And I can only hope Me Number 1’s wedding (AKA mine) isn’t as bad…
Not for the Bride, Groom and guests, I mean! They all seemed to be having a lovely time, and everything went off without a hitch. Well, there was one hitch… they got hitched, but you know what I mean.
What I MEAN is, I hope mine doesn’t go the same way for me. I managed to beat my high score from the last wedding, this time drunkenly falling asleep at ten thirty. I blame the lack of ham…
I’m sick of being such a disappointment. I think it’s time I took a little break from drinking again. It’ll be good to have a clear head for our house hunting. And with a raft of social engagements lined up it would be excellent to survive past midnight at a few of them.
Speaking of houses… Joey is in a DIY frenzy!
My partners dad (sorry, fiancés…) is a dab hand at DIY, though, a little like Joey, he can be quite the fixer upper. It’s a point of contention between us that I’m not hugely keen on letting him lose on our new house (once we find one…). Much like Monica, I wouldn’t want to end up with a hole in our bathroom floor.
My fiancé observed that it’s strange no one’s ever properly angry about things like having their door cut in two in Friends™. I’m not so sure it’s that unrealistic. Chandler’s pretty angry about almost having his head drilled through!
And I think people can be a lot more forgiving of their property when it’s only being rented. Which brings us onto our Real Live Sitcom Moment:
I’ve been reminded of a party back when we were all studying, at Cannibal Bosses flat. We were taking it in turns to attempt to shimmy up a narrow corridor (as you do... I guess one of the million Spiderman™ films had just come out).
When it came to Monica Number 2s turn, who is a slightly larger than your average individual, they managed to get half way up before their foot went through the wall! To this day I’m not sure the landlord ever found the hole, after we ingeniously covered it up with a poster. Perhaps one of us had recently watched The Shawshank Redemption™ too?
“The One Where I’m Phoebe”
What rhymes with Phoebe?
Rachel and Ross have finally reached the stage of their relationship where they feel SO trapped they decide to make “Freebie Lists”; of famous people they’re allowed to cheat with. We, of course, did this a few years back. Bloody Friends™ copying us!
My fiancés list included Eddie Redmayne (who I don’t feel particularly threatened by) and the guy who played Khal Drogo in Game of Thrones™ (who I can only hope we never bump into…). I couldn’t remember mine initially. Strangely I seemed to fantasise about famous people a lot more BEFORE my relationship, so had it all ready to go by the time we started dating. I expect at one time it probably included Zooey Deschanel, Amy Adams, and Dudley Moore. (Or is it Demi…)
Nowadays, it’s pretty much just the whole female cast of Game of Thrones™.
And also some of the guys to be fair…
Now my life has been completely taken over by Friends™ I’d probably add Courtney Cox too. Which is weird given I didn’t fancy Monica at all when I first watched. I’ve had similar “awakenings” while watching other things from my childhood recently: first Princess Leia, and then Sarah Michelle Gellar (the forgotten Gellar sibling…). I’m terrified of re-watching The Lion King™ in case Nala awakens some latent desire for cats.
I’m a little surprised (given my shock status previously as Phoebe Number 1 and Monica Number 1) that my tastes seem most similar to Ross (largely due to Winona Ryder…) but don’t think that’s quite enough for me to also be a Ross.
And there’s another reason for me to stay as Phoebe Number 1.
It’s interesting that Rachel’s list seems to consist of a lot of older men (hello, daddy issues…) I too have always been drawn to older male role models (hello, Jamie Lannister…). I’ve had a succession of close male bromances over the years, for example with Ross Number 1, David the Science Guy, and the now estranged Phoebe Number 2, which all fit in a similar brotherly model. Typically with me taking the role of a younger brother: looking up to the other for advice on how to do things, as a source of comfort in hard times, and letting them take the piss out of me in return.
I always thought this was because I didn’t have a brother. But now I find that, just like Phoebe, I do…
Snooping through my parents drawers, my sister found a letter regarding an elder, illegitimate half-brother, conceived by my father (and presumably a woman…) during the affair I briefly alluded to previously.
I’m pretty shell shocked. Not least by a man who never wanted children ending up with four. I’ve considered bringing it up with my parents, but don’t think I’m quite ready. At this point, I’d much rather have found out I was unknowingly circumcised.