Please excuse the “gate” suffix overuse. Given our drive was blocked it’s more appropriate than usual…
But yes, the neighbours took the tape down without the need for any awkward convos. Maybe it was an ill thought out expression of solidarity with the police? Clapping for carers is one thing. But kettling our yard for #AllLiveMatter would be a whole different, errr kettle of fish.
Speaking of fish, we now have a new neighbour related problem. Like a hydra rearing a second head after you removed the first. Well after the first fell off of its own accord because you were scared to talk to the hydra in case it had guns.
This isn’t to compare sitting at home watching Netflix™ to the trials of Hercules. More like the “Disney+ free trial of Hercules?” Am I right?
What was I saying? Sorry my heads getting increasingly scattergun. For all the talk of lockdown joy, I think the brain farts I had under control pre-lockdown are back. Dodgy memory, lack of concentration, being easily distracted. It’s not so much brain farts as brain I.B.S.
It’s almost as if they were linked to spending hour after hour with a screen… Whilst we wait for the baby, pretty much all of my decisions for the last two months can be summed up as:
“The One With all the Fish”
There is finally a glimmer of hope, the lockdown has eased slightly. So we’ve been able to see family!
We went for a “socially distanced” BBQ at my parents. Or “socially distended” as my phone keeps insisting. “Socially distended” is apt actually. Despite not seeing dad for months he decided he’d had enough within an hour and disappeared back to his TV room! It’s good some things haven’t changed.
It was amazing seeing everyone again. Particularly my nephew who’s already walking! And fair play to him for only seeing me as often as Ben shows up. It was nice to reconnect. After a little coaxing, I even got him to race me in the garden! Setting us up for a lifetime of competition that I cannot possibly win.
Hopefully he ends up as cool as the actor who played Ben, who this week was one of many #BlackLivesMatter protestors arrested for peacefully protesting in the U.S.
I’m not entirely sure how we got to the point where PEACEFUL protestors are getting arrested. But I don’t think a silly blog about Friends™ is the best medium to address this latest twist in “2020: The End Times”.
Also, just to give my wife some more worries, WOW Ben grew up hot.
One thing that is emphatically not cute is Chandlers tie. AGAIN.
Ok, Rachel is a little busy. Trying to work her way in with her new boss by taking up smoking. I swore I recognised this boss like the one she interviewed with… but again it’s me remembering them from Friends™. I wonder if this Déjà vu will get worse as we get nearer to the end of the series?
What’s really weird though is just this week Ross Number 2 said he’d had a cheeky cigarette at a socially distanced meeting with his boss! Ross Number 2, Chandler Number 1, and now gunning to be Rachel Number 3 too. How greedy!
Stealing the spotlight is a pretty Rachel thing it turns out. She’s got a surprise birthday party, and it’s my birthday too!
They’re throwing her a party that’s such a big surprise it’s a month early. I quite like the idea of that. Giving someone a birthday party at a random time of the year, like they’re the Queen or something. But Rachel’s stolen the spotlight from Chandler too, as his birthday is sooner. I love that he just wouldn’t mention that while they’re planning the party. Chandler you’re a better man than I.
What did I do for my birthday you ask? My last birthday of freedom before parenthood? My last ever opportunity to have it large without having to take my child’s needs into consideration?
Absolutely fuck all.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
Yes. That was it.
The last few mornings we’ve come downstairs to mysteriously shredded cat treat pouches on our carpet.
Was he getting them out a bin somewhere? Surely no one was giving a full pack of cat treats to him every night?!
So I stayed up late one night, and sure enough, in he came through the cat flap with a FULL pack of treats, already opened at the top. I confiscated his haul and went to bed, determined to find out who’s feeding my cat! Only to come down in the morning to yet another destroyed pouch!
I think someone might be leaving a window open in the heat… and, oh my god, I’ve raised a Cat Burglar!