Torn To Ribbons

3.11 - “The One Where I Watch The One Where Chandler Can’t Remember Which Sister”

28/1/2018

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Sitting in the car, waiting for the AA man, my partner (sorry “fiancé”) raised the complaint that she has, thus far, only been referenced in relation to me.

I can’t let this sexism stand, female leads should no longer be defined by their relationship to a man!

So I’m delighted to offer her the position of Janice Number One.
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Hehe, that’ll show her…

“The One Where We Move In”

We finally made it to mothers, and are now relatively settled in. This has been helped by the huge technological leap brought to us by having access to a smart TV and reliable internet. My blog upload time has been quartered and my fiancé can watch as much Ru Pauls Drag Race™ as she desires (we’ve come a long way from the dated gay jokes of Friends™…)

I watched the latest episode by casting it from my phone to the TV. If you’d have told me, when Friends™ first aired, I could one day do this I would have yelled “LIAR” and run away to play my Nintendo 64™. I mean sure, the signal kept getting interrupted and the sound went out of sync every five minutes, but truly we are living in the 21st Century!

And what a fitting way to celebrate Friends™ finally being added to Netflix™. I was greatly unnerved by its algorithm immediately recommending the show as a 99% match with our tastes. HOW DOES IT KNOW?!?  Is Netflix reading my blog?!!! It will be interesting to see if instances of paranoid schizophrenia increase as we move forward with these ridiculous technological advances. It’s certainly given me the willies.

Speaking of willies, Ross is being a bit of a dick, Phoebe’s been getting some action, and it’s Joey’s Birthday!

Unlike Phoebe, with her loud Sims™esque sex, I thought I’d put my days of Real Live Friends overhearing me have sex behind me. But our move has put us in an even more precarious position regarding this issue. I can only thank my lucky stars that my father is away… at least it’s only us risking being overheard.

Rachel’s only just started her new job (doing things you’d now expect to do on an unpaid internship) but has immediately been offered ANOTHER better one thanks to an overheard coffee house conversation. If I thought her quick success last time was ridiculous then this pales in comparison to my experience of the 21st Century job market.

Ross responds like a dick, accusing her of only getting the job because her contact was THINKING with his dick.

This last season I’ve found a new appreciation for David Schwimmer’s performance. A lesser actor could really have driven Ross’s likeability into the ground with the storylines he’s given, particularly regarding Rachel. We’ll have to wait and see where this goes…

But the main event is Joey’s Birthday party (weirdly Joey Number One is also about to have a party.)

Chandler (clearly not doing Dry January…) embarrasses himself greatly at the party and even crosses that fateful line of getting with one of Joey’s sisters.

I feel for Chandler as he forgets which one. Getting together our wedding invites I can hardly remember half of my own bleeding relatives…

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

The expected friction between my mother and fiancé hasn’t quite emerged. Although I’m sure a skilled script-writer could wrangle a scene out of the following.

Just like Joey returning to his grandma’s to have his laundry done, I’m a little ashamed to say I brought quite a large amount of washing home with me. This included a few very skungy pillows, which mother, understandably, refused to wash…

She bagged them up and I took them down to the tip only to discover afterwards she’d included my fiancés very expensive memory foam pillow.

Hoping to save face my mother bought a new one and I breathed a sigh of relief. Until we hit the sack later that evening and, in true Janice fashion, my partner immediately realised her pillow WAS WRONG and I had to own up to the whole thing.
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    One mans quest to watch all of the classic 90s sit-com Friends™ in real time over ten years.

    Mostly updated every other Sunday.

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    The One Where You Donate to Share the Friends™ Love

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