We’ve managed to stop baby starring at the TV screen! Plenty of time for that when she’s older. (Or when daddy needs a break…)

For now she’s far happier going for a walk or playing on her mat. Unlike her dad. Although the current situation is testing even MY appetite for TV.

“The One With the Random Man”

It’s all change for the Friends™ with Chandler moving in with Monica. And we’re in for a bit of fun before they hit on the obvious solution of Chandler and Rachel simply switching apartments.

I still contend it’s a bit shitty for Chandler and Monica to expect Rachel to move out immediately. It’s not like they’re desperate for extra space!

It is fun trying to work out what you’re gonna do with a spare room. Even if each partner has very different ideas…

No, Chandler, you can’t have an arcade machine.

Or a huge sign over your bed saying “MERGE”.

This is a bit of a sore spot for me, having recently lost my drumming room to the baby… Sure, I tried to argue she’d benefit from being surrounded by musical instruments as she grew up. But it wasn’t to be. At least the neighbours are happy!

Despite hitting our thirties, space is still a premium for our generation. Especially now we’re all stuck inside. Joey Number 4 (he of massive hole fame) is ecstatic they’ve managed to move to a much bigger flat this week. I’m very much looking forward to seeing it. In season 7 at this rate…

It’ll be nice too, one day, when we’re able to move to a place with a couple more rooms. Though maybe we won’t go as far as my dad, who eventually got so sick of the kids he got a place with three different living rooms. Honestly, trying to get my family in one room is harder than Rudy Giuliani in the presence of an underage journalist.

Hang on. Why are Chandler and Monica only having one glass of wine between them?

I know times are hard, but that can’t be good for social distancing. Speaking of people who are socially distant… there’s a nice Gunther moment here as he joins the race to secure Rachel as a flatmate.

At this point, she’d probably be safer with him than Ross. It’s weird that no-one’s noticing how crazy he’s become. You know things are bad when Phoebe’s your anchor to reality.

Poor Rachel’s got nowhere to turn. I wouldn’t move in with Joey either. He looks to be undergoing a crisis of his own, banging on about naked Thursday’s, removing his shower curtain, and trying to get 19 year old women to move in. Mate. You’re, like, thirty-one.

The only redemption is it gives us one of his all time great lines.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Let’s be honest, barely anything’s been happening. But we did have a brief moment of excitement last week when a man appeared in our garden in the dead of night.

I say excitement it was more like sudden terror as my wife jumped and the pale white, masked figure moved past our window.

I went out to check, but the apparition was nowhere to be found… What was it? A robber?  A dementia stricken previous owner? The ghost of Gunther??!

No, probably just a pizza delivery guy who got a little lost.

But, you can bet your life I made sure our doors were double locked that night.

Parenthood is full of milestones.

First time they sleep through the night, first laugh, first time watching Friends™ together.

Yep, baby’s finally noticed the TV, and is staring in awe at the antics of Rachel, Ross & Co.

I’m, obviously, delighted to be sharing this with her. As my wife looks on disapprovingly…

The first laugh was pretty special too. Mostly because I got it! Ha Ha, I win. All it took was a silly little song. I’m lucky I felt bonded with the baby straight away, but there’s a sense (confirmed by talking to my male dad friends) that the end of the first three months is when you really start to feel like a dad.

It takes a while for things to sink in with men.

That was a joke (with, perhaps, a tiny pinch of truth…). It’s more that after the “fourth trimester” they start to give so much more back that every interaction feels imbued with huge significance. As Ross Number 1 observed “it’s crazy babies haven’t evolved to smile from day one, it would make parenthood a lot easier.”

It’s been an incredible journey so far. Every little leap is filled with excitement. For us, if not other people. And I finally get it, after years of sneering at parents, I can understand how a baby rolling over is the most exciting thing in the world. When you see it day by day, how slow and how long it takes to develop a new consciousness capable of turning thought into action, the smallest things can seem like climbing Everest.

Or maybe we’re just starved for entertainment?

“The One With the Cat Food”

Oh hey, it’s Ron Glass of Firefly™ fame!

Feels like a while since we’ve had someone I recognise pop up. Perhaps it’s for the best, it’s a bit distracting when famous people show up. Who next? Bruce Willis?! That’d be ridiculous…

Ron puts in a decent turn as Ross’s divorce lawyer. Poor guy. A lawyer hasn’t been this busy since Emily Maitlis interviewed Prince Andrew.

The show is pretty heavily lampshading how ridiculous the whole Rachel and Ross plotline has become if you ask me. It feels like one of those situations where they took a decision for the sake of a twist and are now having to dial back a little.

Although it does give Ross a chance to move forward, now motivated by his desire not to have “three divorces” on his tombstone.

Ross, you can have whatever you want!

Personally, and I’m gona assume my death-date here, I’m going with:

“Alive: 1989 – 2065
Dead: 2065 - ???”

That should keep things covered for the Zombie apocalypse.

Hey, you can’t plan for these things! No matter how hard Phoebe tries.

I’m a lot more positive about Chandler and Monica than Phoebe. I think they’ll go the distance, until Monica dies in a bizarre cleaning accident.

I’m a little put out by them kicking out Rachel though. If I was in a shared flat and my roommates partner was moving in I wouldn’t assume that meant I had to leave either!! Not right away anyway. It’s not like they need the room. And don’t they know there’s a pandemic on???

Maybe it’s because couples living in houseshares is a lot more common these days.

And hey, it might have been fun! There were times in lockdown we could have done with another person to liven things up. At the very least, it would give Rachel a chance to sort out Chandler’s ties.

Real Live Sitcom Moment:

Mystery solved!!

I came home the other day, my cat, adorably, running out to greet me at the car. But I saw my neighbour through the window, standing at the meowing and heading to his front door.

Intrigued, I waited in my car, hidden under a pile of unused facemasks.

Motherfucker only came out with a box of cat food!

I summoned all my courage, put on my big boy mask, and confronted him.

“Oh, I always feed the cats round here, I’m an animal lover”

“Ok, well could you not, because this lad is severely overweight already.”

“No problem, it’s mostly the other one I see anyway.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t mind her getting a bit extra…”

Hey, I’m not one to turn down free food. Even if it’s cat food!