Give me a break OK?
Now I’m a mature, and sensible, 30 year old, being slavishly devoted to a silly man-boy project seems a bit dumb. What kind of idiot would think Friends™ was taking over their life??
Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to drink the bottle of Malibu™ Ross Number 1 got me for my birthday.
Oh look, Chandler’s annoyed at Joey’s snoring, and now he’s rolled him over and accidentally seen his dong.
I bet you’re expecting me to complain about my wife snoring ay? Or relay some comical story about her rolling me over and me falling out the bed?
Well yes, everyone snores, but that’s hardly a coincidence is it? As a mature 30 year old I would never complain about being kept awake by my wife’s snoring. Even IF Friends™ told me to.
I mean, yes, Ross Number 1 did have to go to a sleep clinic when we lived together. But I only saw his junk once! And that wasn’t an accident so it definitely doesn’t count.
AND it was ten years ago! I wonder what 20 year old us would say if we went back in time and said “Hey, you know in ten years you’ll both be married, living miles apart, and only drinking Malibu™ when you give it to each other as a joke”?
Probably something along the lines of “Jesus, we really need to stop getting high and watching Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure™.”
Ok, Friends™. Fair play. It’s QUITE impressive you’ve done 'The One Where They Wear Wedding Dresses’ on the wedding of the guy who pierced my ears. I’ll give you that.
But didn’t this whole wedding dress thing already happen?!?
Maybe it’s the Malibu™, but I’m a bit confused by all this? Rachel’s sad about Emily and Ross, saying they’ll probably be engaged for a year then call it off. But Monica’s already picked up the dress? Who gets their dress right after getting engaged?!
Also Rachel explicitly lays out the “on again, off again” nature of her and Ross, but surely they’ve only been “ON” once? Why's she hung up on him when they had their shot?
I get that she’s sad to see him get married, I understand the sense of finality, and loss of something that might have been. People always asked us when we got married “do you feel any different?” and our response was always the same “everything is just carrying on the same as before”.
But now a little time has passed, I’m not so sure that’s true.
It’s like we’ve finally left the chamber of many doors of being in our 20s, stepping into a beautiful new reality where it’s just us, as all other doors close behind us.
And Rachel’s stuck on the other side of one of those doors. And Monica and Phoebe too in their wedding dresses. Fantasising about the possibilities ahead of them, and worrying about ending up alone.
At least we’re finally rid of Josh.
Hang on a minute, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? On top of the fridge… behind Ross.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
I haven’t seen my Real Live Friends much since my birthday. I briefly managed to catch Chandler when they came back from “Yemen” to see family, but we mostly spoke about what terrible friends we were and how we’d barely even spoken with Joey since New Years.
I stayed at one of my Uncles recently on a little trip to the North though. It was nice being able to spend some time with extended family, who you only seem to see at weddings.
We were admiring his garden when out of the blue he said “we’ve had some badgers in, climbing over the fence”. As a non-rural type (and fierce opponent of the governments unscientific badger cull) I thought “OO lovely, badgers, how cool!”
Before my excitement was shattered when he pointed out they dig up the garden and told me my Aunt has been making him piss in cups and throwing it on the fence to deter them.
So if you’re ever in the North and come across a rather pissy garden, it’s not someone being anti-social, it’s for the badgers.