January has come and gone. And I’ve made my decision.
They say “fortune favours the bold” but, as long term readers will know, I’ve always struggled taking risks.
I often wonder how the last decade would have gone differently if I’d taken more risks. Followed the Friends™ gods to ever wackier, and wilder stories.
I suppose we all do at this stage of our life. We think back to those sliding doors moments, there’s been a few, and wonder what might have happened.
“If only I’d taken that job”. “Pursued that new relationship”. “Stuck my head inside that turkey”.
Hard to think right now, I could be earning twice as much, be single/destitute, or even be looking at the innards of a large flightless bird.
But, there’s no time to dwell on the past and what might have been. The present belongs to US.
And so, inspired by Chandler’s career path, and his decision with Monica to adopt, I have decided the time is now. I WILL return to New York! Leaving my wife and two young children (temporarily, at least) to take up the dream writing job I’ve been offered. After all, it’s what I’ve been building to all these years! Why turn back now?
I only hope my wife and kids can forgive me in future.
“The One Where I Leave for New York”
Actually. It isn’t just Chandler who’s inspired me here. Thinking of all my Real Live Friends who have been with us from the start. A lot of them have chased their fortunes (and the sun) round the globe. So it seems fitting we had not one, but two, final blowouts before I left.
First off, the exciting news that, even as I leave, Chandler Number One has made their return to the UK. So I met them in person with Ross Number 3, and my Cannibal Bosses for a few drinks. Happily Chandler Number One seems to be ending their storyline (much like the real Chandler) by finally succumbing to a rewarding long-term relationship. Though I think they’re PRETTY far off talk of adoption…
Less happily, and possibly more dramatically, Cannibal Bosses have sadly lost their business. It’s awful to think of all the work we put in over the years dissipating in this way. But reflects the wider economic turmoil that has marred our adult life. The turn of the millennium this is not. (Despite the resurgent popularity of Robbie Williams). Although it is sad to say they now never might be my bosses again. I am honoured to say they will always be my friends.
With more of us now out of the country than in (how has THAT happened…), we reconvened a few days later online for a more substantial update. Hrrm, I suppose I better get used to awkward zoom calls again.
This time, along with the aforementioned, we added Rachel Number One and Ross Number Two (still happily married: “he’s her LOB-ster”), Monica & Rachels number two (both men), and Dr Phalange. Not quite the full gang, David the Science Guy is now dead to me after fucking up the date, but we had a lovely catch-up, and everyone seems to be doing well!
Things are going great for Monica and Chandler too. They’re so excited to go meet their adoptee’s birth mother. Though not as excited as I am, after finding out she’s Anna Faris, who I consider to be one of the most beautiful (and funny) women to ever have lived. (Come on, if Joey’s allowed like a billion creepy moments in the last ten years, I’m allowed to creep on ONE celebrity.)
As I head off to the airport, Monica and Chandler make their way to Ohio. Only to find…
Jerry from Parks and Recs™?!
They say “fortune favours the bold” but, as long term readers will know, I’ve always struggled taking risks.
I often wonder how the last decade would have gone differently if I’d taken more risks. Followed the Friends™ gods to ever wackier, and wilder stories.
I suppose we all do at this stage of our life. We think back to those sliding doors moments, there’s been a few, and wonder what might have happened.
“If only I’d taken that job”. “Pursued that new relationship”. “Stuck my head inside that turkey”.
Hard to think right now, I could be earning twice as much, be single/destitute, or even be looking at the innards of a large flightless bird.
But, there’s no time to dwell on the past and what might have been. The present belongs to US.
And so, inspired by Chandler’s career path, and his decision with Monica to adopt, I have decided the time is now. I WILL return to New York! Leaving my wife and two young children (temporarily, at least) to take up the dream writing job I’ve been offered. After all, it’s what I’ve been building to all these years! Why turn back now?
I only hope my wife and kids can forgive me in future.
“The One Where I Leave for New York”
Actually. It isn’t just Chandler who’s inspired me here. Thinking of all my Real Live Friends who have been with us from the start. A lot of them have chased their fortunes (and the sun) round the globe. So it seems fitting we had not one, but two, final blowouts before I left.
First off, the exciting news that, even as I leave, Chandler Number One has made their return to the UK. So I met them in person with Ross Number 3, and my Cannibal Bosses for a few drinks. Happily Chandler Number One seems to be ending their storyline (much like the real Chandler) by finally succumbing to a rewarding long-term relationship. Though I think they’re PRETTY far off talk of adoption…
Less happily, and possibly more dramatically, Cannibal Bosses have sadly lost their business. It’s awful to think of all the work we put in over the years dissipating in this way. But reflects the wider economic turmoil that has marred our adult life. The turn of the millennium this is not. (Despite the resurgent popularity of Robbie Williams). Although it is sad to say they now never might be my bosses again. I am honoured to say they will always be my friends.
With more of us now out of the country than in (how has THAT happened…), we reconvened a few days later online for a more substantial update. Hrrm, I suppose I better get used to awkward zoom calls again.
This time, along with the aforementioned, we added Rachel Number One and Ross Number Two (still happily married: “he’s her LOB-ster”), Monica & Rachels number two (both men), and Dr Phalange. Not quite the full gang, David the Science Guy is now dead to me after fucking up the date, but we had a lovely catch-up, and everyone seems to be doing well!
Things are going great for Monica and Chandler too. They’re so excited to go meet their adoptee’s birth mother. Though not as excited as I am, after finding out she’s Anna Faris, who I consider to be one of the most beautiful (and funny) women to ever have lived. (Come on, if Joey’s allowed like a billion creepy moments in the last ten years, I’m allowed to creep on ONE celebrity.)
As I head off to the airport, Monica and Chandler make their way to Ohio. Only to find…
Jerry from Parks and Recs™?!
He’s stuffed things up for them all, by getting their files mixed up. (Damn it, Jerry!) And now Anna Faris thinks they’re far better suited to adopt her baby than they are. Don’t worry Anna, I WILL LOOK AFTER YOUR BABY. Anything to be together. Meet me in New York, yerh?
What do you mean you’re married to Chris Pratt?! Will the Parks and Recs connections never cease.
Ahem. Anyway.
So, Ross has accidentally….
No, wait, I’m still thinking about Anna Faris.
Ok. The moment has passed.
So Ross has put on Rachel’s new top by mistake.
What do you mean you’re married to Chris Pratt?! Will the Parks and Recs connections never cease.
Ahem. Anyway.
So, Ross has accidentally….
No, wait, I’m still thinking about Anna Faris.
Ok. The moment has passed.
So Ross has put on Rachel’s new top by mistake.
Which actually looks kind of good by modern standards? Though perhaps a little awkward to turn up to a date wearing the same thing as the woman… Which reminds me, I really should Google™ what Anna Faris is wearing.
Elsewhere, Joey’s on a date with a food sharer. And, as I’m sure we all know, “JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD.”
I’m a little like Joey in this regard, though it’s something I’ve worked on over the years. Now I will happily share, to keep up appearances, but only if your food is AT LEAST as good as what’s on my plate.
Honestly, I think both Joey and Ross could have laughed it off here, neither particularly tries to smooth things over. Joey even succumbs to eating his date's entire dessert whilst she goes to the bathroom. No wonder they’re both single…
I think the food thing comes from having lots of siblings? Speaking of which, the other day I took my kids to the park one last time, and it was nice to be joined by my little sister. She’s now doing a lot better, and there’s a real sense we can finally put the last few years behind us.
She’s certainly less crazy than Monica. Who is… essentially trying to steal a baby? After it turns out Anna Faris thinks she’s a minister, and not a chef, she tries to keep up the pretence to secure the child. To mine, Chandler, and Ms Faris’ horror.
There’s no way even Chandler’s honeyed words would be able to persuade Anna to reconsider after this. And yet, he somehow does. He basically guilts her into giving them the baby. Ek. I mean, yes I am happy for them. But still…
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
After saying goodbye to my wife and kids. I sadly make my way to the airport. God I hope I’ve made the right decision.
Will this be some huge, sitcom finale moment? Where I realise I’m making a huge mistake, abandon my plans, and return to my wife and young children?
Reader, I did not get off the plane.
Elsewhere, Joey’s on a date with a food sharer. And, as I’m sure we all know, “JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD.”
I’m a little like Joey in this regard, though it’s something I’ve worked on over the years. Now I will happily share, to keep up appearances, but only if your food is AT LEAST as good as what’s on my plate.
Honestly, I think both Joey and Ross could have laughed it off here, neither particularly tries to smooth things over. Joey even succumbs to eating his date's entire dessert whilst she goes to the bathroom. No wonder they’re both single…
I think the food thing comes from having lots of siblings? Speaking of which, the other day I took my kids to the park one last time, and it was nice to be joined by my little sister. She’s now doing a lot better, and there’s a real sense we can finally put the last few years behind us.
She’s certainly less crazy than Monica. Who is… essentially trying to steal a baby? After it turns out Anna Faris thinks she’s a minister, and not a chef, she tries to keep up the pretence to secure the child. To mine, Chandler, and Ms Faris’ horror.
There’s no way even Chandler’s honeyed words would be able to persuade Anna to reconsider after this. And yet, he somehow does. He basically guilts her into giving them the baby. Ek. I mean, yes I am happy for them. But still…
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
After saying goodbye to my wife and kids. I sadly make my way to the airport. God I hope I’ve made the right decision.
Will this be some huge, sitcom finale moment? Where I realise I’m making a huge mistake, abandon my plans, and return to my wife and young children?
Reader, I did not get off the plane.
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