It’s Emma’s first birthday, and all the adults want to get out of it.
I’m with Chandler. The kid has no idea what’s going on.
She probably doesn’t even know if her dad is Joey or Ross.
I mostly feel sorry for Chandler (and Monica) here. Having to miss out on a holiday to Vermont! Mad they wouldn’t just go.
It makes me think a lot about my weekend just gone. Lost to two days of kids parties. And now I’ve got to go to ANOTHER kids party!
It was my wife’s birthday this weekend too. So we finally got some time to go out to dinner, with the kids fobbed off on the grandparents. For completely unexplainable reasons we decided we would also stay at the grandparents. And lamely made our way back after dinner. The days of going for afters apparently long behind us.
I think we might have been sensing something. As, once again, our youngest spent the whole night waking up and screaming for no reason.
New York seems a long way away.
“The One With the Road”
It’s a good job Rachel has broken up with Joey. Given he didn’t even get Emma a present. But, man, does he know how to read a kids book…
He left all of us crying after giving a reading in lieu of the present. Thankfully not reading the first book he picked up… one on coping with post-partum depression. Woah, is everything OK Rachel? I’m here if you need to talk, there’s no shame. And also, is there any chance I could please borrow that book some time?
Phoebe gave “the gift of song” which was markedly less well received than Joey’s reading. I can’t help but be reminded of my own sister, who regularly offers to record songs instead of getting presents for members of our family.
I can’t remember exactly how much detail I’ve given on all that’s gone on with her, but it’s nice to be able to say she’s doing well and we’re looking forward to seeing her at Christmas. Just, please, no more songs.
Ross is making a home movie to show Emma when she’s grown up. And Phoebe’s imagining what it’ll be like eighteen years from now, will we all be living on floating cities to escape the ant people? To be fair, she’s not that far off what the year 2020 was actually like.
Joey decides to use the video to hit on future Emma and her friends, despite the fact he’ll be 52 when they turn 18. Who does he think he is? Cormac Mccarthy? Hit The Road™ Joe.
It seems everyone’s misjudging the tone of the video.
Jack and Judy Geller talk about how they might be dead in eighteen years… This is not unlike a lot of the home videos we made during the pandemic (no, not THAT type of home movie). As we waited for our first to be born, we started a video diary of our excitement, which quickly turned sour once we had to catalogue the announcement of lockdown and our descent into madness.
But we laughed through it, developing a morbid running joke which started when we saw our cat “oh look, there’s Arthur” and one of us ad libbed “hopefully you know who they are”. This extended across all our family’s cats. Until one day one of us said the line after “oh look there’s nanny”, and we thought it best to stop.
I’m happy to say both the Gellers are still with us! Along with nanny. Our cat is too. But not for much longer if he keeps shitting on the floor.
Jack’s knack for survival apparently started early, when he dodged the draft for Korea. Honestly, with an attitude like that he could become president!
The party’s getting on a bit so it’s time to break out the cake.
But OH NO. There’s been a cock up. Literally. The cake looks like a dick. This gives Joey more sexual confusion than his best friends 18 year old daughter.
And now we all need to wait while it gets sorted out.
Great.
If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here reading this book and wishing I was somewhere else.
Chandler has similar ideas. Or so it seems. Sneaking off to the bathroom to escape out the window. Well, that was what we thought. Turns out he just needed a shit.
This gave us all a bit of an eyeful. Not for the first time lately! In fact, not even the second.
On holiday with my wife’s family, poor nanny saw her son-in-law on full display after her son thought it’d be funny to pull down his swimming trunks. (He was right, it was funny). And she’s now completed the set…
In the chaos of my child waking up through the night, he moved to the bed with my wife, and I went to his room. Later, my wife snuck him back to the cot. And I was woken in the morning with him, once again, screaming. Right as I threw the covers off and sat upright, who should walk in and turn the light on, but nanny!
Honestly, a cake feels tame in comparison.
Sorry, while I’ve been telling you this a few things have happened. Rachel and Ross left to fix the cake. And everyone snuck out, leaving just me, Chandler, and Monica with the baby.
To be fair, Joey and Phoebe had pretty decent excuses. They both needed to go to work. (And nice to hear Estelle’s voice again, she’s been with us almost since the beginning. It feels like a while since we’ve seen her. But actually only about fifteen months. It’s funny how some people can have such a big impact on your life, despite only being there for a short space of time).
I also think Monica SHOULD be the one to stay, to be honest. Given she’s a blood relative. Or Jack and Judy. But he dodged doing a bit of childcare quicker than he dodged the Korea draft.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. They’re back, Ross has managed to make the cake look like a rabbit. And let’s not mention that Phoebe apparently spiked her client to get out of massaging them.
Boy, that’s a lot of cake for one baby. Don’t these guys have any other parent friends?
Besides me that is.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
A great prophet once sang:
“Who let the dogs out? Who, who, who, who?”
And now, we know the answer.
It was Doctor Phalange’s kid.
Last week I took my children to visit, the front door opened, and we were greeted by an excited three year old. And a much MORE excited dog. As I tried to stop him licking/biting my childs face, a very stressed, new mother ran to the door shouting after him.
Much like how my two year old would react in this situation, the dog took this as his cue to run away as fast as possible. And the poor woman tore off after him, as he ran straight out the driveway into a main road!
Fortunately nothing bad came of it. But I can’t help be reminded of the moment a dog ran out and hit my car all those years ago…
What’s that old expression? “History often repeats itself, once as tragedy, the second time as farce?”
Anyway, good luck to Donald Trump on his second term.
I’m with Chandler. The kid has no idea what’s going on.
She probably doesn’t even know if her dad is Joey or Ross.
I mostly feel sorry for Chandler (and Monica) here. Having to miss out on a holiday to Vermont! Mad they wouldn’t just go.
It makes me think a lot about my weekend just gone. Lost to two days of kids parties. And now I’ve got to go to ANOTHER kids party!
It was my wife’s birthday this weekend too. So we finally got some time to go out to dinner, with the kids fobbed off on the grandparents. For completely unexplainable reasons we decided we would also stay at the grandparents. And lamely made our way back after dinner. The days of going for afters apparently long behind us.
I think we might have been sensing something. As, once again, our youngest spent the whole night waking up and screaming for no reason.
New York seems a long way away.
“The One With the Road”
It’s a good job Rachel has broken up with Joey. Given he didn’t even get Emma a present. But, man, does he know how to read a kids book…
He left all of us crying after giving a reading in lieu of the present. Thankfully not reading the first book he picked up… one on coping with post-partum depression. Woah, is everything OK Rachel? I’m here if you need to talk, there’s no shame. And also, is there any chance I could please borrow that book some time?
Phoebe gave “the gift of song” which was markedly less well received than Joey’s reading. I can’t help but be reminded of my own sister, who regularly offers to record songs instead of getting presents for members of our family.
I can’t remember exactly how much detail I’ve given on all that’s gone on with her, but it’s nice to be able to say she’s doing well and we’re looking forward to seeing her at Christmas. Just, please, no more songs.
Ross is making a home movie to show Emma when she’s grown up. And Phoebe’s imagining what it’ll be like eighteen years from now, will we all be living on floating cities to escape the ant people? To be fair, she’s not that far off what the year 2020 was actually like.
Joey decides to use the video to hit on future Emma and her friends, despite the fact he’ll be 52 when they turn 18. Who does he think he is? Cormac Mccarthy? Hit The Road™ Joe.
It seems everyone’s misjudging the tone of the video.
Jack and Judy Geller talk about how they might be dead in eighteen years… This is not unlike a lot of the home videos we made during the pandemic (no, not THAT type of home movie). As we waited for our first to be born, we started a video diary of our excitement, which quickly turned sour once we had to catalogue the announcement of lockdown and our descent into madness.
But we laughed through it, developing a morbid running joke which started when we saw our cat “oh look, there’s Arthur” and one of us ad libbed “hopefully you know who they are”. This extended across all our family’s cats. Until one day one of us said the line after “oh look there’s nanny”, and we thought it best to stop.
I’m happy to say both the Gellers are still with us! Along with nanny. Our cat is too. But not for much longer if he keeps shitting on the floor.
Jack’s knack for survival apparently started early, when he dodged the draft for Korea. Honestly, with an attitude like that he could become president!
The party’s getting on a bit so it’s time to break out the cake.
But OH NO. There’s been a cock up. Literally. The cake looks like a dick. This gives Joey more sexual confusion than his best friends 18 year old daughter.
And now we all need to wait while it gets sorted out.
Great.
If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here reading this book and wishing I was somewhere else.
Chandler has similar ideas. Or so it seems. Sneaking off to the bathroom to escape out the window. Well, that was what we thought. Turns out he just needed a shit.
This gave us all a bit of an eyeful. Not for the first time lately! In fact, not even the second.
On holiday with my wife’s family, poor nanny saw her son-in-law on full display after her son thought it’d be funny to pull down his swimming trunks. (He was right, it was funny). And she’s now completed the set…
In the chaos of my child waking up through the night, he moved to the bed with my wife, and I went to his room. Later, my wife snuck him back to the cot. And I was woken in the morning with him, once again, screaming. Right as I threw the covers off and sat upright, who should walk in and turn the light on, but nanny!
Honestly, a cake feels tame in comparison.
Sorry, while I’ve been telling you this a few things have happened. Rachel and Ross left to fix the cake. And everyone snuck out, leaving just me, Chandler, and Monica with the baby.
To be fair, Joey and Phoebe had pretty decent excuses. They both needed to go to work. (And nice to hear Estelle’s voice again, she’s been with us almost since the beginning. It feels like a while since we’ve seen her. But actually only about fifteen months. It’s funny how some people can have such a big impact on your life, despite only being there for a short space of time).
I also think Monica SHOULD be the one to stay, to be honest. Given she’s a blood relative. Or Jack and Judy. But he dodged doing a bit of childcare quicker than he dodged the Korea draft.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. They’re back, Ross has managed to make the cake look like a rabbit. And let’s not mention that Phoebe apparently spiked her client to get out of massaging them.
Boy, that’s a lot of cake for one baby. Don’t these guys have any other parent friends?
Besides me that is.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
A great prophet once sang:
“Who let the dogs out? Who, who, who, who?”
And now, we know the answer.
It was Doctor Phalange’s kid.
Last week I took my children to visit, the front door opened, and we were greeted by an excited three year old. And a much MORE excited dog. As I tried to stop him licking/biting my childs face, a very stressed, new mother ran to the door shouting after him.
Much like how my two year old would react in this situation, the dog took this as his cue to run away as fast as possible. And the poor woman tore off after him, as he ran straight out the driveway into a main road!
Fortunately nothing bad came of it. But I can’t help be reminded of the moment a dog ran out and hit my car all those years ago…
What’s that old expression? “History often repeats itself, once as tragedy, the second time as farce?”
Anyway, good luck to Donald Trump on his second term.
