Barely any time has passed since LegoLand™.
Rachel still stands in front of Ross, telling him of her job offer in Paris. And yet everything has changed.
For Rachel. For us.
Apparently Gucci will do whatever it takes to make them feel comfortable regarding Emma. And what would that be, exactly? Flying Ross out on weekends? Giving them a free Zoom licence™? The perfect dad. Nothing but a face on a screen and someone to fill up half the bank account. Or do they mean they’d ship Emma across the Atlantic for free? One week with one parent, one with the other. Cut the kids in half, so long as the parents are happy.
Excuse me if I seem a little bitter.
As ridiculous as it seems to say:
We are on a break.
So Rachel taking Emma away from Ross is hitting a little close to home.
I’m not sure it even is a break if you’re married? A trial separation? The first broken link in the conscious uncoupling?
We agreed, after our recent difficulties, it might be best to take some time to reassess. Are we really happy? We’re happy with our kids of course! Though they are trying at times. But it’s already hard to maintain a marriage after so many years, and then you throw kids into the mix. And it seems you’re just bouncing one day to the next. Not really savouring life, just trying to keep things afloat and stay sane enough to do your job so everyone can eat.
And that’s before you even consider all the extra-curricular activities you built into your life before having children.
Before kids, I found my happiness by working hard, saying no to things I didn’t want to do and just enjoying what was left. A gradual process of shutting doors I didn’t want to go through led to a life that was full and reasonably fulfilled, with moderate ambitions that felt achievable.
What happens when that’s no longer an option? It turns out when you’re a parent there’s a great many things you might not want to do. And a great many things that you want to do that are no longer possible. Even (as in my case) when your partner bends and breaks, and prostrates themself to accommodate you.
My wife is terrified I think it’s better out here. But OF course I do. Only a crazy person wouldn’t. The chance to travel around, bringing joy to people with ideas that your own brain has sprung into existence. The life of a comedy writer can be hard. But it’s been far more fulfilling so far than anything else I’ve done. One of only two stupid ideas in my life I’ve stuck with up to this point. (The other being marriage, “ho ho”.)
But the joy of the experience, and intoxication of the new doesn’t mean I’m going to stay here forever. Can’t you just let me live in the dream a little longer? Can’t we just argue and exist without constantly throwing separation on the table? It’s a door I’ve tried to hold shut. But sometimes it feels like monsters are bashing at the door. Forcing it open. Force-feeding me the idea of the big D as the inevitable result of my very nature. Every crack in our love widening until there is no love left.
And so here we are. “On a Break” like Rachel and Ross before us.
And, I don’t want to be flippant, but it is doubly frustrating that the timing is so off with my Friends™. My life is falling to bits just as everyone else is getting married! My Paul Rudd Number One, Phoebe and actual Paul Rudd, even Cannibal Boss has succumbed! Tying the knot after eloping to Scotland. Another happy ending for another couple of characters in our story. But is my story a tragedy not a comedy? Does marriage work on a first in first out basis?
The worst possibility of all… Am I ultimately… Ross?
I have sometimes wondered if this whole project might have been better if I had been shit at relationships like all the Friends™.
Imagine the fun we could have had! Me bouncing from one relationship to another the last ten years. A litany of bad Tinder™ dates. A full and open and honest account, with no need to save face or the feelings of others.
And now it’s too late to find out. It may be that’s in my future still. Suddenly forced to move backwards in life. Starting again as a singleton. Except this time with all the baggage of the life I had before with me. Like a Benjamin Button of dating. “Nice to meet you, let’s have some fun. Oh by the way, have you met my ex-wife and kids? Sorry I can’t offer you anything for the future but companionship. My wallet, like my nutsack, is dry.”
I suppose the one thing with a break is (aside from the endless sea of tears) it’s a relief you don’t have to make a decision straight away. But I’m not sure how I can even confront such a difficult decision.
It’s hard knowing what path to take when all my role models are either divorced guys with depression. Or depressed guys who are married.
As I ponder all this, I’ve been spending some extra time playing videogames. At times a welcome distraction when it becomes too much. Though not wholly irresponsible for the state of my marriage.
I’ve been playing Alan Wake™. A game about a writer trying to reconnect with his wife but instead getting lost in a fantasy world of his own making.
I couldn’t really get into it.
Maybe I’m just killing time until things are over now? Either in the US or in my marriage. But for now I can’t go back to the UK as I have some commitments still to uphold.
So I’m stuck in limbo as we wait for the conversation had by Ross and Rachel in their talks of Paris:
Ross: “You sure this is what you want?”
Rachel: “I think it is?”
“The One Where We Are On A Break”
It seems my future isn’t the only thing dying.
R.I.P Estelle.
Rachel still stands in front of Ross, telling him of her job offer in Paris. And yet everything has changed.
For Rachel. For us.
Apparently Gucci will do whatever it takes to make them feel comfortable regarding Emma. And what would that be, exactly? Flying Ross out on weekends? Giving them a free Zoom licence™? The perfect dad. Nothing but a face on a screen and someone to fill up half the bank account. Or do they mean they’d ship Emma across the Atlantic for free? One week with one parent, one with the other. Cut the kids in half, so long as the parents are happy.
Excuse me if I seem a little bitter.
As ridiculous as it seems to say:
We are on a break.
So Rachel taking Emma away from Ross is hitting a little close to home.
I’m not sure it even is a break if you’re married? A trial separation? The first broken link in the conscious uncoupling?
We agreed, after our recent difficulties, it might be best to take some time to reassess. Are we really happy? We’re happy with our kids of course! Though they are trying at times. But it’s already hard to maintain a marriage after so many years, and then you throw kids into the mix. And it seems you’re just bouncing one day to the next. Not really savouring life, just trying to keep things afloat and stay sane enough to do your job so everyone can eat.
And that’s before you even consider all the extra-curricular activities you built into your life before having children.
Before kids, I found my happiness by working hard, saying no to things I didn’t want to do and just enjoying what was left. A gradual process of shutting doors I didn’t want to go through led to a life that was full and reasonably fulfilled, with moderate ambitions that felt achievable.
What happens when that’s no longer an option? It turns out when you’re a parent there’s a great many things you might not want to do. And a great many things that you want to do that are no longer possible. Even (as in my case) when your partner bends and breaks, and prostrates themself to accommodate you.
My wife is terrified I think it’s better out here. But OF course I do. Only a crazy person wouldn’t. The chance to travel around, bringing joy to people with ideas that your own brain has sprung into existence. The life of a comedy writer can be hard. But it’s been far more fulfilling so far than anything else I’ve done. One of only two stupid ideas in my life I’ve stuck with up to this point. (The other being marriage, “ho ho”.)
But the joy of the experience, and intoxication of the new doesn’t mean I’m going to stay here forever. Can’t you just let me live in the dream a little longer? Can’t we just argue and exist without constantly throwing separation on the table? It’s a door I’ve tried to hold shut. But sometimes it feels like monsters are bashing at the door. Forcing it open. Force-feeding me the idea of the big D as the inevitable result of my very nature. Every crack in our love widening until there is no love left.
And so here we are. “On a Break” like Rachel and Ross before us.
And, I don’t want to be flippant, but it is doubly frustrating that the timing is so off with my Friends™. My life is falling to bits just as everyone else is getting married! My Paul Rudd Number One, Phoebe and actual Paul Rudd, even Cannibal Boss has succumbed! Tying the knot after eloping to Scotland. Another happy ending for another couple of characters in our story. But is my story a tragedy not a comedy? Does marriage work on a first in first out basis?
The worst possibility of all… Am I ultimately… Ross?
I have sometimes wondered if this whole project might have been better if I had been shit at relationships like all the Friends™.
Imagine the fun we could have had! Me bouncing from one relationship to another the last ten years. A litany of bad Tinder™ dates. A full and open and honest account, with no need to save face or the feelings of others.
And now it’s too late to find out. It may be that’s in my future still. Suddenly forced to move backwards in life. Starting again as a singleton. Except this time with all the baggage of the life I had before with me. Like a Benjamin Button of dating. “Nice to meet you, let’s have some fun. Oh by the way, have you met my ex-wife and kids? Sorry I can’t offer you anything for the future but companionship. My wallet, like my nutsack, is dry.”
I suppose the one thing with a break is (aside from the endless sea of tears) it’s a relief you don’t have to make a decision straight away. But I’m not sure how I can even confront such a difficult decision.
It’s hard knowing what path to take when all my role models are either divorced guys with depression. Or depressed guys who are married.
As I ponder all this, I’ve been spending some extra time playing videogames. At times a welcome distraction when it becomes too much. Though not wholly irresponsible for the state of my marriage.
I’ve been playing Alan Wake™. A game about a writer trying to reconnect with his wife but instead getting lost in a fantasy world of his own making.
I couldn’t really get into it.
Maybe I’m just killing time until things are over now? Either in the US or in my marriage. But for now I can’t go back to the UK as I have some commitments still to uphold.
So I’m stuck in limbo as we wait for the conversation had by Ross and Rachel in their talks of Paris:
Ross: “You sure this is what you want?”
Rachel: “I think it is?”
“The One Where We Are On A Break”
It seems my future isn’t the only thing dying.
R.I.P Estelle.
Yes, Joey’s angel voiced agent has bit the big one. Now adding to the clouds of heaven with her billowing cigarette smoke.
Phoebe, eager to preserve Joey’s happiness in the face of all the change around here, deigns to keep Estelle’s death from him. Doing a highly passable impression over the phone. Only for Joey to fire her! Which is pretty harsh to be honest. I mean he’s had a ridiculous level of acting success in the face of his lack of talent. So a lot of that must have been thanks to Estelle!
Elsewhere, Chandler and Monica are getting Cold Feet™ about their new house.
Phoebe, eager to preserve Joey’s happiness in the face of all the change around here, deigns to keep Estelle’s death from him. Doing a highly passable impression over the phone. Only for Joey to fire her! Which is pretty harsh to be honest. I mean he’s had a ridiculous level of acting success in the face of his lack of talent. So a lot of that must have been thanks to Estelle!
Elsewhere, Chandler and Monica are getting Cold Feet™ about their new house.
(Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh)
They’ve already committed but are being tempted by another. The one next door. Dream big guys…
They go to check it out only to find it’s in danger of being purchased by (your Friend, and mine):
JANICE
They’ve already committed but are being tempted by another. The one next door. Dream big guys…
They go to check it out only to find it’s in danger of being purchased by (your Friend, and mine):
JANICE
Imagine the joy of living next to Janice!! Speaking of being tempted by another… Chandler opts for a rather radical solution. Declaring his undying love for her in the hopes it’ll put her off the purchase. Hrrm. This is spectacularly high risk and, dare it say it, deeply unethical? Fortunately it does the trick. And Chanice share one final goodbye kiss.
It seems the Friends™ are tying up all their loose ends, whilst my life is unravelling. I remember many years ago, suggesting my wife could be Janice Number One. It’s difficult to imagine we may never kiss again.
Back in the city, Ross is trying to persuade Rachel’s boss to rehire her so he can keep Emma in the country (though, to be honest, he seems more concerned with keeping Rachel…). Incidentally, Rachel’s boss has a really cool boat in his office.
With everything that’s happened, I’ve looked into a few options, one of which included living on a riverboat. (A longheld interest of mine). Turns out that’s a complete bust as they cost more than renting a flat! Honestly what has the world come to.
Ross resorts to bribery in the end. Hrrm I wonder if bribing my wife might persuade her to take me back…
It’s hard not to think of her, as Joey laments the loss of Estelle (having found out she’s dead whilst I was Googling™ boats.) Not that my wife’s anything like Estelle. More just when Joey says “she wasn’t a great agent, but did stick with me for ten years.” My wife stuck with me for even longer. Even as I’ve made increasingly selfish/deluded decisions.
The phone rings. It’s not for me though. It isn’t her. It’s Estelle again! Well. Phoebe pretending to be Estelle. I wonder if she’d pretend to be my wife? Do a dry run of the conversation going either way. No I probably shouldn’t. It’s much too lonely out here. The temptation would be far too great. Even in the face of it all I am determined not to “do a Ross” and sleep with someone else while on the break. Though the idea of a threesome with Paul Rudd…
No. I mustn’t.
Anyway. The phone call. Joey thinks he has one last conversation with Estelle from beyond the grave. She forgives him for firing her. I wonder, would my wife be so forgiving if I let her go?
The other day I was struggling. And I too reached out for a voice from the other side. I’m not religious. But the temptation to ask for some external guidance was too great. Imagine my shock when the first thing that came to mind on thinking “what should I do?” was Michael Caine in The Dark Knight™ saying “endure”.
Sometimes inner strength comes from the strangest of places.
Rachel and Ross are catching up again. After Ross’s flagrant bribery, Ralph Lauren™ have offered her more money to stay.
But you can tell she doesn’t want to stay. She’s just doing what seems right from the outside. Not what’s best for her.
“Yeah, you know, was I looking forward to going to Paris? Sure. You know, was I excited about working in the fashion capital of the world? Ooh, absolutely... Oh...! Yeah, but you know, this is... it's fine. I'm fine going back to a job where I've pretty much gotten everything out of it I possibly can…”
And she goes on to talk about the difference between being good scared and bad scared. That excitement for the new. Gripping you, as the winds of change push your boat into a strange new direction. And the monsters finally force open the door and make you reckon with the open space. Do you walk through?
Ross understands, and for once does the right thing. He gives her his blessing to take the job in Paris.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
I sit in my flat in New York. It’s purple walls. Wooden floors. Ugly beige sofa.
The open plan is far too big for just me. I’ve barely had anyone round the whole time I've been here.
Just staring at the TV.
It looks a little old fashioned. That old box shape, and far smaller than what I’m used to.
Was that dog statue always there?
I need to get out.
I walk the streets of Greenwich Village. Skyscrapers towering overhead. Thinking back over the last ten years of my life. All that time wasted. All the hours watching TV when we could have been doing something. Anything. To hold onto ourselves and what we had.
I need a coffee.
I can hear her voice in my head “‘I NEED this. I NEED that.’ It’s always what YOU need isn’t it. Never about other people.” God I don’t want to go back to that. The contemptuous looks. Shying away from my touch when all I want to do is touch and be touched. And to talk, and laugh, and sing. And dance. Like we used to.
I’ve found a coffee shop, and settle in. It’s laid out a bit strange. There’s a sofa with a long table, and nothing on the other side. Almost like I’m sitting watching something. Or sitting being watched. The blonde barista serves me coffee. I thank him. Feeling a strange urge to thank him for more than just the coffee. For being here all this time.
And then, they walk in.
It seems the Friends™ are tying up all their loose ends, whilst my life is unravelling. I remember many years ago, suggesting my wife could be Janice Number One. It’s difficult to imagine we may never kiss again.
Back in the city, Ross is trying to persuade Rachel’s boss to rehire her so he can keep Emma in the country (though, to be honest, he seems more concerned with keeping Rachel…). Incidentally, Rachel’s boss has a really cool boat in his office.
With everything that’s happened, I’ve looked into a few options, one of which included living on a riverboat. (A longheld interest of mine). Turns out that’s a complete bust as they cost more than renting a flat! Honestly what has the world come to.
Ross resorts to bribery in the end. Hrrm I wonder if bribing my wife might persuade her to take me back…
It’s hard not to think of her, as Joey laments the loss of Estelle (having found out she’s dead whilst I was Googling™ boats.) Not that my wife’s anything like Estelle. More just when Joey says “she wasn’t a great agent, but did stick with me for ten years.” My wife stuck with me for even longer. Even as I’ve made increasingly selfish/deluded decisions.
The phone rings. It’s not for me though. It isn’t her. It’s Estelle again! Well. Phoebe pretending to be Estelle. I wonder if she’d pretend to be my wife? Do a dry run of the conversation going either way. No I probably shouldn’t. It’s much too lonely out here. The temptation would be far too great. Even in the face of it all I am determined not to “do a Ross” and sleep with someone else while on the break. Though the idea of a threesome with Paul Rudd…
No. I mustn’t.
Anyway. The phone call. Joey thinks he has one last conversation with Estelle from beyond the grave. She forgives him for firing her. I wonder, would my wife be so forgiving if I let her go?
The other day I was struggling. And I too reached out for a voice from the other side. I’m not religious. But the temptation to ask for some external guidance was too great. Imagine my shock when the first thing that came to mind on thinking “what should I do?” was Michael Caine in The Dark Knight™ saying “endure”.
Sometimes inner strength comes from the strangest of places.
Rachel and Ross are catching up again. After Ross’s flagrant bribery, Ralph Lauren™ have offered her more money to stay.
But you can tell she doesn’t want to stay. She’s just doing what seems right from the outside. Not what’s best for her.
“Yeah, you know, was I looking forward to going to Paris? Sure. You know, was I excited about working in the fashion capital of the world? Ooh, absolutely... Oh...! Yeah, but you know, this is... it's fine. I'm fine going back to a job where I've pretty much gotten everything out of it I possibly can…”
And she goes on to talk about the difference between being good scared and bad scared. That excitement for the new. Gripping you, as the winds of change push your boat into a strange new direction. And the monsters finally force open the door and make you reckon with the open space. Do you walk through?
Ross understands, and for once does the right thing. He gives her his blessing to take the job in Paris.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
I sit in my flat in New York. It’s purple walls. Wooden floors. Ugly beige sofa.
The open plan is far too big for just me. I’ve barely had anyone round the whole time I've been here.
Just staring at the TV.
It looks a little old fashioned. That old box shape, and far smaller than what I’m used to.
Was that dog statue always there?
I need to get out.
I walk the streets of Greenwich Village. Skyscrapers towering overhead. Thinking back over the last ten years of my life. All that time wasted. All the hours watching TV when we could have been doing something. Anything. To hold onto ourselves and what we had.
I need a coffee.
I can hear her voice in my head “‘I NEED this. I NEED that.’ It’s always what YOU need isn’t it. Never about other people.” God I don’t want to go back to that. The contemptuous looks. Shying away from my touch when all I want to do is touch and be touched. And to talk, and laugh, and sing. And dance. Like we used to.
I’ve found a coffee shop, and settle in. It’s laid out a bit strange. There’s a sofa with a long table, and nothing on the other side. Almost like I’m sitting watching something. Or sitting being watched. The blonde barista serves me coffee. I thank him. Feeling a strange urge to thank him for more than just the coffee. For being here all this time.
And then, they walk in.
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