emotion of recently becoming a mother herself, and making me and my wife cry on the sofa.

The episode plays with the blurring of real life and film too. First with Joey’s attempts to document everything with his video camera, and making a video for the baby. It’s the early days of Selfie™ culture. And I’m definitely gona be the sort of parent who does videos like that. Are you even pregnant if it’s not on Facebook™?

And I’m not the only one obsessed with a popular TV show now! Phoebe’s doctor likes the Fonz from Happy Days™ a little bit too much, which isn’t reassuring her. What if I end up like him? A highly paid professional helping the species continue? God it’d be awful…

But, hey, I’d be played by Sam Anderson. Best known for his great turns in cult geek shows Lost™ and Angel™, as well as popping up in X-Files™ and Star Trek: The Next Generation™ among others.

Stick that in your pop culture obsession pipe and smoke it.

Yet, for some reason, Phoebe doesn’t like him? I don’t care if he’s a bit too obsessed, man’s a healthcare professional. You should trust him. Phoebe wanting a different doctor reminds me of a recent news story. An NHS™ doctor of Asian descent being interviewed and talking of his shock at a racist patient asking for a different person to perform a life saving operation on him.

Even Friends™, the poster child for poor representation of B.A.M.E. character’s, does better than this, with Joey treated by an Asian doctor after suddenly coming down with Kidney stones. It’s another classic gender swap joke (“what if one of the guys goes through all the tropes of a pregnancy scene”) that works well.

Although the show loses any 21st Century points gained by the doctor’s casting by Joey introducing Frank Jnr’s kids to Playboy™ before they’re even born. Ah well, you can’t have everything.

But, fuck, I tell you what I was NOT expecting that ending. Give an Emmy to the baby that reached out for a high five.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

As Friends™ celebrates their 100th episode, we celebrated Halloween™.

Or, more accurately, me and my wife celebrated with some of her mates, as none of mine showed up.

My hopes weren’t high to be honest, given the silence every time I posted about it in the WhatsApp™ group. And I don’t really blame them given its either side of Chandler Number 2 and David the Science Guy’s birthdays. But we’ve definitely crossed a rubicon now; from people saying no to things they can’t make, to any events requiring active consent before going ahead. Welcome, to your thirties…

Fair play to them though for coming to the party in the end, dressed as my fear that they wouldn’t come.