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Dylan Answers Your Frequently* Asked Questions
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*According to GoogleBack to Comedy
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What is Taurine?
Taurine is a strong psychoactive compound derived from the blood of those born under the star sign Taurus. It induces strong desires to lie among those who take it. They often find themselves transported to a mystical street known as Pamplona where they imagine themselves being chased by a thousand avatars of their bullish god. When they awaken from their drug induced comas they find their clothes mysteriously ripped and torn, which is what gave the drug its name.
Where is hot in October?
For most of October the weather tends to continue getting colder. However, for reasons that are currently unknown, towards the end of the month additional heat can be found inside pumpkins.
What are stem cells?
STEM Cells or Systematic Temporal Egg Removal Cells were a method of imprisonment common in Guantanamo Bay. Prisoners would be placed in one of these cells and every morning served a yummy breakfast of eggs. Scrambled, fried, poached, deviled, take your pick!
However just as the prisoner is about to tuck in... a wormhole is opened up inside the egg which immediately collapses it into a mini black hole that transports the egg either forwards or backward in time to the point at which it was a chicken. At this point the prisoner often collapses with exhaustion at the mental quandary they have been confronted with.
When do the clocks change?
Usually about once a second.
Is Facebook down?
Why don’t you check yourself? Lazy.
How do bees make honey?
Sugar poop guns.
Why do cats purr?
Cats purr mostly out of a fear of being trapped in boxes, at which point you won’t know whether they’re alive or dead. They purr to reassure you they are VERY MUCH ALIVE and show no concern for whether you are trying to sleep/eat/masturbate [delete as applicable]. Hairy fucks.
Who invented the toilet?
This cool cat called Glenn.
Is Glenn dead?
Yes
Is Glenn alive?
Yes
When is my MOT due?
How could I possibly know when YOU’RE MOT is due?! I barely keep track of MY MOT. And I’ve only got one car. It should be easy to remember... maybe I should check when it’s due? Time for you to go check too I’d say.
What time is it?
See above.
Why do we dream?
Taurine
Why am I always tired?
Too much Taurine mate.
Why do dogs eat grass?
Fucking Taurine alright!!
Taurine is a strong psychoactive compound derived from the blood of those born under the star sign Taurus. It induces strong desires to lie among those who take it. They often find themselves transported to a mystical street known as Pamplona where they imagine themselves being chased by a thousand avatars of their bullish god. When they awaken from their drug induced comas they find their clothes mysteriously ripped and torn, which is what gave the drug its name.
Where is hot in October?
For most of October the weather tends to continue getting colder. However, for reasons that are currently unknown, towards the end of the month additional heat can be found inside pumpkins.
What are stem cells?
STEM Cells or Systematic Temporal Egg Removal Cells were a method of imprisonment common in Guantanamo Bay. Prisoners would be placed in one of these cells and every morning served a yummy breakfast of eggs. Scrambled, fried, poached, deviled, take your pick!
However just as the prisoner is about to tuck in... a wormhole is opened up inside the egg which immediately collapses it into a mini black hole that transports the egg either forwards or backward in time to the point at which it was a chicken. At this point the prisoner often collapses with exhaustion at the mental quandary they have been confronted with.
When do the clocks change?
Usually about once a second.
Is Facebook down?
Why don’t you check yourself? Lazy.
How do bees make honey?
Sugar poop guns.
Why do cats purr?
Cats purr mostly out of a fear of being trapped in boxes, at which point you won’t know whether they’re alive or dead. They purr to reassure you they are VERY MUCH ALIVE and show no concern for whether you are trying to sleep/eat/masturbate [delete as applicable]. Hairy fucks.
Who invented the toilet?
This cool cat called Glenn.
Is Glenn dead?
Yes
Is Glenn alive?
Yes
When is my MOT due?
How could I possibly know when YOU’RE MOT is due?! I barely keep track of MY MOT. And I’ve only got one car. It should be easy to remember... maybe I should check when it’s due? Time for you to go check too I’d say.
What time is it?
See above.
Why do we dream?
Taurine
Why am I always tired?
Too much Taurine mate.
Why do dogs eat grass?
Fucking Taurine alright!!