AEAEAEAEAEEAEAAEAEAEAEEAEAEAEAEA ** CRASH **
Alright, everybody off the time-travelling race car bed.
We’re back in 2017. And thank God it’s almost over!
A year of secrets, heavy drinking amid spiralling political turmoil, and lost dreams.
It’s made it very hard to enjoy what should be one of the happiest times of my life.
And now to cap it all off someone’s gone and stole my identity, leaving me with a huge phone bill!
YES. JUST LIKE MONICA AND MONANA. I get it Friends™ Gods. Oh, very clever! Leave spirits, and haunt me no longer…
At least my identity being stolen explains why I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore…
“The One Where I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore”
Despite my anger and confusion, the Friends™ continue, blissfully unaware, and unrealistically happy, as they punch each other in the face. It’s a moment of contrived distraction to explain Monica accidentally ending up with a Race Car Bed.
Fortunately we move on quickly from this, and get Joey passing on his acting wisdom. Or what little he has learned… I feel in a similar position here, I’ve got no idea what I would pass on if I had to teach. And I’m not sure tugging at your pubes with a pair of tweezers would help much in my job. Well, it might alleviate the boredom.
Talking of inappropriately hitting on people at work, there’s this hot new intern…
Just kidding, I am, of course talking about Gunther, as we finally see his crush on Rachel.
Now my fiancé’s got the chance to get a lot closer to my parents. We’ve got some good news at last – I think we’ve sorted a house! We needed change so here it is… but first we’re gonna move in with my parents for a bit. #LivingTheDream
But it’ll be nice having a bit of breathing space to save some money, and finally getting out of this depressing flat!
I can only hope my fiancé doesn’t go the same route as Ross and bond with my parents over criticising me…
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
With things looking back on track, I’ve applied for life insurance again (*snore snore*).
Thanks to my previous answers regarding my hedonistic past (I suspect), they were a little stricter this time and sent a nurse round to my house for a medical. And to pick up some pee for testing! What a job that must be “Good Morning, I’ve come to collect your pee…”
This meant I couldn’t pee before they arrived. Unfortunately I’d had a few drinks the night before, so awoke an hour early absolutely busting. I was so worried about any awkwardness of not being able to go later on I refused to get up and went back to sleep.
When I finally got up I was in quite a bit of pain, with just fifteen minutes left to go…
“If you need to and it’s hurting, just go…” my fiancé said, probably just so I’d shut up so she could go back to sleep.
This left me frantically making a huge cup of tea as the nurse arrived.
“Good morning, I’ve come to collect your pee!”
“Errm, can I maybe wait half an hour?
Would you like a cup of tea?”