I sit in Central Perk™
Beside me are Chandler, Joey, Monica, Rachel, Ross & Phoebe.
Ten years have led us here. Somehow, face to face.
“You haven’t aged at all!” How is this possible? All of us. Thirty-six at last. (Or thereabouts).
I reach out to touch Ross’s face. It’s real.
“WHAT are you DOING?” he overreacts.
It’s definitely him.
I burst out crying, and my friends move to console me. Chandler resisting the urge to joke.
“I just. Don’t know what to do anymore. Every time I feel so certain. The next week things have reset. The rare moments I do know what I want for sure it moves out my reach. Or I get what I think I want then it’s not what I expected. I’m a complete mess. I count the days and wonder, each day. Should I stay or should I go?”
“You Brits do love the Clash” interjects Chandler.
Rachel: “OHwuh! Can’t you see he’s having a MOMENT.”
“Do you think my wife is doing the same? Marking each day as a leave or stay? Or counting the pros and cons?”
Ross: “Pro: Think of the children”
Chandler: “Con… Think of the children…”
Phoebe: “Eurgh. Think of all the cleaning.”
Monica (excited): “Think of the cleaning!”
Rachel: “I really think you should talk to someone about this. It’s a lot to take.”
“You mean someone who isn’t you?”
Rachel (a head tilt): “...well”
Joey: “I think you’re dealing with it in a very mature way”
Ross: “And that’s coming from JOEY”
Gunther walks over:
“Why don’t you just go back and talk to her?”
*silence*
Phoebe: “HEY. I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you go back and talk to her?”
*Nods of agreement*
Monica: “See how she’s feeling?”
Rachel: “That IS what we’d do…”
Ok. We’ll flip a coin. For me I’ll be going back. Joey, you can be me staying.
Heads I win. Tails you lose.
“The One With My Going Away Party”
We decide to have a little party before I go. (And before Chanica start packing for their upcoming move). I’ve made a sandwich for the plane. Because what IS the deal with airplane food?
Beside me are Chandler, Joey, Monica, Rachel, Ross & Phoebe.
Ten years have led us here. Somehow, face to face.
“You haven’t aged at all!” How is this possible? All of us. Thirty-six at last. (Or thereabouts).
I reach out to touch Ross’s face. It’s real.
“WHAT are you DOING?” he overreacts.
It’s definitely him.
I burst out crying, and my friends move to console me. Chandler resisting the urge to joke.
“I just. Don’t know what to do anymore. Every time I feel so certain. The next week things have reset. The rare moments I do know what I want for sure it moves out my reach. Or I get what I think I want then it’s not what I expected. I’m a complete mess. I count the days and wonder, each day. Should I stay or should I go?”
“You Brits do love the Clash” interjects Chandler.
Rachel: “OHwuh! Can’t you see he’s having a MOMENT.”
“Do you think my wife is doing the same? Marking each day as a leave or stay? Or counting the pros and cons?”
Ross: “Pro: Think of the children”
Chandler: “Con… Think of the children…”
Phoebe: “Eurgh. Think of all the cleaning.”
Monica (excited): “Think of the cleaning!”
Rachel: “I really think you should talk to someone about this. It’s a lot to take.”
“You mean someone who isn’t you?”
Rachel (a head tilt): “...well”
Joey: “I think you’re dealing with it in a very mature way”
Ross: “And that’s coming from JOEY”
Gunther walks over:
“Why don’t you just go back and talk to her?”
*silence*
Phoebe: “HEY. I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you go back and talk to her?”
*Nods of agreement*
Monica: “See how she’s feeling?”
Rachel: “That IS what we’d do…”
Ok. We’ll flip a coin. For me I’ll be going back. Joey, you can be me staying.
Heads I win. Tails you lose.
“The One With My Going Away Party”
We decide to have a little party before I go. (And before Chanica start packing for their upcoming move). I’ve made a sandwich for the plane. Because what IS the deal with airplane food?
Monica is impressed with my preparedness. I know exactly where my passport is. (After Chandler fesses up to hiding it for a prank…)
She’s getting a little nervous herself, with Erica about to give birth. I know that anxiety well… Rachel asks why Erica isn’t staying in the flat with Chandler and Monica. Errm. Because that would be super weird?? That’s really not how adoption works.
Plus then where would I sleep!?
I’m nearly packed now too though. We’re taking a bit of a break to dick around with some bubble wrap.
She’s getting a little nervous herself, with Erica about to give birth. I know that anxiety well… Rachel asks why Erica isn’t staying in the flat with Chandler and Monica. Errm. Because that would be super weird?? That’s really not how adoption works.
Plus then where would I sleep!?
I’m nearly packed now too though. We’re taking a bit of a break to dick around with some bubble wrap.
I ask: “Will you guys come visit if I don’t come back?”
“Sure!” They all say.
“Well. I can’t travel internationally…” admits Phoebe. Jesus. What did she do…
She gives me a cotton bud with her saliva so I can clone her. Hrrm… I don’t think my wife would take too kindly to that if we do patch things up.
Once we’ve eaten a bizarre selection of leftover food from Monica’s fridge, it’s time to say our final goodbyes.
Can this really be it?
Phoebe. I’m sorry I said you were neurodivergent. It’s wrong to diagnose people without a professional qualification. I know you had a hard upbringing and I appreciate how you’ve always used humour and your happy-go-lucky attitude to manage that. I think though, more than Chandler perhaps, you sometimes deflect from bad things in your past. I hope you are as happy as you seem.
Monica’s turn. She tells me I’m like a sister to her. Bit weird, but OK. We both start crying and letting it all out, unintelligibly. Don’t tell the others, Monica, but you were always one of my favourites. An unsung hero who made me laugh a great deal, whilst making Chandler a deeper person too.
Chandler. I’m gonna miss laughing at all those jokes I don’t get. I’m kidding of course. I got every single one. Thank you for the laughs. Now it’s his turn to surprise me as he gets serious:
“Let me just say something... Because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke... I just want to say that I... I love you... And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving.”
Isn’t that one of the best things about Chandler? When the need to find the right words to say comes, no-one does it quite like him. And so we decide to leave it at that.
Joey takes it less well. That is to say… badly. Like, trying to jump off the balcony badly. We pull him off (steady), and it’s all OK. I think, more than most, I’ve always sung your praises, Joe. You’re always the one who WILL be there. Your passion for your friends above all else, shining through and providing us with the best example of the true Friend.
And then I leave with no goodbye for Ross. As he deserves.
Or at least I try to.
He’s about to raise an objection but we’ve got a bigger issue. Erica is in labour!! Oh no, not this again. Another mad dash to the hospital. But, hey, you guys need me… I’ll be here for you. One last time.
I only hope I don’t miss my flight, or things with my wife really will be through.
“Sure!” They all say.
“Well. I can’t travel internationally…” admits Phoebe. Jesus. What did she do…
She gives me a cotton bud with her saliva so I can clone her. Hrrm… I don’t think my wife would take too kindly to that if we do patch things up.
Once we’ve eaten a bizarre selection of leftover food from Monica’s fridge, it’s time to say our final goodbyes.
Can this really be it?
Phoebe. I’m sorry I said you were neurodivergent. It’s wrong to diagnose people without a professional qualification. I know you had a hard upbringing and I appreciate how you’ve always used humour and your happy-go-lucky attitude to manage that. I think though, more than Chandler perhaps, you sometimes deflect from bad things in your past. I hope you are as happy as you seem.
Monica’s turn. She tells me I’m like a sister to her. Bit weird, but OK. We both start crying and letting it all out, unintelligibly. Don’t tell the others, Monica, but you were always one of my favourites. An unsung hero who made me laugh a great deal, whilst making Chandler a deeper person too.
Chandler. I’m gonna miss laughing at all those jokes I don’t get. I’m kidding of course. I got every single one. Thank you for the laughs. Now it’s his turn to surprise me as he gets serious:
“Let me just say something... Because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke... I just want to say that I... I love you... And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving.”
Isn’t that one of the best things about Chandler? When the need to find the right words to say comes, no-one does it quite like him. And so we decide to leave it at that.
Joey takes it less well. That is to say… badly. Like, trying to jump off the balcony badly. We pull him off (steady), and it’s all OK. I think, more than most, I’ve always sung your praises, Joe. You’re always the one who WILL be there. Your passion for your friends above all else, shining through and providing us with the best example of the true Friend.
And then I leave with no goodbye for Ross. As he deserves.
Or at least I try to.
He’s about to raise an objection but we’ve got a bigger issue. Erica is in labour!! Oh no, not this again. Another mad dash to the hospital. But, hey, you guys need me… I’ll be here for you. One last time.
I only hope I don’t miss my flight, or things with my wife really will be through.
