What are the chances of THAT happening?!
“The One Before the Storm”
I admit proposing I fix the fence myself was not quite the cliffhanger Friends™ left us on, with Rach finding out about Mondler. Monica isn’t quite ready to admit it to her, and Rachel is not best pleased.
It seems an age since I’ve had such a juicy secret. I don’t know when I’d get to hear one, Even as we shift from gatherings to smaller dinner parties it’s been a while since I’ve had a decent one-on-one. Most of my attempts to persuade mates to come over for a couple of beers whilst we fix the fence ended in polite refusal.
So I did the real manly thing, and paid someone else to do it.
I tell a lie, I did have a very enjoyable one-on-one with my best Real Live Friend recently.
I realised my ennui over not using my body, and long held desire to do some physical activity had a pretty plain solution. It’s been staring me in the face all along, as I live in one of the few towns in the UK with a facility to do one of the few physical activities I can do, One you can even do by yourself!
I am, of course, talking about my friends sex dungeon.
Not really, although he did tell me he’s fitted out his garage as his own personal Gym. Sure, if THAT’s what you want to call it.
I’m actually talking about our local indoor Ski Centre. Fuck me, it’s expensive though. While there we discovered they have a more reasonable month pass, which I thought would be a great way to get some weekly me time after the baby comes! So I tentatively suggested my wife get me a pass for my upcoming birthday.
“Yerh, you’re not gona have time to do that.”
Oh well, maybe this year I’ll find someone to play Tennis™ with?
Chandler and Monica aren’t struggling to find Tennis™ partners, and are playing a doubles game against his, rather irritating, boss. Monica’s pretty pissed at having to throw the game to stay in his good graces. I’ve noticed this trope in a couple of US shows/films recently. The idea’s completely alien to me. But to be fair I’ve never found anything I’m better at than my bosses.
Elsewhere, Ross’s life is going from bad to worse, Emily is getting married! Already!! You’d think she’d learn from her mistakes… I can comfortably say I’ll never get married again, although my wife hasn’t fallen for a lesbian yet.
It’s a decent excuse for another guest spot from everyone’s favourite divorcee.
True to my word, I’ve been trying to arrange my own returning guest appearance in the form of Joey Number 1.
We spoke but didn’t manage to arrange anything…
“Are you free in a couple of weeks?”
“Coming to Dr Phalange’s hen do?”
“When is it?”
“13th of April.”
“No. You coming to the wedding?”
“No, it’s on our due date.”
But they seemed alright, if a little surprised I was having a baby.
Oh, THERE’S my secret. Thank you, Friends™.
I’m not sure the news helped bring us back together if I’m honest, only serving to highlight how different our lives have become. Me, in a cosy dead-end job, in a comfortable marriage in the suburbs, them suited up, jet-setting around the world on their 8-6. Perhaps there’s a link between them and Chandler Number 2’s single-dom and their ability to pursue high flying jobs with unsociable hours and distance involved? I can’t exactly up sticks to Yemen in pursuit of my career.
Or maybe all my other mates are doing fine too and I shouldn’t use my relationship as an excuse for my lack of ambition and talent.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
The curse of Friends™ strikes again! And this time it’s physical. What is it I hear you cry?
After a while it seemed whatever had caused it had passed. Literally, it turns out. And my wife gleefully exclaimed one of her favourite Friends™ quotes:
“Kidney Stones? KIDNEY STONES”.
It’s always good to know I have her support.