Or, not. As the case may be.
Yes, Christmas™ has come and gone. And it’s becoming MY Christmas™ tradition to be slightly behind Friends™ at this point, not quite getting to the yearly Thanksgiving episode that calibrates my quest.
At least no-one got their head stuck in a Turkey. Or, they may have done. We wouldn’t have known.
“The One Where I Miss Christmas”
It’s already New Years and, despite timey-wimey shenanigans meaning the Friends™ haven’t done Thanksgiving yet, Rachel and Phoebe are getting in the spirit by going for a run.
Well, Rachel’s going for a run. Phoebe is doing whatever the hell she’s doing. It’s nice for her to have a chance to flex some physical comedy muscles, and I’m sure a lot of us can relate to the unadultered joy of running wildly through the park. Screaming internally.
My wife’s new years’ resolution is to take up the couch to 5k charge. Good luck to her!! Personally I’m going for the “couch to literally anywhere else”. And I never thought I’d say that. 2020 has changed me, man…
One thing that hasn’t changed is Friends™ propensity for dropping in special guest stars with questionable acting ability, and this time it’s the form of Elle Macpherson who, I’m reliably informed by a Google™ image search, was a supermodel. And believe me, it was a very thorough image search.
She’s Joey’s unlikely new roommate, causing him to question Chandler and Ross on the secret to repelling women. Poor guy is completely unaware that by 2020 his creepy behaviour will suffice. And HELLO. I’m right here Joey! I could write a book on repelling women. Excluding my relatives I’ve only spoken to one all year. Of course, the book would be SO good women would no longer be able to get into the bookshops. In fact, I think that may already be happening… Damn, I’m good.
Over with Mondler (I swear I coined that, but here Ross is using it. I should charge him royalties). Over with CHANICA, there’s a lot of boxes being unpacked. Which is giving me major flashbacks to the height of lockdown, the endless trudge of me recycling my wife’s Amazon™ boxes, and the next day another delivery arriving. Boxes. Soo many boxes.
It did give us a bit of fun, putting baby in a box full of packing chips like a makeshift ball pit. God I miss the days of the work Christmas™ party taking us to a club that’s a giant ball pit.
Once he’s done, Chandler tries to treat Monica by tidying up, only for everything to be out of place. Like Monica something like this would really throw me out of whack. But, now we’ve had some time with the baby I’m more used to things being cluttered. If anything, after staring at the same four walls for so long, I’m craving a bit of variety in our feng shui. I’ve never been so relieved to put up the Christmas tree.
Come to think of it, I can’t believe its taken Chandler the whole holiday to move!! To be fair to him, it took the whole time for me to make our home videos into one long video. I thought that sort of thing was supposed to be easy now?!
Despite my video editing woe, you’d think I’d manage to squeeze in another episode, but it’s no biggy not getting to Thanksgiving yet, as we missed Christmas™ in both senses of the word.
After years of hoping, Christmas™ was finally cancelled! The one year I was actually looking forward to it; babies first Christmas™. My chance to off-load her on some relatives for a bit.
The last minute announcement was pretty devastating, to us and millions of other households. Not least because we hadn’t bought any food. However! With a newborn, we’re exceptionally lucky, as we have her (naturally), but (mostly) it means we can form a support bubble with one other household. Rescuing our plans a little, but meaning a difficult choice.
(Incidentally, they kept this loophole bloody quiet. Half the parents we know weren’t aware of it. Presumably as it applies to our erstwhile Prime Minister. Wonder who he picked? With at least six children by at least three women, it’s surely the hardest choice he’s made all year.)
Our choice was essentially made for us, as my parents decided to bubble with my younger sister who lives alone. Christmas™ with my mother-in-law?? Great! If only jokes about that were still in vogue.
Real Live Sitcom Moment:
When the pre-Christmas wait got a bit too much, we decided to take a trip to a National Trust area near us.
Sure it was pissing it down, but maybe over there the weather was better. We needed to get out the house.
After an uncomfortable journey, agonising over whether the weather would change, (and whether we should turn back) we arrived. And I found the “really cool monument that's right up your street” my wife promised was actually an unimpressive middling column. And it was still raining.
First things first, we found the baby change toilets, and sorted the source of the car journeys nasal discomfort out.
And, oo lovely, there’s a café with outdoor service! Just have to go back across that huge muddy puddle blocking the baby change. My shoes in a state of woeful disrepair which would make a cobbler call in sick. They were utterly unsuited to the task at hand. I was completely underprepared. My feet were going to get wet.
But I made it, with all the grace of Sherlock besting Moriarty at the Reichenbach Falls. Only to find there was a one way system. Of course there was. Even if we were the only customers in a 5 mile radius. I dutifully obliged, and swam back across the puddle.
After we bought our drinks we thought, maybe it was a bit too wet to walk around after all and decided to go home.
It was a long way to go just to change a nappy. But ultimately worth it to get a cup of tea that tasted slightly different to the one at home.